Let me tell you what happens when you press the statistics tab on blogger: you find out the weird and fabulous ways people end up on your site. Someone actually looked up "kind naked feet pic" and was directed to my site. WHY? I hate feet- everyone knows that. I don't like looking at them, I don't like mine, I don't even like to measure things in "feet"!
Another bunch of crazies typed "bitch please, I'm Dominican" and was directed here and, umm, I don't recall ever writing something like that. SkyNet has clearly developed some sort of technology that reads minds via keystrokes. CLEARLY.
If you ask me this is more proof that Google has waged war with me because I know it's already become self-aware, and that the Robot Apocalypse is near.
I'm on to you, GOOGLE. You won't win. YOU WON'T WIN!
*smooches...thinking that my meds have stopped working*
----------
oh wait, I'm not taking any meds...
Showing posts with label Evil Robots. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Evil Robots. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Thursday, October 20, 2011
A Real Quick Sorry...
...for all the times I stayed stuck on my Blackberry, ignoring you and what you had to say.
Now that I've gotten rid of my smartphone I see how obnoxious and rude it is to keep heads bowed and thumbs in position. Where have our manners gone? What has happened to our attention spans?
I truly apologize to you, you and you for every time I checked my Twitter timeline or emails while you were in mid-sentence about something that was important to you. All of that could have waited until I got home. And it was unnecessary for my phone to be on the table, between us, at dinner. I would have felt it vibrate from my pocket. I didn't need it within sight like an electronic security blanket.
And I really want to say sorry to myself, for allowing a machine to keep me from enjoying the moment, soaking in real, touchable, tangible life, and depending on faceless transmissions from a tiny screen to validate my existence.
This is not who I set out to be. I want to be the person who digs her bare feet into the dirt and becomes one with the world, and then sits there in the same dirt and writes about it. I want to be front row center at a show and let the music pour over me uninterrupted. I want to sit in my seat with my popcorn and blue raspberry slushee and see a whole movie- previews to closing credits- without having to bring all the world with me.
I want to sit across from my friends, look them in the face and honestly say "Yes. I'm listening to you and I care about what you're saying because I love you," without having a phone between us.
And I can only hope you'd do the same for me.
*smooches...really paying attention now*
----------
and now that I'm here in the moment, anything you care to say?
Now that I've gotten rid of my smartphone I see how obnoxious and rude it is to keep heads bowed and thumbs in position. Where have our manners gone? What has happened to our attention spans?
I truly apologize to you, you and you for every time I checked my Twitter timeline or emails while you were in mid-sentence about something that was important to you. All of that could have waited until I got home. And it was unnecessary for my phone to be on the table, between us, at dinner. I would have felt it vibrate from my pocket. I didn't need it within sight like an electronic security blanket.
And I really want to say sorry to myself, for allowing a machine to keep me from enjoying the moment, soaking in real, touchable, tangible life, and depending on faceless transmissions from a tiny screen to validate my existence.
This is not who I set out to be. I want to be the person who digs her bare feet into the dirt and becomes one with the world, and then sits there in the same dirt and writes about it. I want to be front row center at a show and let the music pour over me uninterrupted. I want to sit in my seat with my popcorn and blue raspberry slushee and see a whole movie- previews to closing credits- without having to bring all the world with me.
I want to sit across from my friends, look them in the face and honestly say "Yes. I'm listening to you and I care about what you're saying because I love you," without having a phone between us.
And I can only hope you'd do the same for me.
*smooches...really paying attention now*
----------
and now that I'm here in the moment, anything you care to say?
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Some Sanity Lost, Some Sanity Found
Right before it was decided that Joshua, my old computer, needed to be replaced, I thought it a good idea to backup all my data in preparation for Joshua III. Smart, right? One would think. Except instead of pressing BACKUP I pressed SYNC which, in case you didn't know, like I didn't know, are NOT THE SAME THING.
My absentmindedness cost me the thousands and thousands of songs I had saved on the external hard drive- some bought from Amazon, some from iTunes, some gotten through old zshare links from friends and some I got from borrowing CDs from the public library. None of them saved anywhere else. All of them now gone.
