Why My Alma Mater ROCKS!

Because it produces young minds that do stuff like this:

Protest letter from one of K's peers

*smooches...so proud of my baby and her peers*
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our future might not be so perilous after all, with smarties like these at the helm.

Jaded Photographs 2010: September Edition

Addiction

*smooches...indulging in non-social things while I can*
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the loner in me is having a field day today, thankful for a nasty cold that is keeping me at home, alone, in bed, with my books

"But What's Puzzling You Is The Nature Of My Game"

I belong to a writers group in Brooklyn that recently provided me with a great prompt, which in turn gave birth to a fun story. I've been vehemently developing this tale ever since.

We were asked to, without dragging religion into it, write a piece that features a main character having a conversation with "the devil" in whatever manifestation of "him" and in any style and genre we saw fit.

I was immediately reminded of the TV series Buffy, the Vampire Slayer (don't roll your eyes, I have a great correlation here; just be patient!) and how at every turn, Sarah Michelle Gellar's Buffy was forced to have many conversations with beings deemed pure evil. Writer Joss Whedon showed his genius by being able to intertwine humor with crises of the heart and temptations to be "bad" and that's what I wanted to invoke for my piece.

Another vision (so to speak) of the devil was that of Dabney Coleman offering Suzanne Sommers the gift of eternal thinness in the TV movie, Devil's Food, more so the idea of a "contract" for one's soul. Finally my brain was reminded of The Picture of Dorian Gray (Johnny Depp's biography LOL) by Oscar Wilde, and a movie I'm kind of ashamed to have liked, Tuck Everlasting.

All of these cultural references and images danced in my head in the 12.5 seconds it took me to get started on the written assignment. Not some horned, fanged, enflamed goat-man being scaring the bejeezus out of me, but rather a handsome and charming man, the likes of which you can't help but be attracted to, the kind that awakens in you a simultaneous desire and repulsion. This was the devil in my story. He was Louis Cyphre, John Milton and Viggo Mortenson's version of Lucifer in The Prophecy.

And even though we were asked to keep religion out of it, he was also Satanael, Ha-satan, Semjâzâ, Iblis and Mara (my liberal arts education just paid for itself RIGHT THERE with those references...Intro to World Religions was my most favorite class ever!), and his only reason for being was to tempt my main character into going against the natural order of things and offering her that which she held so dear: her youth.



Can you tell I'm excited to be working on something new?

How about you? What would you conversation with "the devil" look like?

*smooches...working towards that Pulitzer every damn day*
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shout out to the homie Tiffany Jackson whose writing prompt is sure to be my next great work of art :)

"Haven't You Always Wanted A Monkey?"

One of my students at the language center needed to practice using the Conditional structure, especially the Present Unreal and the Past Unreal (it's okay if you don't know what this means. Not everyone is a grammar geek. Let me stop... I had to look this shit up, too!! lol).

I thought a pretty good exercise in the Conditional would be to make up our own lyrics to the Barenaked Ladies song, "If I Had a Million Dollars" and we actually got a bit of a chuckle with that one. So, why not try it here on the blog?

Now I know, in this day and age, especially in this economic climate, a million dollars is hardly anything to write home about. The American dollar just doesn't go as far as it used to. I know this. But let's pretend we're 5years old and a million dollars seem like an infinite and unfathomable number of bills.

I will start.

If I had a million dollars (*singing* If I had a million dollars):

1- I'd pay off my debt in it's entirety. That should leave me about enough money to buy a celebratory happy meal at McDonald's.

2- I'd buy a house in Azua, Rep. Dom. so fast...sheeeiiitttt...

3- I'd throw the biggest party on the nicest yacht, complete with a half-nekkid waitstaff imported from all manner of Caribbean islands.

4- I'd put a down payment on a BK brownstone...because you know them bitches cost like $5mil, right? Right. OK.

