Calling All Native Brooklynites!

I'm over here making moves, son. Either get on board or get the fuck out of the way. I'd rather you get on board, though.

Spread the word, mmkay?

*smooches...prepping myself for a busy winter*
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can't stop, won't stop

In Case You're Looking For Me

A lot of you forget to check my site for appearances, and then pull the whole "you had a reading?" schpiel after the fact. Well here's a gentle reminder that I'm actively booking events where I host and/or read, and you need to be in the audience cheering me on.

How can you say no to that face?

That is all.

*smooches...gearing up for a busy season*
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it's about to be LOCO!

My Friends Bring Me Peace

Yesterday afternoon I actually left my house, put on a dress and a full face of makeup, took my hair out of their Celie braids, and celebrated the book release of my homie and Fake Dominican sister, Blu Daniels. Her novel, Misconceptions, has been a long time coming, went through a trillion revisions, crossed many agents' and editors' hands and is FINALLY in book form. I'm so proud of her hard work, diligence and determination, and we look so cute when we step away from the computer and clean up for photo ops:

BIG UP BROOKLYN!

I must admit, at the time of the party, I'd only read a few pages of the book. People, I have ZERO TIME for luxuries like reading, sleeping, breathing... but last night, after N went to bed I figured, eh, why not? Let me step away from the computer, put my Spotify on shuffle, and see what the hell this book was talkin' 'bout.

I fell asleep shortly after, but then I woke up at 3am (the lights & music were still on), went to pee and thought, eh, might as well keep reading.

This is how I live my life these days. As if sleep is this annoyance that isn't necessary in my life. Sometimes I swear I need a hot slap right across the jaw.

Anyways, sometime around 7am I had to stop reading to get N ready for school, but for about four straight hours I wasn't checking my email, FB or The Twitter; I wasn't watching natural hair videos or "Golden Girls" reruns on YouTube; I wasn't stuffing my face with non-Paleo bullshit. I was just propped up on pillows, under the covers, reading a book.

It was a beautiful thing.

Thanks, Blu, for that much-needed moment of zen (even if I did crash at 7:30 this morning and was very late for work).

*smooches...just for Blu and her new book*
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in other news, I look like someone's fat auntie in that pic. no more photos until I drop a dress size. that is all.

My Bad, Did I Forget To Say Bye?

First, for old time's sake, some welcome back music:



OK so listen, I took another impromptu break. Whatever. Don't get all fake-upset. You clearly did just fine filling your days without me popping up in your inbox every day.

So what's new with me? Let's see...I'm still single (yeah, baby!!), K's off at college (one down, one to go), I've gained more weight and give no fucks about it, and I've finally decided to put myself on a real budget (which I really had no choice about; paying for college is a BITCH!).

N and I are settling into our non-K existence just fine so far, and I've been keeping busy trying to make my literary life bigger and better and more well-known throughout NYC. And of course, I've been ruining my eyesight and killing braincells watching TV and movies until the wee hours of the night. Writing? Yeah, not so much. But soon. SOON.

Meanwhile, it's Latino Heritage Month; be sure and hug a Mexican today or something.

So, what y'all been doing?

*smooches...only posting to keep my online fame active*
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unfortunately I need you fools to make shit happen. UGH. I hate needing people...

Look What The Cat Dragged In

Yes. I decided to pick this whole blogging thing up again. It was a very peaceful break and I truly enjoyed my time away, to the point that I toyed with shutting down altogether. But before we get into all that, we dance!



Anywhores, I decided to stay for a bit and see if maybe I can learn to love this again. The thought of quitting for good was a bit frightening, especially because the idea popped in my head during PMS Week, and we all know that's a horrible time to make major decisions. Today I woke up sans cramps, so, you know, I won't quit just yet.

So what's been happening since we last spoke? Lots! But if I tell you everything here I won't have material to last me the month, and frankly I'm trying to make it to the end of May without dippin' out again.