The moment I realized what I had done (weeks later) AND that the few songs recovered on the external hard drive weren't transferring over correctly because the drive caught the same virus Joshua had or something, I sat perfectly still, staring at Joshua III and trying not to fall apart. Trying not to do bodily harm to myself for being so stupid. Trying not to take it out on the beautiful new computer Mari gifted me. "This is a live and learn moment, Raquel. Please do not lose your shit," I told myself out loud. "You can get them all back little by little. Please get up from this chair, throw some water on your face and take a nap."
(Yes, sometimes I have to have conversations with myself out loud or else...)
The next day, after I vegged out in front of the computer with some old "30 Rock" episodes, I began to comb my Gmail account for the links to albums friends had sent me in the past. Some of them were dead (the links, not the friends!) but some of them still worked. I calmly uploaded the songs I could and made note of the ones I needed to get. Then I remembered- I had a stack of CDs I had burned prior to 2006 that Marcin was holding for me (YES, since 2006) after I abruptly left the magazine where we both worked. Those CDs made up the bulk of the music I had saved on ol' Joshua and all of a sudden they were the most important things in the world to me!
When I finally got them back OH THE JOY I FELT IN MY HEART! There were songs on there I didn't even remember having! And today- this rainy, running-late, forgot-to-eat-breakfast-and-pack-lunch, left-my-debit-card-in-my-bag-when-I-went-to-Old-Navy-to-shop-for-N, day, I found a smaller stack of CDs that were labeled "Rocky's Tunes" and "Travel Mix" from 2008 and 2009. On "Travel Mix, Vol. 1" were the most awesome and ratchet rap & reggae songs that I love love love and it amazed me how this dusty find could take my frown and LITERALLY turn it upside down:
I don't even know where I got these songs from but THANK GOD FOR THEM ALL.
Now no one has to die.
*smooches...grooving inappropriately all day*
----------
listen, whatever it takes to get through the day...
My absentmindedness cost me the thousands and thousands of songs I had saved on the external hard drive- some bought from Amazon, some from iTunes, some gotten through old zshare links from friends and some I got from borrowing CDs from the public library. None of them saved anywhere else. All of them now gone.
The moment I realized what I had done (weeks later) AND that the few songs recovered on the external hard drive weren't transferring over correctly because the drive caught the same virus Joshua had or something, I sat perfectly still, staring at Joshua III and trying not to fall apart. Trying not to do bodily harm to myself for being so stupid. Trying not to take it out on the beautiful new computer Mari gifted me. "This is a live and learn moment, Raquel. Please do not lose your shit," I told myself out loud. "You can get them all back little by little. Please get up from this chair, throw some water on your face and take a nap."
(Yes, sometimes I have to have conversations with myself out loud or else...)
The next day, after I vegged out in front of the computer with some old "30 Rock" episodes, I began to comb my Gmail account for the links to albums friends had sent me in the past. Some of them were dead (the links, not the friends!) but some of them still worked. I calmly uploaded the songs I could and made note of the ones I needed to get. Then I remembered- I had a stack of CDs I had burned prior to 2006 that Marcin was holding for me (YES, since 2006) after I abruptly left the magazine where we both worked. Those CDs made up the bulk of the music I had saved on ol' Joshua and all of a sudden they were the most important things in the world to me!
When I finally got them back OH THE JOY I FELT IN MY HEART! There were songs on there I didn't even remember having! And today- this rainy, running-late, forgot-to-eat-breakfast-and-pack-lunch, left-my-debit-card-in-my-bag-when-I-went-to-Old-Navy-to-shop-for-N, day, I found a smaller stack of CDs that were labeled "Rocky's Tunes" and "Travel Mix" from 2008 and 2009. On "Travel Mix, Vol. 1" were the most awesome and ratchet rap & reggae songs that I love love love and it amazed me how this dusty find could take my frown and LITERALLY turn it upside down:
I don't even know where I got these songs from but THANK GOD FOR THEM ALL.
