Sunday, November 30, 2008

"All I Want For Christmas Is You"

Tomorrow is December 1st. Here's my Christmas wish list, what I want from all of you reading this post, in the spirit of the holiday...

> Volunteer at least on Saturday this month to a shelter or soup kitchen or your local library.

> Answer one of those "Dear Santa" letters the U.S. Post Office gets for some random child

> Tell your loved ones how you feel about them, everyday this month. A simple, "I love you" at the end of a conversation will suffice. But make sure you mean it!

> Be good to your body; sit in on a free introductory Yoga class, try a non-meat week, give up soda and coffee for the month, get a massage and facial on a random Wednesday

> Find something positive to say about every day you are on this earth

> Don't bombard people with expensive, store-bought gifts this Christmas; it's really not a measure for love. Unless you're proposing, in which case that ring had better be in a lil blue box or say HARRY WINSTON on the receipt. I'm just sayin...

> Throw that homeless dude a dollar or two; just this once lets assume he'll use it for food and not drugs.

> In fact, buy the homeless dude a meal and a hot chocolate. He IS hungry. Trust.

> Read one thing this month that will help make you a better accountant/teacher/nurse/person- anything, as long as it's going to enrich your life

> Treat yourself to a big ol dessert after dinner. You deserve it. You work hard, why not??

And no need to report back... just let your conscience be your guide.

*smooches...hoping to get as many of these accomplished as I can in 31 days*
and perhaps we'll enjoy it so much we'll make a habit out of it... imagine the great things we can do.

You know Obama is president now, right? You have to do better! lol

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Musical Interlude While I Get My Head On Right

I've had the most craptastic morning imaginable and it ain't even 10:30 AM as I type this... I need a release!

I'm travelling to DC today so I'm not around the internets for at least a couple of days, but I wanted to leave you with my "Get Your Head On Right" playlist.

Guns N' Roses - Welcome to the Jungle

No "Get Your Head On Right" playlist is complete without this song. I always play it when I'm feeling shitty.

Ne-Yo - Go On Girl

I just change the lyrics around to suit my gender and VOILA- I feel better!

Modjo - Lady

Oh, man... where's my glo-stick and pacifier?

Bjork - It's Oh So Quiet

I've always wanted to be in this video... it's so fun!

Gloria Estefan - Mi Tierra

When this CD dropped I would GROOOOOVE to this song at our place in Buffalo.

Dee Lite - Groove Is In The Heart

Minnie and I played this to death. Daily. Really.

The Jonas Brothers - 3000

Listen, don't judge me. I have kids. They listen to this crap. And it sticks.

Alejandro Sanz feat. Shakira - Te Lo Agradezco Pero No

I think they make such lovely duets... their voices go perfectly together!

Earth, Wind & Fire - September

Had to close it all out with a funky groove, 'cause I love you so!

Enjoy and have a Happy Pilgrims-Came-Stole-Some-Turkeys-And-Killed-Some-Indians-'Cause-They-Could Day!

The Jaded NYer & Family

*smooches...wishing I could just teleport to DC instead of taking this dang bus*
And try not to overeat, or I will make fun of your big ol belly. Pregnant bellies and new mommies get a free pass...

Are Men Like Real Estate?

So on the heels of yesterdays TMI post about my coochie cobwebs (I'm totally taking ownership of that phrase... I'm NOT afraid of spiders AT. ALL.), here's a sort of part two to all that.

It hit me walking back to my office from the library as I ignored the icky looking dude walking towards me who looked ready to utter an "Excuse me, miss" or some such nonsense- I'm never going to find the perfect man. I'm never going to find the one with all the components in place that I am looking for- aesthetics, intelligence, street smarts, pleasant/tolerable demeanor and most importantly, maturity.

Then I remembered that while Celia was taking me on a mini tour of her new place in the Keys, she pointed out that the Master Bedroom was not as big as she'd like it to be but it has it's own separate bathroom, so it's a trade off... and that when dealing with real estate, you can't always get what everything you want.

Isn't it the same with a mate?

12Kyle recently wrote a post asking what kind of people do we attract, and my response was:

You want to know who I attract?

