End Scene.

So remember when I said I'd be ending Monday Musings on the 31st because of Blog Talk Radio's new monthly fees? Well I lied. The show actually ended on December 20th. I hope you really enjoyed that episode because it was the very last Monday Musings EVER.

If you missed it, you can listen here.

Anyway, show's over. Move it along. Nothing more to see here.

But I feel like I owe you some entertainment:



There. Now we're all squared-up.

*smooches...happy and sad to see my show go*
---------
it was fun, but more work than it was worth. I'm surely not done with "radio" but for now, The Jaded Empire is moving on.

One Down, Four To Go.

It's my last show of the year. WOO HOO!



Tonight on Monday Musings, Mari, Chris and I talk up the Best and Worst moments of 2010: what made us sit up listen? What movies blew our minds? How did politics affect us? What personal goals did we set or meet?

It'll be a blast, so make sure you're there on time.

*smooches...thinking of my lists as I type*
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not sure what I'll have to contribute...this year has been a total haze...

The End Of A Jaded Era

Okay, maybe not an era, but definitely the end of what I and about four of you considered an important part of The Jaded Empire: As of February 1st, Monday Musings w/The Jaded NYer & Friends will no longer be on the air.

On Wednesday I received an email from Dan Kashman at Blog Talk Radio outlining a new fee schedule to which I’d have to adhere if I wished to continue my show as is. He did offer a revised, more restricted, free account that allowed me to “conduct only one, 30-minute show per day” and “upload and store a maximum of three audio files for use during your show” but that's not something that works for me and the dynamics of my segments.

Blog Talk Radio is also taking away my ability to “schedule shows during prime time hours” or “schedule private episodes.”

Therefore I made the executive decision to just end the show. I will not heed any suggestions to find a new home or continue with a 30-minute segment instead because frankly it’s not worth it.

At most, five of you listen to the show live and MAYBE one of you will actually call in. If Monday Musings depended on ratings to survive we would have been canceled faster than NBC’s “Undercovers” (SHOTS FIRED!!). Perhaps that’s my fault for not stepping up my marketing game, or maybe I chose a sucky time slot, or maybe I’m just not as great a radio host as y’all have pumped me up to be. Whatever the reason, I don’t feel it’s worth it to continue chasing my tail with this venture.

Each week I’m practically begging for listeners, trying to choose topics of interest to you, etc, only to be disappointed episode after episode. It has become the equivalent of an abusive relationship. Every Monday I tell myself “This is the week they’re going to tune in. This is the week they will call me and ask questions and interact with me.” But I’m proved wrong every time.

And so it is with a heavy heart that I put Monday Musings to rest after 2.5 seasons. It was a nice run with great co-hosts and discussions and such. But Blog Talk Radio has, with these new changes, offered me an opportunity to stop beating a dead horse, give it a proper burial and move on.

Thank you to everyone who listened and called and co-hosted and encouraged me along the way. “I hope you had the time of your life.”

*smooches...turning my focus elsewhere*
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there are still 5 episodes left (of course!); feel free to ignore those as well. we won’t miss you one bit.

It's Not About The Gifts

One of the worst things a parent can do to their child is to set them up for disappointment, and one of the ways that's done is by buying them the world and making them think everything is acquired so easily. Especially at Christmas.

On tonight's Monday Musings, we're gifting you another Child Rearing 101 segment straight from the course list of The Jaded School of Parenting: Don't Spoil Those Babies!



Resident co-host and parent Brother Omi (and hopefully Mrs. Omi!!) will be on hand to outline for you the best way to balance holiday gift-giving with raising appreciative children. Trust us- it's a fine art, especially in today's bigger better faster more era when little kids have cellphones and teenagers are carrying designer bags.

But fret not- we're here for you!

So tune in...you know you want to!

*smooches...doing my part as a member of the village*
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you remember the village, right? The one 80s yuppies tried to burn to the ground?

Don't Get Caught With Nasty Food

Once I went to an engagement party for my mom's friends that was long and drawn out, but I sat patiently through all the praying and foolishness because the food smells were calling to me. When it came time to eat...the chicken was bland and undercooked, the rice flavorless and god knows what else because I checked out mentally after that riceFAIL. Horrific disaster!

I'd really hate for my readers to get caught out there with the yucky holiday fixins, so tonight on Monday Musings we're doing a Holiday Cooking special with the homie Darius T. Williams of Everyday Cookin'.


From a simple cocktail party to your holiday feast, tune in tonight to avoid having me talk about your nasty-ass food on my blog.

