Let me tell you what happens when you press the statistics tab on blogger: you find out the weird and fabulous ways people end up on your site. Someone actually looked up "kind naked feet pic" and was directed to my site. WHY? I hate feet- everyone knows that. I don't like looking at them, I don't like mine, I don't even like to measure things in "feet"!
Another bunch of crazies typed "bitch please, I'm Dominican" and was directed here and, umm, I don't recall ever writing something like that. SkyNet has clearly developed some sort of technology that reads minds via keystrokes. CLEARLY.
If you ask me this is more proof that Google has waged war with me because I know it's already become self-aware, and that the Robot Apocalypse is near.
I'm on to you, GOOGLE. You won't win. YOU WON'T WIN!
*smooches...thinking that my meds have stopped working*
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oh wait, I'm not taking any meds...
Showing posts with label Blog-Like Things. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blog-Like Things. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Thursday, June 06, 2013
Reading These Fuck Ni**as
Readers, let me introduce you to a fabulously amazing podcast, "The Read," hosted by @KidFury and @Crissle. These two are hysterically funny as they break down entertainment news and help folks find the light of Jesus Christ. For example, episode "Say No To F*ck Boys":
It's pure perfection. I enjoy them so damn much. But the very best part of this episode is @Crissle going OFF on dudes who try to tell women what they're lacking and why they aren't "wifey" material. I almost got up and clapped, but I was listening to this at work and it really just wasn't appropriate for me to cause a ruckus at my desk.
And in case you need the transcript of the rant? Oh, @Crissle was gracious enough to put it up on her Tumblr. Wants some excerpts? Here:
I cannot stand fuckboys. I really get so annoyed by these men who act like their job is to coach women into being what they want them to be.
The other day, Joe Budden got his lightskinned ass on Twitter and said something like “hey ladies, how old would your abortion be?” Like, if you didn’t have an abortion how old would that baby be? How about Esther couldn’t even get through her second trimester because you beat the baby out of her? And that’s exactly what I said. I said “I’m pretty sure my abortion would be older than Esther’s baby.”
Don’t tell women what makes them not good enough to be wives. First of all, who the fuck wants to marry YOU? You have literally nothing! What do you bring to the table other than somebody else’s kids? Get the whole fuck outta here, bitch, number one.
I mean, was I lying??? IT'S BEAUTIFUL FUCKING POETRY! I think I love this woman. I really think I love her.
*smooches...enjoying facts and examples on the internet*
-----------
no, for real, it's amazing, right???
It's pure perfection. I enjoy them so damn much. But the very best part of this episode is @Crissle going OFF on dudes who try to tell women what they're lacking and why they aren't "wifey" material. I almost got up and clapped, but I was listening to this at work and it really just wasn't appropriate for me to cause a ruckus at my desk.
And in case you need the transcript of the rant? Oh, @Crissle was gracious enough to put it up on her Tumblr. Wants some excerpts? Here:
I cannot stand fuckboys. I really get so annoyed by these men who act like their job is to coach women into being what they want them to be.
The other day, Joe Budden got his lightskinned ass on Twitter and said something like “hey ladies, how old would your abortion be?” Like, if you didn’t have an abortion how old would that baby be? How about Esther couldn’t even get through her second trimester because you beat the baby out of her? And that’s exactly what I said. I said “I’m pretty sure my abortion would be older than Esther’s baby.”
Don’t tell women what makes them not good enough to be wives. First of all, who the fuck wants to marry YOU? You have literally nothing! What do you bring to the table other than somebody else’s kids? Get the whole fuck outta here, bitch, number one.
I mean, was I lying??? IT'S BEAUTIFUL FUCKING POETRY! I think I love this woman. I really think I love her.
*smooches...enjoying facts and examples on the internet*
-----------
no, for real, it's amazing, right???
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Seven Things*
*Borrowed from the site Brittany. Herself. which is a totally hilarious blog that I love to read and make believe the author is my BFF and that we pass the days plotting ways to drive her husband mad via email. She wrote about the seven things in her First World life she couldn't live without and asked folks to share. I don't normally participate in these things anymore but, you know, any opportunity to talk about myself and remind you that it's all about ME ME ME is right up this blog's alley.
You can read her original post by clicking here.
Here's what's on my MUST HAVE DAILY list:
1- My computer and everything attached to it that brings joy to my heart: Netflix, Twitter, Spotify, and the Bearded and Black Tumblr site.
2- The heavenly nectar you peons call ginger tea. A day without it and I may kill a few puppies.
3- A bra. I'm not one of those gals who can let them run free. Sometimes, I sleep in a bra. I love the false sense of security a bra gives me, making me believe I've staved off gravity for another day.
4- Soca music. Because a day without soca is NOT a day worth living.
5- At least three pens and a notebook. This is something I discussed with my fellow writers this weekend- I cannot leave the house unprepared. What if I get trapped in an elevator and I don't have anything to write with. I WOULD SURELY DIE.
6- As bad as it is for my skin-hot showers. I cannot fall asleep and have magically sweet dreams without some scalding water to slowly transition me into night-night mode.
7- Under-eye concealer, because let's face it- that sleep I was just describing? I never get enough of it and it shows on my face. Thanks to the good people at MAC Cosmetics, I get to make-believe I'm a fresh-faced co-ed.
What's on your list?
*smooches...sharing but not caring*
---------
also, please note that cleverly disguised within this list of seven are TEN things I cannot live without. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You can read her original post by clicking here.
Here's what's on my MUST HAVE DAILY list:
1- My computer and everything attached to it that brings joy to my heart: Netflix, Twitter, Spotify, and the Bearded and Black Tumblr site.
2- The heavenly nectar you peons call ginger tea. A day without it and I may kill a few puppies.
3- A bra. I'm not one of those gals who can let them run free. Sometimes, I sleep in a bra. I love the false sense of security a bra gives me, making me believe I've staved off gravity for another day.
4- Soca music. Because a day without soca is NOT a day worth living.
5- At least three pens and a notebook. This is something I discussed with my fellow writers this weekend- I cannot leave the house unprepared. What if I get trapped in an elevator and I don't have anything to write with. I WOULD SURELY DIE.
6- As bad as it is for my skin-hot showers. I cannot fall asleep and have magically sweet dreams without some scalding water to slowly transition me into night-night mode.
7- Under-eye concealer, because let's face it- that sleep I was just describing? I never get enough of it and it shows on my face. Thanks to the good people at MAC Cosmetics, I get to make-believe I'm a fresh-faced co-ed.
What's on your list?
*smooches...sharing but not caring*
---------
also, please note that cleverly disguised within this list of seven are TEN things I cannot live without. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
All Dem Questions
I saw this on The Frenemy's Tumblr site and it looked like fun questions. There were 26 in all but I chose the ones I felt like answering and bolded them in a large font for your reading pleasure. I keeps it real like that. Indulge me for a few minutes...
A. If you could legally punch somebody in the throat ONCE, would you do it because you were watching a TV show and this person did that light but constant coughy thing the entire time? Walking slow in front of you? Or for some other reason? THE COUGHY THING! I hate that shit! When the girls are sick with a cold and are coughing all up and through my house, OH MY GOD I get so annoyed.
B. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your closet and if your blood got you drunk would you sometimes drink it?
