Friday, September 15, 2006

Escape From MySpace Mountain

I had to get out of there...

Did you ever have that dream where men in dark suits and dark glasses bust down your door and say "Come with us, Lady" and you realized they came on the night when you decided to sleep naked, but you know if you refuse to go with them they might shoot you on orders from some guy named Big Lou?

That's how I felt everytime I saw a message from MySpace in my Yahoo inbox- like Big Lou wanted more protection money, more than we had originally agreed upon, and I couldn't earn it quick enough to pay him, and I knew that sooner or later he was gonna collect skin or blood.

That, and of course, it was hard to give up the ghosts of relationships past if they were going to stare me in the face everytime I logged on to see my "friends."

So I've left MySpace for good, but the desire to share my life via a blog still remains. And I did meet some nice folks (Hi Marisa!) and was able to reconnect with some old chums from HS and college. It wasn't all bad, just bad enough to have me questioning my sanity on a daily basis. I was this close to showing up, suitcase in hand, at Bellvue's door. This close!

The clouds have lifted- not all the way, things are still overcast, but I can see a teeny tiny bit of sunshine trying to push through, in the form of 20lbs lost, a new job, a cool freelance gig, re-connecting with an old student who's doing really well and some really great friends who, at the drop of a dime, have put up with me sobbing and cursing on the other end of the phone, and never hung up on me. You gotta love them. You just gotta.

I will miss my crazy MySpace layouts and song choices, and I'll miss the photo slideshows I was able to add- it really started out being a lot of fun for me. But it quickly dissolved into a constant reminder of a horrible mistake and my self-esteem began to plummet to new depths I didn't even think were possible! And who needs that shit?!

Now, however, I'm a dress size smaller, a bit wiser, out of tears and too busy to dwell on shit I can't do anything about. So I'll just concentrate on things I can change: my outlook on life, my income level, the clutter in my bedroom, the empty canvas that is my skin (desperately waiting for more tats!) and the empty space on my block that will soon be occupied by my Harley Davidson VROD 2006 (or the Sporty 1200- haven't decided yet). Not to mention that soon I can add MFA after the BA in my name/title.

As I started towards the end of my stay at MySpace, I chose some choice words from Ani DiFranco to close all of my posts...I think I'll continue that tradition here, too.

i am growing older waiting in this line
but some of life's best lessons
are learned at the worst times