Sweet Distractions Tastes Like "Lemonade"

Ahhhh, Beyonce. You'll never know how much I needed something else to focus on this week.

Her latest studio album is the official 2005-2006 Jaded Anthem Soundtrack. If I could re-divorce my ex I would, and play this album while signing my papers because YASSSSSS I AIN'T THINKIN' 'BOUT YOU (from "Sorry")

Of course my favorite Lemonade song is "Sorry" CAUSE I AIN'T SORRY THUG LIFE & FUCK YO FEELINGS FOR LIFE! *whew* that felt good.

— The Jaded NYer (@TheJadedNYer) April 25, 2016

If you haven't listened, give it a shot. It's fun, it's danceable, it opens a few wounds, it heals the hurt a little bit. She did that.

MIDDLE FINGERS IN THE AIR.

Now please excuse me while I break up with all of the mens I'm not even dating, just because.

*smooches...but I still ain't sorry*
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y'all. when a woman's fed up... TELL HIM 'BOY BYE'

Of Course I Can't Quit You!

My loves, my darlings, my old faithful blog readers!!!

Did you feel abandoned? Forgotten? Discarded? I apologize for neglecting you this way. I have no excuse, just been in my own world and not in the mood to share myself via this platform.

However, I could not let the year end without writing something.

Has 2014 been my best year? Not even close. Has it been the worst? NOPE. And that's what I'm choosing to move forward with: I didn't do it all, but I didn't fall apart, either. And if you're a long-time reader of this site you know that's huge for me.

This year's highlights? Getting more stories published, making my very first (kickass) sancocho & homemade sofrito, and my family vacation in DR over the Thanksgiving break. JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH all knew I needed that injection of sunshine and family. It was everything.

I know, I know: we're awesome!

I'm going to make (the) next year(s) all of that, and then some; have more fun. That's my one and only resolution.



You should all do the same.

*smooches...and hugs on this New Year's Eve*
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love someone and mean it, especially yourself

Dance Break, aka Jaded Is Off Today

Because I'm at a Yankees game today, (thanks, job I love, for the hook-up), all you're getting is this video of an oldie but goodie:



Hope that booty shake gave you life!

*smooches...avoiding foul balls like a mofo*
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actually, none came my way. still.

Musical Interlude For Sanity's Sake

Because if I don't dance these feelings out, you're going to see me on the six o'clock news, atop the clock tower downtown, picking off cops one at a time. Real talk.

Yeah I said it.



Play this on repeat and dance with me.

*smooches...trying to release this negative energy*
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I got nothing, man. just let me dance in peace.

Currently Obsessed With...

...this song and video


...this TV show, because witches!


...this book; you think it's about baseball at first, but it's really abut life.

What's keeping you busy this summer?

*smooches...off to play more Kes*
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their music really is everything

Where My Tuition Payments Went

ME: someone is trying to get me to watch "Fargo" on TV.

K: Isn't that about wolves? And the wilderness?

ME: No... there's a movie called Fargo with Steve Buscemi but it's not about wolves.

K: Yes! That book, it's a classic, about wolves!

ME (thinking really hard): You mean Call of the Wild?

K: YES! Is it written by someone named Fargo?

ME (googles): NO. It's by Jack London.

K: There's something with an "F" about wolves and the wilderness...

ME: You mean White Fang?

K: Possibly.

ME: How is that anywhere close to "Fargo"?

K: There's a book about wolves! I'm going to find it!

Lord Jesus, help this child of mine. Freshman year has clearly stolen her brain.

*smooches...realizing my kids are me all over again*
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can you think of anything scarier??

Hello, Weekend.

I've been waiting for you FOREVER. The stress of life is trying to kill me. Come, let me nestle in your bosom...



*smooches...hoping Monday takes its time as well*
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hope y'all have a good one, too!

You're Invited.

Really hope you can make it!

*smooches...keeping busy*
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if I stop, I die.

The Definition of Crazy

"What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop." -Meredith Grey, "Grey's Anatomy"

I understand a lot of what I do is to my own detriment. I also understand that it makes me insane. I accept that. But the pull to habitually be unhappy is strong. STRONG. Like, magnetically strong. Trying to do better is honestly the hardest thing I've ever attempted.

