Jaded Photographs: July 2012 Edition

"Boystown, Chicago"

*smooches...welcoming you to summer*
---------
everyone knows that a monkey in a tree is the official sign of the official start of summer.

That Thing I Was Looking For That I Didn't Know Was Missing

It's become my (bad) habit now to indulge in a TV series marathon on weekends when the girls are away with their dad. And lately I've been a bit obsessed with ABC Family shows- "Switched At Birth," "The Lying Game," "Melissa & Joey" and now, "Make It or Break It."

While watching the first season of "Make It or Break It" (starring Candice Cameron Bure AKA DJ Tanner of "Full House") there was a scene where Bure was trying to talk some sense into the resident mean girl, Lauren, about her hyper-sexed behavior and attitude. And if you watch shows on ABC Family you know that a lot of them have an underlying, wholesome message which, for some reason, has really been appealing to me lately. I mean, I'm still watching my "Dexter" and cannot wait for "Weeds" to come back but overall, I've pretty much replaced porn with ABC Family shows and movies.

But anyway, this scene with Bure's character, Summer, and Lauren really spoke to me. I was only half paying attention to it while writing out Christmas cards (YES I know I'm late. SHUSH!) but when I heard the dialogue I stopped to pay attention. Summer was explaining to Lauren how she was once promiscuous and how it backfired on her. In short, Summer tells Lauren:

"I was just a little girl, looking for attention...once I gave myself away I lost something so important that would take me years to get back...my self-respect."

And I'm a big enough thug to admit that made me teary, because she could have been speaking to me. This weekend I had a diner chat with two acquaintances where I mentioned my recent celibacy and how, although there were a few rough patches, I don't even think about anymore. When I first decided to abstain from sex it was in retaliation of another failed fling. Then after a few months it was because I felt fat and unsexy and wanted to lose weight. But in the summer it became so much more, something that I hadn't even realized I was aiming for, something that was brought home when I had dinner with Alex over Thanksgiving weekend.

After my divorce I was a big old whore. I'm not even going to sugarcoat it. If he had a penis and a heartbeat, I most likely fucked him. Looks and marital status hardly mattered. But I'd gone from living in my mother's house to living in my then-husband's house and never really had a period in my life where I could "wild out," so when C and I split I wilded out. Not that it's an excuse, I'm just laying out my frame of mind at the time. I sought all the wrong kind of attention. I placed tiny band-aids over gaping gunshot wounds by using sex to cure my unhappiness and loneliness.

Now, however, now I protect this newly-earned chastity ferociously. I take offense to any threat to my abstinence- real or imagined- very seriously. I have some anxiety about dating again, knowing that celibacy is not a popular ideal these days, and the old, attention-seeking Raquel chimes in with "just have sex already and get it over with." But there's something to be said about loving myself enough to shut that old whore down and taking some pride in my virtue. All because I watched a teen drama on ABC Family.

And as a bonus, I already know that come this spring when I have my next OB/GYN appointment, my tests will come up squeaky clean.

*smooches...looking forward to an anxiety-free blood test*
------------
they're not taking me aside to have a "talk" about my "behavior" nosireeBOB!

Jaded Photographs: December 2011 Edition

"DUNZO!"

*smooches...with some great new memories*
------------
JESUS is that what I look like when I've been drinking? NEVER AGAIN, SON!

I Love The Smell Of Fresh Possibilities...

I have good people in my life. I really do. All of the friends I've had for over two decades have this vibe about them, and every time we're together I feel something new, another connection that binds us. And from that great feeling sprouts another.

This weekend I saw my dear love Alex (formally of Jack's Gay Chronicles, currently of The Refined Ghetto) and it was everything I thought it would be and more. Not only was he involved in the BEST. BAR FIGHT. EVER. (I'm quoting Smarty on that one LOL!!) but we discovered another parallel in the bizarro lives we've been living and everything just made so much sense.

Also, while out and about and on my way home, I was hit on by like three different guys. I mean, I'd never actually date any of them in real life at all ever, but I was flattered nonetheless because it hasn't happened in forever. I know, you're shocked because I'm a super-HAWT bitch and give off the impression that men throw themselves at me everywhere I go, but it's not the case and hasn't been for a while. I don't know if the 'fro was right or the makeup was bitchin' or my jeans were giving the illusion of a booty or if my aura was all aglow because I was spending time with Alex, but there it was, the ever-elusive male attention. I'd almost forgotten what it was like!