I will give you this much: I'm still happily employed at a job I love, I'm still writing, both my kids are relatively happy and healthy, and I'm giving my pseudo-romance another chance. AND there are cats in my cubicle; they get me through the day.

There's also a bunch of stuff to read on my other sites, too: BaobabWellness.org and RaquelPenzo.com. You should definitely stop in for a read (and see how I've been shamelessly cheating on The Jaded NYer).

How have YOU been?

*smooches...trying to get comfy in this space again*
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is anyone still even reading?

I Am A Swift Wind Sweeping The Country

Today I just have a simple message about self-esteem and doubt, because I've been mired in emotions tied to both lately. I mean, all of these posts deal with self-esteem and doubt in a way, but today I'm saying, specifically, if you're doubting yourself and the decisions you've made, and you're feeling like shit, this post is for you.

It's a side effect of writing and submitting stories to various publications. You're always wondering if you're good enough and if the editor on the other side of the email will "get you" and your work. And while this whole thing is going on, I'm still dealing with remnants of a near-relationship that I had to end a couple of months ago. Again, even though I did what I had to do, there are lingerings of "will I ever find someone who is right for me at the right time for both of us?" It's just a lot. Heck, I didn't even bother to post anything on the blog all week--that's how full of STUFF my brain is right now.

Times like these you just have to remind yourself you ARE enough. You ARE great. And gosh darnit, people like you!



Take a moment to look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are an awesome work-in-progress, and that everything you work hard for can be yours.

*smooches...trying to believe in myself*
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good thing I don't hold any positions of power; emotions like this start world wars...

In Preparation For My Trip Home

It wasn't cheap, but I have my tickets in-hand for our trip to Santo Domingo next month--well worth the sacrifice (who needs electricity? you Americans are so SPOILED!). In just a few weeks we'll be in the sun with family, relaxing. But before all of that can happen, I want to do a few things. Namely...

1- Teach the girls some basic Spanish phrases. I got yelled at last year because they didn't speak the language, and I was supposed to be teaching them all year before this trip. But I got busy watching Soul Food on Youtube...you know how it is... However, I'm going to teach them some Spanish basics and make them practice it for at least two hours a day.

2- Get fitter. In my head I have four months to get in better shape because I won't be in non-sweater gear until late May/early June. BUT it hit me- I'll be on the beach in only a few weeks! Now, I'm not going to do anything crazy like starve myself or go on some crazy cleanse--you know Jaded ain't about that life!--but I do want to establish a routine that will translate easily to life in the Caribbean. Also, I need to make sure I can bring my supplements with me; you know how RUDE TSA agents can be about liquids on a plane.

3- Braid. N's. Hair. I'm not dealing with the untangling and craziness that we went through last time. The child is getting braids that will never get unraveled until we get back to NYC. Problem solved!

4- Pack smarter. I barely wore anything more than shorts and a t-shirt, and I had to refrain from bringing goodies back because it didn't fit in the suitcase. That's not going to happen this time!

5- Make sure to bring supplies to enhance and record our trip. I need my voice recorder for all of Abuelo and Papi's tales, at least two books to read at night, a notebook and pens to write a zillion new stories (OK, maybe just one) and a decent camera. Although, my old Blackberry phone did an OK job of taking pics, as did K's iPod Touch. Oooh, that reminds me--I need a kick-ass playlist for when we're chilling in the sun.

Oh man, I cannot wait!!!

And don't worry, I'll schedule some posts for while I'm gone. You won't even know I'm on vacation...

*smooches...looking forward to some much-needed downtime*
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the countdown begins NOW!

Tengo Mucho Hot

I don't have much to share today: I have less than a month to reduce a back-fat situation for Cathi's wedding and my MRI resulted in sorta crappy news, but I bought another Juan Luis Guerra CD and decided you needed more reminders of his awesomeness.











That should keep you busy for a few minutes.

*smooches...shaking it all over my kitchen*
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merengue is so fabulous. always.

Appearances On Wednesday & Sunday, Stalkers!

