Sweet Distractions Tastes Like "Lemonade"

Ahhhh, Beyonce. You'll never know how much I needed something else to focus on this week.

Her latest studio album is the official 2005-2006 Jaded Anthem Soundtrack. If I could re-divorce my ex I would, and play this album while signing my papers because YASSSSSS I AIN'T THINKIN' 'BOUT YOU (from "Sorry")

Of course my favorite Lemonade song is "Sorry" CAUSE I AIN'T SORRY THUG LIFE & FUCK YO FEELINGS FOR LIFE! *whew* that felt good.

— The Jaded NYer (@TheJadedNYer) April 25, 2016

If you haven't listened, give it a shot. It's fun, it's danceable, it opens a few wounds, it heals the hurt a little bit. She did that.

MIDDLE FINGERS IN THE AIR.

Now please excuse me while I break up with all of the mens I'm not even dating, just because.

*smooches...but I still ain't sorry*
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y'all. when a woman's fed up... TELL HIM 'BOY BYE'

Calling All Native Brooklynites!

I'm over here making moves, son. Either get on board or get the fuck out of the way. I'd rather you get on board, though.

Spread the word, mmkay?

*smooches...prepping myself for a busy winter*
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can't stop, won't stop

In Case You're Looking For Me

A lot of you forget to check my site for appearances, and then pull the whole "you had a reading?" schpiel after the fact. Well here's a gentle reminder that I'm actively booking events where I host and/or read, and you need to be in the audience cheering me on.

How can you say no to that face?

That is all.

*smooches...gearing up for a busy season*
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it's about to be LOCO!

In Case Your Monday's Been Shitty

Feast your eyes on all this beauty:

L to r: Authors Blu Daniels, Rebeca Lucret, Theresa Varela,
Alicia Anabel Santos, and Raquel Penzo. (c) 2014 David Stewart

These smart, talented, GORGEOUS women participated in my Lit Crawl Brooklyn event, "When Brooklyn Was Brooklyn," and will be featured in the book next year. If you missed it you MISSED it, because it was one helluva show.

But at least I'm being kind enough to allow you to gawk at us. You're welcome.

*smooches...busy being a proud "momma"*
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for every four "eh" events there's one awesome, and that one makes all the others worth it!

You're Invited.

Really hope you can make it!

*smooches...keeping busy*
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if I stop, I die.

Another Friendly Reminder

Today is the release celebration of my reading series' anthology at La Casa Azul Bookstore in East Harlem.

I'd love it if you could all join me!

*smooches...still unsure of what to wear*
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nothing fits and this weather is booty. don't be shocked if I show up in pajamas.

Wherein I Share Tweets About Vaginas

*smooches...wondering why my vagina and I are enemies*
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maybe I should attend a workshop?

Another Day, Another Published Book

Hey SUCKAS! Guess what I just got? THE PROOF TO MY READING SERIES' ANTHOLOGY!

And listen, it's not as hefty as I wanted it to be--people just weren't submitting stuff--I love it. The cover is so snazzy (thanks, Marcin!) and the stories and poems within were hand-picked by ME, so you know it's awesome!

I'm having a book release party on Tuesday, April 29, at La Casa Azul Bookstore in East Harlem.

You should be there for the following reasons:
1. I'm awesome and you love and support me and everything I do.
2. There will be wine.
3. Some truly talented people contributed to this book.
4. There will be cupcakes.
5. You're going to want to take a picture with me + my red-red lipsticked self.
6. There will be wine + cupcakes.
7. My autograph will be worth MILLIONS soon; get it now for free (with the purchase of a book).
8. You can get drunk + eat cupcakes for two hours.
9. My short, "Erasing Cedrick," will rock your socks off.
10. Alcohol + Sugar already RSVPd.

So, see you there?

*smooches...gearing up for bigger things*
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I'm like a shark; if I stop moving I die!

The Best Movie Ending Song EVER

If you haven't seen Dazed and Confused, you're a loser, because it's one of the funniest, funniest, funniest movies of all time! OF ALL TIME!

But I'm not here to talk about the movie (maybe later if I decide to start reviewing films again), I want to talk about the soundtrack: chock-full of classic rock, baby!!