The dregs of the dregs of the dregs of society. Hence why I'm still single.

Find the biggest loser in any situation and I GUARANTEE he's making googly eyes at me.

Very rare is the gem that comes my way, and when he does I barely notice because I'm so used to the dregs, so I end up treating him poorly.

c'est la vie

It never fails- the dude will be smart and witty but FUGLY as all hell and have questionable homosexual tendencies and/or mannerisms.

Or he'll he really cute with an AWESOME body that just makes you quiver from head to toe but will have the intelligence of a box of erasers.

Or he'll be good looking and smart and tall and have that body that OOH you just wanna slap his momma for birthing such an Adonis and then KA-BLAM- he opens his mouth and he's a total jackass.

See, when I would think of my dream house I would say- I want a wrap-around porch, and I want a beautifully finished attic to use as my personal writing room and a lush yard with a vegetable and herb garden and an in-ground pool and bay windows in the Master Suite, an old Victorian or something, and then I remember- I don't want to leave NYC... so I needed to compromise on my dream home just a tad. Like I may have to settle for an attached brownstone with no attic and a shady basement, a 2'X4' cement yard and membership at the Y so I can swim on weekends.

But do I really have to compromise on a man in the same fashion? Can't he please be a grown-up and not play games (or Xbox)? Tall? Smart, with at least a Bachelor's Degree from an accredited University? Can he not be a total jerk-off or mama's boy, and can he know his way around with needing me to hold his hand? And can he please be sterile and/or allergic to babies? And know how to dance in and out of bed, so I don't have to supplement his wack-ass love-making with reruns of Soul Food or internet porn?

And please please please, for the love of Buddha- can he be LOCAL?!?! Not from Jersey or Philly or other outer limits... if I can't get to him using the NYC MTA, I don't want to even answer his phone calls! I'm not hopping on the light rail NOR am I getting on the Metro North for NO ONE. Not anymore. I've been there and it just doesn't work. And EWWW- who wants to go all the way to freakin JERSEY CITY for some dick? I don't care if you DO have a massage table- your bed is a futon! Stop calling me...

I'm willing to deal with a brownstone off of Flatbush Avenue or even Parkside, because I'm not afraid of the 'hood and sheeeee-it- in NYC a brownstone is a brownstone, right? My only requirement at this point is that it be in move-in condition. No fixer-uppers, please! I don't want to repair, adjust or refinish ANYTHING.

Same thing with a potential mate. You have issues? Here's a tissue... take your ass to therapy, okay? If I can do it, anyone can.

The next guy I let in? Nah, I cannot compromise. Will not compromise. Even if it means I sail into retirement solo, with only my John Cusack DVDs and Fiestaware collection to keep me company...

Call me greedy, selfish, stuck-up, WHATEVER, just don't call me if you don't make the cut. I know me, I know what will make me happy, and I will know him when I see him, hold him, look up into his eyes with my third eye and, with my Orishas looking out for me, most definitely will know it when he kisses me.

*smooches...just tired of the bullshit and determined not to settle*
and you can thank that gross semi-homeless dude smoking a nasty-ass cigarette who hit on me in the street for this rare relationship post for the second day in a row... I'm not trying to dog dudes or anything- y'all know I love you like Palin loves guns- but UGH! A girl can only take so much before she becomes unhinged!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

This Is The Result Of Self-Imposed Celibacy

The show last night was hella-cool, y'all... check out the archived segment and make sure you're there next week, Okay, cuz we STAY having fun on BTR...

And now the post:

All things carnal have been on the forefront of my mind lately... I know I never talk about this shit over here but AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! A girl can only take so much before an entire F-train car of commuters are found stabbed in the throat by my wine key. I'm just sayin...

When I'm grocery shopping, doing laundry, commuting to work, reading a damn book, watching old B&W movies- all of a sudden, everything reminds me of sex.

It also doesn't help that most of the songs in my iTunes library have sexual undertones... what the FUCK, iTunes?! You know my situation... can you just CHILL with that mess already?