Now no one has to die.
*smooches...grooving inappropriately all day*
----------
listen, whatever it takes to get through the day...
Monday, August 29, 2011
Joshua I – Beloved Friend And Confidant
Not much good came out of my stint at the Waco School for Girls, but there were some highlights. Like the friendship I cultivated that is still going strong even though there are 3,000 miles between us, and the realization that I was in a shit marriage with a shit man. And, of course, Joshua I, the Dell Dimension 4700 desktop computer I invested in with my fabulous new private school salary.
Prior to Joshua we had the crappiest computer Rent-a-Center had to offer (UGH!) and when this sleek Dell came into my life a choir of angels sang Prince songs to me. Shit like ADORE and DIAMONDS AND PEARLS and fucking LET’S GO CRAZY. Angels, dawg, ANGELS!!
Basically I was really excited to get this computer. Even though the school supplied everyone with Macbooks, I was in love with this computer. I even had it custom built; told the Dell customer service dude everything I needed it to have and had it made just for me. I was ready to take over the world with Joshua as my sidekick!
The name was a no-brainer: it was to be N's moniker had she been a boy (taken from the computer's name in War Games...yes, I'm that much of a geek. Shut up.), but she was born with a vagina and was to be our last child, so the computer became the son I never had. It was cherished beyond belief. I put so many restrictions on others using it that sometimes, no one else would WANT to use it at all. And often, whether people were around or not, I'd talk to it and say things like, "Come ON, Joshua, please just work for mommy! I'm trying to find a job!" or "OK, Joshua, clearly you're tired and want to go to sleep. We can watch ER tomorrow." It was a tumultuous but loving relationship.
There was that one time in 2007 when it wouldn't power on and swallowed my thesis whole. BOY WAS THAT A FUN WEEK! And then there was the time in 2009 when the DVD player started opening and closing on its own for no apparent reason. THAT WASN'T CREEPY AT ALL. Joshua has been around since Day 1 of this blog and seen so much fuckery that well, if he could talk I'd be in jail. We survived chatrooms, illegal downloads, porn marathons and stank emails back and forth between me and my ex during the first few months of our divorce. I honed my Photoshop and Quark Xpress skills on Joshua; discovered YouTube and Twitter with Joshua and finally, created much literary magic with Joshua.
Unfortunately, he's just a computer. One born in 2004 and used to death everyday of his life, not unlike The Giving Tree. And now, he's a tired stump that just wants some peace.
I write all this so that you truly understand the heaviness in my heart right now as I inform you that Joshua I is no longer with us. Whatever virus has taken over the motherboard is stronger than we can battle with our limited resources, and I wanted to keep fighting for him because I'm not the type to just replace shit on a whim, but after more than a year with severe computer problems in this very computer-dependent society, I had to finally throw in the towel.
I'm actually sad about it. I understand it's a machine and it's just a material possession, but it was one of the first things I'd ever bought with my own money that was just mine, and it played a huge part in my becoming more and more independent.
Joshua, my good (and sometimes annoyingly infuriating) friend, you will be missed.
*smooches...getting kinda weepy over a machine*
----------
I never thought my analog self would see the day that I shed a tear over a fucking machine...SkyNet has won. Abandon all hope. The end is near.
Prior to Joshua we had the crappiest computer Rent-a-Center had to offer (UGH!) and when this sleek Dell came into my life a choir of angels sang Prince songs to me. Shit like ADORE and DIAMONDS AND PEARLS and fucking LET’S GO CRAZY. Angels, dawg, ANGELS!!
Basically I was really excited to get this computer. Even though the school supplied everyone with Macbooks, I was in love with this computer. I even had it custom built; told the Dell customer service dude everything I needed it to have and had it made just for me. I was ready to take over the world with Joshua as my sidekick!