This Wednesday (WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAY) I will once again read a bit of magic to some drunk folks at Sycamore Bar in Ditmas Park. Why? Because why not? What else am I going to do on a Wednesday night- wait for someone to say something witty on The Twitter so I can respond and hope a dialogue gets started? I already did that last week. It wasn't all that. I'm ready to move on.

Anyway, if you're in Brooklyn and you like sipping on cheap drinks while listening to snooty wordsmiths tell you some stuff they made up while contemplating whether or not to buy more raisins or more prunes on their next shopping trip, then please, stop on by. I go on at around 9:30.

Then on Sunday (SUNDAY SUNDAY) I'm speaking at the Church of Monika at Open Source Gallery in Park Slope. It's a sort of town hall meeting where I'll discuss my craft and what I feel it brings to my life, my audience and the world. Or something like it.

Sunday, February 24, 11AM

Church of Monika

Open Source

306 17th Street

Brooklyn, NY 11215

I'd love to see you at one or both of these appearances; a lot of you OWE ME THAT MUCH.

*smooches...huss-a-lin erryday*
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If I can just keep busy I'll forget all the bad stuff running through my head

What Had Happened Was...:Catching Up With The Jaded Empire

Howdy folks! Just wanted to give a shout out to your patience given my impromptu blog vacation last week, but as always it was necessary. I'm in the middle of restructuring my priorities and trying to fit things into my life, and last week that meant blogging had to take a back seat. You understand.

Anyfucks, here's what's been going on:

1- I finally had my visit with an allergist (keep your mangy cats & dust mites FAR AWAY from me!) and the MRI of my lower back & spine. Child, first of all WHY ARE MRIs SO LOUD? YOU SEE HOW I'M TYPING? THAT'S HOW LOUD IT IS INSIDE THAT CREEPY COFFIN-LIKE CONTRAPTION. LOUD. AS FUCK. Second, I need the ENT folks to understand that I cannot fill my Rx for Flonase because I can't find my Rx card, and I keep calling the Union office for a replacement but their offices were damaged in the hurricane and they're currently milking that excuse dry and NOT answering phones. So no, Dr. Song, I've not taken the Flonase yet. Stop asking.

Finally, I cannot explain to you the torture that it is to sit in a chair with all of these concentrated droplets of allergens all up and down your arm for fifteen goddamn minutes while the doc waits for your skin to react. You know when my skin reacted? Right the fuck away. But I still had to sit for fifteen minutes and not move or scratch or anything. Added bonus? I got to walk around for the next couple of days with my arms all swollen and marked up. THANKS! His recommendation? Encase everything in my room to keep the dust mites away, steer clear of cats and, oh yeah, get a flu shot for the next zillion years of your life. Bitch, have several seats because NO on that last one.

2- My hair is still straight. I thought you'd want an update. I've been able to go over a month with it straight and my edges have hung in there for the duration. It helps that every week or so I add a little olive oil (yes, from my kitchen) into my strands, and that I pick it up every night and wear a scarf when I can (even though it comes off five minutes after I've gotten into bed. "S'okay. She'll be back..." I'm still trying to find a way to make my hair not smell so...natural O_o. I mean, after a month and a half of not washing it, the freshness is definitely gone. Luckily for me, there isn't anyone all up in my hair follicles anymore so I only marginally care.

But as of right now I'm trying to find ways of not mimicking my hipster nemeses and de-funk my hair until my next salon visit. And YES I know I could just go more often but TIME is MONEY and also MONEY is MONEY and well, that's even more scarce than my time.

3- There will be no Jaded Birthday festivities in NYC this year. Take a minute and let that soak in. I'm going to go away on a much-deserved trip to a place where the sun shines bright all day, every day, and I'm going to soak in all of that wonderful Vitamin D--probably while laying in a floaty in the ocean--and not think twice about it. There will be slinky bathing suits. There will be sexy dancing with hot and sexy men. I will give out fake names and phone numbers. And I will eat as if it's my last day on earth. All of these things are on deck because I deserve it and I'm worth it. IF you're super sad about me not having a birthday party, though, you could always just throw me a fabulous gala. I'll even promise to show up!