5- I'd make Nicole Ari Parker an indecent proposal for one night with her husband. Shit, they ain't working and they got kids to support...they might just go for it!



So? What would YOU do? Bonus points if you'd buy me something nice from the Mont Blanc store :)

*smooches...kinda mad that $1mil barely means anything anymore*
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when did THAT happen? America, we gotta do better!

Jaded Photographs 2009: May Edition

"Shade For The Bard of Avon"

*smooches...remembering that trip with so much fondness*
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free book to anyone who can name the play this passage comes from, the first one of his I ever read: "All that glitters is not gold,- Often have you heard that told: Many a man his life hath sold But my outside to behold: Gilded tombs do worms infold. Had you been as wise as bold, Young in limbs, in judgement old, Your answer had not been inscroll'd: Fare you well; your suit is cold."

While You're Reading This, I'm Probably Still In Paradise

"...If You Steal My Sunshine..."
Ahhh... don't hate... I've been living it up in the bright sunshiny skies of Key West this weekend... ahhh

I might even be nice and post pics later this week, and then maybe you can see just how HUGE I've gotten. I came for Celia's baby shower and I swear *I* looked like the pregnant one! Damn Curry in a Hurry takeout... naan and saag paneer is the DEVIL!

I Read, Y'all!
Speaking of of the devil- I've been reading this book, "The Gospel According to Judas," and it's really good. I highly recommend it. But now, I kind of want to read the bible to kind of compare and contrast, maybe even take a class on it, but not with some religious fanatic. I'd love to study it under the tutelage of someone who's reading the bible for its literary value. Where can I find someone like that??

Now I'm reading White Lines for the Bloggers' Book Club, and I hate to admit it... it's not that bad. It's not that good, but it hasn't made me puke yet. But I'm not even in the 100's yet, so who knows.

NaNoWriMo Update
My novel is only up to 3,000 words. SHUT UP. I need a real kick in the ass. Anyone want to help me cheat? WHAT? Oh fine... forget it... I'll write it myself...

*mutters* bunch of self-righteous mo-fos...

Okay, no, but seriously, I should have more time this week to catch up on my word count. I will not let you guys down... 50,000 words or BUST!!!!!!!!

THE Master Of Fine Arts, Redux
My thesis you ask? Two more read-throughs from being FINITO. I will be finishing it up on the flight home and then sending it off to one of my mentors as soon as I get home. OH HAPPY DAY!!! I might post it on my other blog and then place the link here later, so that you can all bask in my literary genius. Maybe.

Me & Diddy Can't Stop, Won't Stop
Next stop? My PhD... y'all WILL have to call me Dr. Penzo in the near future. Just accept it, bitchezzzzzzzzzzz.

WOW. Did I just get all conceited about a PhD I don't have yet? Imagine how intolerable I will be when I get it... OUCH!



But no worries; my head will never get so big that I'll forget my peoples... I ain't going nowhere [too far]. I'll always be just one URL away.

Besides, you can take the girl out of Brooklyn...

*dances*

Take that, take that... bad boy for life!



*smooches...making shit happen, people, making shit happen...*
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and your weekend? oh, it doesn't matter... nothing beats a weekend in Key West so save it!!! HA!

Damn, She's My Daughter Alright...And Other Musings

Hey y'all, hope your weekends were cool and all that good stuff.

But enough about you, here's what's doing with me:

Tune In Tonight
Jack and I are Single and Fabulous (exclamation point), but not for lack of trying to find a mate. We even went looking for love online *GASP! SHOCK! HORROR!*

So tonight on Monday Musings w/The Jaded NYer and Friends, we're going to talk about the ins and outs of internet dating.



Because we know you all secretly have profiles out there, hoping wishing praying, like us, that you'll meet that one normal person in a database filled with narcoleptic, toothless, lazy-eyed crazies.

I hope to hear from you all tonight.

