Friday, May 09, 2008

Fourteen Days And Counting: Dear Barry Bonds

I wanted to extend my condolences to your baseball career; I can't even imagine how it must've sucked to not get picked up for any teams this year.

Last few seasons saw controversy all up in and around you like crazy; I don't know if you took steroids or any other performance enhancing drugs, but I do know that the media was up your ass 24/7 and there was no need for all that. No one wanted to cut you a break!

I understand that you had a nasty attitude towards reporters and that right there sealed your fate. Still, I fail to understand why that had to take away from your achievements.

Because you never played for New York I was never a fan per se, but when I realized you were not on any rosters this year I was bummed. It's like the end of a baseball era. First Shea and Yankee stadium are slated for demolition, and now Bonds is out of baseball? Why, Jesus, why?

Someone with a record like this:

· All-time Major League Home Run leader
· 7 MVPs
· 13-time All Star
· 8 Gold Gloves
· 12 Silver Slugger Awards
· Third member of 700 Home Run Club
· Only member in 500/500 Club
· Single Season Home Run King (73)
· Two-time N.L. Batting Champion (2002, 2004)
· Player of the Decade for the 1990's by The Sporting News
· All-time Major League walks leader
· Set single-season walks (232) and intentional walks (120) record
· Set single-season OBP record (.609)
· Holds Major League record for consecutive seasons with 30-or-more HR, accomplishing this 13 times

...should not be treated like the red-headed stepchild of Baseball. As if you're the only one "misbehavin'" if that is in fact what you did.

Just know that somewhere out there are people who are thinking of you, who think you were a great baller, and will miss you out on the field. Like me. Cause even though you're not a NYer, I can appreciate your game.

Actually, I heard a rumor that the Giants are sucking BIG DONKEY DICK right about now... that's gotta feel good, no? Plus the market for rubber chickens in San Fran is suffering... they miss you Barry, they really, really miss you!

So good luck with your post-Giants life and your foundation; enjoy your babies and your wife; and tell the media to fuck off (as usual).

Also, um, before you sail away into sports obscurity... um... do you still hang with Bobby Bonilla? If so, can you, um, slip him my URL right quick (BOBBY, I still love you!)? Thanks, man, good lookin' out.

The Jaded NYer

* the SF Giants the side eye*
in other news, I'm heading down to DC for the weekend... to hang with Mari... expect HILARITY in the next few posts. You know how we like to make videos n shit...