4- I am absolutely focused on my writing (so far) this year. Last year I was obsessed with my health and my fitness and whether or not Zoe was going to choose George or Wade, but I was really just hiding from my own work. I've started meeting with my writers group again to motivate each other and workshop our pieces, and I feel good about it. I'm going to clean up all of my unpublished pieces, send them out and find them a sweet literary home. I've been reworking a story into a format and voice that I believe works best and it's very exciting to see my word blobs become more and more coherent.

I've been mingling with other writers and event organizers and am making myself more visible. I still have to work on my social graces and actually TALK when I mingle but listen--Rome wasn't built in a day. I have to ease into this new social butterfly role, OK? DON'T RUSH ME! Also, expect more events from me. I'm just going to keep having them until you show up to one. YOU WILL EVENTUALLY HAVE TO SHOW UP TO ONE, DAMMIT.

5- I'm mentally and physically and logistically preparing for the shift taking place in my family real soon: K is going off to college in the fall and N is becoming more active in extracurricular activities. This means I'm either away from home more--chauffeuring Miss N all over Brooklyn--or I'm home more because there's no one to watch N anymore. It's not so terrible (so far) seeing as I don't go out as much as I used to, and nights when I have to because of networking events or readings, I'm confident she'll either be fine on her own or will just come with me. Fuck it- why not? It'll be like Take Your Daughter to Work Day only at night and in seedy bars...wait, let me rethink that...

So, hookers, what have YOU been doing?

*smooches...shocked that I had time to write this*
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actually, I stole the time from some other important shit that needed to get done. I'm still working on that prioritizing...

Tuesday On The Rocks

Just because I'm no longer a lush, it doesn't mean that, occasionally, I can't daydream about lounging in a hammock with a fruity alcoholic drink. Just swaying in the breeze, not a care in the world. An old boombox, antennae up, playing this and other sweet island tunes:



I came into work determined to get shit done, but when I sat at my desk I felt so unfocused. Again. I felt this way on Friday, over the weekend and yesterday. Sleep deprivation and a fucked-up back have a way of messing with your brain, you know. Then I played Kes' new tune and I instantly settled down. So far, three tasks have been crossed off my TO DO list.

Proves my theory: Soca Music Fixes Everything.

What helps you get through the day (besides a good night's sleep)?

*smooches...dreaming of a coconut rum punch*
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so I'll be getting one this weekend :)

Good.

It's about 10 minutes before this day is supposed to be done, this 12.12.12 that everyone was making such a huge deal about. I didn't feel any different today, though, but I can tell you that:

1- I got my period, rather quietly, and I'm wondering if the cramps are planning to attack me tomorrow or Friday, or if my uterus has finally noticed the white flag I've been waving since 1986.

2- I pitched an idea for this summer campaign at work and the client liked it and it's a go. I have my first "creative" meeting to flesh out the concept on Friday. This is it, folks; this is where I show the good people I work with just what I'm made of.

3- The IT department at work threw the kickin-est holiday party ever! I mean food, XBox, karaoke, live band- EVERYTHING! I must get them a very nice thank you token; perhaps some of this new batch of coquito that I plan to conquer.

4- Our new "standing desk" was installed today- WOOHOO! Never again will I have to suffer an entire day in the office SITTING. I can alleviate my back, calves and make sure my blood is circulating and still get work done. Standing desk for the mother-fucking WIN!

5- I watched "Hart of Dixie" this morning and SPOILER ALERT: Wade & Zoe are an actual couple now. YAY!!!!! Now, let's hope the writers don't fuck it up...

It's rare that my day rock so awesomely, especially when I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning. Maybe the 12s were working for me after all.

*smooches...hoping all of your days are memorable*
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what did you do today?

Because I Forgot To Post On Thursday

...I'm sneaking in on Sunday night to pre-date something real quick. I know I said I would stop doing that but alas, blah blah blah, excuse, excuse, excuse.