The name was a no-brainer: it was to be N's moniker had she been a boy (taken from the computer's name in War Games...yes, I'm that much of a geek. Shut up.), but she was born with a vagina and was to be our last child, so the computer became the son I never had. It was cherished beyond belief. I put so many restrictions on others using it that sometimes, no one else would WANT to use it at all. And often, whether people were around or not, I'd talk to it and say things like, "Come ON, Joshua, please just work for mommy! I'm trying to find a job!" or "OK, Joshua, clearly you're tired and want to go to sleep. We can watch ER tomorrow." It was a tumultuous but loving relationship.
There was that one time in 2007 when it wouldn't power on and swallowed my thesis whole. BOY WAS THAT A FUN WEEK! And then there was the time in 2009 when the DVD player started opening and closing on its own for no apparent reason. THAT WASN'T CREEPY AT ALL. Joshua has been around since Day 1 of this blog and seen so much fuckery that well, if he could talk I'd be in jail. We survived chatrooms, illegal downloads, porn marathons and stank emails back and forth between me and my ex during the first few months of our divorce. I honed my Photoshop and Quark Xpress skills on Joshua; discovered YouTube and Twitter with Joshua and finally, created much literary magic with Joshua.
Unfortunately, he's just a computer. One born in 2004 and used to death everyday of his life, not unlike The Giving Tree. And now, he's a tired stump that just wants some peace.
I write all this so that you truly understand the heaviness in my heart right now as I inform you that Joshua I is no longer with us. Whatever virus has taken over the motherboard is stronger than we can battle with our limited resources, and I wanted to keep fighting for him because I'm not the type to just replace shit on a whim, but after more than a year with severe computer problems in this very computer-dependent society, I had to finally throw in the towel.
I'm actually sad about it. I understand it's a machine and it's just a material possession, but it was one of the first things I'd ever bought with my own money that was just mine, and it played a huge part in my becoming more and more independent.
Joshua, my good (and sometimes annoyingly infuriating) friend, you will be missed.
*smooches...getting kinda weepy over a machine*
----------
I never thought my analog self would see the day that I shed a tear over a fucking machine...SkyNet has won. Abandon all hope. The end is near.
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Top 10 Conspiracy Theories That Will Get Me Shot
10- Doctors and insurance companies are in cahoots with the government to keep us in fear of our inevitable deaths, over-medicated and dependent on the latest news items from The New England Journal of Medicine, or as I like to call it, The Quack's Bible.
9- Healthy food costs more money so that poor folks will have a hard time maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Why? See number 10.
8- The Pope isn't really Catholic and he's had sex before. With multiple partners. Lots of them of the same sex AND underage.
7- Google is really SkyNet in a very thinly veiled disguise and has already begun to think for itself. The impending robot war is close at hand.
6- Obama is really a White dude with an afro wig and a tan ala C. Thomas Howell in "Soul Man."
5- JFK was not shot by Oswald. Has anyone ever looked into what old man Onasis was doing that day? Mhmm. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned..."
4- The graphic novel-turned-TV Show, "The Walking Dead," is really NRA propaganda. How convenient that the best way to defend yourself against a zombie invasion is with a firearm. YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME,FAKE MOSES Charlton Heston! I see right through you! I don't care if you're dead!
3- We never landed on the moon, and if you look real close at the footage of the "moon landing" you can see the cables attached to the "astronauts" as they walk around in "space."
2- There are hidden cameras in my apartment and my phones are tapped, because my landlord is a member of some sort of terrorist cell and The Man thinks I'm a part of it. This doesn't stop me from walking around in the buff, though. If you're gonna watch, shiiiiit, I'm gonna give you a show. The SHOW OF A LIFETIME!
1- Sean Combs and Suge Knight orchestrated Biggie & Tupac's deaths, respectively, to line their own pockets with millions in record sales. Rat bastards. That's right, I said that shit. AND WHAT?!?!
*smooches...writing these things because I can*
----------
Who gon' check me, boo?
9- Healthy food costs more money so that poor folks will have a hard time maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Why? See number 10.
8- The Pope isn't really Catholic and he's had sex before. With multiple partners. Lots of them of the same sex AND underage.
7- Google is really SkyNet in a very thinly veiled disguise and has already begun to think for itself. The impending robot war is close at hand.