"Operation: Kill The Beast" A Success!
A bunch of things up and died in my fridge, and for a while me and the babies kept ignoring it. Until we couldn't anymore because whatever it USED TO BE dissolved into a nasty, liquidy mess that spilled all over the place, and the stench even penetrated the freezer.

And since I STILL don't have a wife, I had to just suck it up, put on a mask and clean that bitch out. Well, actually, I had the babies clean it out... it's time those heifers pulled their weight around here! Child labor laws my ass...

Now, my fridge is sparkly white and smells like clean. It makes the food in there look tons more appetizing than before!

You Can Go Home Again
Saturday I took K to the Citywide HS Fair. At Brooklyn Tech. Wow. It was emotional for me and I didn't really think it would be.

There were the staircases where JACK and I would start trouble, the cafeteria where we played spades instead of going to class, the downstairs gym with the elevated track where evil gym teachers would make ME run and run and run.

And the gate that locked the staircase to the basement area where the supply room was, the supply room that held all the theodolites and stuff us civil engineers needed for surveying in the park. (I could have sworn I heard Mr. Peemoeller yelling at me all of a sudden... how many paces to the first benchmark again?? *shudder*)

And get this fellow Technites: the Academy diner/coffee shop? STILL THERE!!! I totally almost cried tears of joy. All of a sudden I could taste the cinnamon raisin bagels w/ butter and jelly and hot chocolate I used to buy every morning instead of getting to first period on time. (Jeez... how did I ever graduate?)

ANNNNND- JACK... you'll never guess who's still teaching there... HOFTEIZER!!! I almost died when I saw his name in the directory... AAAAACK!!!

Damn, She's My Daughter Alright...
Nerd girls that we are, me and the babies were playing this game to see who could name all the U.S. States based on their postal abbreviations.

Both were doing pretty well, until K got stuck on WV.

She could not, for the life of her figure it out.

Finally, when I gave her the hint that it was "two words" she says:

"OH! West Virginia!! No wonder I didn't get it... it's so small and insignificant..."




*smooches...hoping she doesn't talk like that outside of the home*
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what will people think of my parenting skills??

pshhhh... like I care...

First Ever Jaded Book Giveaway

In my effort to topple Oprah as the bestest paid female media mogul of color, I'm going to just outright BITE OFF HER and try to get you all to read more. Apparently, folks tend to think highly of people who give back or something...

And thanks the the free Box O' Books I received from Kelly last week I'm in a position to do so.

The first book up for grabs is titled, "Girlbomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir" by Janice Erlbaum.



The jacket reads: At fifteen, sick of her unbearable and increasingly dangerous home life, Janice Erlbaum walked out of her family's Brooklyn apartment and didn't look back... A wry, mesmerizing portrait of being underprivileged, underage, and underdressed in 1980s New York City...

And NO it's not about anyone I know, but I've read the first few chapters and so far and it's pretty interesting. I'll be done with it by the end of the weekend so this is how long this giveaway will last. I'll even post my review over at Stranger Than Fiction.

This time I won't make the contest all about me- after all, we're talking about literature here, so let's try and be a little bit high-brow and act like we have some sense.

The rules are simple: I'm going to feature a passage from a major literary work below. The first person to correctly identify it and its author in the comments section will win the book. If no one gets it then, oh well, I keep the book or give it to my local library:

---After they had eaten, Ralph and the biguns set out along the beach. They left Piggy propped up on the platform. This day promised, like the others, to be a sunbath under a blue dome. The beach stretched away before them in a gentle curve till perspective drew it into one with the forest; for the day was not advanced enough to be obscured by the shifting veils of mirage. Under Ralph's direction, they picked up a careful way along the palm terrace, rather than dare the hot sand by the water. He let Jack lead the way; and Jack trod with theatrical caution though they could have seen an enemy twenty yards away. Ralph walked in the rear, thankful to have escaped responsibility for a while.---

I know, I know, it's not a TShirt or a calendar or an autographed photo of me, but books are our friends! So play along, okay?