C. Would you rather go to a party where you know nobody and make small talk for two hours or watch that piece of shit movie Savages with Blake Lively two times in a row?
D. This guy wants to pay you ten thousand dollars to show a three minute clip of you having sex at his next dinner party. Ten people will be there. One of those people will be somebody you know, but you don’t know WHO. You do that, or what? What kind of sex would you be having? It would be a tape of me making love to my sofa, also known as falling asleep on the sofa after too many wings while watching a bad "African American" film on Netflix. Like Money Matters or Rain.
E. You can bring five foods/drinks to a desert island. What are they? Or, if you’d like another food question, describe the cupcake that a bakery has named after you.
F. Rihanna will read a tweet you direct at her. What does it say? GIRL, BYE!
G. Tell me your best possible Sunday, if you could have it go as you choose.
H. If you had a robot that could do only one thing, would you make it imitate Robert DeNiro and call him Robot DeNiro or what? You got a fucking better idea? What is it?
I. Would you say you hatefollow more people on Tumblr or Facebook? Give a brief summary of the person you hatefollow the most on Facebook.
J. If you were remaking a liveaction Disney movie, who would you cast in it and you can’t cast Darren Criss. Ooh, Snow White with Rory Gil... errr, I mean Alexis Bledel in the lead. Or Aladdin with that girl who played Taina on Nickelodeon as Princess Jasmine.
K. Tell me three texts you would send if the people receiving them wouldn’t remember them the next day. Not the person they are for, just the texts themselves here.
L. Create an American Girl Doll. Mine would definitely be an Anne Boleyn one and her head pops off.
M. What do you think would be the most perfect gift somebody could give you? Sometimes I think of these great gifts for myself and wish people would give them to me. A house--in Brooklyn--equipped with a maid, chef and a personal trainer.
N. What would be the song you want to hear before you die? Wotless.
O. What would be your Jeopardy tidbit you told Alex Trebek when he does that little “tell me about yourself” thing after the commercial break?
P. Congratulations, you’re a Real Housewife. What would your intro quote be in the credits? (I.E. I may be short but I’m not short on cash or prescription pill addictions) This is so funny because I was JUST discussing this on The Twitter recently. I think I might have settled on "I'm from Brooklyn; I ain't got time for the bullshit."
Q. What is the thing you always hope these Questionnaires will ask you because you want to answer it? Go ahead and just answer anything because I know you want me to ask you a specific question, probably about a crush.
R. What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to somebody? I DO.
S. The song you dance to the most in your bedroom is... Slow Wine.
T. Who do you think, at this point in your life, is most likely to murder you? K.
U. You have a choice: watch ONLY romantic comedies for a whole year or no movies for a whole year. What do you choose?
V. Cancel one television show RIGHT NOW BIG RICH MOTHERFUCKING TEXAS!! I don't like the hold it has over me...
W. What, if any, is the Cosmopolitan sex tip you actually use?
X. You’re a Food Network executive. What would be the show you pitch to the network? Mine is called Trough of Love, a show where reality stars eat nacho cheese with their hands tied behind their backs, hosted by Guy Fieri and Nick Lachey. I've actually thought of this before: a cooking show for broke-ass college kids. My tuna casserole is KILLER. Right, Celia?
Y. Cast and name a television show about yourself, on NBC. The Jaded Chronicles starring Maya Rudolph as me, Zoe Kravitz as K and Amandla Stenberg as N. Mari would have to be played by Rosario Dawson regardless of the age difference because JESUS LORD THE RESEMBLANCE.
And Mami would just play herself; trust me. The rest of y'all, feel free to cast yourselves (except you, Cathi; Ali Larter already won the role.).
Z. What revenge would you take on the last person who broke your heart? I don't need to; he's probably fat and bald by now anyway.
Feel free to answer any or all of these in the comments. I've got all day.
*smooches...lightening the mood around here*
---------
also, why y'all so quiet? it was only a 2-week break!
A. If you could legally punch somebody in the throat ONCE, would you do it because you were watching a TV show and this person did that light but constant coughy thing the entire time? Walking slow in front of you? Or for some other reason? THE COUGHY THING! I hate that shit! When the girls are sick with a cold and are coughing all up and through my house, OH MY GOD I get so annoyed.
B. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your closet and if your blood got you drunk would you sometimes drink it?
C. Would you rather go to a party where you know nobody and make small talk for two hours or watch that piece of shit movie Savages with Blake Lively two times in a row?
D. This guy wants to pay you ten thousand dollars to show a three minute clip of you having sex at his next dinner party. Ten people will be there. One of those people will be somebody you know, but you don’t know WHO. You do that, or what? What kind of sex would you be having? It would be a tape of me making love to my sofa, also known as falling asleep on the sofa after too many wings while watching a bad "African American" film on Netflix. Like Money Matters or Rain.
E. You can bring five foods/drinks to a desert island. What are they? Or, if you’d like another food question, describe the cupcake that a bakery has named after you.
F. Rihanna will read a tweet you direct at her. What does it say? GIRL, BYE!
G. Tell me your best possible Sunday, if you could have it go as you choose.
H. If you had a robot that could do only one thing, would you make it imitate Robert DeNiro and call him Robot DeNiro or what? You got a fucking better idea? What is it?
I. Would you say you hatefollow more people on Tumblr or Facebook? Give a brief summary of the person you hatefollow the most on Facebook.
J. If you were remaking a liveaction Disney movie, who would you cast in it and you can’t cast Darren Criss. Ooh, Snow White with Rory Gil... errr, I mean Alexis Bledel in the lead. Or Aladdin with that girl who played Taina on Nickelodeon as Princess Jasmine.
K. Tell me three texts you would send if the people receiving them wouldn’t remember them the next day. Not the person they are for, just the texts themselves here.
L. Create an American Girl Doll. Mine would definitely be an Anne Boleyn one and her head pops off.
M. What do you think would be the most perfect gift somebody could give you? Sometimes I think of these great gifts for myself and wish people would give them to me. A house--in Brooklyn--equipped with a maid, chef and a personal trainer.
N. What would be the song you want to hear before you die? Wotless.
O. What would be your Jeopardy tidbit you told Alex Trebek when he does that little “tell me about yourself” thing after the commercial break?
P. Congratulations, you’re a Real Housewife. What would your intro quote be in the credits? (I.E. I may be short but I’m not short on cash or prescription pill addictions) This is so funny because I was JUST discussing this on The Twitter recently. I think I might have settled on "I'm from Brooklyn; I ain't got time for the bullshit."
Q. What is the thing you always hope these Questionnaires will ask you because you want to answer it? Go ahead and just answer anything because I know you want me to ask you a specific question, probably about a crush.
R. What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to somebody? I DO.
S. The song you dance to the most in your bedroom is... Slow Wine.
T. Who do you think, at this point in your life, is most likely to murder you? K.
U. You have a choice: watch ONLY romantic comedies for a whole year or no movies for a whole year. What do you choose?
V. Cancel one television show RIGHT NOW BIG RICH MOTHERFUCKING TEXAS!! I don't like the hold it has over me...
W. What, if any, is the Cosmopolitan sex tip you actually use?
X. You’re a Food Network executive. What would be the show you pitch to the network? Mine is called Trough of Love, a show where reality stars eat nacho cheese with their hands tied behind their backs, hosted by Guy Fieri and Nick Lachey. I've actually thought of this before: a cooking show for broke-ass college kids. My tuna casserole is KILLER. Right, Celia?