For the longest time, I've been channeling my energy elsewhere- my writing, my kids, my health and fitness- and ignoring the possibility of romance. Real romance. Like, look forward to seeing you romance and I'll even allow some nasty swine to be cooked in my precious kitchen because he eats pork kind of romance. Introduce him to my family romance. That shit really exists, apparently. Over bland Asian food and Dragalicious entertainment at Lucky Cheng's, I explained to Alex how for me, sexual relations have always been blah. Like, it's great the first few times and then I'm over it and I'd rather watch TV or eat some fries. He brought it home with, "Because you've never really felt a connection; with my ex it was fireworks every time because I felt a deep connection" and that was like WOW. He's right. I've never been in love or had real romance in my life with any of the men I've slept with. Not ever.

Confession, readers: I used sex as a validation tool. It was never because I felt this bond with a guy but because I knew it was something I could do well and men like sex, ergo men will like me and if I'm liked then DING DING DING I win the prize. Except there is no prize except that empty feeling deep in the pit of my stomach after he's "finished" and I'm laying there beside him looking for the nearest exit, knowing that what I just did had nothing to do with love and everything to do with just wanting someone to make me feel special. I'm sure addicts will understand that I was constantly searching for that unattainable high in all the wrong bedrooms, those butterflies I felt with my first real boyfriend, that innocent, gleam in your eye, sing from the mountaintops high a first love sprinkles over you like pixie dust. I miss that feeling!

(I can only imagine the looks on the faces of the guys with whom I've had relations right now as they read this. Sorry, boo, but at least you know why it didn't work, right?)

But my self-imposed hiatus from anything relationship-like has been so good for me. I see what I want, what I need and what I never want to have again and it starts with me being the best Raquel I can be so that I can find the best him the world has to offer. Because we deserve it.

*smooches...loving the clarity my friendships encourage*
----------
it's only been a day and I miss Alex already...

Dating Profile Copy

"I like my men not crazy and a little stupid."

-Alex, The Refined Ghetto


*smooches...adopting this as my mantra*
----------
honestly, as I get older these seem like the perfect qualities to look for in a man.

And There It Is.

ME: ...so she tells me that my aunt was hospitalized, her life on the line, due to complications from a nip and tuck! I'm gonna need for my family in DR to STOP getting plastic surgery.

Alex: Or at least stop getting it at the bodega!

*smooches...giving you evidence as to why I love him*
----------
I laughed so hard at this shit...just sooo hard...

Sometimes You Just Gotta Let It Go

We all know that I was stuck in a bad marriage for far longer than I should have. The saddest part about that is I'm not the only one I know who's done it.

Most times couples stay in a bad situation for what they think are the right reasons, but honestly there isn't a good reason to be miserable. And that's where this week's Monday Musings comes in.



Join me tonight as Alex of The Refined Ghetto (or as you remember him- Jack of Jack's Gay Chronicles) and I walk you through the warning signs of a bad relationship and the steps you need to take to end it.

Hmmm, I just read over that sentence. It reads hella serious but if you know us like I think you know us, there will be far too much foolishness for this to be serious. Still, the wealth of information and experience Alex and I have on this topic...yeah, you might want to tune in.

*smooches...free of MOST of my toxic relationship*
----------
eventually all of the dead weight will be cut off. can you say the same? if not, tune in.

Jaded Photographs 2010: March Edition

Alter Egos: Tahitian Vacation

*smooches...bringing my phone conversations w/Jack to life*
----------
his Libido seems to have absconded to the Tahitian Islands with my Muse & Motivation. I'm sure his Libido manipulated my poor girls...trouble-making mo-fo!

Ten Best Picture Nominees?...And Other Musings

Happy Monday, folks. Here's some more of why you keep coming here:

Doses Of Reality
You all know JACK, right? My dearest darling gay husband? Last night, this love of my life helped me put some things in perspective as I lamented not accepting a certain ex's invitation to vacation with him in Puerto Rico last month.