I almost even took it a step too far- a "dinner date" with Mr. Baseball, but thank the Lord Jesus Christ Almighty (you like how I bring out the "lord" randomly, knowing full well me n him ain't friends?) that he had a family emergency in SoCal and had to go out of town. Bullet. Dodged. Until he returns to NYC, that is.

Did I mention he plays baseball? And is damn near 40 but has a body that won't stop? Did I mention that? Even though his attitude is ten trillion times STANKER than mine and I SWORE to myself that I'd NEVER speak to him again? No? Well, I'm mentioning it now. Because D-A-M-N his body. won't. quit. And I think it was barely my birthday the last time I saw a real-live penis.

Bare with me, y'all. I think I'm having a hot flash... is it time for menopause already?

And the weather this weekend helped, too; kept my ass indoors where instead of participating in some sober, sweaty monkey sex with some random loser from Bembe, I discovered that those magic eraser sponges are the SHIZNIT!!! Yo- my cabinets have NEVER looked better.

(Ay, yo, Mari- tell Rene's woman que me mande mas de esas esponjitas... I gots LOTS more scrubbing to do!)

But honestly, with lots o' talk of STDs and HIV buzzing around me lately, coupled by the fact that I recently watched Philadelphia AND the episode of 90210 when that young woman speaks to Brenda's health class about how she got AIDS at 16 by having unprotected sex with some Law Student loser, when I even THINK of sleeping with someone, FOR REAL, all I keep thinking is: "Where are your papers? Hand them over... Matter fact, let's have our first date at the clinic, mmkay?"

Besides, call me crazy, but I don't think I want meaningless sex anymore, no more FWBs or swinger party invites or casual hook-ups; I'm just not into it anymore. Unless you're my man it AIN'T gonna happen, and funny thing? I'm not ready for a man.

See the problem here? Yeah, me, too.

So, yeah, I'll be chillin here in the cut for the time being, eating my feelings and keeping myself busy with projects and babies and books and floor scrubbing... just me and my coochie cobwebs... because we all know about idle hands and shit. That's how K got here...

*smooches...wondering if I can break my own record and make it to a year*
would I get a prize if I go a year? 'Cause I like prizes... and can my prize be a penis?

Monday, November 24, 2008

My Landlord Thinks I Need A Boyfriend...And Other Musings

Aaaaand We're BACK!!
Yeah, yeah, Monday Musings w/The Jaded NYer & Friends is back, tonight, at 10PM EST.

This week, The F$%k It List will guest host as we go through the items that made the headlines in November. Like, didn't we have an election or something this month? I can't remember...

Anywayz... This was supposed to be an ongoing segment at the end of every month, but I'm just getting around to it.

Don't look at me like that...

Back To The Gym I Go
I took a pause from my health kick; just a recent bout of depression that I've been trying to get over. Justine's ousting helped a little bit, but there are still other Voices that need to be evicted.

I was told that the endorphins released during exercise help elevate your mood. I spent all day Sunday cleaning and scrubbing and doing all kinds of domestic crap around the house, so there may be something to that endorphins thing.

Besides, I'm getting tired of being offered a seat on the subway because people think I'm "in a family way."

Okay, maybe that never happened, but it totally could!

By The Way...
My hair? Yeah, it's STILL the hotness...

Wipe that drool off your chin, fellas... I've been wearing the same PJs since Saturday afternoon...

Some Music I've Had On Repeat Lately
I bought a used iPod from eBay and it has really helped my mood on the subway A LOT. Some of the songs I repeat three or four times when they come on are:

This one because, well, my love life is on the SERIOUS rocks, like for real, as in tumbleweeds and ghost towns and whatnot. But this song reminds me that it could be worse... I could be stuck in ANOTHER bad relationship that I don't know how to get out of.

"Baby believe me, if I stay it ain't gonna be easy..."
Love On The Rocks - Sara Bareilles

And this one reminds me that when I DO find me a cutie pie, this is how I want him. Listen to these racy ass'd lyrics... can you believe Miss Horne was singing this mess? HOT!!

"Unless I feel the ceiling caving, how will I know we're misbehavin'...!"
Come On Strong - Lena Horne

And THIS one, because there's a teeny, tiny droplet of THUG inside this good (recovering) Catholic girl... I rock out to this whenever an old white lady sits next to me on the train, daring her to complain about the volume so I can bust out with, "Don't you know Obama is PRESIDENT? I can do whatever I want!"