Now please excuse me while I hoover down a whole bag of "organic" popcorn.

*smooches...bedazzling my hammer while watching Netflix*
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I mean if I'm gonna beat myself with it, might as well make it cute.

"Fool For You" Dance Break

Even though I'm on a self-imposed man break, I miss the days when I was crushing on someone. Those honeymoon days, before you or s/he ruins the relationship, are so magical, you really do feel like you're floating on a cloud. Like nothing can touch you and your honey-bunny. Like there's nothing in the world you wouldn't do for them. Kind of how I feel for Netflix.

"Any mistake you make I, I just might forgive..."



Get into it!

*smooches...grooving deep in my seat*
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last time I saw Ms. Smith live she blew my mind; can't wait to go back!

Defending "Snooki & JWoww," The Reality TV Show

Listen, I know trash TV is the downfall of good writing on the small screen. HOWEVER, it is successful for a reason. And people like to think that only the dregs of society are watching shows like "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" or "Love & Hip Hop" or any of the "Housewives of..." shows, but that's a lie and you know it. In fact, I'm a known and unapologetic trash TV watcher. I enjoy it, I look forward to it and it makes me laugh.

Recently I found myself having to explain why I still follow the lives of two former "Jersey Shore" cast members via their spinoff show, "Snooki & JWOWW," and the fact remains, "Because I like them." You will not find two more REAL people on any reality TV show, in my humble opinion.

These girls aren't trying to be anything they're not. MTV is throwing loads of money at them to just live their lives on screen and they're running with it. No pretenses, no posturing, no faux-elitism. Besides the fact that they've grown up a lot since the Shore days, Nicole and Jenny are the same down-to-earth girls they've been since day one, and, plastic surgeries aside, I appreciate them for that realness.



Now, if you don't mind, let me go catch up on this season.

*smooches...reveling in guilty pleasures*
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except I don't really feel guilty about it.

Six Minutes

I've never seen Vision Quest in its entirety, but this clip was pretty good, a little something that was delivered to my inbox courtesy of Circuit of Change.



There are a lot of Six Minutes throughout my day that I waste away. Might be a good idea to take them a bit more seriously.

How are you making the most of your day? Any tips? I'm asking for a friend...

*smooches...trying to be a more productive citizen*
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it doesn't always work, though. I blame Jesus and Obama.

We Will Always Share, Nuh Care How Meager The Meal

When I decided to become a writer, I knew that my life would not include traveling down the easy road. I knew that I would not be swimming in money. I knew that the arts is something you undertake for the sake of the arts. And I'm OK with all of that.

This life, however, can wear people out, especially for the unlucky ones who have to wonder where their next paycheck is coming from. And yes, it's PURE LUCK that a writing position opened in a marketing department at a non-profit I believe in and is very close to home so that my commute doesn't involve the annoying yuppies of Park Slope. So much luck was involved, especially because this job helps me grow as a writer AND allows me the freedom to still work on my personal projects on the side.

Around me, though, are those who haven't found that balance of a job that pays the bills and also nourishes them. I think this helps fuel me in my endeavors, though, because I know there are a slew of talented and amazing people that would be perfect additions to The Jaded Empire, now that I'm actively working toward making that dream a reality.

Please believe that those who've been down with me from jump have a home with me, and if not, I'm here to help you find your calling if you need me to. Because what fun will it be to live my dream if my homies are still mired in muck? No sir! As I lift myself up, I'm gonna work to keep y'all uplifted! I mean, y'all have to put in work, too, but this is war, son, and I don't leave anyone behind (unless, you know, it's PMS Week and you've pissed me off...).

Most importantly, get those positive vibes and energies flowing. Yesterday's mistakes are yesterday's mistakes. You wake up every day with the chance to make it right.



I hear the brighter side of life is just more fun and productive, you know?

*smooches...wishing you a life with no moss*
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now, go forth and prosper over the weekend!

When I Do It I Don't Look Back

Rarely will a Beyonce song move me. OK, that might be a lie. I think I can name at least five Beyonce songs that I've shaken my ass to over the years. Or more. Whatever, shut up. Let me just give you this week's inspirational message in peace, OK? Sheesh!