ME: I should have gone...
JACK: No you shouldn't have
ME: But who else is offering me a free trip to Puerto Rico?
JACK: The DEVIL! The Devil offers free trips to Puerto Rico all the time!

(And in case you can't decipher Jack-speak, that is loosely translated to "Bitch PLEASE! He's wack and you were right for staying in NY")

Ten Best Picture Nominees?
If you know me you know one of my favorite pastimes is cutting down The Hollywood Machine as often as possible. From their lack of color on the small & silver screen to the unoriginal drivel they force down our throats, I believe my disdain for the entertainment industry is well-documented.


And tonight on Monday Musings I continue on that path as co-hosts Smarty Jones and newcomer and fellow movie junkie Malik 16 join me in a breakdown of the 2010 Best Picture nominees- ALL TEN OF THEM- just in time for Sunday's Oscar telecast. Tune in- you know you want to!

Since Some Of Y'all Have NO Home Trainin...
Far be it from me to tell someone else how to behave in social media land, really, because I keep showin' my ass alllllll over this here blog, your blog, twitter, Yahoo chats, BBM- you name it, I'm acting a fool in it.

But sometimes, SOMETIMES, people need to be, err, educated on how not to get they ass e-beat. Enter Smarty Jones & The F$%k-it List, who both approached me about doing a series of "Blogger Etiquette" posts throughout March and April.


You can read the first one here: No Swagger Jackin'!

Something STILL Ain't Right
I spent the entire weekend laying on my couch watching episodes of Law & Order: SVU, random (read: HORRIBLE) Netflix movies and sleeping. WTF? Just when I think I've got it together I don't. Right at the moment when I kinda sorta have a handle on my shit I collapse. There's work to be done and an apartment to keep under control and kids to oversee but all I can manage to do is lay on the couch. It feels like I'm outside myself watching this slothy loser wasting her life away.

Could it be that my subconscious mind does not want me to succeed in life? Is that possible? Does that really happen? And most importantly, can I crawl inside my mind and kick my subconscious' ass?

*smooches...struggling to get off the couch everyday*
----------
and now that I have this laptop, sheeeeiiiittttt, I don't even need to leave the couch to get online. smh. I'm a stone-cold MESS!

Hall & Oates, I Love You, But Sitcho Ass Down...And Other Musings

Happy Rainy Monday, my good people. How you be? Me? Eh...still tempting fate by not taking care of some shit I need to take care of, but if I actually took some initiative I wouldn't be me- know what I'm sayin?

Lets get on with the show!

Bloggers Brunching...And At The Bar!
Mi hermano, Brother Omi himself, alerted me that he will be in the NY next month, so you know what that means, right? PAR-TAY! And you're all invited so save the date.

Although I don't really have a date in mind yet it will be on a weekend so that we can take advantage of one of the many "unlimited mimosa" brunch specials all over NYC. So save one of your weekends. And expect lots of drinking. I mean, not to feed the stereotype or anything, but we ARE Dominican. We like to drink. Deal!

Me Playing Sports = Hilarity Waiting To Happen
I need some help with a project I have in mind involving me + sports. Some of you play sports, or know people who are athletes. Well I need you to introduce me to these athletes for a mockumentary-type project I have in mind. I already have a baseball pro helping me, but I need a swimmer, soccer player, football player (preferable a sexy one...ROAR), golf pro (NOT Tiger...EWWWWWW), etc etc. Any and every sport you can think of- if you know someone who plays it I want to know them!

Send all information to: rpenzo@thejadednyer.net

And I hope I don't need to tell you fools that they need to be in the NYC metropolitan area, okay?

Hall & Oates, I Love You, But Sitcho Ass Down
Did you know that Hall & Oates were nominated for a Grammy for Sara Smile, a song that was first released 20 million years ago? Now, I like the song and them white boys as much as the next person but WTF? So yeah, we're talking Grammys tonight on Monday Musings because of that bullshit right there.



Smarty P. Jones is co-hosting, which should make for an interesting show since we ain't even talking right now *rolls eyes* But whatever...show must go on...

And make sure you visit www.Grammy.com to get a list of the nominees so you can clown them, too!