"Haters are scandalous, damn, can't a ni**a just breathe?"
Breathe - Nas

My Landlord Thinks I Need A Boyfriend
So, you know how my landlord is renovating the apartment next door, right? Well, when they were knocking down walls they kinda knocked a few holes THROUGH my walls and I brought it to his attention.

His response?

"Yes, I know, I will fix. Maybe you go away on a vacation and I fix up your apartment like next door, yes? Get a boyfriend to take you on vacation."


Is he trying to insinuate that I spend way too much time in my apartment in my flannel pajamas ordering takeout, watching old movies on my computer and reading books while laid out on the couch? And that perhaps some MAN can just swoop in and change all that?

Sure, Mr. B., that's what I'll do- I'll just wave my magic wand and click my heels three times and wrinkle my nose and blink me up a man JUST LIKE THAT who will wisk me away on a fabulous vacation somewhere that isn't my sofa. Just. Like. That.

So I said, "Yeah, sure, you can fix the walls and then find me a boyfriend while you're at it."

And HE said, "No, YOU find a boyfriend."

I felt like someone slapped me across the face! Why I've NEVER...!

*smooches...wondering how long I've been the butt of his jokes because I don't have a man*
I bet they're downstairs RIGHT NOW laughing about the fact that I've been holed up in my apartment all weekend... AND? It's COLD outside, dammit!

(at least, that's my excuse this weekend...)

Saturday, November 22, 2008

She's No Josie...

...but Maria hooked me up:

And a big shout out to Glenny who did my color; now I am ME again:

A nice, brunette ME.

PS... guess what else? I let this dude at Sephora talk me into buying nail polish when all I went in there for was some Smith's Rosebud Salve and some Brambleberry Rose Lip Balm (thanks for the recommendation, Lani!). He said it was the hottest new color this fall, Metro Chic:

It looks like wet City cement to me... I kinda like it. Am I crazy?

*smooches...with my hair back to normal and ready for the holidays*
and sorry my hair is in that bun, but I didn't want to take it down. I'm trying to preserve the curl LOL

but don't my bangs look like the hotness? Boys, beware- my bangs are on the prowl...

Friday, November 21, 2008

JOSIE RETIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am in mourning. Inconsolable. Actually crying at my desk this very minute, and if you think I'm joking then you don't know me very well.

Josie, my hairstylist for the past ten years, retired. As in she's not doing hair anymore. At all.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

And before you start with the "find someone else" bullshit... DON'T!

When Mami first told me to go to Josie to get my hair done for my cousin Maribel's wedding, Josie took one look at my chin length and damaged hair and asked, "Why do you get your hair chemically relaxed?" My response was, "I just always have." And she said, "Well, keep coming to me and I'll show you that you don't need it, just a shampoo and a deep conditioner. You'll see."

Ten years later... well, you've seen my hair- it's long and healthy and beautiful and chemical free since 1998, all because Josie cared more about the health and beauty of my hair than she did about charging me for an expensive and unnecessary treatment. I got my hair done for less than $30 every time (not including costs for the dye jobs, of course). EVERY time, even when the economy was ass.

After that first visit, no matter how far away I lived from her salon (which was located in The Heights, of course, by the GW Bridge) and despite the fact that going to Josie meant I'd be in the salon for a minimum of FIVE HOURS, I went to see her every 4 to 6 months for a deep conditioning, color, trim, whatever... she always advised me on great styles and products and colors that matched my lifestyle and skin tone and hair texture... she actually cared, you know what I mean? oh my god, I can't stop crying... what am I going to do now?

The woman who answered the phone was all like, "Maria is still here, and Rita and BLAH BLAH BLAH" LIKE I CARE!!! None of them could tame my hair like Josie. NONE OF THEM. Maria maybe, but she's told me in the past- she doesn't like dealing with natural hair and prefers to deal with relaxed hair. Plus she likes to overcharge for shit (right, Minnie?!?!). I can't trust her to care for my hair like Josie did.