So here's my fake-Thursday-but-really-Sunday blog post: the Three Amigas on Thanksgiving (seeing as I didn't do a Thanksgiving post this year).

L to r: Crazy Mari, Lovely Me, Crazy Mami

What did we eat...hmmm, I remember there was rice and turkey, oh and Mari made a shrimp scampi and butternut squash soup. OH!! And Mami attempted and was successful at making some tostones cups. CHILD! They were the hit of the night! We all agreed that she needed to make them again (and again and again). And I made a pumpkin souffle that I didn't care for but everyone else enjoyed. It was an all-around good and yummy night.

Especially fun? Mami needing to go to bed after half a glass of white wine. Not so fun? Besides the bickering, realizing that the neighbors (renters!) are letting their nasty ass dog shit in Mami's yard. REALLY, THO? None of us went over there to say something because we couldn't trust any of our stankness levels to be low enough to be polite.

I was also low-key nervous about starting a feud with people BOLD enough to let their dog shit in my mom's yard like that. Who knows if, after I tell them off and then return to Brooklyn, they try to harass or harm my mom? Nah; couldn't take a chance.

How did y'all stuff your faces this year?

*smooches...really loving my hair in that pic*
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I'm getting better at styling it

Meet Me On Sunday.

If you're dying to experience the awesomeness that is the great author-ess Raquel "The Jaded NYer" Penzo, here's another chance:

"Meet your local author day!" at La Casa Azul Bookstore

Sunday December 9, 2pm - 5pm

The shelves of La Casa Azul Bookstore have books written by over 80 local/Latin@ authors. Join us for a special event in which book lovers will have the opportunity to meet THIRTY of them!

This is a perfect opportunity to buy books for everyone on your list --- books make great gifts!

Who will be there? Check out the FULL author roster online.

La Casa Azul Bookstore

143 E. 103rd Street (between Lexington & Park Ave)

*smooches...trying to get back in the swing of things*
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how am I doing? do I sound enthused?

Raquelita Ivelisse (Cascarita Bermudez) Penzo, Writer, Online

So okay, it's no secret to y'all who I am, especially because all 20 of my readers know me in real life. BUT it occurred to me that I am also in need of an author site. You do remember that I wrote a book right? RIGHT.

So here it is, my new website.

Add it to your RSS feed and share it with all your friends (especially if they're agents or publishers or big wigs at Conde Nast. Or Martha Stewart because I still totally want to meet her!).

But don't stop coming here; this is still the home of Jaded and all her rants, raves and ratchet likes and dislikes. Like, OMG did you see the Kardashians this past weekend? KOURTNEY HAD HER BABY!!! Also, I found this video:



See? Shenanigans still reign supreme over here. Now your Wednesday is complete!

Shout out to the homie Michelle for designing my kick-ass site. Go ahead and tell me how awesome it is in the comments. NOW!

*smooches...with new chapters and all that*
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and don't forget: The New School, tonight. COME OUT!

Come To The New School, Tomorrow Night.

Because I'm awesome, and your life will improve tenfold from being in my presence.

No, but for real, it's a cool event. Come on out!

*smooches...taking the Empire to the next level*
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will you be there to witness it?

Exciting Empire-Like Things

As you saunter off into the weekend to enjoy the sunshine and bunnies and avocado masks (I honestly don't know what you people do), take these tiny morsels of goodness with you: The Jaded Empire has been hard at work and it's paying off!

First- I pitched, organized and booked a literary program at The New School in time for Latino Heritage Month. WHAAT WHAAAAAAT?!?!?! I KNOW!!!!

I'm moderating it, and the panelists I asked to join the panel will be discussing life as a working writer and the courage it takes to tell their stories. AND I PUT IT ALL TOGETHER!!!

Also, SO EXCITED that I'm probably going to get to meet Junot Diaz at The New Yorker Festival next month. WHOOP WHOOP!!!!

And I'm launching a new site next week. LAAAWWWWWWDDDDDDD what am I doing to my nerves?