Otherwise I'll have to post THAT video again... don't make me... I will...

Okay, okay.. you've been a patient and good audience. I won't repost the video, but I *will* reward you with THIS blog post someone sent me on Twitter. Enjoy!

(WARNING: post is NOT safe for work)

*smooches...looking forward to a very productive weekend*
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K has a HS fair at my Alma Mater, I'm working on my thesis, and then I'm meeting The Girls for a run in the park.

Me. Running.

I know, right?!

I'll be sure and take pics of me in the ambulance AND in the emergency room...

I FEEL Better At School

So another FDU commencement come and gone. My ADHD was kicking in during the ceremony (15 graduates! Lord have mercy! It was hard to sit still) but it's always so moving to hear everyone praise the program and the writing community to which we all belong.

Like many of the people who got up to speak at that podium last night, I, too, feel honored and privileged and YES, even BLESSED, to have been a part of it all- the writing residencies, the workshops, the student and faculty readings, dinners with authors, trips to the bar and the end of the day and the beautiful friendships that have blossomed.

(Never mind the fact that my thesis edits are not finished. You think I don't know that shit? STOP bringing it up!! Damn Voices...)

Every time I'm on that campus, at a reading or any other event, I get this bolt of inspiration. Right away I find myself with notebook out, pen in hand, ideas flowing like water. It feels so good there.

It's like when you go away on vacation, and you're IN LOVE with this vacation spot, having the best time ever, but then you come home and sleep in your own bed for the first time in a long time. The mattress still has the groove in it that hugs you just right; your duvet keeps that perfect balance of warmth and comfort; and all the night sounds outside your window lull you to sleep.

It's a beautiful feeling.

I came across this program because C moved our family to New Jersey and I could no longer attend classes at CUNY. I almost didn't get my application in on time, but my downstairs neighbor pushed me to do it: "Send it overnight mail... you know you want this MFA..." and she was right. In October of 2004 I was accepted, offered a $500 grant, and was told to show up at their Wroxton, England campus in January.

England was never on my "Places To Visit" list; I just had no interest in it at all. But then I got there and the Abbey was beautiful, my room was so perfect, and the people I met inspired me.

Excerpts from my Wroxton Diary include:

"...Module 2 with Jeff (Allen): I can't really read him yet. He had us read Borges and I- the discussion was good but as usual you have a bunch of pretentious literary snobs. But I expected that. I can be a snob sometimes, too."

"...Afterwards I discover the computer lab [cue angelic music here] and IMMEDIATELY log on to let family and friends know I am okay. And of course to see how Days of our Lives is progressing. Shawn stopped the wedding by crashing his bike through the church window, hurting Belle in the process. DRAMA!!"

"...Some young PUNK ASS BITCH BOY was all pissy because I was on the phone. What the fuck! He's lucky I didn't kick his fucking ass all up and down the street. Punk ass bitch boy. He'd better watch his step with me... Whatever, I'm talking a lot of shit. I'm not going to do a damned thing. Except do my homework like a dork."

"...I began the story Terese (Svoboda) gave as homework... it was really hard for me because I wanted it to be profound and important and prolific, but it read more like a play or one of those easy read books like 'Shopoholic' and such... And right as I was putting it down as crap, I had an epiphany-- not everything I write has to be profound! Or life changing. Or earth shattering.... Besides, good writing is good writing. And I know I'm a good writer"

So late thesis aside, I've had a great literary experience during my time at FDU, and it seems that I will continue to have that the more I come back to reconnect with the faculty and students as an alumnus. I didn't have this attachment with AU at all. I *do* so love the friends I made there, and they are still my bestest friends to this day, but I have no desire to really be attached to that school.

With FDU, however, I've experienced this sense of belonging, this sense of having a place in the world, of not being alone because there are so many others just like me.