Y. Cast and name a television show about yourself, on NBC. The Jaded Chronicles starring Maya Rudolph as me, Zoe Kravitz as K and Amandla Stenberg as N. Mari would have to be played by Rosario Dawson regardless of the age difference because JESUS LORD THE RESEMBLANCE.
 |
| Tell me I'm lying... |
Z. What revenge would you take on the last person who broke your heart? I don't need to; he's probably fat and bald by now anyway.
Feel free to answer any or all of these in the comments. I've got all day.
*smooches...lightening the mood around here*
---------
also, why y'all so quiet? it was only a 2-week break!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Raquelita Ivelisse (Cascarita Bermudez) Penzo, Writer, Online
So okay, it's no secret to y'all who I am, especially because all 20 of my readers know me in real life. BUT it occurred to me that I am also in need of an author site. You do remember that I wrote a book right? RIGHT.
So here it is, my new website.
Add it to your RSS feed and share it with all your friends (especially if they're agents or publishers or big wigs at Conde Nast. Or Martha Stewart because I still totally want to meet her!).
But don't stop coming here; this is still the home of Jaded and all her rants, raves and ratchet likes and dislikes. Like, OMG did you see the Kardashians this past weekend? KOURTNEY HAD HER BABY!!! Also, I found this video:
See? Shenanigans still reign supreme over here. Now your Wednesday is complete!
Shout out to the homie Michelle for designing my kick-ass site. Go ahead and tell me how awesome it is in the comments. NOW!
*smooches...with new chapters and all that*
---------
and don't forget: The New School, tonight. COME OUT!
So here it is, my new website.
Add it to your RSS feed and share it with all your friends (especially if they're agents or publishers or big wigs at Conde Nast. Or Martha Stewart because I still totally want to meet her!).
But don't stop coming here; this is still the home of Jaded and all her rants, raves and ratchet likes and dislikes. Like, OMG did you see the Kardashians this past weekend? KOURTNEY HAD HER BABY!!! Also, I found this video:
See? Shenanigans still reign supreme over here. Now your Wednesday is complete!
Shout out to the homie Michelle for designing my kick-ass site. Go ahead and tell me how awesome it is in the comments. NOW!
*smooches...with new chapters and all that*
---------
and don't forget: The New School, tonight. COME OUT!
Monday, March 26, 2012
For The Love Of Wellness
In February, I hosted a wellness workshop with The F$%K-It List, something she and I had chatted about last year and we somehow, in between our very busy family and professional lives, made happen. We invited two trainers to demonstrate fun workouts to our attendees, and a holistic health counselor to offer tips on lifestyle changes that will help improve your overall health. It was a success.
Soon after we realized if we wanted to plan more events, we'd need to really get organized. So we officially started Baobab Wellness, a comprehensive site to help our readers find the perfect mind-body-soul balance in their lives.
We're super proud of this endeavor and I hope you all visit our site (often). More importantly, we hope you use the site to take whatever isn't working in your life and make it better.
Who'd a-thunk that your favorite, Jaded couch potato would help start a wellness site? Child. End of days, for sure. Repent now!
*smooches...excited about this new venture*
----------
special shout out to the homie Michelle for not strangling us through the whole site-building process. we owe her many cases of alcohol!
Soon after we realized if we wanted to plan more events, we'd need to really get organized. So we officially started Baobab Wellness, a comprehensive site to help our readers find the perfect mind-body-soul balance in their lives.
We're super proud of this endeavor and I hope you all visit our site (often). More importantly, we hope you use the site to take whatever isn't working in your life and make it better.
 |
| (c) 2012 Marcin Kaliski |
*smooches...excited about this new venture*
----------
special shout out to the homie Michelle for not strangling us through the whole site-building process. we owe her many cases of alcohol!
Friday, March 16, 2012
This Brand Means______
Recently I sat in on a little presentation by AIGA/NY on in-house branding and marketing teams (of which I'm a part of at work). Not something you'd think I'd be into, huh? Well, when offered the opportunity to attend, two thoughts crossed my mind:
1- I really like my job, and anything I can do or learn to be a real contribution and asset to the organization is more than welcome on my TO DO list.
and
2- This blog, and everything I do under the Jaded Empire umbrella, is my brand, so it would serve me well to run it as best I can.
While the panelists- Jeffrey Keyton of MTV, Sandra Monteparo of Victoria's Secret Beauty, and Steve Rura from Google Creative Labs- discussed how their in-house teams work their magic, I sat there and applied what I could to me, my job and my blog. Things that came up included staying fresh in the consumers' eyes, avoiding burnout and what it takes to run a successful team. It was especially timely as I prepared to embark on yet another professional endeavor (that I'll share with you all soon).
All the while I also had in mind a few tweets I'd received lately, tweets that associated my Jaded brand with machetes, speaking Spanish and being angry all the time. Is that what my name makes people think of? For realzz?? I'm not sure that's all I want to be known for. I mean, sure, I'd like you to know that I would not hesitate to take your life if you come at me, but I don't want it to be the only thing you know me for. Maybe it's time to reevaluate the message I'm putting out into the web-o-sphere.
So you guys tell me- when you think of The Jaded NYer, besides envying my total existence and/or lusting after me something awful, what images and concepts are conjured up in your mind's eye? Leave it in the comments!
*smooches...actually seeking feedback*
-----------
'cause y'all know usually I give nan a rat's ass what y'all have to say...lol!
1- I really like my job, and anything I can do or learn to be a real contribution and asset to the organization is more than welcome on my TO DO list.
and
2- This blog, and everything I do under the Jaded Empire umbrella, is my brand, so it would serve me well to run it as best I can.
While the panelists- Jeffrey Keyton of MTV, Sandra Monteparo of Victoria's Secret Beauty, and Steve Rura from Google Creative Labs- discussed how their in-house teams work their magic, I sat there and applied what I could to me, my job and my blog. Things that came up included staying fresh in the consumers' eyes, avoiding burnout and what it takes to run a successful team. It was especially timely as I prepared to embark on yet another professional endeavor (that I'll share with you all soon).
All the while I also had in mind a few tweets I'd received lately, tweets that associated my Jaded brand with machetes, speaking Spanish and being angry all the time. Is that what my name makes people think of? For realzz?? I'm not sure that's all I want to be known for. I mean, sure, I'd like you to know that I would not hesitate to take your life if you come at me, but I don't want it to be the only thing you know me for. Maybe it's time to reevaluate the message I'm putting out into the web-o-sphere.
So you guys tell me- when you think of The Jaded NYer, besides envying my total existence and/or lusting after me something awful, what images and concepts are conjured up in your mind's eye? Leave it in the comments!
*smooches...actually seeking feedback*
-----------
'cause y'all know usually I give nan a rat's ass what y'all have to say...lol!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Keyboard Courage: A Cure Is Here!
I love blogging! I truly enjoy sharing my life and opinions and photos with the internets and getting to connect with my friends, family and complete strangers around the world. It tickles me to no end. There is, however, a downside to opening yourself up to so much scrutiny. While the blogging community has been awesome to me and my site, so many others have fallen victim to the trolls who are overcome with a serious case of Keyboard Courage.