I've been known to really get into a groove when "Rock n Roll Hoochie Koo" plays, and please, if you don't drop what you're doing and sing "Cherry Bomb" whenever it comes on, I truly have to question your reason for living. And I mean who hasn't written tear-stained diary entries to "Love Hurts" once or twice?

But this song, this goddamn Lynyrd Skynyrd song that just penetrates my soul and takes a hold of me every-fucking-time, is the absolute most perfect song to play while a movie is ending and the credits are rolling:

Tuesday's Gone - Lynyrd Skynyrd


Don't get me wrong, I like my films to have substance and be witty and well-written, acted and directed, but if it can ALSO have a bangin' soundtrack? Sheeeiiitttt that's the holy grail right there!

...
...
...

OK, OK, stop begging! I'll post a clip from the movie already. SHEESH!

(this is the classic Matthew McConaughey "Wooderson" scene)


*smooches...taking a break from soca*
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I need a bit of something new for a while now that Carnival season has died down

My Friends Bring Me Peace

Yesterday afternoon I actually left my house, put on a dress and a full face of makeup, took my hair out of their Celie braids, and celebrated the book release of my homie and Fake Dominican sister, Blu Daniels. Her novel, Misconceptions, has been a long time coming, went through a trillion revisions, crossed many agents' and editors' hands and is FINALLY in book form. I'm so proud of her hard work, diligence and determination, and we look so cute when we step away from the computer and clean up for photo ops:

BIG UP BROOKLYN!

I must admit, at the time of the party, I'd only read a few pages of the book. People, I have ZERO TIME for luxuries like reading, sleeping, breathing... but last night, after N went to bed I figured, eh, why not? Let me step away from the computer, put my Spotify on shuffle, and see what the hell this book was talkin' 'bout.

I fell asleep shortly after, but then I woke up at 3am (the lights & music were still on), went to pee and thought, eh, might as well keep reading.

This is how I live my life these days. As if sleep is this annoyance that isn't necessary in my life. Sometimes I swear I need a hot slap right across the jaw.

Anyways, sometime around 7am I had to stop reading to get N ready for school, but for about four straight hours I wasn't checking my email, FB or The Twitter; I wasn't watching natural hair videos or "Golden Girls" reruns on YouTube; I wasn't stuffing my face with non-Paleo bullshit. I was just propped up on pillows, under the covers, reading a book.

It was a beautiful thing.

Thanks, Blu, for that much-needed moment of zen (even if I did crash at 7:30 this morning and was very late for work).

*smooches...just for Blu and her new book*
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in other news, I look like someone's fat auntie in that pic. no more photos until I drop a dress size. that is all.

I OK, As Long As De Music Plays

I had a rough week.

A lot of plans blew up in my face and other things are threatening my patience and my sanity. Times like this I have no choice but to shrink away so I can find a solution or nurse my wounds.

When I heard about actor Lee Thompson Young ("The Famous Jett Jackson," "Rizzoli & Isles") committing suicide, I was sad, but mostly thankful for a coping mechanism for my own woes. "There but for the grace of god go I." There's always something or someone to bring me back.

And I always, always have music.



I can always bury myself in the arts and come out of it reborn. When you feel yourself falling down that rabbit hole, find that "thing" that anchors you. That anchor will save your life.

Trust me.

*smooches...hoping you're OK, too*
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I learned that "anchor" thing from watching "Teen Wolf" on Netflix. Get into it.

I Swear I Wrote This BEFORE I Saw "The Matrix"

Cover art where my baby dwells

As my part of my now-defunct thesis (let's just call a spade a spade- I don't give two shits about finishing that shit), I wrote a short-short, "On a Blue Day," about a girl and her penchant for uppers and downers who moves back home to attend a funeral. It was just a small experimental piece that was part of an assignment I had at FDU where I had to mimic the writing style of an author I can't remember right now.

But the gist of the assignment was repetition. There had to be an element of the story that kept repeating every few lines, if not every line. So there's a lot of mention of the red uppers and blue downers throughout the barely-two-thousand-word story.

On a deeper level, this story touches upon this girl's continuous habit of self-medication, which at the time was reflecting my own way of handling a crisis- that crisis, of course, being my grandmother's death, which was still painfully fresh in my mind in 2005.