And I just know that other Dominican salons are not going to want to deal with my hair without a relaxer, and I know this because the few times I've had to see a different stylist, they all complain about "how much" hair I have and that it would take less time to style it if it was relaxed. You know how Dominican women can be sometimes... And Black salons don't use rolos and like to use hot irons and hair grease and the such on my hair, which Josie always advised against.

I'm seriously in a funk right now and the tears won't stop. I'm distraught. My appetite is even gone, that's how depressed I am. Meanwhile, I'm in desperate need of a deep conditioning, color and trim because this red coloring is seriously growing out and my roots are out of control and I wanted to go back to my natural dark brown.

I'm just... ugh... what am I going to do now???

*no smooches...because my hair will never be the same again"
I feel like a family member died... I can't even think straight...

Jaded Book Giveaway No. 2

To date, I have received THREE BOXES O' BOOKS from Miss Kelly and have had to restrain myself from shrieking with glee whenever K called to say, "Mommy, another box came from your friend... can I open it?!?!"

We LOVE books in my house...

But, alas, my apartment, as I've mentioned before, is approximately 2'X4' so I cannot house all of these lovely literary orphans. And since I promised Kelly that I would pay her kindness forward, I'm doing another Book Giveaway.

But might I add before we continue... if you WIN you MUST claim the prize?! The last winner never bothered to, so I just gave the book to the library instead.

This contest will be the same as the last: Below you will find a passage from a great literary work. Be the first to correctly identify the book and its author and you will win these bad boys right here:

And now, for the classic:

The shark swung over and the old man saw his eye was not alive and then he swung over once again, wrapping himself in two loops of the rope. The old man knew that he was dead but the shark would not accept it. Then, on his back, with his tail lashing and his jaws clicking, the shark plowed over the water as a speed-boat does. The water was white where his tail beat it and three-quarters of his body was clear above the water when the rope came taut, shivered, and then snapped. The shark lay quietly for a little while on the surface and the old man watched him. Then he went down very slowly.

So... do you know it??

*smooches...reading my way through three boxes o' books*
membership has its privileges...

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Milk Crate of WHAT? UGH!!!!!!

What the hell was I thinking when I signed up for this retarded online NaNoWriMo challenge?

Oh, yeah, now I remember... I was thinking I'm almost 35, why not attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days and have a heart attack followed by a couple of nervous breakdowns? Who wants to live a peaceful life anyways? Not I!

I know what you're thinking- I should have kept this project to myself, like I've been doing with the others, but don't worry, the santos are helping me keep the Haters and Doubters at bay, and TRUST that it is not cheap keeping those cabrones in fresh fruit and rum and goats! I had to cancel "Take Out Fridays" at my house just to pay the tributes.

But back to my non-novel.

It's not the Haters & Doubters that put the kibbosh on my plans... it's me- I don't know how to just sit and write the damn thing.

The challenge specifies that I need to shut the inner editor up and just write- the novel doesn't have to be genius it just has to be 50,000 words. Once it's done THEN I can go back and make it good.

SAY WHAT?!?! That goes against the very nature of my existence. My inner editor (I started calling her Puta Face Jr. sometime around '06) is the loudest, most impertinent, RUDEST BITCH you will ever meet, and she will not be hushed. Because of her, it takes me like 4 to 5 hours just to write a stinky little blog post. Some of these mo-fos are written MONTHS in advance just to keep her satisfied, and even then, if she sees a typo OMG... sometimes, I'm afraid for my very life and end up having to hide all of my blunt objects and cutlery...

Basically I have the idea for the novel in my head. I know the characters and what they're about and where I think I want to take them. Kind of. And I know the story I want to tell, the events I want the characters to experience and all that mess. But, for the life of me, I cannot seem to get from point A to point P and finally to point Z in 50,000 words of expository writing, dialogue, details, etc without caring about accuracy or quality or correct grammar and just concentrating on word count... PF Jr. is having NONE OF IT!!!!!!!!!!


She wants to use only the Rolls Royce of words and phrases, and she is insisting that the details be dead-on and researched thoroughly, and yesterday, I spelled the main character's name with an "I" instead of an "E" by mistake and... and... she bitch slapped me...