*smooches...showing my food-snobbiness*
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there's nothing worse on the planet than bad food at a party. or bad food anywhere, BLECH, just don't so it!!

I May Regret This...

This week I'm doing something a bit crazy with Monday Musings. You ready for this? Tonight, if you tune in LIVE and call in with a question, about me or anything, I will answer it honestly in a segment I like to call "Ask Jaded..."



The lovely Smarty P. Jones will be wearing her journalist's cap as she plays interviewer to my interviewee. Did that make sense?

Basically- you email her at smarty@smartysworld.com OR call in during the Live broadcast and you can ask me anything about anything. That's right- anything about anything.

Just...don't make me crawl throw the phone to beat your ass, okay??

*smooches...excited and nervous at the same time*
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I'm curious to see what y'all want to know about me

Sometimes You Just Gotta Let It Go

We all know that I was stuck in a bad marriage for far longer than I should have. The saddest part about that is I'm not the only one I know who's done it.

Most times couples stay in a bad situation for what they think are the right reasons, but honestly there isn't a good reason to be miserable. And that's where this week's Monday Musings comes in.



Join me tonight as Alex of The Refined Ghetto (or as you remember him- Jack of Jack's Gay Chronicles) and I walk you through the warning signs of a bad relationship and the steps you need to take to end it.

Hmmm, I just read over that sentence. It reads hella serious but if you know us like I think you know us, there will be far too much foolishness for this to be serious. Still, the wealth of information and experience Alex and I have on this topic...yeah, you might want to tune in.

*smooches...free of MOST of my toxic relationship*
----------
eventually all of the dead weight will be cut off. can you say the same? if not, tune in.

Have A Drink On Me

Not ON me, you pervs... you know what I mean!

It's Monday Musings time once again, and I'm trying to make it all the way to the new year without a break. So even though I'm in all manner of pains from this weekend's shenanigans THE SHOW MUST GO ON.

And what better reason to get up and out of my sick bed than a Blogger Profile with my girl Keana "Kit" Prescod of Hello Drunky!



Tonight's Monday Musings will be all about Miss Thang and her new blog and venture as a spunky, sassy, freelance bartender in New York City. Plus of course we'll be dishing the dirt as only two ain't shit heffas can, so you don't want to miss this one!

*smooches...excited for all the tomfoolery*
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if y'all think I'M crazy...sheeeiiitttt, you don't even know...

If You've Given Up On Radio, Too

It's Monday Musings tiiiiiiime! (Yes, when I wrote that, I was saying it in my head in the same annoying way Pauly D would announce T-shirt Time on Jersey Shore. I watch Trash TV. Deal with it!) And tonight I'm really excited about the topic...MUSIC!

Y'all already know I was a mega-super-star in a former life, and I do have my eye on a lusciously yummy Grammy, so yeah, we're doing this: The Jaded Indie Music Special!



Just as we did with the Evolution of Hip Hop series, I plan to chat it up with various independent artists, producers, etc about the music industry, how it's changing (for better or worse) and how the indie scene fits in with allllll that.

And thanks to segment producer Smarty P. Jones, we're heading to the Dirrrrrty South first with a peek into the lives on producer Brad Taylor (who, by the way, provided this year's Jaded Theme Music!), promoter Empress Journee and artist Ozy Reigns.

I don't want anyone to worry, though- just because we're inviting professional people on the show, there WILL be tomfoolery and shenanigans and things the FCC would rather I didn't say. Especially as I put on my homewrecker hat and seduce Brad over the air...wait- did I just say that out loud??

*smooches...getting the show back on the road*
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so sorry for all the breaks, but, well, you know...

I Might Vote Again This Year! ***UPDATE***

***SORRY, BUT DUE TO ILLNESS, THIS SHOW HAD TO BE CANCELED. STILL LOVE YOU, THOUGH!***


The first time I voted was in the most recent presidential election...and look how GREAT that turned out *rolls eyes* Still, I'll be at the polls again tomorrow because for New York it's a biggie- we're choosing a new governor. And I don't know about the rest of the state but Paterson gets on my DAMN nerves and chances are he won't be getting any support from the Jaded Empire.

So of course tonight's Monday Musings is all about VOTING and the many reasons why you should with our fabulous co-host, The F$%k-It List.



Listen, I used to be like you, apathetic to the Washington machine, preaching the whole, "my vote doesn't make a difference" schpiel but UGH! I gotta voice my opinions on term limits AND get that lame duck Paterson out of Albany before he destroys my home state!