While afflicted with this terrible disease, comment trolls cannot help but pour out the misery of their own lives onto the blogs of perfectly lovely people. Like my girl Bangsy, who was told to "kill herself" by an overzealous Madonna fan or the homie Smarty who was scolded for "judging" Bishop Eddie LongJohn Silver. Most recently I saw it on a very innocent and quaint site I've been frequenting lately, the Adulting Blog, when the author suggested that adults shouldn't decorate their apartments like dorm rooms by hanging up erotic pictures. People really got all their panties in millions of bunches at this, and I can only imagine what manner of auto body shop, naked girl calendar photos and Shemar Moore posters are hanging all over the basements these folks are "renting" from their mommas.
The good news is there's a cure. YES! Tell all the trolls you know that they don't have to spread their evil, immaturity and stupidity anymore because Keyboard Courage is no longer something they must suffer from. All they need is:
Because really, do people have NOTHING else going on in their lives that they have to go on someone's blog and, instead of politely disagreeing with whatever was posted they tell the author to DIE? REALLY? I have to die because I think Nickelback is a sucky band or have not been seduced by Steve Jobs and his iTools of the devil? Surely there's a straitjacket with your name on it somewhere if you can't conduct yourself with some decorum in society- on- and offline!
I've been lucky; I've not a had a troll on these pages in ::thinks:: hmm, never, and I hope I don't ever encounter one, but at least I know if I do, I can offer them some help.
*smooches...hoping to save lives with this post*
------------
no one has to die over a Madonna disagreement. Never again!
While afflicted with this terrible disease, comment trolls cannot help but pour out the misery of their own lives onto the blogs of perfectly lovely people. Like my girl Bangsy, who was told to "kill herself" by an overzealous Madonna fan or the homie Smarty who was scolded for "judging" Bishop Eddie Long
The good news is there's a cure. YES! Tell all the trolls you know that they don't have to spread their evil, immaturity and stupidity anymore because Keyboard Courage is no longer something they must suffer from. All they need is:
Because really, do people have NOTHING else going on in their lives that they have to go on someone's blog and, instead of politely disagreeing with whatever was posted they tell the author to DIE? REALLY? I have to die because I think Nickelback is a sucky band or have not been seduced by Steve Jobs and his iTools of the devil? Surely there's a straitjacket with your name on it somewhere if you can't conduct yourself with some decorum in society- on- and offline!
I've been lucky; I've not a had a troll on these pages in ::thinks:: hmm, never, and I hope I don't ever encounter one, but at least I know if I do, I can offer them some help.
*smooches...hoping to save lives with this post*
------------
no one has to die over a Madonna disagreement. Never again!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Attention Potential Beaus...
Taken from an interview conducted by Tim Donnelly on Brokelyn of Edith Zimmerman (The Hairpin), and filled in with MY answers (which are very different from Ms. Zimmerman's):
1. Personal hygiene
2. Facial hair
3. Home library selection
4. Comfort with slaughtering own dinner meat
5. Relationship with mother
6. Handyman skills
7. Whiskey knowledge
8. Income
9. Knowledge of the bond derivatives market
10. Number of apple devices owned
11. Number of Tumblr followers
Now that you know what matters to me, proceed with the sending of love poems, Buffalo-wing-o-grams and deeds to Park Slope Brownstones.
*smooches...wondering who will respond*
------------
especially since it's been a ghost town in the comments lately. I think I scared all the fellas away LOL
Rate the following in order of importance: handyman skills, income, comfort with slaughtering own dinner meat, number of apple devices owned, number of Tumblr followers, personal hygiene, relationship with mother, home library selection, knowledge of the bond derivatives market, whiskey knowledge, facial hair:
1. Personal hygiene
2. Facial hair
3. Home library selection
4. Comfort with slaughtering own dinner meat
5. Relationship with mother
6. Handyman skills
7. Whiskey knowledge
8. Income
9. Knowledge of the bond derivatives market
10. Number of apple devices owned
11. Number of Tumblr followers
Now that you know what matters to me, proceed with the sending of love poems, Buffalo-wing-o-grams and deeds to Park Slope Brownstones.
*smooches...wondering who will respond*
------------
especially since it's been a ghost town in the comments lately. I think I scared all the fellas away LOL
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Five Years Of Jadedness
First off, let me once again apologize for having to cancel the Blogiversary Party tonight, but I got too busy and the event I had in mind was slowly but surely falling apart. And I’m the type of person that wants things done right or not at all.
I thank all of you who RSVP’d and had planned on showing up to help me poison my liver with a shot of Jameson. We’ll party another time for another occasion and it will be great and alcohol-laced, I’m sure. *besos*
That said, today, September 15, 2011 marks not only the start of Latino Heritage Month but it’s also the Fifth Year Anniversary of my very first blog post on this site. Click here and read it now. We’ll wait.
...
...
...
Pretty standard Jadedness, right? Well since then you’ve all experienced my highs, lows and in-betweens; my tomfoolery, shenanigans and straight up ghetto coonery; and my pity parties, rants and moments of psychosis. As a cyber-family we’ve survived Reinagate, Twitter and its effect on blogging, and a Black man in the White House (although the latter still remains to be seen!).
It’s all been a pretty crazy time, no? I hope The Jaded NYer has been worth all the hours you’ve spent ruining your eyesight and tarnishing your soul, and if it wasn’t OH WELL. NO ONE TOLD YOU TO KEEP COMING BACK.
I want to thank you for your continued support, readership, friendship, advice, cheers, jeers and co-signage. Here's some soca music to help you get your wine 'n jook on:
May the next five years be just as Jaded. And then some.
*smooches...urging you to put that bumpah in repeat in my honor*
----------
just because I canceled my party doesn't mean Y'ALL can't party for me!
I thank all of you who RSVP’d and had planned on showing up to help me poison my liver with a shot of Jameson. We’ll party another time for another occasion and it will be great and alcohol-laced, I’m sure. *besos*
That said, today, September 15, 2011 marks not only the start of Latino Heritage Month but it’s also the Fifth Year Anniversary of my very first blog post on this site. Click here and read it now. We’ll wait.
...
...
...
Pretty standard Jadedness, right? Well since then you’ve all experienced my highs, lows and in-betweens; my tomfoolery, shenanigans and straight up ghetto coonery; and my pity parties, rants and moments of psychosis. As a cyber-family we’ve survived Reinagate, Twitter and its effect on blogging, and a Black man in the White House (although the latter still remains to be seen!).
It’s all been a pretty crazy time, no? I hope The Jaded NYer has been worth all the hours you’ve spent ruining your eyesight and tarnishing your soul, and if it wasn’t OH WELL. NO ONE TOLD YOU TO KEEP COMING BACK.
I want to thank you for your continued support, readership, friendship, advice, cheers, jeers and co-signage. Here's some soca music to help you get your wine 'n jook on:
May the next five years be just as Jaded. And then some.
*smooches...urging you to put that bumpah in repeat in my honor*
----------
just because I canceled my party doesn't mean Y'ALL can't party for me!
