Journey To Di Road: Day 1 | A Healthy Jaded Series

My fellow blog-ericans...it's been a minute. With apps like Instagram and Snapchat, I just felt this communication platform outliving its usefulness. Until now.

But first, we dance.



So remember a couple years back how excited I was to play mas on the parkway, only to have my dreams snatched by the Sesame Flyers Mas Camp who never made my costume, even though I paid in full with 650 American dollars? No? Well, that was a thing. And it broke my heart. I worked out. I ate as well as I could. I was beyond excited at the thought of being IN a parade. And when it didn't happen, I cried bitter tears in my room before just going to the beach and trying to put it out of my mind. I haven't been to a socacize class since then, partly because my spirits were dampened and partly because I needed distance from that whole world.

This year, the West Indian Day Parade is turning 50. It's a huge thing. With two years separating me from my major humiliation, which I shall call COSTUME-GATE, I'm ready to try again (with a different camp, of course. Sesame Flyers is DEAD TO ME FOR LIFE, YO!). But one thing stands between me and the skimpiest of bedazzled, be-feathered bikinis: I currently weigh in at a whopping 225lbs.

Not even I'm ready for this jelly...

Yes, my dears, your girl has given in to anxiety and eaten herself unhealthy. A flight of stairs finds me desperately out of breath. Any attempt at previous levels of cardio exertion causes weird irregular heartbeats. Bending over to tie my shoes is incredibly difficult and painful. Even yoga has become a chore for me, as any flexibility and strength I ever had has disappeared under 55lbs of fat. FIFTY-FIVE-MOTHER-FUCKING-POUNDS. I should be taken out back and horsewhipped.

Because I know this is not me, this is not my comfortable, happy size, I've decided to use the Labor Day festivities as a catalyst to get me back in the gym and back under a better eating plan. I have to keep my focus on NOT becoming a diabetic and NOT having a weight-induced heart attack and NOT developing high blood pressure, all things prevalent in my family. I don't want my last days to be peppered with doctor appointments and a trough of medications. And if vanity is the way to get me motivated, then dammit, let's do this!

SO THIS IS DAY ONE.

• Breakfast: mangu, salami, queso frito, scrambled eggs
• Lunch: 2 tacos (one fish, one grilled chicken), chips, guac, seltzer
• Victories: took my supplements/vitamins; did not have candy from the work snack drawer (had an apple instead); actually wrote this blog
• WOMP Moments: didn't go to the gym; drank coffee to wake up; didn't drink enough water; don't have solid plans for dinner.

My meals have been...not the best and I didn't go to the gym this morning after a low-grade anxiety attack prevented me from leaving the house. My plans for after-work gym time is not looking likely, either, because I can feel that anxiety attack creeping up on me as I type this; I've opted, instead, to walk home, briskly, as my physical activity for the day. I will meal prep tonight for tomorrow. I will get to bed- not my sofa, but my actual bed- by midnight. That's all I can muster right now.

But check back daily as I document this experience, YET AGAIN, through September.

Also, welcome back.




*smooches...to old friends and new*
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Did you miss me? Don't answer that because comments are closed lol

Hello, Old Friend.

It's been a while, no? Let's share a dance before we commence.



So, where have I been? How do I even begin to answer, when I barely know! I'm in the middle of an evolutionary growth spurt--that's how I can explain it best. My blog silence occurred because I'm struggling to understand changes around and within me, and how to continue sharing my story with this non-interactive audience. And if it is even worth it to do so.

When I launched this blog, it was to communicate with my loved ones. More and more, however, I'm finding value in the phone calls and face-to-face time with those same people; writing here felt redundant and unnecessary. Also, a lot of what I'm currently dealing with is of a private and delicate nature, pretty much "nunya," and some of it pretty negative. That's not the kind of energy I want to put out into the universe. Still, Jaded called to me daily. So here I am:

Unwell, confused, stressed, angry, tired, sad, but also loved, sought after, cared for, and with a lot left to say. Hopefully you're still here to read it all.