Writers. Working writers. Brilliantly talented and knowledgeable working writers with unique voices and experiences.

I have Deborah and Elisheba and Carmen and Michael and Cindy, and awesome faculty members like Jeff and Walt and Renee and Tom and YES, even Martin (who can be nice when he wants to be), and all the new and awesome people I meet every time I go back (this time it was new faculty member Harvey and fellow students Nina and Juan{I hope that's how you spell your name!}).

But more importantly is the great vibe with which these people and this place surround me. I feel it just from being in Lenfell Hall, Hartman Lounge and at Vanderbilt's.

Even after that Claire heifer proved to be the suckiest waitress in waitressing history. Two nights in a row.

*smooches...realizing that my student loan debt is so very worth it*
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and congratulations to Elisheba, a wonderfully talented writer and just a really fun and outgoing person to hang with; she graduated yesterday and looked OH SO CUTE doing it! And don't worry, girl- I won't put the video of your speech on this blog ;)

My Autobiography Would Sound Like This

I saw this on Bangs and a Bun, and she got it from Starpulse, and it looked like so much fun that I wanted to try it, too: Putting together the soundtrack of my life.

Some of you might know- I'm a movie fanatic, and I have a short film written (that does have a killer soundtrack, too, by the way) and the treatments to a couple of other projects filed away, too. So this was right up my alley!

Except it was SO HARD to limit myself! My whole life has been about music and to narrow it down and fit in all the artists and songs that really move me... WHEW! This was such a chore. But a fun one :)

So here goes:

If your life were a movie, what songs would be on the soundtrack? Copy and paste the list of different scenes below and fill in your answers.

-Opening Credits: Dominicano Soy by Fernandito. What else? This HAS to be in the opening credits.



-Waking Up: Juicy by The Notorious B.I.G., cause EVERY MORNING, no matter where I live, where I end up, I need to BIG UP my home town! WORD!! "Spread love; it's the Brooklyn way"



-Falling In Love: Tu by Juan Luis Guerra y 440. This song is so beautiful and romantic that every time I play it I actually get misty. But please, don't tell anybody. I have a rep to maintain.

(it's the first song in the medley)


-Fight Scene: Back Off Bitch by Guns N Roses. I don't think I even need to elaborate.

(a fan video, but it had the best audio)


-Breaking Up: A Letter to Elise by The Cure. OMG, never in the history of breaking up has there been a better break up song than this. Trust.

(get your tissues)


-Make Up: I'm Still In Love with You by Sean Paul & Sasha. Oh, jeez... this song... I can't even explain what it does to me! But honorable mention to the Alton Ellis version, too, because it's so raw and damn GOOD!



-Secret Love: Say Goodbye by Dave Matthews Band. I talk about my adoration of this song here.

-Life's OK: Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves. Can you see it? Me, with nothing to complain about? Wearing hot pink Chuck's, black skinny jeans, a trillion black rubber bracelets and my "Save Coney Island" t-shirt, skipping across the Brooklyn Bridge and singing off key. Oh yeah, this would so fit.



-Mental Breakdown: OMG- it would have to be Slave to the Grind by Skid Row! That was always my favorite song to play when I was on the brink. And don't ask me, "On the brink of what?" because trust me- you DON'T want to know...



-Driving Scene: Stomp by The Brothers Johnson. This is the perfect driving song. And if you don't believe me go take out a loan, fill up your tank, find an open road at play that song really loud. It's perfection!



-Flashback: Quiero Ser by Menudo. And not the wack ass Ricky Martin Menudo but the pre-English language album Menudo that used to rock my world. The same Menudo to whose fan club I belonged. SHUT. UP.



-Happy Dance: Are You Gonna Go My Way? by Lenny Kravitz. This. Song. Rocks. PERIOD.



-Regretting: I Want Tomorrow by Enya, because I've always, always, always wanted to use this song in a soundtrack. So why not my own?