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Technology Deprivation SUCKS!... And Other #FirstWorldProblems
>>Although I told myself I'd stop getting on the scale...I got on the scale. But WOOHOO it was good news so it's okay- I'm at 185 which brings my total weightloss to 12lbs. IN YO FACE, HYDROXYCUT!! Only thing is, now I have to step up my workouts and such and, well, I DON'T WANNA!
>>The Jaded NYer (blog) has a milestone birthday coming up in the fall and we're celebrating it! Most of you will be invited. A lot of you won't. Most of it is already planned or set. Now I just have to figure out what to wear, how my hair should look and oh yeah HOW WILL I PAY FOR IT ALL?!
>>I have three computers: an old Vaio on permanent loan from Minnie that isn't hooked up to the 'net; Joshua, my seven-year-old Dell desktop; and Joshua II, my wittle-biddy-baby HP laptop. They're all being douche-like these days and so I'm behind on my TV watching. And internet surfing. And Pandora listening. I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!
>>Esteban, my Blackberry Tour, is also being a douche...he keeps telling me I have four new messages when, in fact, I have ZERO. Also, I can't stream music or play games for long periods of time AND I can't see a lot ofsites or videos. Little fucker costs a bundle and can't do SHIT ALL WHAT I NEED IT TO DO. (oh wait- it makes and receives calls, though...but still!)
>>My uterus hurts. Okay, maybe not my uterus, but something in the uterine region. AGAIN. I'm trying to avoid WebMD and my fake medical degree from the Guam School of Not-Real Medicine is telling me it's a UTI only because it's a similar pain. But I'm not getting any penile injections in my girly parts these days, and haven't since four score and seven years ago, so please explain HOW CAN SOMETHING THAT SEES NO ACTION BE SO MUCH TROUBLE?!
*smooches...spewing some randomness on a Wednesday*
----------
maybe tomorrow I'll come with the sunshine or the funny. maybe.
>>The Jaded NYer (blog) has a milestone birthday coming up in the fall and we're celebrating it! Most of you will be invited. A lot of you won't. Most of it is already planned or set. Now I just have to figure out what to wear, how my hair should look and oh yeah HOW WILL I PAY FOR IT ALL?!
>>I have three computers: an old Vaio on permanent loan from Minnie that isn't hooked up to the 'net; Joshua, my seven-year-old Dell desktop; and Joshua II, my wittle-biddy-baby HP laptop. They're all being douche-like these days and so I'm behind on my TV watching. And internet surfing. And Pandora listening. I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!
>>Esteban, my Blackberry Tour, is also being a douche...he keeps telling me I have four new messages when, in fact, I have ZERO. Also, I can't stream music or play games for long periods of time AND I can't see a lot of
>>My uterus hurts. Okay, maybe not my uterus, but something in the uterine region. AGAIN. I'm trying to avoid WebMD and my fake medical degree from the Guam School of Not-Real Medicine is telling me it's a UTI only because it's a similar pain. But I'm not getting any penile injections in my girly parts these days, and haven't since four score and seven years ago, so please explain HOW CAN SOMETHING THAT SEES NO ACTION BE SO MUCH TROUBLE?!
*smooches...spewing some randomness on a Wednesday*
----------
maybe tomorrow I'll come with the sunshine or the funny. maybe.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Have A Drink On Me
Not ON me, you pervs... you know what I mean!
It's Monday Musings time once again, and I'm trying to make it all the way to the new year without a break. So even though I'm in all manner of pains from this weekend's shenanigans THE SHOW MUST GO ON.
And what better reason to get up and out of my sick bed than a Blogger Profile with my girl Keana "Kit" Prescod of Hello Drunky!
Tonight's Monday Musings will be all about Miss Thang and her new blog and venture as a spunky, sassy, freelance bartender in New York City. Plus of course we'll be dishing the dirt as only two ain't shit heffas can, so you don't want to miss this one!
*smooches...excited for all the tomfoolery*
----------
if y'all think I'M crazy...sheeeiiitttt, you don't even know...
It's Monday Musings time once again, and I'm trying to make it all the way to the new year without a break. So even though I'm in all manner of pains from this weekend's shenanigans THE SHOW MUST GO ON.
And what better reason to get up and out of my sick bed than a Blogger Profile with my girl Keana "Kit" Prescod of Hello Drunky!
Tonight's Monday Musings will be all about Miss Thang and her new blog and venture as a spunky, sassy, freelance bartender in New York City. Plus of course we'll be dishing the dirt as only two ain't shit heffas can, so you don't want to miss this one!
*smooches...excited for all the tomfoolery*
----------
if y'all think I'M crazy...sheeeiiitttt, you don't even know...
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Jaded Photographs 2010: November Edition
*smooches...working to make this my reality*
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but of course, you already knew this :)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Blood In, Blood Out
The older I get, the less inclined I am to make new friends. I have my little core group, my ride or die posse, my consiglieries. I have little interest in new people, unless they are so awesome, I'd be stupid not to befriend them.
Now I know that this blog is probably read by people I've never met and might not ever meet. That's cool. Hope you're all enjoying the insanity I place before you. But for the most part it's my inner circle of lovelies that interact with me online.
And I like it that way- small, intimate, comfy.
So for someone to just pop in outta the blue and have the audacity to request to be on MY blogroll, and offer to add me to THEIR blogroll because it will drive more traffic my way... well obviously this person has NO IDEA how this blogging game works, and they ESPECIALLY don't know how I run this.
With the exception of a few people with whom I only interact online, I KNOW everyone on my blog roll. They're there because I consider them a friend and I think what they write about complements what I write about and we're a little family. If this person, who asked to be added, had done their research (looked through my archives, clicked on the other blogs) they would have realized that The Jaded NYer is enveloped in velvet ropes and the gatekeepers are big, surly assholes who, even if you're ON the list, might not let you in.
Don't come in here all brand new and shit and try to be down. It just doesn't work like that! Am I being elitist and bitchy over something so trivial and stupid? YES. Do I give a fuck? NO. I don't like to be told how to run my own site. If this person had just left it alone after I said no, this would have been a different post, probably about my kids being grounded or something. But no, they had to try and get the last word in, as if more traffic to my blog impresses me. Fuck outta here with that noise! We're a tight group here; we don't take too kindly to strangers.
The worst part? THEIR site was so UNJaded-like. It was some web portal about romance and dating... HUH?
Yeah, this person was clearly barking up the wrongest tree in the wrongest forest of the wrongest village on the internet.
Someone please buy them a map...
*smooches...with a side of snark just because*
----------
oooh, that felt good. I haven't ranted about something in a very long time. I'm BACK, baby!
Now I know that this blog is probably read by people I've never met and might not ever meet. That's cool. Hope you're all enjoying the insanity I place before you. But for the most part it's my inner circle of lovelies that interact with me online.
And I like it that way- small, intimate, comfy.
So for someone to just pop in outta the blue and have the audacity to request to be on MY blogroll, and offer to add me to THEIR blogroll because it will drive more traffic my way... well obviously this person has NO IDEA how this blogging game works, and they ESPECIALLY don't know how I run this.
With the exception of a few people with whom I only interact online, I KNOW everyone on my blog roll. They're there because I consider them a friend and I think what they write about complements what I write about and we're a little family. If this person, who asked to be added, had done their research (looked through my archives, clicked on the other blogs) they would have realized that The Jaded NYer is enveloped in velvet ropes and the gatekeepers are big, surly assholes who, even if you're ON the list, might not let you in.