Game on!

*smooches...unable to quit you
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the feeling is mutual, yes?

I OK, As Long As De Music Plays

I had a rough week.

A lot of plans blew up in my face and other things are threatening my patience and my sanity. Times like this I have no choice but to shrink away so I can find a solution or nurse my wounds.

When I heard about actor Lee Thompson Young ("The Famous Jett Jackson," "Rizzoli & Isles") committing suicide, I was sad, but mostly thankful for a coping mechanism for my own woes. "There but for the grace of god go I." There's always something or someone to bring me back.

And I always, always have music.



I can always bury myself in the arts and come out of it reborn. When you feel yourself falling down that rabbit hole, find that "thing" that anchors you. That anchor will save your life.

Trust me.

*smooches...hoping you're OK, too*
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I learned that "anchor" thing from watching "Teen Wolf" on Netflix. Get into it.

So, This Happened.

You must know by now that when I'm gone for a bit it means I have more pressing things going on than updated this outdated website. Yes, outdated. Everyone is on Instagram or Tumblr; blogs like this are getting left behind like printed periodicals.

But whatever, I was busy living life and doing things. Like curating an event for Lit Crawl NYC this fall. And planning my next reading at La Casa Azul Bookstore on the 21st. And just working on my various writing and personal and home projects. Plus we fit in some fun stuff. Like so:

I went to the Sesame Flyers mas band launch. Because I'm playing mas this fall along the Parkway. I'm thinking of maybe one of these two costumes:

This costume allows me to still eat junk food.

This one...not so much...

K graduated from my alma mater, Brooklyn Technical High School. MY BABY!

BTHS Alum, 20yrs apart!

Soon this will be a pic of THREE BTHS alum

Straight out of a scene from "Mad Men"

And then, just last weekend, I took N to her first fete--Kes the Band LIVE at B.B. Kings Times Square. AND WE MET KEES DIEFFENTHALLER (the lead singer).

We were the last group allowed to take a pic!

Oh, and DJ Robbie Styles and I are getting married. Allegedly. In my dreams.

Can you just picture our babies?!

What have you all been up to?

*smooches...still on cloud nine*
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let's see if I can go the whole month without disappearing...

You Got To Know Your Role In This Living Masquerade

Okay, so listen. No matter where you work or who is in charge, there will exist a situation where someone else fucks up and leaves you with a mountain of shit to scoop. It happens all the time. None of us will be left untouched by this phenomenon. It. Will. Happen. And when this goes down, you're going to want to whine about it, and complain, and place blame on the fuck-ups and tell the world how terrible they are and how burdened you've become with having to play fix-it to their faux pas. You will want to tell everyone within a flung-cat's distance about your woes in order to gain more allies in your "Woe Is Me" campaign. I know because I've done it.

But you know what I've learned since being at my current job (almost THREE WHOLE YEARS NOW, BITCHEZZZ!) and having to work with the KING of all complainers? Sometimes, in order to get the job done, you've just got to shut the fuck up and suck it the fuck up. Plain and simple.



Nobody likes cleaning other people's mess, but standing around complaining isn't going to make the mess go away. You have to face the situation from whatever the starting point is and MOVE FORWARD. Get the job done. Later, we can sit at the conference table and have a post-mortem about who fucked up and what is the best way to avoid that in the future. Or if it can't be avoided and the perpetual fuck-up can't be replaced, how to best anticipate their sloppiness. That's all you can do. OR, you could up and leave.

Me? I've learned to just assess the situation and problem-solve as best I can. I mean, what I look like getting my pressure all up for some shit that's not even important in the grand scheme of things? Every time I'm faced with that I just play mas in my head and push on, and every two weeks I'm handsomely rewarded with enough money to keep a roof over my head and food on my table.

Besides, it's usually the ones who do the most complaining about OTHER PEOPLE'S MISTAKES who fuck up the most. Just saying.

*smooches...wishing folks would just be happy for once*
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and I mean, look, if you're not good under pressure and can't think on your feet, then this ain't the job for you.