Yesterday, I mentioned my lamentations about having thrown myself into the position of Head of Household, and how the experience shook me. That was October of 2005. Right now, in this glorious year of our lord Jesus Christ (2013), I walk around making no apologies for any of the decisions that I've made.

Oh, I left you while you were at your lowest point in life? Too bad, so sad. I turned my back on the possibility career in the sciences to pursue the arts? That's how I roll. I'm happily SINGLE AND FABULOUS, EXCLAMATION POINT yet you can't understand why I just won't get a man in my life? Bitch, have a seat.

I'm a grown woman. I can do WHATEVER I want.



I want you all to know this is more about following your true path and less about singing a little diddy by a card-carrying member of the Illuminati (although it is a damn good song, Mrs. Carter). This is definitely about believing in your own ability to make shit happen for yourself, regardless of who is in your corner and who isn't.

You're going to make mistakes. You're not going to have all the answers. You're going to hit more than a couple of brick walls. But the stories you'll be able to tell along this fantastic journey, well, shit, isn't that what it's all about? The fantastic journey?

Do yourself a favor: be grown. Do whatever you want.

*smooches...memorizing that choreography*
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this would be a good song to play at the gym, or right before I take the mic at a reading...

On Divorce...

"The hardest part is realizing you're in charge." -Helen Bishop, "Mad Men"

I'm heavily into this show right now, years and years later. That line spoke to me like no other.

When I split from my ex, I knew it was the right thing to do. Still, I'd been accustomed to someone else always taking the reigns in my life. It was a bucket of ice-cold water to the face to check the Head of Household box on my tax documents. Dude, I was the decision-maker. Me. Moi. If it went well then YAY for me. If it failed there was no one to blame except Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

When people ask me for advice about ending their marriage, I always tell them to really think it through. Not only because I strongly believe you have to try everything to save your relationship before you walk away (quitters never win!) but because the aftermath is something only the strong will survive.

*smooches...counting myself among the strong*
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I consider not shacking up with someone shortly after my divorce as winning. take that statement however you want to take it.

Laughs & Truths

So once again I want to point out that my favorite podcast, The Read, needs to be your favorite podcast, too.

This week's episode is full of the usual shenanigans, but also discusses the Zimmerman trial (and in case you're all "Ugh, I'm tired of hearing about this stupid trial!" well guess what- I'm tired of our black sons dying necessarily and the law saying it's OK. So there's that.).

And one point in particular, made by @Crissle during her read, stuck out to me the most: the idea of respectability politics, which can be defined as "a deliberate concession to mainstream societal values" in order to gain favor with the perceived "majority." I'll let you listen for yourself; start at 55:38 for Crissle's read and get your life.



I've been there, siding against my brethren regardless of the details just to keep the eyes off of me and not become a target myself. And mostly because remember, I denied my blackness for a big chunk of my life. Whenever blacks were portrayed negatively on the news or, you know, EVERYWHERE, I distinctly remember thinking "well that's not me because I went to a good school and I follow the rules and I do what I'm supposed to. Plus, I'm Dominican; I'm not even black!" Knowing damn well my black-ass was black.

So I connected to what Crissle was saying, and I understand both sides of the coin, but still, my black brothers and sisters: I urge you to wake up. Let's not turn against each other.

Amen and good day.

*smooches...growing and healing*
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reflecting on my own black guilt during these hard-as-fuck times

The House Negro Diaries, 2013

The Blogger Formerly Known As Smarty, aka Tiffany, told me this weekend that me and my beige counterparts are always the most militant Negroes, and I agree. At least for myself. The evolution of my blackness saw me first DENY it (I'm Spanish/Hispanic/Dominican, not black!) and then slowly come to grips with it (deal with my 'fro, bitches!), culminating in this past weekend when I was ready to join the new Black Panthers or something.

Let's just say I've since been taught to find a happy medium. Whitey doesn't necessarily HAVE TO die, he just needs to be reined in a bit. Or a lot. Whatever.

Still, this happened in the midst of all that:

ME: I got an email for career day in October. Would it be wrong to title my presentation: How to Stay Under Whitey's Radar and Live to See Your Grandbabies?