6- Obama is really a White dude with an afro wig and a tan ala C. Thomas Howell in "Soul Man."
5- JFK was not shot by Oswald. Has anyone ever looked into what old man Onasis was doing that day? Mhmm. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned..."
4- The graphic novel-turned-TV Show, "The Walking Dead," is really NRA propaganda. How convenient that the best way to defend yourself against a zombie invasion is with a firearm. YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME,
3- We never landed on the moon, and if you look real close at the footage of the "moon landing" you can see the cables attached to the "astronauts" as they walk around in "space."
2- There are hidden cameras in my apartment and my phones are tapped, because my landlord is a member of some sort of terrorist cell and The Man thinks I'm a part of it. This doesn't stop me from walking around in the buff, though. If you're gonna watch, shiiiiit, I'm gonna give you a show. The SHOW OF A LIFETIME!
1- Sean Combs and Suge Knight orchestrated Biggie & Tupac's deaths, respectively, to line their own pockets with millions in record sales. Rat bastards. That's right, I said that shit. AND WHAT?!?!
**This post has been brought to you by a food coma, drafty apartment and keyboard courage. If I end up dead because of a 'mysterious' or 'unfortunate' accident, you'll know why. Avenge me.**
*smooches...writing these things because I can*
----------
Who gon' check me, boo?
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Under The Microscope
Hi, I'm Jaded, and I'm a control freak.
Everyone: HI JADED!
Picture a time when you were so in love- not lust, not smitten, not strong like but LOVE- that you just knew in your heart it couldn't possibly get any better than this. I mean, even after the newness has worn off and you've had your first fight and hit some bumps, you KNEW this was RIGHT and worth fighting for.
Then, one day, it's snatched away from you and you were never given or never acquired the coping skills to deal with such a loss. It makes you bitter and guarded and you develop this sadness deep in your bones that you cover up with sarcasm and humor and casual sex and drugs and Buffalo wings at 4AM. You lose your ability to trust your own judgment because you're afraid it will be wrong. You'd rather the answer be handed to you.
But of course it won't ever, so you resign yourself to being this distrustful person (and that never works of course) and think you can be happy this way.
So you go on with your life as best you can with this inability to trust until one day it occurs to you: this isn't working. But DAMN if you know what's what!
And most importantly:
Obviously I have a birthday looming and it's making me overthink EVERYTHING, and after analyzing my life to death, because that's what us science nerds do, my close friends and I deduced that not only do I have an unhealthy obsession with being in control of everything, but I also have a problem letting things go.
Let's not forget how I almost let my longtime friendships with Irene and Cathi go to pot because I couldn't let go of what I considered a disappointment, or the fact that I refuse to make peace with my grandmother's passing, or that I still haven't really forgiven Mami for many things. It only makes sense that I not be able to undo the damage that initial broken heart caused, which in turn keeps affecting my ability to recognize, seek out and be open to a romantic relationship and instead find comfort in the physical pleasures.
But let's call a spade a spade here: I'm not getting any younger. Pretty soon it will be me, my Fiestaware collection, my John Cusack DVDs and a slew of cats living in a studio apartment in Bushwick.
Won't THOSE blog posts be fun: "Today, as we watched Better Off Dead for the 3,000th time, Mitzy coughed up the biggest hairball in the history of hairballs. I would've taken a picture for you but that bitch-ass Robo-Maid swept it up before I could grab my camera."
*smooches...frantically searching for my body's instruction manual*
----------
if I can fix this I'll be ok
if I can fix this I'll be ok
if I can fix this I'll be ok
if I can fix this I'll be ok
if I can fix this I'll be ok
Everyone: HI JADED!
Picture a time when you were so in love- not lust, not smitten, not strong like but LOVE- that you just knew in your heart it couldn't possibly get any better than this. I mean, even after the newness has worn off and you've had your first fight and hit some bumps, you KNEW this was RIGHT and worth fighting for.