Won't you tune in tonight, and spread the word to your non-voting friends? Gracias!!

*smooches...taking a moment to make a difference*
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and I promise to keep the conspiracy theory talk to a minimum. PROMISE!!

I'm Baaaaaaaack...

And what better way to come back than with some straight up ignant music:



and a brand new episode of Monday Musings: A Jaded Halloween!



Y'all will get to 'meet' my sister's boyfriend, Chris, and pick the brain of horror film director Tiffany Jackson, as we have a little fun with scary movies, books and all that jazz.

Look, I know I've been gone for a while, but if you don't tune in I won't be your friend anymore. HMPH.

*smooches...fresh from a two-week vacation*
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I know you missed me. "You ain't got to LIE, Craig!"

You Can't Get THERE From HERE...

And by HERE I mean Self-Sabotage Island, which is where many of us- yeah, I'm included in that mix- seem to reside. Well if we're going to take this world by storm and leave our mark, we need to build a raft of coconuts w/the Professor and leave this blasted place.

"Oh were it that easy..."

I didn't say it would be easy, but luckily for you, tonight's episode of Monday Musings is all about ways to keep yourself from fucking up your life.


Listen, it's never too late to drink a case of get right, trust me. If Madonna can reinvent her marginally talented self three-trillion times then so can you. So tonight, The F$%k-It List and I will guide you through the best way to have a successful life, whatever that means to you, with as little self-imposed obstacles and stress as possible.

So tune in tonight as we dish out the tough love you all so desperately need. Don't make us come get you!

*smooches...building an army to take over the world*
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are you in or are you pussy??

Even Without A TV, I'm A Straight Up Junkie

Y'all already know I have "ways" of keeping up with all the new shows that come out each year, even though I don't have cable. And no, I don't feel bad about it so you can save any commentary eluding to my antics. Nobody over here, with the empty pockets, cares.

And because I watch TV, still, I'm able to keep up with pop culture despite The Man trying to... wait, that's a post for another day. This is about tonight's episode of Monday Musings-- The Good, The Bad, The 'More Colorful'. I'm giving you the inside scoop on the new and returning shows so you can maximize your pixelated existence. Ain't that nice of me?

::passes around collection bucket::




As always I got my girl Smarty Jones as second chair to my shenanigans, and if I can remind him in time I'll bring in Malik-16 in the mix, too (y'all remember, he was on the Oscar show and he and Smarty got into it LOL!!).

Look, even if you could care less about what bullshit the networks are shoving down our collective throats you should tune in. We're funny, we're crass, and we KNOW our TV shows!

Don't make me come get you in your sleep!

*smooches...so excited about my shows being back*
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especially my favorites from last year...and DEXTER!!!

Reading Will Get You Laid!

And now that I have your attention, make sure you all tune in tonight at 10PM for the second episode of season 3 of Monday Musings- now with THEME MUSIC! Don't be left out, for real!



My co-host is mi pana Brother Omi, and in this latest installment of A Jaded Literary Moment we'll be nerding up your airwaves with the coolest reads to transition you from summer to fall without breaking a sweat. And y'all already know how important *I* think reading is...



...so tune your ass in or suffer my literary wrath!

*smooches...reading like my eyes are leaving tomorrow*
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but seriously, folks, I love a man who loves a good book, so technically the title of this post don't lie :)

When Dreams Attack

In the past I've blogged about the weird, crazy and vivid dreams I've had, always seeking (and subsequently getting) an explanation for my subconscious' behavior.

This is another one of those.

Picture it: I throw myself on the bed at like 5:45 knowing the alarm would be going off at 6:30, ready for the most powerful of power naps. As soon as my head hits the pillow I began to drift. And then I feel this pressure, like someone is on my back (I sleep on my stomach, hugging a pillow) and they're heavy. I find it hard to breathe and I'm paralyzed. Sort of that coming out from under anesthesia feeling: your brain is awake but hasn't bothered to inform the body. And mind you, this isn't the first time I've had this happen to me. This is like, the 6th occurrence!

So there's this heavy mofo on my back, crushing the breath out of me, and the next thing I know it's gone. The sequence of events that follows is fuzzy to me because like a fool I waited almost 3hrs to write this down. The last thing I recall before the alarm rang and I jumped up in a cold sweat was being in a hospital, I think, and some one was holding a baby boy, full head of dark hair and light-skinned, and giving it to me. In the dream I remember being on the verge of asking, "Whose baby is that?" but nope, the alarm woke me up.

So dream people, what say you about my latest manifestation of depression/anxiety?