I'm hella stressed y'all! I've only ever written short stories, and they're good and all, but I write them because my attention span is that of a three-year-old! Can I sustain this interest in the challenge long enough to finish? I don't want to quit, I really don't. I've already abandoned my Tango lessons midway, I don't want the same to happen with this novel.

And right when I was thinking of just taking a different, longer piece I already had written and building on that, I got this stupid "Week Two Pep Talk" email from Meg Cabot (Author of The Princess Diaries) through NaNoWriMo that read:

I know what you’re doing. You’re thinking about cheating, aren’t you?

That shit FREAKED ME THE FUCK OUT!!! How the hell did she know???????? She went on to write:

Do you think I haven’t been there? Cheating on your current work-in-progress with a new one is the oldest trick in the book! I have a plastic milk crate crammed full of stories I started and never finished because I cheated on them, then got so enamored of my new story, I never went back to the old one. Over and over and over again...

...whatever you do, don’t let it end up in the Milk Crate of Shame.

Dammit, Meg, get out of my BRAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

*sobs heartily*

I don't know if I have it in me to finish the challenge this time around. Maybe I just had too many things on my plate. Maybe it's not my time, who the fuck knows at this point. Only time will tell... As of this post I only have 3,338 words written with 10 days left before the deadline.

Jesus take the wheel 'cause I ain't got no damn license. And I seem to have lost my grasp of the English language, too...

*smooches...all of a sudden at a loss for words*
you think maybe I should cheat anyway and just take a bunch of blog posts and turn it into a novel?? HUH?? CAN I?!?!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Goodbye, Justine. We'll Miss You.

First thing's first:


(blog family, say Happy Birthday to Nina...)

Okay, now on to the post:
I really hate therapy. I do. I don't like this woman trying to convince me that my grandmother was not a real substitute for my mom... she must not know who I am.

But one good thing that has materialized from this weekly thorn in my side is an honest look inward, at who I've been and who I want to be. The latter is still kinda fuzzy, but I do know who I don't want to be.

I've really given this a lot of thought and decided that I don't want to be that girl at the bar who doesn't know when to say when, and then decides, "Sure, I'll take a hit, why not?" and then wakes up at 4AM thinking, "This isn't my bed..."

Yeah, I don't like that girl. Even if The Webmaster says I look "cute" when I'm drunk, or that I know how to pull it off without looking pathetic... yeah, right! My 33-year-old liver begs to differ. Besides- that's just code for "One day I'll get you drunk enough and then we can fuck!" I know this game... this ain't my first time at the rodeo, buddy!!

(I kid, I kid... I just know he's gonna read this and blow a gasket or two... I guess that's why I said it. HA!)

So The Voices and I got together and staged a coup and kicked "that one" out- the one who craves whiskey and weed and sex. We kicked her drunken slutty ass out of the band and told her to NEVER come back. It was about freakin' time we broke up with her anyways.

We even dedicated this song to her:

I mean, I'm damn near 35- what I look like tripping over myself outside the club like some trailer trash wench from Louisiana? I'm somebody's momma, dammit, I gotta start acting like it...

*smooches...certain that my liver and lungs and girly parts thank me profusely*
but please, feel free to have a drink; I'll be here in the corner with my camera waiting patiently for the money shot...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Best Thing About Living In NYC... going away for a bit and then coming back... seeing it through a tourist's eyes as we begin the descent into JFK and they say things like, "Oh my GOD! Look at all those lights!"

And I think, Yes, look at my City, shining bright. No other city greets me like this, twinkling with excitement because I'm finally home. Oh how I missed you, New York...

Even if it was FREEZING when I got here, even though it was a beautiful 80 degrees when I left Key West


That's Okay; I can't be too far from my City for too long, anyway.

So Key West was AWESOME as usual, Celia is ADORABLY ADORABLE as a momma-to-be, and I'm already plotting on my next visit down there.

The whole time I was humming this song in my head:

And as promised, here we are: Irene in a dress from the JUNIORS department, Celia as the glowing pregnant chick and me looking like I'm giving birth just two months after her.