TIFFANY: O_O!!! Massa might have a problem with that.

ME: Don't he always? I'm gonna pee in his sweet tea. "I got sumin sweet for ya, alright!"

TIFFANY: Lmao! Disgusting.

ME: No lie, that's the kind of house negro I would have been, putting shit all in their food because FUCK MASSA, that's why! ...and then I'd giggle my yellow ass all the way home at the end of the day.

TIFFANY: Lmao! Your ass woulda been in the hot box.

ME: How would they know? "What's in this?" "Adobo."

TIFFANY: ROTFLMAO!!!

::opens door::

Good day, ma'am.

ME: Awww, man...!

TIFFANY: Nah, you woulda been a comfort girl 'cause you're tall. They woulda bred you with a buck to create big ol' SUPER slaves.

ME: Wait- where can I get my hands on one of those bucks though? What his mowf do?

TIFFANY: I said GOOD DAY!

*smooches...wondering what to do with this new rebellious soul*
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I just want to break every rule and put my middle finger in everyone's face. but you know, I like having a job so I won't. I'll just find someplace to volunteer instead.

Tuesday's Random Thoughts

Fireflies still amaze me. Walking down the street, suddenly coming across a FLYING LIGHT, still takes my breath away. I want to catch them and have a private light show in my hands.

I am just a couple of really good freelance jobs away from financial calmness. That's what I call not being worried about making rent!

MY KID GRADUATES FROM HIGH SCHOOL ON FRIDAY. This can't be my life. Also... ONE DOWN, ONE TO GO!

Soca artists are so SCANDALOUS, and I'm here for all of it, every minute of every day! (watch clip until at least the 3:00min mark!)



There are so many cool, free events happening in NYC this summer that I'll probably only end up doing NONE of them.

I very rarely miss people who miss me, and that made me feel a little guilty yesterday...for about five minutes.

Hot sauce makes everything better.

Yelling makes everything worse.

There are so many stories in my head at once, and the only way to shut them up is to write or numb myself. That urgency to get them all down will kill me faster than my shady, pot-smoking neighbors!

I don't know why it surprises me that good things happen when I work hard for them. Must be all the acid I dropped in the 60s.

*smooches...letting my mind wander*
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I do this more times than I care to admit.

Love & Loss

"There is a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. 

"Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? 

"Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever . . ." -Meredith Grey, "Grey's Anatomy"

*smooches...wondering how the writers crawled into my brain*
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quotables like this is why I immerse myself in TV; at least that's what I say to excuse all my TV watching. HA!

Reading These Fuck Ni**as

Readers, let me introduce you to a fabulously amazing podcast, "The Read," hosted by @KidFury and @Crissle. These two are hysterically funny as they break down entertainment news and help folks find the light of Jesus Christ. For example, episode "Say No To F*ck Boys":



It's pure perfection. I enjoy them so damn much. But the very best part of this episode is @Crissle going OFF on dudes who try to tell women what they're lacking and why they aren't "wifey" material. I almost got up and clapped, but I was listening to this at work and it really just wasn't appropriate for me to cause a ruckus at my desk.

And in case you need the transcript of the rant? Oh, @Crissle was gracious enough to put it up on her Tumblr. Wants some excerpts? Here:

I cannot stand fuckboys. I really get so annoyed by these men who act like their job is to coach women into being what they want them to be.

The other day, Joe Budden got his lightskinned ass on Twitter and said something like “hey ladies, how old would your abortion be?” Like, if you didn’t have an abortion how old would that baby be? How about Esther couldn’t even get through her second trimester because you beat the baby out of her? And that’s exactly what I said. I said “I’m pretty sure my abortion would be older than Esther’s baby.”

Don’t tell women what makes them not good enough to be wives. First of all, who the fuck wants to marry YOU? You have literally nothing! What do you bring to the table other than somebody else’s kids? Get the whole fuck outta here, bitch, number one.

I mean, was I lying??? IT'S BEAUTIFUL FUCKING POETRY! I think I love this woman. I really think I love her.

*smooches...enjoying facts and examples on the internet*
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no, for real, it's amazing, right???