Well this poor baby had been rejected from many a flash fiction contest. I would read it over and over and think What aren't people getting? This is a good fucking story! But alas, editors from here to LA didn't feel the same, until I met a young woman named Hannah Clayman who ran a zine for women in Brooklyn, You Should Be Here. She encouraged me to submit something and, with a few hours left until deadline, I sent off the story. I think she wrote me back the next day to say they "loved(!)" my story, and I was all FINALLY! SOMEONE GETS IT!

So now I can finally add another credit to my name: I've self-published a book on writing, I've been interviewed for a prominent Dominican news source online, and I've published two short stories--one online and one in print.

I say that deserves some fucking Shake Shack and Haagen Dazs this weekend!

*smooches...trying not to rest on my laurels*
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there's still so much I need to do, but I'm enjoying this journey so far.

We Will Always Share, Nuh Care How Meager The Meal

When I decided to become a writer, I knew that my life would not include traveling down the easy road. I knew that I would not be swimming in money. I knew that the arts is something you undertake for the sake of the arts. And I'm OK with all of that.

This life, however, can wear people out, especially for the unlucky ones who have to wonder where their next paycheck is coming from. And yes, it's PURE LUCK that a writing position opened in a marketing department at a non-profit I believe in and is very close to home so that my commute doesn't involve the annoying yuppies of Park Slope. So much luck was involved, especially because this job helps me grow as a writer AND allows me the freedom to still work on my personal projects on the side.

Around me, though, are those who haven't found that balance of a job that pays the bills and also nourishes them. I think this helps fuel me in my endeavors, though, because I know there are a slew of talented and amazing people that would be perfect additions to The Jaded Empire, now that I'm actively working toward making that dream a reality.

Please believe that those who've been down with me from jump have a home with me, and if not, I'm here to help you find your calling if you need me to. Because what fun will it be to live my dream if my homies are still mired in muck? No sir! As I lift myself up, I'm gonna work to keep y'all uplifted! I mean, y'all have to put in work, too, but this is war, son, and I don't leave anyone behind (unless, you know, it's PMS Week and you've pissed me off...).

Most importantly, get those positive vibes and energies flowing. Yesterday's mistakes are yesterday's mistakes. You wake up every day with the chance to make it right.



I hear the brighter side of life is just more fun and productive, you know?

*smooches...wishing you a life with no moss*
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now, go forth and prosper over the weekend!

Message!

"Shame is a shackle. Free yourself." -The Humans by Matt Haig

*smooches...thinking of living a shame-free life*
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also, there are too many books to read and never enough time to read them all. WHAT IS THIS LIFE?!

Jaded Photographs: August 2013 Edition

"Never Stop Fighting"

*smooches...appreciating the message on the street*
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we could all use a reminder as the summer begins to wind down

Lianne & I Had A Date On Saturday In The Park

And it was everything I imagined it would be and more. She's amazing.



On July 13, I was on a bus headed home from taking K to orientation at college, and I kept Lianne in my ear on repeat. Just let her soothe me after a nice weekend of family time and introducing my child to her future. Then I received a bunch of texts about that damned verdict and my chill turned to sorrow.



I hate that Lianne is associated with that terrible day. But seeing her live...I can only imagine this is what communion is like for the faithful. She's not that verdict, after all. We shared a moment, and in that moment I was truly happy.



This concert reminded me why I write, why I create art. It takes people away from the misery and the bullshit, and instead shows them the beauty and the possibilities.



How was your weekend?

*smooches...still in a groove*
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no one has moved me this much in a while

Tunes Always Work

In the midst of one crazy-ass emotional roller coaster, I downloaded a CD--"Ella" by Brooklyn rapper ScienZe--that featured the homie Kit Luxx, just to show my support. It's what I do for other artists, you know, because I know how hard it is to create and release it and hope people get it. I was just going to save the playlist in a file and listen to it whenever, but something told me to actually listen.

And wouldn't you know it? I loved it. Every song. There's no need to skip a track. Ever. In fact, the 20-song CD ends too soon, if you ask me.



My favorite song is "Steam Boat" but I couldn't find it anywhere to play it for you. You'll just have to download the CD and hear it for yourself. But I warn you--once you do you'll never want to listen to anything else.