I LOATHE my stomach!

Meanwhile, I found two garlic rolls on my table when I got in, leftover from the food Minnie and the girls had... one guess as to which greedy mo-fo hoovered it down as if it were her last meal?? Mhmm... I have ZERO self-control these days... I think I may need to get laid or somethi--

OOPS! Did I say that out loud???

*smooches...looking forward to snuggling up with N after just two days away from her*
I found that lil heifer in my bed when I got home! she's lucky I love her...

Monday, November 17, 2008

While You're Reading This, I'm Probably Still In Paradise

"...If You Steal My Sunshine..."
Ahhh... don't hate... I've been living it up in the bright sunshiny skies of Key West this weekend... ahhh

I might even be nice and post pics later this week, and then maybe you can see just how HUGE I've gotten. I came for Celia's baby shower and I swear *I* looked like the pregnant one! Damn Curry in a Hurry takeout... naan and saag paneer is the DEVIL!

I Read, Y'all!
Speaking of of the devil- I've been reading this book, "The Gospel According to Judas," and it's really good. I highly recommend it. But now, I kind of want to read the bible to kind of compare and contrast, maybe even take a class on it, but not with some religious fanatic. I'd love to study it under the tutelage of someone who's reading the bible for its literary value. Where can I find someone like that??

Now I'm reading White Lines for the Bloggers' Book Club, and I hate to admit it... it's not that bad. It's not that good, but it hasn't made me puke yet. But I'm not even in the 100's yet, so who knows.

NaNoWriMo Update
My novel is only up to 3,000 words. SHUT UP. I need a real kick in the ass. Anyone want to help me cheat? WHAT? Oh fine... forget it... I'll write it myself...

*mutters* bunch of self-righteous mo-fos...

Okay, no, but seriously, I should have more time this week to catch up on my word count. I will not let you guys down... 50,000 words or BUST!!!!!!!!

THE Master Of Fine Arts, Redux
My thesis you ask? Two more read-throughs from being FINITO. I will be finishing it up on the flight home and then sending it off to one of my mentors as soon as I get home. OH HAPPY DAY!!! I might post it on my other blog and then place the link here later, so that you can all bask in my literary genius. Maybe.

Me & Diddy Can't Stop, Won't Stop
Next stop? My PhD... y'all WILL have to call me Dr. Penzo in the near future. Just accept it, bitchezzzzzzzzzzz.

WOW. Did I just get all conceited about a PhD I don't have yet? Imagine how intolerable I will be when I get it... OUCH!

But no worries; my head will never get so big that I'll forget my peoples... I ain't going nowhere [too far]. I'll always be just one URL away.

Besides, you can take the girl out of Brooklyn...


Take that, take that... bad boy for life!

*smooches...making shit happen, people, making shit happen...*
and your weekend? oh, it doesn't matter... nothing beats a weekend in Key West so save it!!! HA!

Sunday, November 16, 2008


I don't know who I was kidding when I thought I would be able to land, ON TIME, at LaGuardia at 8:59PM, and then make it to my house in time to broadcast MONDAY MUSINGS this week, and that's a shame because I really hate to skip another week!

But rest assured, I'll be back next week to take over your "airwaves" and blow your mind.

You don't want to miss it.

And FYI-

Check out my Hottie McHottie new flier/postcard for the show.

One guess as to who designed it. That's right, BITCHEZ, c'est moi!!! Isn't it THE DOPENESS? You're jealous, I can tell, it's okay... but not everybody can be as talented as me... it will be fine... you're still a good person...

HUGE SHOUT OUT TO: Marcin, The Webmaster and Jack who each gave me really helpful critiques, tips, edits and 2-minute Photoshop tutorials to make it all happen. There'll be a lil something in your X-mas stocking this year...

*smooches...wondering if I can now add my "expert" Photoshop skills to my resume*
while working on this poster, I discovered buttons and functions in Photoshop that I never even knew existed! learn something new every day...

Oh, and I also learned that even your best guy friends can be a little perverted sometimes...

Friday, November 14, 2008

%$&* With A Side Of @%$&&$&

So... my ex-husband asked to be added as a friend on Facebook.