You're Coming To My Reading, RIGHT?
I really hate to threaten, coerce and strong arm, but Lady Estrogen LOVES it.



So make sure you're there- front and center and on time!



And The Best Text Message Of The Month Award Goes To...
JACK, of course, for sending me this tidbit after the umpteenth time of him suffering sympathy PMS symptoms with me:

JACK: I ABHOR your cycle. Can we get you a hysterectomy?

If only it were that easy, my friend...if only...

*smooches...hoping Jack doesn't go postal when I go through "the change"*
----------
I really can't help it if I'm the dominant bitch in this relationship...

He Loves Me!

transcript of a text conversation I had with Jack yesterday...

JACK: Feliz dia de los Reyes! (what'd you buy me?)

ME: Myrrh

JACK: Bitch

*smooches...with myrrh*
----------
I could honestly fill a whole year of blogs on just mine & Jack's conversations...

He Doesn't Know It But...

...whenever we speak and he calls me "sweetheart" I melt a little inside

...if I won the Lotto today he'd get half- no questions asked

...a tiny little, "I'm sorry. It was all my fault. Please forgive me." would squash everything between us

...I will never, ever be his, bear his children, or marry him. No matter what.

...in the short time we were together I kinda really fell for him

...I'd give him carte blanc in the bedroom, right now, no commitment necessary

...he was my first true love

...I only use him for an ego boost

...while I play the friend role, I'm secretly waiting out his relationship

...if I didn't have him in my life I couldn't go on

*smooches...for all the men- good and bad- in my life*
----------
you know what's fun? sitting here laughing at you tryna figure out which statement goes with which dude...as if you'd EVER get it right!

Out From Under __________

What a peaceful, lazy-boned, movie-watching, party-having, event-attending week I had sans blogger (and many a night, sans underwear- YO! I've heard it say that Hell is Hot but CLEARLY you've never been to my apartment in August. CLEARLY. It's clothing optional up in this bitch FOR REAL).

I can't say it was particularly productive because it wasn't. I am, however down a few more pounds so that's cool. I'm even seriously considering going back to the gym to ride this weight loss head start all the way to the finish line, which happens to be a mere 5lbs away. YUP. You read correctly: I'M 5LBS AWAY from where I want to be, so all I have to do is lose 10lbs and then build up muscle mass, improve my cardiovascular health and overall endurance/strength. Sounds like a plan, right? I thought so. Don't hate.

But I can say that I haven't shed a "woe is me" tear since before Boston so that is progress, no? I mean I did cry per se but LISTEN- I dare you to watch someone's dad breakdown into sobs during an intervention and not cry... cold-hearted bastards...

And how have I managed to not sink deeper into the depths of despair, you might ask? Easy. By getting text messages like these:

JACK: "You're a great person, Deidre, but you're an asshole." -lesbian fight outside bar

ME: LMAO! And what did Deidre say?

JACK: "I know. I know." -Deidre

ME: LMAO!

JACK: lololol. Deidre wanted to drive away but was too drunk. Her friend kept yelling, "Get your ass back inside" but Deidre wouldn't go in.

JACK: "You're the one who wanted to come here!" she exclaimed "So what can I do to make it up to you?" asked Deidre. GET THE FUCK BACK INSIDE!

JACK: Deidre is now code word for: big ol' lez. "Oh Ellen DeGeneres is such a Deidre."

*smooches...getting by with a little help from my friends*
----------
and Deidre... lets not forget Deidre...

Celibacy Still Intact, Dammit

The following is based on a text message conversation with Jack on 4/27/09:

JACK: ...so you know you can't keep claiming celibacy anymore now, right?

ME: Yes I can! There was no orgasm or full-on activities, just a sampling of the goods

JACK: Considering those prerequisites, you've actually been celibate longer than you've claimed.

*smooches...mad as hell...because he's right*
----------
and right there is one of the reasons why I became celibate; just kept running into dudes with no skills who, in all actuality, were beneath me (and not in a good way)!

They Will NEVER Tear Us Apart

Just another example of why Jack owns my soul...

ME: Is it too much to ask for just ONE THING to be easy in my life? Just one measly thing? I'm not a greedy person; I know everything is not going to just be handed to me, but really? EVERYTHING in my life has to turn into an AP Nuclear Physics 301 final exam? Really?