Don't come in here all brand new and shit and try to be down. It just doesn't work like that! Am I being elitist and bitchy over something so trivial and stupid? YES. Do I give a fuck? NO. I don't like to be told how to run my own site. If this person had just left it alone after I said no, this would have been a different post, probably about my kids being grounded or something. But no, they had to try and get the last word in, as if more traffic to my blog impresses me. Fuck outta here with that noise! We're a tight group here; we don't take too kindly to strangers.
The worst part? THEIR site was so UNJaded-like. It was some web portal about romance and dating... HUH?
Yeah, this person was clearly barking up the wrongest tree in the wrongest forest of the wrongest village on the internet.
Someone please buy them a map...
*smooches...with a side of snark just because*
----------
oooh, that felt good. I haven't ranted about something in a very long time. I'm BACK, baby!
Monday, September 06, 2010
1,000 Blog Posts? Where's My Moscato?!
Hello, readers old & new- do you know what you're reading right now? My 1,000th BLOG POST!
Goddamn I talk a lot!
Can you believe we're here already? Here- have a glass with us
At first I wanted to Rock Out with my Cock Out today to celebrate because it just so happens September marks the fourth anniversary of The Jaded NYer, but I'm already plotting something special for the FIFTH anniversary so that killed any party talk. Plus it's the holiday weekend, and BK is overrun with drunk & sleep-deprived West Indians right now. Perfect time for me to stay home and finish nursing the cold that tried to end my life.
Most importantly, when I read over the posts I've written since the 500th blog post celebration I realized what a dark turn this site has taken- depression, suicide, unemployment, poverty...UGH! Why reminisce on shit that I would really rather forget and never speak of again? Let's just say it's been a HARD year and a half sprinkled with some goodness in between and leave it at that. Deal?
I do want to take a minute to thank everyone for reading, especially the handful of loyals that have actually read all 1,000 of my brain droppings (I skimmed through them this morning...those be A LOT of words, yo!) since 2006. You are appreciated. Your wacked out sense of humor, your contributions to my crazy, your encouragement of and enthusiasm for all things Jaded will serve you well when I rule the world. Trust.
I've been having a bad day for the last 500 posts. I have. And I'm sorry if my super-long-bad-day has impeded in any way on your awesome day. When I initially envisioned this post I had so many bells and whistles planned, but this blog isn't about that. We're about words and realness over here. The next time you see an extravaganza on these pages it will be for something grander than the 1,000 reasons I have for not moving forward in life.
That said, I'm about to get showered and dressed and hang with my family on this beautiful Labor Day. However I will leave you with something pretty to glide you into the 4-day work week ahead (if you're lucky enough to have a job, that is); some loveliness from the woman that used to adorn the post-scripts to all my words.
1,000 posts. Mazel Tov to me. *throws confetti*
"Don't forget to have a good time..."
*smooches...to all of you for putting up with me*
----------
may the next 1,000 be a little more chipper...please?
Goddamn I talk a lot!
Can you believe we're here already? Here- have a glass with us
At first I wanted to Rock Out with my Cock Out today to celebrate because it just so happens September marks the fourth anniversary of The Jaded NYer, but I'm already plotting something special for the FIFTH anniversary so that killed any party talk. Plus it's the holiday weekend, and BK is overrun with drunk & sleep-deprived West Indians right now. Perfect time for me to stay home and finish nursing the cold that tried to end my life.
Most importantly, when I read over the posts I've written since the 500th blog post celebration I realized what a dark turn this site has taken- depression, suicide, unemployment, poverty...UGH! Why reminisce on shit that I would really rather forget and never speak of again? Let's just say it's been a HARD year and a half sprinkled with some goodness in between and leave it at that. Deal?
I do want to take a minute to thank everyone for reading, especially the handful of loyals that have actually read all 1,000 of my brain droppings (I skimmed through them this morning...those be A LOT of words, yo!) since 2006. You are appreciated. Your wacked out sense of humor, your contributions to my crazy, your encouragement of and enthusiasm for all things Jaded will serve you well when I rule the world. Trust.
I've been having a bad day for the last 500 posts. I have. And I'm sorry if my super-long-bad-day has impeded in any way on your awesome day. When I initially envisioned this post I had so many bells and whistles planned, but this blog isn't about that. We're about words and realness over here. The next time you see an extravaganza on these pages it will be for something grander than the 1,000 reasons I have for not moving forward in life.
That said, I'm about to get showered and dressed and hang with my family on this beautiful Labor Day. However I will leave you with something pretty to glide you into the 4-day work week ahead (if you're lucky enough to have a job, that is); some loveliness from the woman that used to adorn the post-scripts to all my words.
1,000 posts. Mazel Tov to me. *throws confetti*
"Don't forget to have a good time..."
*smooches...to all of you for putting up with me*
----------
may the next 1,000 be a little more chipper...please?
Friday, July 09, 2010
"The Time Will Come One Day"
I've been hit in the face with a few setbacks in the last few weeks, the kind that make me want to throw up my hands in defeat and scream NO MAS. I QUIT. YOU WIN. And just take any old stupid job, become another cog in the wheel, if I may.
Actually, I've had some major setbacks all year but whatever, those are major ones that are never ending. I'm specifically talking about some new ones that decided to creep in and really mess with my head.
First, you all know about the ex and his foolish decision to quit his job. That was a major blow to my patience. A whole lot of me wants to beat his ass, but the side of me that's afraid of jail is keeping me calm.
Then, work dried up. Not at the language center- that's going well. It could be better but eh, I'll take what I can at this point. But freelancing for the PR firm (which I hated anyway) is at a standstill and new projects? What new projects? Because I can't find any paying gigs in my field. I should have stayed in the sciences because this writing bullshit is just that- bullshit.
But the latest in a long line of GRRRRR moments was and is that my little writing group, La Pluma y La Tinta, has fallen apart; my Letters I'll Never Send blog ceased getting submissions, and my Jaded Takes On “web series” seems to be on permanent hiatus. And I'm frustrated. It almost feels like everything I create just turns to shit. And yes, that may be a little dramatic but that's how I feel right now.
It is extremely hard to be my own cheerleader. I'm just not that peppy GO GET EM type of gal. And when I start something with the expectation that there will be others to help keep things moving along (as opposed to just me doing everything) and suddenly I'm the only one there...it's just really disheartening. And it's making me want to just shrivel away into the obscurity from whence I came. I already have issues motivating myself- if those around me are ALSO unmotivated then shit will just never get done.
Same as it's not getting done now.
In the meantime, I'm trying so hard not to crumble. So if y'all don't mind, cease from asking me how anything is going these days. This post is to tell you: IT'S NOT GOING WELL. I DON'T KNOW WHEN MY NEXT READING IS SCHEDULED OR WHEN THE NEXT LETTERS POST WILL GO UP. I DON'T KNOW WHEN I WILL BE ABLE TO FILM ANOTHER SPORTS SEGMENT AND IF YOU ASK ABOUT MY THESIS OR JOB PROSPECTS I WILL KILL YOU.
The End.
*smooches...truly sick of all these reminders of my failures*
--------------
and please don't try to be funny in the comments. I'm being serious. In fact, I'm closing comments because a lot of you don't know how to act...