-Long Night Alone: Captain Jack by Billy Joel. And yes, this is actually what I play when I'm home alone throwing pity parties for myself. With my precious whiskey...

(warning: if you've never heard the song before, it's over 7 minutes long)


-Final Battle: Let's Go Crazy by Prince. I can totally see myself breaking a beer bottle over somebody's head during the guitar solo. I so can.

Um... now you KNOW His Purple Majesty does not allow his shit on YouTube. Just go play your Purple Rain album, 'cause you know you have one.

-Death Scene: Swan Dive by Ani DiFranco. With lyrics like these:

i'm going to do my best swan dive
into shark infested waters
i'm gonna pull out my tampon
and start splashing around

...it's hard to NOT include it for the death scene!! Don't you think?



-Final Ending: Over the Hills and Far Away by Led Zeppelin. I listened to this a lot from 6-7PM, on 102.7... gettin' the LED out...way back when in my old BK bedroom. It's fitting for the end of my life.



-End Credits: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by the Beatles. Because everyone's end credits should feature a Beatles' song. Every One.

(Yellow Submarine is one bad acid trip, man... love that fucking movie!!)


*smooches...putting together a different list for the Director's Cut*
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when I was a kid I always thought to myself, "I just want to be left alone in my room with my records!" but then I saw that Twilight Zone episode, you know, the one with the guy who wanted to be left alone with his books... and then his glasses broke? yeah, that'd be me, except I'd probably go deaf or not have an outlet or batteries for my record player. ARGH!

on another note, if anyone else would like to play along, I'd LOVE to hear your soundtracks, too!

Sorry I Am... Daydreamin'...

Jack is soooo lucky I love him, because muthafucka TAGGED ME AGAIN, even though when I was tagged before I didn't tag him 'cause I knew he was hella busy and I didn't want to bother him and all... but it's cool. No prob. I'll do the damn tag... BUT I'M ENDING IT HERE!!

Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot, now I have my 'tagged' shot.
Square, Square, Square, Square, now I have it everywhere!

Hey- it works for cooties, I figured it might work on tags as well!!


Next person that tags me WILL feel my wrath, though...


Also, I tried this at work first so it's not my iTunes, just some songs I have on my Media Player... but I got curious and wondered how it would work out on my home computer (TOP answer = work and BOTTOM answer = home). So the nerd in me did it twice.


Because I'm a nerd.


Rules:
1. Put Your itunes/ music player on Shuffle
2.For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!!
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the same themselves!


IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
I Don't Want To Be Alone - Aaliyah
Caridad - Gloria Estefan

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
O - Omarion
New Soul - Yael Naim



WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Turn Da Lights Off - Tweet
I Don't Wanna Be Alone - Aaliyah

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Pony - Ginuwine
Frontin' - Pharrel

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
If It's Loving That You Want - Rihanna
PS (I'm Still Not Over You) - Rihanna

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Hurts Me Soul - Lupe Fiasco
No Llores - Gloria Estefan

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Somewhere Here On Earth - Prince
Choux Pastry Heart - Corinne Bailey Rae

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
A Bailar - Gloria Estefan
Touch It - Bustah Rhymes

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Caridad - Gloria Estefan
Let It Ride - Lisa Shaw

WHAT IS 2+2?
Lovestoned - Justin Timberlake
Icarus - Ani DiFranco

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Young Folks - Peter, Bjorn, & John
Baila Que Baila - Jose Alberto "El Canario"



WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Get Up - Ciara
Viviendo - Marc Anthony

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Touch Me With Your Hands - DJ Jazzy Jeff feat. China Blac
Interested - India.Arie

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Absolutely Nothing - Lily Allen
Say It - Ne-Yo

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
Jumpin', Jumpin' - Destiny's Child

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Some Unholy War - Amy Winehouse
San Juan Sin Ti - Luis Enrique

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Si Tu Te Vas - Juan Luis Guerra
When You're Gone - The Cranberries

