Notes On A Random Wednesday

I just wanted to share a few tidbits with you about me and what I'm thinking right now, if you'll allow the indulgence. (Yeah right- love it or leave it, bitchezzz!)

1- Sometimes, when I'm alone in my apartment or the girls have gone to bed, I put on my favorite matte-ish maroon/burgundy lipstick and watch myself talk in the mirror. I am mesmerized at how great my lips look in this deep red hue. I like to see them forming words, smiling, yawning- the works. I practice cursing people out, flirting, reading out loud and giving speeches or being interviewed. Then I pose for close-up glamour shots.

2- I'm reading tonight at Sycamore Bar in Ditmas Park (1118 Cortelyou Road) and am considering wearing my favorite matte-ish maroon/burgundy lipstick, so that the audience can enjoy the visual as well as my five-minute presentation of greatness. Except I'm wondering if the space is poorly lit, which means people will barely be able to see my lips. And that would suck.

3- Tonight I want to read a reworked piece that was originally going to be my first novel, until I decided that novels are for losers and short stories is where it's at, son! It's the one where the young girl kills her stepmother. I had a daydream about it (that's how I write my stories sometimes, by daydreaming about them) and saw it working so beautifully as a short.

4- I also decided that tonight I'm going to flirt with white boys, and I wonder if my favorite matte-ish maroon/burgundy lipstick and story about an unapologetic and disillusion murderer will turn them off. Also, I wonder if five minutes into a flirting session I'll abandon my mission and seek out the large, black bouncer that I imagine works the door (because usually these hipster bars have a huge black bouncer working the door).

5- My allotted time on stage is sometime between 10 and 10:30, and I'm not sure how I feel about that, given the event starts at 7. It's a school night. And I'm still trying to catch up with "Grey's Anatomy" (currently holding steady at the beginning of Season 6; Izzy just left Karev and the Mercy West folks have infiltrated). That time slot also makes me a bit nervous because I already have enough trouble getting people to attend my events... and who the hell is going to stay FOUR HOURS to hear a bunch of unknowns read some bullshit stories (except mine; mine isn't bullshit, it's AWESOME.) and try to look cool?

Maybe I'll just wear some chapstick and keep to myself like I usually do. This all sounds exhausting and uneccessary.

*smooches...clearly not in the mood for a reading*
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when I sign up for these things they sound like good ideas until the day arrives and all I want is to go home and chill on my sofa.

What The Hell Is A Key Grip?

***This post was previously published on an old, discarded entertainment blog I used to have back in 2009. 

It's still interesting today.***

I'm one of those people who will sit in a theater after a film is over and read all the credits. And when I say ALL the credits I mean ALLLLLLLL the credits. As in sound engineer and property master and soundtrack listing credits. That's right... that person you always see not budging an inch while everyone scurries out of the theater is probably me, curious as to who the 2nd assistant director was.

Don't even get me started on the gift from heaven that is the Internet Movie Database (IMDb); when that website came into my life I honestly found a reason to live. It's like a movie-credit-junkie's wet dream... all those facts and quotes and trivia and CREDITS... ahhhhhh... I think I just jizzed in my pants at the thought of it all.

But I have to admit, as much as I get off knowing that Soldier on the Beach #4 in Saving Private Ryan was Shane Johnson (Jeremy from the 2002 film Pumpkin) I cannot tell you what some of those production jobs in the credits even mean.

The magic of the Google, however, came in very much handy, though, and after typing in "What does a best boy do in a film?" I found oh so many articles on the subject, and now consider myself a film production expert.

And fret not, young grasshopper- I won't keep the information to myself; what would be the fun in that?

According to a post on ProVideo Coalition by Matthew Jeppson & Kendal Miller, here are the job descriptions to some of the more puzzling gigs listed in movie credits:

>>Key Grip
The key grip works with the gaffer in setting and cutting lights to creating shadow effects for the set lighting and supervises camera cranes, dollies, platforms, and “wild wall� movements according to the DP. Specific duties will include:
* Creating shadow effects
* Supervising dollie, crane, and other camera movement
* Maintenance and management of grip equipment

>>Gaffer
Also sometimes called the lighting designer, the gaffer is the chief electrician who supervises set lighting in accordance with the requirements of the DP. Specific duties will include:
* Lighting of sets and locations
* Maintenance and management of lights and lighting equipment
* Specialized electrical work such as generator operation

>>Foley Artist
The foley artist creates sound effects to accompany specific visual objects, movements, and sound sources, such as footsteps or punches. Specific duties will include:
* Generating and recording sounds to accompany specific on-screen sound sources.

Interesting shit, right? I used to think these were all so mysterious and, frankly, quite a load of bullshit that made movie tickets that much more expensive, but when you read all of the descriptions you have to admit- a lot goes into making even the tiniest of independent films. A lot.

So don't you think at the very least you can sit in the theater and read the names of all the people that worked hard to entertain you? Especially the dude who worked hard to design the titles... he chose that font just for you.

*To read the article in its entirety, click here.

Plotline Pet Peeves: Stupid Characters, Vol. 1

I'm a film critic.

Not because I'm in a paper writing film reviews (which I have done) but because television (and cable, I guess) was my very best friend growing up. You know, since us kids weren't allowed outside. Please believe that I've watched a gazillion movies in my lifetime- both good and bad- so I've pretty much perfected the art of deconstructing them.

It's just another talent I've decided to share with y'all.

So today I'm starting this series of posts on film plot discussions, namely the things that tend to piss me off, with part one of Stupid Characters.

You've seen it a million times: A movie character is in cahoots with a bad guy, a bad guy who has divulged all of his bad deeds to the character. Then it happens- the character and the bad guy get into an argument and the character STUPIDLY says to the bad guy, "I will tell the cops EVERYTHING!"

And gets shot all up in his face.

This scene/situation runs rampant in movies and TV shows and frankly, I'd like writers to stop being so goddamn lazy. WHO on this planet is stupid enough to say to a mafioso, drug dealer, pimp: "I will tell the cops EVERYTHING!"?!?! Whyyyyy? WHOOOOOOO?

I know, I know, it's not real. We should willingly suspend disbelief a little. Give the "stupid character" device a chance to move the plot along, but you know what? I DON'T WANT TO. And if you prefer quality entertainment that doesn't assume the viewers are plum idiots you'd agree with me.

Am I being a harsh movie snob? Probably. Do I care? Nope. Not as long as lazy writers don't care about the product they put out.

*smooches...promising to leave this stunt out of my film*
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I'd hate to be a hypocrite!