Tuesday On The Rocks

Just because I'm no longer a lush, it doesn't mean that, occasionally, I can't daydream about lounging in a hammock with a fruity alcoholic drink. Just swaying in the breeze, not a care in the world. An old boombox, antennae up, playing this and other sweet island tunes:



I came into work determined to get shit done, but when I sat at my desk I felt so unfocused. Again. I felt this way on Friday, over the weekend and yesterday. Sleep deprivation and a fucked-up back have a way of messing with your brain, you know. Then I played Kes' new tune and I instantly settled down. So far, three tasks have been crossed off my TO DO list.

Proves my theory: Soca Music Fixes Everything.

What helps you get through the day (besides a good night's sleep)?

*smooches...dreaming of a coconut rum punch*
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so I'll be getting one this weekend :)

Still Here

Listen- if you live every day to the fullest, being the best you possible, then rumors of an alleged apocalypse should not phase you. "We're here for a good time, not a long time."

This year I've really worked hard to teach myself not to stress over things I cannot change. If the earth decides to implode upon itself what do y'all expect me to do about that? I can't freak out! I have to press on and act as if I have all the time in the world to watch the rest of "Dance Academy" on Netflix.

And I don't want to hear about signs of the apocalypse in the form of national and international tragedies. I refuse to spend the rest of my days in mourning (except for Grandma because SHE'S GRANDMA, DAMMIT!). I want to LIVE LIVE LIVE and then LIVE some more.

So y'all can BOO HOO about sad news and the end of days all you want. I'm and still living, and too cute to worry about all that nonsense.

Now that that's all settled... WE DANCE!



*smooches...grateful for everyday*
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I try and celebrate every day I get with music, which I'm sure you already knew...

Memorize This Choreography

It will be on the final exam.



Also, I want to be this little girl when I grow up...

*smooches...enjoying the soundtrack of my life*
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but for real, learn this dance. we've already started over here

Carnival Is A-Comin'...

It's been a few years now since I was introduced to Trinidadian soca fetin' complete with jumping and waving and winin' my waist, and I must admit it's still my number one obsession. Don't ask me about the latest salsa or merengue hits, because I don't know. But the 2013 carnival season soca songs? I'M ON IT!

Here are some I'm enjoying to get you pumped up for all the parties next year (culminating on the Parkway in the fall, which I might do again):










(This is the same riddim as Machel's song I think; the producers behind the Precision Productions are like soca geniuses or something!)

See ya in these soca streets!

*smooches...deciding that soca music cures all ills*
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I think that's why I'm so drawn to it; it counteracts my depression

All Dem Questions

I saw this on The Frenemy's Tumblr site and it looked like fun questions. There were 26 in all but I chose the ones I felt like answering and bolded them in a large font for your reading pleasure. I keeps it real like that. Indulge me for a few minutes...


A. If you could legally punch somebody in the throat ONCE, would you do it because you were watching a TV show and this person did that light but constant coughy thing the entire time? Walking slow in front of you? Or for some other reason? THE COUGHY THING! I hate that shit! When the girls are sick with a cold and are coughing all up and through my house, OH MY GOD I get so annoyed.

B. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your closet and if your blood got you drunk would you sometimes drink it?

C. Would you rather go to a party where you know nobody and make small talk for two hours or watch that piece of shit movie Savages with Blake Lively two times in a row?

D. This guy wants to pay you ten thousand dollars to show a three minute clip of you having sex at his next dinner party. Ten people will be there. One of those people will be somebody you know, but you don’t know WHO. You do that, or what? What kind of sex would you be having? It would be a tape of me making love to my sofa, also known as falling asleep on the sofa after too many wings while watching a bad "African American" film on Netflix. Like Money Matters or Rain.

E. You can bring five foods/drinks to a desert island. What are they? Or, if you’d like another food question, describe the cupcake that a bakery has named after you.