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Wreckless Love - Alicia Keys
Labios Compartidos - Mana

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
I Will Never Stop Loving You - Charles Cameron, Love Jones Soundtrack!
I Am Somebody - Santana feat. Will.I.Am

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Never Gonna Be The Same - Sean Paul
I Get A Kick Out Of You - Jamie Cullum



WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Saturday (Oooh! Oooh!) - Ludacris
El Ron Es Mi Medicina - Johnny Ventura

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Daydreamin' - Lupe Fiasco feat. Jill Scott
Sorry I Am - Ani Difranco

Isn't it funny how similar yet different the answers are? I love my music...

*smooches...officially done with tags, OKAY?*
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my kids got a real kick out of these answers, especially when that Amy Winehouse came up for what my parents think of me...LOL

I Really Don't Know Life At All

With the exception of the past year, I've been in school my whole life. Which says a lot because I'm creeping on 33's door. And plans are already underway to go back next year (damn you, GREs!! Damn you to hell!!). I'm what people call a career student.

Throughout my academic life it was always important for me to "know" things; I was obsessed with finding the answers to everything. I suppose it's what drew me to math and science, seeing as those two subjects are "solvable" and have very little grey areas. But I also remember looking things up just because. I had this set of encyclopedias (remember encyclopedias?) that I would read. For fun. In my leisure time. For real.

So you can imagine that things without answers were my pet peeves. You know what doesn't have answers? Religion. Oh yes, I took it there. You know what else evades concrete answers? The psyche. These two subjects are the proverbial thorns in my already achy side.

I couldn't wrap my head around the Catholic Church's "blind faith" agenda so I left. You mean you have no proof? I'm just supposed to take your word for it that this dude died for MY so-called sins? I'm sorry, Father Pico, you're gonna have to come up with something better than that...

And lord only knows that I will never be able to solve the mystery of how and why so many voices have taken up residence in my head, and what exactly keeps them from telling me to just take out a room full of motherf*ckers with an assault rifle. Never say never bitch... we're biding our time... wait for it, waaaaiiiit for it...

But, the thing about me is, I'll never stop looking for those answers. And this will either bring me peace or drive me mad.

So while on this answer-seeking journey, a few things have happened to me lately that have really pushed the envelope on how many loose ends my brain can handle at once. First- my health has hit a nasty bump and I can't seem to get back on track. Second- my relationships are slowly but surely falling apart, unravelling or just filling me with anxiety. And I mean all relationships- friends, family AND lovers. And third, JACK adds this god-forsaken, thought-provoking philosophical question to the end of his recent blog post that is the mind-numbing equivalent to the chicken and the egg puzzle. And now my head hurts.

Over a month ago, I watched an episode of The Salt n Pepa show on VH1.com, and the ladies went on a retreat with this life coach to try and squash their beef. I really liked the stuff the life coach was talking about, the techniques she used to help them uncover the answers to their problems, and so I looked her up.

The Google search brought me to the Omega Institute, one of these new-agey places that I always poke fun at but secretly want to be a part of. And they had a conference coming up in April in NYC. And they were offering scholarships to attend the conference. And three of the voices in my head thought it would be a good idea to apply. And I got it. So I'm going.

The conference is on "Being Fearless" and part of the application process was to reveal what fears were holding me back, and what did I think myself capable of if I could release this fear. And, I mean, I'm afraid of soooo much- would people like me if they knew the REAL me? what happens after I die? does he like me back or am I just another fuck-buddy? Will I make rent next month? what's the source of this pain in my side? what if my mom started reading my blog?- but it all pretty much adds up to:

I'm afraid of not knowing the answers to everything there is to know in the time I have left in this world.