Then, one day, it's snatched away from you and you were never given or never acquired the coping skills to deal with such a loss. It makes you bitter and guarded and you develop this sadness deep in your bones that you cover up with sarcasm and humor and casual sex and drugs and Buffalo wings at 4AM. You lose your ability to trust your own judgment because you're afraid it will be wrong. You'd rather the answer be handed to you.
But of course it won't ever, so you resign yourself to being this distrustful person (and that never works of course) and think you can be happy this way.
So you go on with your life as best you can with this inability to trust until one day it occurs to you: this isn't working. But DAMN if you know what's what!
And most importantly:
Obviously I have a birthday looming and it's making me overthink EVERYTHING, and after analyzing my life to death, because that's what us science nerds do, my close friends and I deduced that not only do I have an unhealthy obsession with being in control of everything, but I also have a problem letting things go.
Let's not forget how I almost let my longtime friendships with Irene and Cathi go to pot because I couldn't let go of what I considered a disappointment, or the fact that I refuse to make peace with my grandmother's passing, or that I still haven't really forgiven Mami for many things. It only makes sense that I not be able to undo the damage that initial broken heart caused, which in turn keeps affecting my ability to recognize, seek out and be open to a romantic relationship and instead find comfort in the physical pleasures.
But let's call a spade a spade here: I'm not getting any younger. Pretty soon it will be me, my Fiestaware collection, my John Cusack DVDs and a slew of cats living in a studio apartment in Bushwick.
Won't THOSE blog posts be fun: "Today, as we watched Better Off Dead for the 3,000th time, Mitzy coughed up the biggest hairball in the history of hairballs. I would've taken a picture for you but that bitch-ass Robo-Maid swept it up before I could grab my camera."
*smooches...frantically searching for my body's instruction manual*
----------
if I can fix this I'll be ok
if I can fix this I'll be ok
if I can fix this I'll be ok
if I can fix this I'll be ok
if I can fix this I'll be ok
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Back In The (Twitter) Saddle Again
Yeah, yeah, yeah... I went back to Twitter. What of it?
In my defense: FACEBOOK IS SOOOOOO FREAKIN' BORING I WANTED TO DRINK LYSOL EVERYTIME I LOGGED ON!!!!!!!
Seriously! I have way more fun on Twitter than I do on FB. Sad, I know. I should be having way more fun outside or in my bedroom (CHEA... riiiiiiight!) than I am online but fuck it- it is what it is (UGH! I swore I'd never use that phrase...). Plus that Mafia Wars bullshit... Look, I SUCK at all and every video-type game I've ever attempted in my life. I don't know WHY I thought Mafia Wars would be any different. So yeah I had to stop playing.
I'm being smarter about it, though, because I DID NOT add it to my phone and I WILL NOT add it to my phone. So basically if I'm not at a computer you will not "see" me on Twitter. It has helped my addiction recovery tremendously. My productivity still sucks ass, but that's a post for another day.
My return was not uneventful, though, and because of it I am thoroughly and unequivocally convinced that Twitter is manned by ROBOTS. Evil, human-hating, plotting, Al-Qaeda ROBOTS! You heard it here first!
Case in point:
When you cancel a Twitter account, the ROBOTS inform you that should you choose to return there is the possibility of reactivating your deleted account. Sounds cool, right? WRONG!
If, like me, you reactivate your account, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. First, it asks you to change your username & email attached to the account, so I did it, but I really wanted to keep mine so then I changed it back.
Then after a couple of days I noticed all my followers & the people I was following disappeared. I figured AWESOME! I GET TO START FROM SCRATCH!
WRONG AGAIN, Col. Sanders... As I went about the business of re-adding my peeps a strange thing happened... I got locked in at following 26 people and only 15 followers. Meaning I was not allowed to follow more than 26 people and no matter how many times I approved new followers no more than 15 were being let through. WTF, TWITTER?
Like any normal human being I went to the HELP section to try and find answers, sent in a help request and waited patiently. I DID THIS FOUR TIMES AND GOT THE SAME AUTOMATED RESPONSE EACH TIME WHICH DID NOT HELP ME AT ALL.