Actually, I've had some major setbacks all year but whatever, those are major ones that are never ending. I'm specifically talking about some new ones that decided to creep in and really mess with my head.
First, you all know about the ex and his foolish decision to quit his job. That was a major blow to my patience. A whole lot of me wants to beat his ass, but the side of me that's afraid of jail is keeping me calm.
Then, work dried up. Not at the language center- that's going well. It could be better but eh, I'll take what I can at this point. But freelancing for the PR firm (which I hated anyway) is at a standstill and new projects? What new projects? Because I can't find any paying gigs in my field. I should have stayed in the sciences because this writing bullshit is just that- bullshit.
But the latest in a long line of GRRRRR moments was and is that my little writing group, La Pluma y La Tinta, has fallen apart; my Letters I'll Never Send blog ceased getting submissions, and my Jaded Takes On “web series” seems to be on permanent hiatus. And I'm frustrated. It almost feels like everything I create just turns to shit. And yes, that may be a little dramatic but that's how I feel right now.
It is extremely hard to be my own cheerleader. I'm just not that peppy GO GET EM type of gal. And when I start something with the expectation that there will be others to help keep things moving along (as opposed to just me doing everything) and suddenly I'm the only one there...it's just really disheartening. And it's making me want to just shrivel away into the obscurity from whence I came. I already have issues motivating myself- if those around me are ALSO unmotivated then shit will just never get done.
Same as it's not getting done now.
In the meantime, I'm trying so hard not to crumble. So if y'all don't mind, cease from asking me how anything is going these days. This post is to tell you: IT'S NOT GOING WELL. I DON'T KNOW WHEN MY NEXT READING IS SCHEDULED OR WHEN THE NEXT LETTERS POST WILL GO UP. I DON'T KNOW WHEN I WILL BE ABLE TO FILM ANOTHER SPORTS SEGMENT AND IF YOU ASK ABOUT MY THESIS OR JOB PROSPECTS I WILL KILL YOU.
The End.
*smooches...truly sick of all these reminders of my failures*
--------------
and please don't try to be funny in the comments. I'm being serious. In fact, I'm closing comments because a lot of you don't know how to act...
Friday, April 23, 2010
I Made A Video.
Not THAT kind of video. Perverts.
I had a concept for some "TV Segments" I wanted to shoot as a contributor for Sista Sports, and threw it out to a few people. Then I finally pitched it to someone who was like, "Yeah. Sounds good. Let's do this."
Enter Video Vix[o]n and Joshen Reborn.
I dragged them with me to Belle Meade, NJ to my friend Elisheba's house where she arranged for her son to give me a fencing lesson.
Oh, did I forget to mention what the project was about? Yeah... it's me and my couch-potato-havin-ass trying out a different sport. And I was all too excited to get this fencing lesson and I'm sure you know why:
ME + SWORD = AWESOMENESS!!!
At first I was freaking out when I realized this was really going to happen. I mean, it was good in theory but then I remembered that I had stage fright and anxiety set in. Would I fall on my ass? How would I sound? Was my fat ass REALLY going to be immortalized on film for all the internet to see?
But after I met my coach and I got in front of the camera and the lesson began I kinda forgot to be scared and just went with it. Even better, the guys let me be in on the editing process. I can now add MOVIE EDITOR to my growing list of amazing skills.
I'm sure by now you're all, LET ME SEE THE VIDEO. Well relax... just click on over to Sista Sports and take a look!
And you should know that I already have a free baseball lesson in the works, and have put out feelers for wrestling, boxing, swimming and basketball lessons. You're excited. I can tell. You're wondering if you can handle Jaded on VIDEO. Well, yeah, you kinda have to. Sorry.
But I want to take a minute to thank Vixon, Joshen, Elisheba and Samuel for making this very first episode of "Jaded Takes On..." come true. They all have a place on the Jaded Media Empire payroll for sure.
*smooches...wondering if the stage fright is a thing of the past*
----------
if that's the case... watch out world...
I had a concept for some "TV Segments" I wanted to shoot as a contributor for Sista Sports, and threw it out to a few people. Then I finally pitched it to someone who was like, "Yeah. Sounds good. Let's do this."
Enter Video Vix[o]n and Joshen Reborn.
I dragged them with me to Belle Meade, NJ to my friend Elisheba's house where she arranged for her son to give me a fencing lesson.
Oh, did I forget to mention what the project was about? Yeah... it's me and my couch-potato-havin-ass trying out a different sport. And I was all too excited to get this fencing lesson and I'm sure you know why:
ME + SWORD = AWESOMENESS!!!
At first I was freaking out when I realized this was really going to happen. I mean, it was good in theory but then I remembered that I had stage fright and anxiety set in. Would I fall on my ass? How would I sound? Was my fat ass REALLY going to be immortalized on film for all the internet to see?
But after I met my coach and I got in front of the camera and the lesson began I kinda forgot to be scared and just went with it. Even better, the guys let me be in on the editing process. I can now add MOVIE EDITOR to my growing list of amazing skills.
I'm sure by now you're all, LET ME SEE THE VIDEO. Well relax... just click on over to Sista Sports and take a look!
And you should know that I already have a free baseball lesson in the works, and have put out feelers for wrestling, boxing, swimming and basketball lessons. You're excited. I can tell. You're wondering if you can handle Jaded on VIDEO. Well, yeah, you kinda have to. Sorry.
But I want to take a minute to thank Vixon, Joshen, Elisheba and Samuel for making this very first episode of "Jaded Takes On..." come true. They all have a place on the Jaded Media Empire payroll for sure.
*smooches...wondering if the stage fright is a thing of the past*
----------
if that's the case... watch out world...
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I'm A Blogger's Blogger, Your Favorite, Ain't I?! Ain't I?!
Excuse me a minute while I sing my own praises...
...and rant about something that's been on my mind for a minute. I just need to spell some things out for a few people.
I started blogging regularly in 2006 BY REQUEST. A few friends decided that the world needed to be exposed to my crazy meanderings so I gave it a try. A measly three and a half years later if I take a small break I get complaints. COMPLAINTS. Emails that say, "What am I supposed to do all week if you're not blogging?" Written in jest, I'm sure, but laden with some truth, too.
When I went private this summer, some people panicked and were like, "BITCH WHERE'S MY INVITE?!" And that was an actual email I got from someone...I won't call you out; you know who you are.
I don't pander for comments or ads; I do this because I like to. I haven't changed this layout is GOD KNOWS how long and nan one of y'all have said a word. I'm often told I should make this a cash cow but beyond The Jaded Bodega I have zero interest in that. The donation button on the right is probably as far as I'll go.
I gots homies in GERMANY reading this shyt. Germany! My shit is international, yo! Whatchu know about that?! (OK, that was rather pushing the boundaries of cockiness, but bare with me- there's a point I'm trying to make, I swear!)
Some people take this blogging for dollars business too far but I'll tell you what- I read a lot of blogs and I've YET to click on any of the advertisers on anybody's site. Not even DOOCE and she's my blogging hero. So what am I gonna waste my time with that nonsense for? Worrying about SEO words and who's on the blogroll and whatnot... Fuck I care about all that?
You come here for words. The words of a NY writer, born of immigrant parents from Santo Domingo. A divorcee with two young daughters and a crazy group of family and friends that provide her with enough material to blog until her eighties (I'm looking at YOU Mari, Irene and Jack!).