Finally, I'm co-hosting a fitness event through Baobab Wellness and it will feel great to finally have another health & wellness shindig under my belt. This one has sponsors and everything. CHILD. I'm in the big leagues now!

What's new in your world?

*smooches...overwhelmed but in a good way*
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wait- is there even a good way in which to be overwhelmed? Whatever dawg...

Why Monday's Post Was Late

I was keeping a promise to myself: Living more than blogging.

The First Borns + The Little Sisters

Hope your holiday was as great as mine!

*smooches...making memories with the people I love*
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so tell me, how many casualties were there on the Parkway this year?

The Best Of The Jaded Weekend

Riding bikes w/N in the rain along a near-empty Lafayette Street in Manhattan; my first time on a bike since I was a teenager.

Me and the babies rocking out and singing along with "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys in the lower level of the SoHo Staples. And then following up that performance with another for Santana/Michelle Branch's "Game of Love" near the writing instruments. Staples wasn't ready for us.

Curry-in-a-Hurry, which I hadn't had since I stopped working in Gramercy Park.

Watching N's face light up when we walked into Blades on Broadway and I told her to go upstairs and pick out the skateboard of her dreams.

Giving K her new laptop (finally and long overdue) and hearing her squeal with joy. Add to that N's excitement at the replacement charger I got for the netbook. Yes, we are now a three-computer household. LAWD my ConEd bill...

Inviting my babies to sleep in the bed with me...because the lightening was freaking me the fuck out!

Watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" in the late night and having the girls not only get the point of the film, but enjoy it, too.

Seeing Mami and Mari, however briefly, for a quick laugh.

Free ice cream and face painting at Dylan's Candy Bar for my lil Schmookins.

The birthday girl, getting high on sugar.

Knowing that The Famous Cozy Soup & Burger is still in business, and that their hot chocolate with whipped cream is still sinfully delicious when you're chilled to the bone.

Finally meeting up with a trainer at the gym. I've been slacking all summer.

Enjoying my Sunday afternoon to myself, watching old episodes of "Brothers & Sisters" on Netflix (you knew that was coming!) while the girls were out and about with Mami and Mari.

Redecorating and organizing my bathroom. At long last.

Seeing A.D.A. Robinette (actor Richard Brooks) on the platform of the 4/5 train at Fulton Street in Manhattan. I was so starstruck that I think I scared him off.

Coming to terms with a lot of things that haven't been right, and focusing on a plan to make it all better.

How was your weekend?

*smooches...using the fall impending fall as inspiration*
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each new season brings such promise with it; I can't help but get excited!

Appearances And Book Signings

First, let me thank all NINE of you who bought my book in the first two weeks of it's release. Clearly I'm not breaking any sales records with this little baby, but it was fun to put together and see on the bookshelf in my room. I make art for art's sake, after all. The money is definitely nice, but more importantly, I have a book- it's the coolest feeling!

All that said, I'm starting to organize a summer schedule of readings; a "book tour" of sorts without actually calling it a book tour. It's not like I wrote a novel or anything, but I'd still like to promote my hard work.

If you've bought a book and want it signed, want to buy a book and have it signed, or just love me and literature in general, here's where you can indulge and stalk me:

Sunday, July 1, 7PM: 

Bodega Wine Bar//24 St. Nicholas Avenue//Brooklyn, NY

Monday, July 2, 7PM: 

The Nexus Lounge//76 East 1st Street//New York, NY

Friday, July 6, 6PM: 

Word Up Community Bookstore//4157 Broadway//New York, NY

Sunday, July 22, 4PM: 

La Casa Azul Bookstore//143 E. 103rd Street//New York, NY

Also of note, not only can you purchase my book on CreateSpace and Amazon, it will be on the shelves at Word Up Community Bookstore and La Casa Azul Bookstore starting in July. Get your copy today!

*smooches...buying more ink for my Mont Blanc*
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after I dazzle audiences with my amazing talent, I just know the books will fly off the shelves!