Sorry... just venting...

Jack: Be happy the exam isn't in Mandarin Chinese!

ME: OMG- I would be the idiot who comes in late and has to take it in Mandarin because it's the only test booklet left since Liu Chin decides he feels like taking his test in English, leaving me with the one reserved for him!!!! UGH!!!!!

I'm gonna kick Liu Chin's ASS!!!!!!!!

Jack:

泰总理称曼谷示威"得到控制"
泰国总理阿披实告诉本台在同反政府示威者进行一天的争斗后，军队已经控制住首都曼谷。
泰暴力冲突加剧 他信称有人死亡
泰国军方开始驱散反政府示威者
图辑：曼谷军民冲突


(pssst: the answer is "C")



*smooches...so grateful for my friends in this time of need*
----------
now if only they all lived on my block, my life would be perfect. JESUS-EFFIN-CHRIST! can you imagine the summer block party? out of this world...

My Brain Is A-fluttering Again

And the best way to deal with a fluttering brain is to just let it spill its contents.

Are YOU The King/Queen Of Movie Quotes?
One of my twitter folk claimed to be the King of Movie Quotes, but he couldn't even identify a simple, recurring quote from the movie Clerks by Kevin Smith! What a fraud! So, who wants his crown... plus a copy of The Black List audio book? Visit Stranger Than Fiction and email me your answers- I'm closing comments over there so that no one can copy off of each other's paper!


3D Ritmo De Vida On Monday Musings
UPDATE-- TONIGHT'S SHOW CANCELED... I'M EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES (translation: Blog Talk Radio is acting a damn fool) But I WILL be back next week... Promise!!
I interviewed this cat Michael Tate from the band 3D Ritmo De Vida for Latin Pulse Music a while ago, and since they just dropped a new CD, Que Siga La Rumba, I invited him on the show to talk about it.



Make sure you tune in; I'll play a few songs off the album and pick Michael's brain just for you!


I'm A Bad Dominican
I completely forgot about Dominican Independence Day on the 27th and didn't even know that New York State has a Dominican Heritage Month from January 26 to February 25, ruining my chances for this feature story on Dominicans I'm working on from getting any interest from the local press. Did y'all know NYS had a Dominican Heritage Month?? Well, I didn't. Why didn't anybody TELL me?? And now the Dominican Caucus might revoke my Quisqueya Card... they're reviewing my file right this minute... wish me luck!


K-Ci And JoJo Are Brothers?
WORD? Why didn't anyone tell me? I just thought they were two crackheads in a band. Bothers? Really? But one is so skinny and the other is so...not! Genetics is funny that way I guess...


The Jaded Online Store
I'm still working on it. Or rather still planning on working on it. Promise.

I have the logo tees, 2 new calendars, greeting cards I worked on with Jack, the Alaska and W. Virginia tees, another line of tees that The Karrie B gave me an idea for and the very funny "How To Tame A Man" book I wrote for Kate's bachelorette party gift.

Not that anyone has any money to buy any of my shit, but still, if the economy picks up you should have that option. It's only right.

*smooches...trying to be brave for this Sunday's reading in Harlem by not thinking about it*
----------
I will not throw up.
I will not throw up.
I will not throw up.
I will not throw up.
I will not throw up.

A Little Book Talk On A Wednesday

I was high on yellow rice- not to be confused with yellow cake- when I wrote this so please, excuse the randomness of the paragraphs...

While K was at an interview at a HS she wanted to attend, C, N and I headed to the local B&N to peruse the goods. As if either one of us needs another book.

While checking the aisles for new or notable Latino/a writers, I saw a display of coffee table books, and one in particular stood out:



THIS book. Is. Awesome.

And not just because Slash is in it (even if it was the main reason I was drawn to it.) but because it features people like Toni Morrison and Dawn Stanley and Louis Gossett, Jr. discussing how being black affected their lives, their profession, their craft, etc, and... OKAY, it's amazing because Slash is in it.

But still, the stuff the other people had to say was interesting, too. I promise. I read it cover to cover, trying really hard not to puke when I came across Sean Combs and Al Farton's pages. Yuck. Did I ever mention how much I hate those dudes? No? Well, I do.