You come here to read about her ups and downs and side to sides. You wait for the funny shit her kids say and the pictures of what her wild ass 'fro is looking like this week. You hope that she'll let you read some of her creative work but are satisfied with tales of what she did on Saturday night, even if all she did was lay on the couch and contemplate death.
Some can't wait for her to find HIM and others hope she never does, because the MR. WRONG tales are much better than the MR. RIGHT ones.
She's shown you her over-sized belly and her naked baby photos. She's told you her inner most secrets while withholding others, and through it all you check in every day to see what's new.
And listen- I'm not trying to be boastful. You like Jaded. She's funny, smart, friendly, bat-shit crazy and on occasion a lil bit sex-ay. Hey, I like her, too. But, I, Raquel, just wanted you to know that I know why you keep coming here, and it ain't for Google ads (nope, not here!) and it ain't for the flashy layout (black n white n red...oooh, FANCY!) or the name dropping (again...don't have any of those).
I know you come here for Jaded's words. And trust me, she knows a lot of them and she's not afraid to use them.
It's pretty safe to say that's what you'll always find here; if it's not what you came for, please, allow me to show you the way out... *grabs machete off the wall*
*smooches...with a mega-dose of realness, as usual*
----------
you don't come here for the cuddles...you know I DON'T DO cuddles unless I've given birth to you, and even then it's a crap-shoot!
...and rant about something that's been on my mind for a minute. I just need to spell some things out for a few people.
I started blogging regularly in 2006 BY REQUEST. A few friends decided that the world needed to be exposed to my crazy meanderings so I gave it a try. A measly three and a half years later if I take a small break I get complaints. COMPLAINTS. Emails that say, "What am I supposed to do all week if you're not blogging?" Written in jest, I'm sure, but laden with some truth, too.
When I went private this summer, some people panicked and were like, "BITCH WHERE'S MY INVITE?!" And that was an actual email I got from someone...I won't call you out; you know who you are.
I don't pander for comments or ads; I do this because I like to. I haven't changed this layout is GOD KNOWS how long and nan one of y'all have said a word. I'm often told I should make this a cash cow but beyond The Jaded Bodega I have zero interest in that. The donation button on the right is probably as far as I'll go.
I gots homies in GERMANY reading this shyt. Germany! My shit is international, yo! Whatchu know about that?! (OK, that was rather pushing the boundaries of cockiness, but bare with me- there's a point I'm trying to make, I swear!)
Some people take this blogging for dollars business too far but I'll tell you what- I read a lot of blogs and I've YET to click on any of the advertisers on anybody's site. Not even DOOCE and she's my blogging hero. So what am I gonna waste my time with that nonsense for? Worrying about SEO words and who's on the blogroll and whatnot... Fuck I care about all that?
You come here for words. The words of a NY writer, born of immigrant parents from Santo Domingo. A divorcee with two young daughters and a crazy group of family and friends that provide her with enough material to blog until her eighties (I'm looking at YOU Mari, Irene and Jack!).
You come here to read about her ups and downs and side to sides. You wait for the funny shit her kids say and the pictures of what her wild ass 'fro is looking like this week. You hope that she'll let you read some of her creative work but are satisfied with tales of what she did on Saturday night, even if all she did was lay on the couch and contemplate death.
Some can't wait for her to find HIM and others hope she never does, because the MR. WRONG tales are much better than the MR. RIGHT ones.
She's shown you her over-sized belly and her naked baby photos. She's told you her inner most secrets while withholding others, and through it all you check in every day to see what's new.
And listen- I'm not trying to be boastful. You like Jaded. She's funny, smart, friendly, bat-shit crazy and on occasion a lil bit sex-ay. Hey, I like her, too. But, I, Raquel, just wanted you to know that I know why you keep coming here, and it ain't for Google ads (nope, not here!) and it ain't for the flashy layout (black n white n red...oooh, FANCY!) or the name dropping (again...don't have any of those).
I know you come here for Jaded's words. And trust me, she knows a lot of them and she's not afraid to use them.
It's pretty safe to say that's what you'll always find here; if it's not what you came for, please, allow me to show you the way out... *grabs machete off the wall*
*smooches...with a mega-dose of realness, as usual*
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you don't come here for the cuddles...you know I DON'T DO cuddles unless I've given birth to you, and even then it's a crap-shoot!
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Gratitude
At the start of 2010 I was looking to streamline my site, you know, cleaning it up and making it more presentable. While doing so I decided, "what harm can it cause to add in one of those 'donation' buttons attached to a PayPal account that others have on their sites?" So I added one. Never in a million years did I actually expect people to use it. I mean, yeah, I put it there hoping, but never really expected it.
Until last month when someone sent me a donation. And then again yesterday when another donation was sent.
So unexpected, but so needed and appreciated.
I won't call anyone out and of course have and/or will thank them privately, but I just wanted to take the time out to write about something positive and beautiful and non-Jaded for once.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you BOTH for your generous contribution to my site.
*smooches...for a couple of angels who came right on time*
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again... my cup runneth over...
Until last month when someone sent me a donation. And then again yesterday when another donation was sent.
So unexpected, but so needed and appreciated.
I won't call anyone out and of course have and/or will thank them privately, but I just wanted to take the time out to write about something positive and beautiful and non-Jaded for once.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you BOTH for your generous contribution to my site.
*smooches...for a couple of angels who came right on time*
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again... my cup runneth over...
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Google Reader Stole Me Away From You
Want to know why I hardly comment on your blog anymore?
In an effort to consolidate my time online I began adding RSS Feeds to my Google Reader- it's a one-stop-shop of blog reading! However, it doesn't allow for commenting. I have to visit the actual blog for that. And for my lazy ass, sometimes that's one step too many.
Some of you are completely obnoxious with it and force me to click on your blog by only allowing snippets of what you've written in the Reader (BOOOO) but most of you understand how busy we all are and let me read the entire post. And for that I thank you.
The rest of you are just selfish!
That said, if you're reading my blog via some sort of RSS feed, know that I allow my entire blog post to appear on those things because I never want you to feel obligated to come here and comment, and I don't run this blog for profit so the amount of visits I get doesn't phase me. Feel free to come and go, or not, as you please.
**THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE JADED NYER**
*smooches...looking for ways to streamline my emails next*
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I already use labels and filters in Gmail... any other suggestions?
In an effort to consolidate my time online I began adding RSS Feeds to my Google Reader- it's a one-stop-shop of blog reading! However, it doesn't allow for commenting. I have to visit the actual blog for that. And for my lazy ass, sometimes that's one step too many.
Some of you are completely obnoxious with it and force me to click on your blog by only allowing snippets of what you've written in the Reader (BOOOO) but most of you understand how busy we all are and let me read the entire post. And for that I thank you.
The rest of you are just selfish!
That said, if you're reading my blog via some sort of RSS feed, know that I allow my entire blog post to appear on those things because I never want you to feel obligated to come here and comment, and I don't run this blog for profit so the amount of visits I get doesn't phase me. Feel free to come and go, or not, as you please.
**THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE JADED NYER**
*smooches...looking for ways to streamline my emails next*
----------
I already use labels and filters in Gmail... any other suggestions?
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