F. Rihanna will read a tweet you direct at her. What does it say? GIRL, BYE!

G. Tell me your best possible Sunday, if you could have it go as you choose.

H. If you had a robot that could do only one thing, would you make it imitate Robert DeNiro and call him Robot DeNiro or what? You got a fucking better idea? What is it?

I. Would you say you hatefollow more people on Tumblr or Facebook? Give a brief summary of the person you hatefollow the most on Facebook.

J. If you were remaking a liveaction Disney movie, who would you cast in it and you can’t cast Darren Criss. Ooh, Snow White with Rory Gil... errr, I mean Alexis Bledel in the lead. Or Aladdin with that girl who played Taina on Nickelodeon as Princess Jasmine.

K. Tell me three texts you would send if the people receiving them wouldn’t remember them the next day. Not the person they are for, just the texts themselves here.

L. Create an American Girl Doll. Mine would definitely be an Anne Boleyn one and her head pops off.

M. What do you think would be the most perfect gift somebody could give you? Sometimes I think of these great gifts for myself and wish people would give them to me. A house--in Brooklyn--equipped with a maid, chef and a personal trainer.

N. What would be the song you want to hear before you die? Wotless.

O. What would be your Jeopardy tidbit you told Alex Trebek when he does that little “tell me about yourself” thing after the commercial break?

P. Congratulations, you’re a Real Housewife. What would your intro quote be in the credits? (I.E. I may be short but I’m not short on cash or prescription pill addictions) This is so funny because I was JUST discussing this on The Twitter recently. I think I might have settled on "I'm from Brooklyn; I ain't got time for the bullshit."

Q. What is the thing you always hope these Questionnaires will ask you because you want to answer it? Go ahead and just answer anything because I know you want me to ask you a specific question, probably about a crush.

R. What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to somebody? I DO.

S. The song you dance to the most in your bedroom is... Slow Wine.

T. Who do you think, at this point in your life, is most likely to murder you? K.

U. You have a choice: watch ONLY romantic comedies for a whole year or no movies for a whole year. What do you choose?

V. Cancel one television show RIGHT NOW BIG RICH MOTHERFUCKING TEXAS!! I don't like the hold it has over me...

W. What, if any, is the Cosmopolitan sex tip you actually use?

X. You’re a Food Network executive. What would be the show you pitch to the network? Mine is called Trough of Love, a show where reality stars eat nacho cheese with their hands tied behind their backs, hosted by Guy Fieri and Nick Lachey. I've actually thought of this before: a cooking show for broke-ass college kids. My tuna casserole is KILLER. Right, Celia?

Y. Cast and name a television show about yourself, on NBC. The Jaded Chronicles starring Maya Rudolph as me, Zoe Kravitz as K and Amandla Stenberg as N. Mari would have to be played by Rosario Dawson regardless of the age difference because JESUS LORD THE RESEMBLANCE.

Tell me I'm lying...

And Mami would just play herself; trust me. The rest of y'all, feel free to cast yourselves (except you, Cathi; Ali Larter already won the role.).

Z. What revenge would you take on the last person who broke your heart? I don't need to; he's probably fat and bald by now anyway.



Feel free to answer any or all of these in the comments. I've got all day.

*smooches...lightening the mood around here*
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also, why y'all so quiet? it was only a 2-week break!

Mid-Week Soca Jam

Yesterday's post was so heavy; sorry about that.

Let's dance it out, bitches!











Hope that was enough to erase yesterday's uterus diagram!

*smooches...holding on to the Big Truck*
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what y'all have going on today?

"...I Came Here To Get On Bad..."

Because I cannot afford to travel to Trinidad and Tobago just yet, the Carnival season doesn't start for this newbie until after the Soca Monarch winners have been announced. So roughly right around Ash Wednesday is when I'm in full swing obsession over the latest tunes. This will be my second full year as a soca music enthusiast and let me tell you- my love for this genre of Caribbean music is not waning. Not even a little bit. I honestly can't recall listening to much of anything else since February 22.