It feels good to know that good music is still being made out there.

*smooches...while on an imaginary steam boat*
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also, you ain't heard this from me, but old boy ScienZe? he FOINE.

Mari Is A Poet

I don't know if Mari remembers this poem she wrote, but I feel like she'll need a healthy reminder to get her through this week. We'll be in the sun real soon, boog. And I love you!

I Am
by Mari

I am from the hopes of an immigrant family
struggling to find purpose in the deception of the land of opportunity
I am from the tears of poverty and
the joys of an urban childhood
I am from the home of the latch-key kids
forced to grow up way before our time
I am from plastic covered couches and tacky curtains
I am from the vibrant rhythms of merengue and the sultry passionate bachata
I am from the city that never sleeps,
where people are too rushed to look each other in the eye,
where the subway system is as complex as the cultural makeup of the neighborhoods and barrios
I am from Salami Induveca, platanos and Tang Mango
I am from the hand-me-down clothing that my sister once wore proudly and I wore grudgingly
I am from the communal Bedford Stuyvesant Head Start, the Afrocentric PS 3, the culturally resistant Big Tree Elementary, the cultural mixing bowl Ben Franklin School 13, the rigorous and utopic Townsend Harris High and the "open doors, open hearts, open minds" of Cornell University
I am my mother's daughter, my apple of my grandpa's eye, the pride of my older sister
I am the great Dominican hope, the ticket to greater success
The "smart" one
I am from a sheltered past that forced me to break free
I am from a warm church pew where I was taught to love, serve and give my all to worthwhile causes
I am from a double consciousness- an awareness of the American privilege afforded me yet a need to reaffirm the culture that is smeared across my face, in my hips, in my speech- It permeates all that i am
I am from a place of utter complexity and desired simplicity
I am from so many places and so many things
I am they and they are I

*smooches...eager to get #SisterSummer2013 started*
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just me & my Boogs causing trouble all over the south!

Get Filled With The Holy Ghost Of Writing, ME!

I told y'all I was booked up this weekend!

Fresh off the heels of a kick-ass appearance at Sycamore Stories in Ditmas Park, I'm ready to lead the congregation this Sunday at the Church of Monika in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

Photo (c) 2012 Marcin Kaliski

You know, there's something that happens to me when I finish speaking to a crowd, whether it be sharing a story or discussing my craft. It's like the buzz you get when you eat a slice of watermelon that's been sitting overnight in a tub of grain alcohol. You know the type of buzz that puts a smile on your face and everything your friends say is AWESOME, and everything the DJ plays is "MY JAM!" and your body moves in a way that makes you think you look like this:

but really, you look like this:

That's how good I feel after most, if not all, of my literary events.

I'm hoping this Sunday is equally satisfying, although it would be better if you all show up, too! And then you can take me to brunch.

*smooches...getting high off my own supply*
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I mean, it's here and so plentiful... why not?

Appearances On Wednesday & Sunday, Stalkers!

This Wednesday (WEDNESDAY WEDNESDAY) I will once again read a bit of magic to some drunk folks at Sycamore Bar in Ditmas Park. Why? Because why not? What else am I going to do on a Wednesday night- wait for someone to say something witty on The Twitter so I can respond and hope a dialogue gets started? I already did that last week. It wasn't all that. I'm ready to move on.

Anyway, if you're in Brooklyn and you like sipping on cheap drinks while listening to snooty wordsmiths tell you some stuff they made up while contemplating whether or not to buy more raisins or more prunes on their next shopping trip, then please, stop on by. I go on at around 9:30.

Then on Sunday (SUNDAY SUNDAY) I'm speaking at the Church of Monika at Open Source Gallery in Park Slope. It's a sort of town hall meeting where I'll discuss my craft and what I feel it brings to my life, my audience and the world. Or something like it.

Sunday, February 24, 11AM

Church of Monika

Open Source

306 17th Street

Brooklyn, NY 11215

I'd love to see you at one or both of these appearances; a lot of you OWE ME THAT MUCH.

*smooches...huss-a-lin erryday*
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If I can just keep busy I'll forget all the bad stuff running through my head