Finally, out of ideas and with nowhere to turn, I had to say goodbye to my Twitter account- and all 13,000 updates- for good and open a new one. A completely new one. Blank slate n shit. All past genius just dust in the wind.
And for what? Because a bunch of DAMN ROBOTS wanted to teach me a lesson about impulsivity and temper tantrums and thinking my decisions through thoroughly before executing them? Well FUCK YOU, TWITTER ROBOTS! I'm onto you and your evil plans of world domination... don't think I'm NOT!
*deep cleansing breaths*
In the meantime, if you USED TO follow me please be aware that you do not anymore. I have a new account. It's the same name (www.twitter.com/TheJadedNYer) but a new account nonetheless. It's not that I'm being "quiet" it's that you're not following me. Feel free to re-add me and if I like you I will approve your request.
If I don't... hey, wait a minute... how'd you even get access to this blog? SECURITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*smooches...trying to have patience w/social networking sites*
----------
seriously, tho- how BORING is facebook, huh?? HUH??
In my defense: FACEBOOK IS SOOOOOO FREAKIN' BORING I WANTED TO DRINK LYSOL EVERYTIME I LOGGED ON!!!!!!!
Seriously! I have way more fun on Twitter than I do on FB. Sad, I know. I should be having way more fun outside or in my bedroom (CHEA... riiiiiiight!) than I am online but fuck it- it is what it is (UGH! I swore I'd never use that phrase...). Plus that Mafia Wars bullshit... Look, I SUCK at all and every video-type game I've ever attempted in my life. I don't know WHY I thought Mafia Wars would be any different. So yeah I had to stop playing.
I'm being smarter about it, though, because I DID NOT add it to my phone and I WILL NOT add it to my phone. So basically if I'm not at a computer you will not "see" me on Twitter. It has helped my addiction recovery tremendously. My productivity still sucks ass, but that's a post for another day.
My return was not uneventful, though, and because of it I am thoroughly and unequivocally convinced that Twitter is manned by ROBOTS. Evil, human-hating, plotting, Al-Qaeda ROBOTS! You heard it here first!
Case in point:
When you cancel a Twitter account, the ROBOTS inform you that should you choose to return there is the possibility of reactivating your deleted account. Sounds cool, right? WRONG!
If, like me, you reactivate your account, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. First, it asks you to change your username & email attached to the account, so I did it, but I really wanted to keep mine so then I changed it back.
Then after a couple of days I noticed all my followers & the people I was following disappeared. I figured AWESOME! I GET TO START FROM SCRATCH!
WRONG AGAIN, Col. Sanders... As I went about the business of re-adding my peeps a strange thing happened... I got locked in at following 26 people and only 15 followers. Meaning I was not allowed to follow more than 26 people and no matter how many times I approved new followers no more than 15 were being let through. WTF, TWITTER?
Like any normal human being I went to the HELP section to try and find answers, sent in a help request and waited patiently. I DID THIS FOUR TIMES AND GOT THE SAME AUTOMATED RESPONSE EACH TIME WHICH DID NOT HELP ME AT ALL.
Finally, out of ideas and with nowhere to turn, I had to say goodbye to my Twitter account- and all 13,000 updates- for good and open a new one. A completely new one. Blank slate n shit. All past genius just dust in the wind.
And for what? Because a bunch of DAMN ROBOTS wanted to teach me a lesson about impulsivity and temper tantrums and thinking my decisions through thoroughly before executing them? Well FUCK YOU, TWITTER ROBOTS! I'm onto you and your evil plans of world domination... don't think I'm NOT!
*deep cleansing breaths*
In the meantime, if you USED TO follow me please be aware that you do not anymore. I have a new account. It's the same name (www.twitter.com/TheJadedNYer) but a new account nonetheless. It's not that I'm being "quiet" it's that you're not following me. Feel free to re-add me and if I like you I will approve your request.
If I don't... hey, wait a minute... how'd you even get access to this blog? SECURITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*smooches...trying to have patience w/social networking sites*
----------
seriously, tho- how BORING is facebook, huh?? HUH??
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