So while I'm busy planning and plotting to hit up as many stateside West Indian carnivals this year, I thought I'd leave you with two different DJ mixes to download (click HERE and HERE) of some of the best 2012 tunes, as well as some of the accompanying videos below.















A lot of my other faves don't have actual videos or performances so I'm only putting up seven videos even though it's making my left eye twitch to not have ten. But be sure to look up Destra Garcia, Benjai and Swappi for some more hotness. Or just keep it planted at IslandMix.com.

You can thank me later. In cash. Or plane fare to TnT Carnival 2013.

*smooches...waving my rag and mashing up di place*
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how can you not love this music? it's great for an instant pick me up!

Before She Goes Off To College

In just a couple of short years, my eldest child, K, will be a college freshman. ZOINKS! And even though most of the schools she is considering are on the Right East Coast, I'm starting to prepare all of us for her departure.

Her 1st birthday; Hornell, NY

I need N to be more independent of her older sister and take charge around the house more. I need K to be fully prepared to cook her own meals, wash her own clothes and avoid dangerous situations college freshmen get into as much as possible. And I need to be at peace with the fact that she'll soon be an adult who will make mistakes I cannot prevent. And also that she's not my chunky little K-Bear anymore ::weeps into keyboard::

To that end, I've been looking for ways to spend one-on-one time with each kid, starting with K. They both have different core interests so it's easy to split this us: K likes artsy, showy things; N prefers sporty and crafty things.

Wicked fanatic

Last month I took K to see the Broadway musical "Wicked" as her belated Christmas gift. Not only did we take in a show, we took advantage of Restaurant Week in Manhattan and had a pre-theater grubfest at Le Cirque. And if you're sitting there thinking the word grubfest shouldn't be in the same sentence with Le Cirque, you're right. That place is faaa-aaan-CEE! So we dressed up. As in real shoes and makeup and combed hair. It was the most amazing production I've seen since "West Side Story" and "Chicago" and "The Lion King". I mean, y'all just have to go see it. We're going again in October so maybe you should come with us?

Two WOTLESS gyals

And just this Friday, I took K to her first concert (according to her, but really her first concert was Michelle Branch, Gavin Degraw and this other guy I can't recall Joe Firstman; she just refuses to acknowledge it because it was at Manhattan College and not at a real concert venue). We reveled in the soca greatness that is Kes the Band, David Rudder, Swappi and Benjai. OH WHAT FUN WE HAD!! So much so that we'll be seeing Kes again in September.



For N, I've already plotted out which baseball and basketball games I will be taking her to, as well as trips to go rockwall climbing and to the bookmaking workshops at Michael's (it's an art store here in NYC. Do y'all have those?).

Before I know it this time will slip away from me and BOTH my babies will be gone. My plan here is to make the most of it, plant some seeds of hidden wisdom and then sit back and watch my babies bloom into womanhood with great heads on their shoulders. So far, so good. I'm going broke with all these fancy dinners and shows and trips out of the country but in the end I know it will be worth it.

I mean, you can't take it with you, right? The memories, however, will last a lifetime.

*smooches...just realizing my babies aren't babies*
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now please excuse me while I go somewhere to look at their old pictures and sob inconsolably.

Thank You

To Theresa, Jason, Fikriyyah, Andrew and Elizabeth for getting up on the mic and sharing their stories and poems with us.

To all the friends and family who came out to support us in the bitter cold. Especially the ones who almost went deaf partying with me afterward.

To everyone at Bluestockings, especially Lee, for allowing us to perform in such an amazing venue.

To that narcoleptic lawyer who challenged me to write this story years ago.

To my last minute editors for helping me get this ready in time.

All of you made Sunday a success and I'm ever so grateful. Here's to the spring reading- may it be as, if not more, successful.

*smooches...for all of my lovely supporters*
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without my fans, I'm nothing *Miss America wave*

Jaded Photographs: November 2011 Edition

"Remnants Of Revelers"

*smooches...still in a Carnival mood*
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even though I was shot at, I had a blast!