*smooches...longing for a night of restful sleep*
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PS- HEIFERS! Y'all missed my show last night! Don't THINK I didn't notice. That's OK...I see who's getting a piece of the Jaded Empire. And who's NOT.

Did Someone Say, "Monday Musings"???

Ask and ye shall receive!

YES, Monday Musings w/The Jaded NYer & Friends premieres tonight with my annual tribute to Latino Heritage Month. You know the drill- I tell you how AWESOME and AMAZING Latinos are and you nod in agreement and worship at my feet. Don't act brand new!

Speaking of brand-spankin'-new, check out the new flier:

Photo credit: Marcin Kaliski

(And if you promise to be good, click HERE to see the PG-13 version of the Season 3 flier. My vanity couldn't help itself.)

Tonight's co-host, that foul-mouthed Cubana, Irene of FitHungryGirl Adventures, and I will talk about the importance or identifying with and preserving our Latino culture. Who are we? Where are we? And all that mambo.

Also, you don't want to miss out on my cool new Monday Musings theme music (courtesy of Mr. Brad Taylor) and a fancy-schmancy giveaway of Carlos Santana's latest CD, "Guitar Heaven" (dropping on September 21st).

And yes, of course the chat room will be open "...for my hooligans in Brooklyn..." and beyond. So tune in tonight and let's get this shit started right!

*smooches...kicking off the school year right*
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and unless you want to find a lump of coal in your stocking this Christmas, you'd BETTER tune in tonight.

Jaded Empire Business Meeting, Vol. 1

Hello my lovely minions. This here is a virtual meeting of Jaded Empire Media, Inc. so grab a note pad, pencil, highlighter and a beer from the fridge. We have some work to do.

1- I've been delinquent in naming prize winners from my "Thank You" post last month and I apologize. I was probably in the middle of a Pity Party and didn't have time. But whatever, I'm on my game now and the winners are:

Irene, who gets a FREE book from the Jaded Library
Don, who won free EXCLUSIVE Jaded Greeting Cards
Smarty, who won a Jaded Tee, and
Brother Omi, who won a Jaded Mug

I will be reaching out to all of you individually to give you your prizes; thanks again for your continued support of my Empire!

2- I wrote an article for XI Magazine on a great musician, Jerzy Jung, and you all need to read it and leave a comment so that the editors know I can draw a crowd. Cool? Cool. Also, feel free to subscribe to XI and check in with them often; I'll be contributing regularly from now on.

3- La Pluma y La Tinta, my Latina Writers Group, will once again be hosting the New Voices Reading Series starting in September. All we need is a fresh batch of readers...and a venue. The place I want is unavailable (mostly because they won't return my calls or emails...rat bastards) and the place I can get is charging us $50 per event. So get on out there, minions, and find me a performance space AND some kick-ass writers to feature. PRONTO!

4- Your favorite online radio show (and mine!!), Monday Musings, starts back on September 13th to kick off Latino Heritage Month and you won't want to miss all the new goodies we have in store. But again, my lovelies, I will need your help to spread the word. Let's make Season 3 the one that puts us on the map as THE show to listen to every Monday night. Join my Monday Musings Street Team!! Email me for more details (rpenzo@thejadednyer.net).

5- To date, I have submitted 4 short stories to 5 different journals/contests, because I'm super serious about OPERATION: Published by 2011! And I have to admit that I got a bit of a boost from my unemployment, but mostly from this awesome movement, Field Of Dreams-ing, started by my sister from another mister, Bangs and a Bun. Click HERE to read more about it and then get out of my way...I'm on a mission to make my dreams come true.

With a little help from my friends, of course!

*smooches...checking out Manhattan real estate for our headquarters*
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unless, of course, you know of a place with a great view of the skyline in Brooklyn? I'm open to some ideas...can we get something with a panic room, tho? I've been obsessed with having one since I saw the film!!

September Is Right Around The Corner

This means that Monday Musings will begin again. The babies will be back in school full time. Also, my literary readings for La Pluma y La Tinta are starting up again.

Which of course means schedules will have to be made, promotional materials and marketing plans will have to be put into effect and lots of networking will need to be done. Like NOW.

*looks at busy ass calendar*

So, um, slavery ended, you say? Are you sure? There's no place in NYC where I could get me an educated slave real quick? Preferably one that is web savvy and has exceptional phone skills?

WHAT?! Don't look at me like that! It's not like I was going to make them sleep in a closet, feed them slop and whip them if they end sentences in prepositions. I promise- neither El Generalissimo NOR Lady Estrogen will be in charge of the slave, okay? NOW will you tell me where I can find one???