And yes, I know, I'm not technically Black (although I do consider myself an Afro-Latina), but as Jack so eloquently put in this blog post... I'm "Black By Injection" so suck it!

I highly recommend this book, which is also a documentary on HBO (visit the website here); I liked it so much I borrowed it from the library for like 2 months before I finally broke down and bought the damn thing. Because I was not allowed to renew it anymore. Bastards!

THEN imagine my delight when Irene reminded me about February 7th: First Saturday at the BK Museum... guess what they're discussing?? YUP. The Black List. The authors-- renowned portrait photographer/filmmaker Timothy Greenfield-Sanders and acclaimed NPR radio host, journalist and former New York Times film critic Elvis Mitchell-- will be there and um, would it be cheesy to bring my copy and get an autograph?? Yes? No? Maybe so?

PS- in the future, if you're going to purchase books online, can you do me and the world a favor? Buy from this site:

Better World Books

because proceeds go to literacy programs around the world. And you already know how I feel about literacy...



*smooches...wishing that Slash were going to be at First Saturdays, too*
----------
but wishing even harder that Sean Combs' wack ass stays far, far away.

have any of you read any good books lately? do tell!

Because Al-Qaeda Has Now Recruited Geese...

...My ass will not be taking another plane for a lil while.

Did you see that hot mess? Dique a plane in the god-damn Hudson... say WORD? Nuh-uh, these terrorists have gone too far now. I've been giving my landlord the SIDE EYE all weekend: I know what you're up to, Mr. B. I got you on my radar now...

In the meantime, be sure to tune in to tonight's Monday Musings. We're gonna discuss Race Relations, seeing as tomorrow we get a new prez and it's MLK Jr's birthday and all. My co-host is Jack, though, so don't expect the conversation to be TOO serious...



I know a lot of you might be in DC this week partying like rock stars and kissing Obama's ass for all it's worth, but still I encourage you all to tune in and call in and type away in the chat room. Otherwise tonight will just be a Puerto Rican and a Dominican talking shit about why black people and white people got beef. I'm just sayin...

*smooches...fresh from a lovely vacation out west*
----------
oh, and PS- I found the perfect place to meet my next ex-husband... a cool-as-hell sports bar in Park Slope full of lusciously gorgeous men of the chocolate variety... YUM! Thanks for the heads up, Lani!!

Yes, Sometimes It Is Hard To Be A Mets Fan...

JACK (via email): I ordered pizza just yesterday. Carlos Delgado came to the door. Weird.

If you don't know what he's talking about, it's the fakakta patch the Mets have added to the 2009 jerseys to commemorate the new stadium.

Critics are comparing it to the Domino's logo and I can't even blame them... look at this mess:



And look at the one the Yankees came up with:



*deep sigh*

As if Yankee fans aren't already the most arrogant, obnoxious, boisterous and irritating people on the planet, now we have to deal with this bullshit.

I feel like this patch is a test of my loyalty. Well, I ain't going nowhere, not after years and years of losing, not after sticking us with Minaya, and definitely NOT over some stupid patch that will only be on the uniforms for one season.

I'm not that kind of fan. I started with them, I'll finish with them, wherever that road may lead... I'm ride or die for them fools, god help me...

But quietly, how much do you want to bet that Minaya is behind this? OOOOH, I HATE THAT MAN!!!!!!!

*smooches...still a Mets fan, through and through*
----------
nothing will ever change that... I'm like the musicians on the Titanic with this team... I'm going down with the ship if I have to!

Reunited And It Feels So Good...

JACK WAS IN TOWN THIS PAST WEEKEND!!! It was totally splenderific to see him again, even if it was only for a few hours as he passed through NYC while doing the Holiday thing with his family. Aren't you just JEALOUS? Jack included ME in his family plans... yeah, you're jealous, I know... But seriously, I haven't laid eyes on my Sweetie McSweeterton since our drunken outing in '06 so I was super excited to see him.

He joined me on the LES during the NYC Blogging Ladies Holiday get together (to see awesome pics of that night, head on over to Eb's site) and awww I miss him already again!!!!