So JACK, I don't really know if wisdom breeds pain or vice versa, but thanks for sticking that thought in my head for all eternity. And I don't know if Jesus is God or what it is that keeps me glued together day after day. And I really don't know if attending guided meditation sessions at a conference in Midtown will put me on the path towards making things better and/or releasing my fears. But like Diddy, I can't stop, won't stop, until I find some answers. Whatever it takes.

Even if I have to do yoga and eat tofu and wheatgrass for a whole freakin' weekend... because I NEED to know. Everything. Now.

*smooches...actually looking forward to a weekend full of freaks like me*
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and I'm sorry if this post is all over the place, but when you have so many thoughts fighting for attention, this is how they end up "on the page"

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Title courtesy of Joni Mitchell, "Both Sides Now"

How Could I Forget Mis Hermanas?

Big Up to Junot and all, but the ladies were also out in full effect for the 2007 National Book Critics Circle Awards.

Dominicana Julia Alvarez (In the Time of the Butterflies, A Cafecito Story) was a finalist in the Criticism category for her Once Upon a Quinceañera: Coming of Age in the USA. Some heifer named Alex Ross won instead (whatever...)

Haitian author Edwidge Danticat, whose book The Farming of Bones really changed my views on Dominican-Haitian relations, won the award for her autobiography, Brother, I'm Dying. I was able to catch a reading from that book early last month and let me tell you- it sounds wonderful. I'm never one to read non-fiction but I added it to my "must read" list.

Way to go, ladies! And in OUR month, too!!

*smooches...entering the weekend with a smile on my face*
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now I really, really have to get off my ass and finish my book...

Beaming...Pride...YAY!

Just caught wind of this off the DR Newswire:

Top US literary prize for Junot Diaz

Dominican-born author Junot Diaz has won the US National Book Critic Circle Award for Fiction for his most recent work "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao." Oscar Wao tells the tragic story of a young Dominican-American man's search for love.

The story switches back and forth between urban slang, Dominicanisms and references to Dominican historical events, while recounting Oscar Wao's life story. Diaz was on a visit to Caracas, Venezuela during the ceremony, so Sean McDonald of Riverhead Books accepted the award on his behalf.

Diaz, author of acclaimed short story collection Drown, has become one the DR's most popular and successful contemporary authors.

Congratulations, Junot!

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He beat out the likes of Joyce Carol Oates and Vikram Chandra to take the top prize.

I've read the book, bought it when it first came out, and let me tell you I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was a little unconventional at times, with footnotes that would take up to three pages sometimes, but the storytelling more than made up for it. Plus the footnotes contained a bit of Dominican and US history that I did not know so it was informative as well as entertaining!

Oscar's character is so pathetic, but not a gross pathetic. More like an endearing pathetic, the kind of guy you want to punch in the face and let cry on your shoulder at the same time. He was the embodiment of the phrase, "Hope Springs Eternal" always hoping things would go his way.

And folks, I actually shed a tear while reading this book- no lie. ME. The Jaded NYer. CRIED!

Felicidades, Hermano!

And watch out 'cause I'm right on your heels...

*smooches...loving it when we make the news for good reasons*

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okay, so, I guess I have to hurry up and finish my book, then, huh?

Also- check out his short story collection, Drown. It is a really great read. Junot is da bomb!

ELEVEN Planets? Really?

Dude- where have I been?


Apparently there are eleven, not nine, planets in our solar system= eight regular planets and three dwarf planets: Ceres, Eris and a demoted Pluto. When was somebody going to let me know?


Geez- you stop reading the science section of the Times for five years and all of a sudden your knowledge is outdated!

*smooches...thinking I should log onto NYTimes.com and get the full skinny on these dwarf planets*
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Willkommen, Ceres and Eris!

Nerd, Jr.

Conversation with N this morning:

N: I like Fridays for two reasons- today we have science, and then we have pizza for lunch.

Me: Ah...nothing beats pizza and science...

N: I know!

*smooches...a little more relaxed today*
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it's like that girl knows when I'm feeling shitty and knows the perfect thing to say to make me smile!