Because otherwise all of you who are waiting to ride the Jaded Empire Media gravy train will be waiting a loooooonnnnnnggggggg time!

*smooches...totally not joking about that slave thing*
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wait- what was that? they're called INTERNS now? OH! well why didn't you say so! Right. so replace the word SLAVE with INTERN in this post, and proceed to find me one. Please and thank you.

3-Day Weekend Kills Monday Musings: News At 11!

So, um, since I am writing this at 9:13PM on Monday night, you've all guessed by now that there won't be a season finale to Monday Musings. I really hope you all enjoyed last week's segment w/Kitty Bradshaw because it is the last until we resume in September. My wish is that you will find something to keep you busy on Monday nights until then.

But I do want to take a minute to thank all of the wonderful people that made Season Two so very special, and a lot more fun than Season One:

• Kitty Bradshaw
• Natalie McNeal "The Frugalista"
• Judith Angeles
• C (my ex-husband)
• Malik 16
• Dorian Smith
• Eb the Celeb
  
• Nik Banks
• Dan Tres Omi
• Smarty P. Jones
• 12Kyle
• MC K-Swift
• Claudia Mejia-Haffner
• Darius T. Williams
• The F$%k-It List
• Irene
• C-Recks & DrizaDre of Brothers' Blog
• Mari

And I'm thinking up BIG THINGS for Season Three so don't forget about us! No, really, you'd better come back or I'm sending people to get you. DON'T MAKE ME!

*smooches...glad to have my Mondays free for the summer*
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now I can devote more time to...talking to y'all on Twitter and watching bad movies on Netflix. OWWWW!

A Thanks, A Show And A Few New Discoveries

Un Millón De Gracias
As expected, my birthday weekend was AMAZING. I'll write in detail about how fabulous it was later in the week but I did want to take a minute to thank everyone who came out to dinner and/or dancing, brunch, sent good wishes via text, Twitter, Facebook or called me up on Sunday, and of course for my lovely gifts. It was such a warm + fuzzy feeling to see and hear from all my peeps.

But I do need you all to take a minute and see how adorable my babies are. This was the card they gave me:



And these were the gifts I unwrapped:



Do they know their Momma or what? For the record, they're BOTH my joy, the one thing I seem to have done right.

Meet Kitty Bradshaw Tonight On Monday Musings
Bloggin ain't easy. You gotta put up fresh content regularly. You have to deal with crazy comments (well, not me, but some people do). And no matter your profession, you automatically sign up for the job of graphic designer when you choose to blog. Not. Easy.



But tonight on Monday Musings you'll meet blogger Kitty Bradshaw. She makes blogging her job- seeking sponsors, networking to death and carefully looking to boost her brand. A California transplant in NYC, Kitty is coming up on her 2nd Blogiversary and has already done so much.

So tune in tonight...you know you want to!

It's Like Someone Turned A Switch...
The last couple of weekends I made a few discoveries that I felt I should share with my Jaded Family. I think they all just appeared in my brain as my 35th birthday approached and I don't like to question free wisdom. You shouldn't, either.

1- You don't need gallons of alcohol to have a good time. Two weeks in a row I've partied hard with only about two or three drinks in my system. And still had a blast. Maybe it was the company I kept, or maybe I'm super serious about this Vomit-Free (rest of) 2010 promise I made myself, but yeah, no need to see double in order to declare a party a success. You heard it here first!

2- Gel inserts kinda help you dance longer than your knees would normally allow. Not that much longer, but I still recommend you get yourself some post haste! You can always deal with the pain later.

3- I am surrounded by awesome people. People who are doing the damn thing for themselves, who actually care about me AND I care about. People who know how to have fun and hold an intelligent conversation and I don't mind bringing around my mom (the ultimate judge). Not sure everyone can say that so I consider myself really lucky!

4- That void I've been feeling in the last decade is a result of my broken-up family. As I reconnect with them more and more I'm starting to feel better. We always had so much family around when I was a kid that it's no wonder I've been all disoriented without them. 2010 seems like the year this will be mended.

5- I'm really serious about wanting to expand my little family and/or remarry. Some of y'all thought I was joking but no, I really mean it. Will it happen? Who knows. But I do want it. And if the opportunity presents itself I will not shy away from it.

*smooches...making sure to have my fun now*
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once I have my new babies you will NOT be seeing me out and about as much until the kid turns three. Babies come first in this family. Always.