Funny side-bar: His mom thinks we're lovers, a story co-signed by his cousin who is a delightful little instigator and kept adding fuel to the gossip fire. HILARIOUS!! The best part is, his mom asks if I'm Puerto Rican, and when she's informed that no, I'm Dominican, Jack's mom replies, "Well, at least she's Latina." Thanks, mom!! HA... gotta love Latino moms, they are the best!



And now let me just say, AIN'T NO PARTY LIKE A NYC BLOGGING PAR-TAY! Even though I was in crazy pain all day Sunday, as in I was limping all over Pathmark at the Atlantic Center Mall, I had tons-o-fun hanging out with all of the lovely ladies of blogger.

-THOUGHT BUBBLE-

We should totally make a calendar: The Lovely Ladies of Blogger!! DUDE, do you know how much loot we could rack in? Just ask Twanna over at Funky Brown Chick- she was just featured in a sex bloggers' calendar, although they were raising money for a charity. Still, I'm just sayin'... someone put that shit together ASAP... if need be, I know a pretty good photog *wink* Hey, Marcin; wassup, baby?!

-END TRANSMISSION-



The plan was to meet for Happy Hour (which I missed; college basketball games had me by the throat, and I usually HATE college ball. However, when it's college ball on a 50" flat screen plasma and there's pizza involved, well, can you blame me?!) then dinner then dancing. Dinner was DEE-licious (Boca Chica on 1st & 1st- the nexus of the universe HA!) even though my chicharron de pollo was NOT what *I* know chicharron de pollo to be, I'll give them a pass because it was still tasty.



The dancing part was, oh, how do I even describe how good it felt to go dancing again after such a long hiatus? My shoes were killing me but I danced through the pain out of sheer determination to enjoy every minute of this rare night out!

Funny story- the bartender at the club was a total stank-ass BI-OTCH who was ruder than rude and kept ignoring us... so while I was complaining about it, some random dude comes up to me and Jack and tells Jack if he were to whip out his penis and I were to just unleash the twins, we might get better service. I'm still not sure who he was hitting on... why is it everytime I'm out with Jack the bi-sexuals come out the woodwork to hit on us BOTH at the same time?

But I unfortunately have something yucky to report- JACK wasn't the only Jack I reunited with that night. Yes, my dry spell was interrupted by the 4 shots of Jack Daniels I drank that night. And it wasn't just whiskey... I drank some other shit, too... I know, I know; I said I was through with alcohol, but clearly it wasn't through with me!

*SIGH*

Scary part was, I was totally fine until ShellyShell and I went to visit Lani... and she gave us shots of JAGER. My first and last shot EVER of that nastiness. It tasted like licorice dipped in funky ass juice and NEVER AGAIN will I subject myself to that mess. BLECH!

Here's Ms. Lani with the bar manager, a very cool Anglo by the name of Dennis:



ShellyShell was in rare form that night... she was spewing such craziness at the bar that poor Lani just gave up her battle with Gravity. FUNNY SHIT- y'all missed out!



Oh, and Dennis played this song for us:



Even though it is very clear that both me and Lani are NOT the ones Mos Def is talking about in this song! Booty? What's that? I know not this "booty" that you speak of... Shelly, honey, this was alllllll you!

Then he played this:



And all three of us were all over it... BIG UP, BROOK-LYNNNNNNN!!!!!!

Other things of note: I am not a kid anymore. Someone please remind me of this next time I go out. The next morning my whole body ached. Seriously from head to toe- PAIN! What made me think I can stay out until 6AM dancing and drinking n shit? What the hell???

Also, Jack thought he was being REAL FUNNY asking me my shirt size, suggesting maybe I'm an XL instead of a large because of the Twins. DANG- they are NOT that big!! As proof, here I am wearing said TShirt (thanks, boo!! You know I love me some Mets!):



(peep the tired eyes in the shot... HOT. MESS. But my hair was still cute so it doesn't matter- did you notice? I got a haircut, y'all!)

And now, I cannot wait until next weekend... that's right- another girls' night out. It's the holidays... what? Don't judge me, monkey...

*smooches...vowing that even though alcohol came back, sex will not*
----------
I can handle my liquor; men, however...