When I first saw the request in my email I was like HUH? WHAT FOR?? and then proceeded to ignore it for a few days. Then I casually mentioned it to K and she was like, "You have to add him; if you don't he'll be hurt."

And I was like, "Kid, you're smoking crack! That man does NOT care what I do! Plus my blog is listed there and I talk about him on it sometimes."

To which she replied, "Please! Daddy knows you talk about him!"

Then she kept at it and I caved (between you and me? That girl knows EXACTLY how to wrap me around her finger sometimes... I must find an antidote before she turns 16!) so I add him, whatever, and when Irene sees it she's like: ACK! Oh no! C-man is on Facebook now. Is nowhere safe?

And THEN she points out that some of the stuff I've written about him, especially in most recent months, might hurt his feelings so I may want to take down my blog link from FB.


Now I can't have my blog link up because somebody's feelings might get hurt? UGH!!

Do you see what I mean now about exes coming out of woodwork n shit? This one googles me, another stops me on the street, one adds me on MySpace and now THIS ONE friends me on FB. And don't EVEN get me started on the one who texts me at 2AM talking about "Hey you! Watchu doing?" IS NOTHING SACRED?

All that's missing now is for one to rent the empty apartment next door, another to start working out at my gym, and yet another to get a job at my firm. Then I will know that the Universe is definitely out to get me.

Honestly, it's my own fault for wanting to be "on good terms" with everyone... I should just be an awful, nasty, devil-bitch to every guy I break up with so that they will hate me forever and NEVER EVER get the idea: "Hey, I wonder what Rocky is up to? Let me google her and find out..."

*smooches...definitely, absolutely, without a doubt NOT changing a word in any of my posts*
all the parties involved will just have to suck it up and DEAL! This here is MY blog, and if they don't like it, they are more than welcome to start a blog of their own!! HMPH!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Don't You Hate It When... meet someone who's really good-looking and has a sexy accent, but they are too short? And sell drugs?

...the NYC public library tells you you're only allowed 30 items out at once? What the hell? And FYI, Ms. Librarian, you didn't have to be all loud about it and tell everyone in line my whole business! sing along to "My, My, My" and realize that Johnny Gill is one ugly mo-fo so you don't want him serenading you?

...everything you eat, drink, watch, hear, read, do feels DONE? Can I get some NEW up in here? have to feign interest, use your "white voice" and laugh at corny jokes JUST to secure a paycheck?

...your hair just will not cooperate, and you have to mistreat it with gel and heat and rubber bands?

...the people in your dance class forget the basic principles of proper hygiene? make a rash decision in the heat of the moment and realize afterwards what a HUGE mistake it was?

...and now you have to live with that regret? disgusts you that someone mistakes you for a person of a different race/nationality than you are, and you realize that you may be a racist? can't seem to choose between the versions of "Skylark" sung by k.d. lang or Linda Ronstadt and almost buy them both? And then you DO buy them both?'s rent/mortgage week, and you have to write that big ass check that would be better spent on a trip to Rio?'re taking the best shower EVER and the hot water heater decides that you've had enough and it's time to get out? realize the the reason you don't like someone is because they are just like you?

...Pandora keeps playing crazy techno music even after you've given the genre the thumbs down time and time again?'s your BFFs birthday and they're too far away to party with?? see someone really cute on the subway, knowing that this will probably be the only time you ever get to lay eyes on their beauty?

...the world wants to disrupt your peace n quiet?

...people want to share their cell phone conversation with everyone around them?

...your favorite TV show jumps the shark? (Tyra... I'm looking at you, girl, and YES, I am smiling with my eyes...)'re eating at an "authentic [insert random ethnicity here]" restaurant, and come to find a bunch of Mexicans in the kitchen? leaves you hanging? finally dawns on you that you will not get to do everything you've ever wanted to do before you die?

Yeah, me, too...

*smooches...just vomiting out some random shit that has been on my mind*
Oooh, and I really hate it when someone tries to hit on me when I'm with my kids. DAMMIT, MAN, do you not see these babies here calling me Mommy? Can you PLEASE back the fuck up?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I'm Renaming DR "Drama Island"

Here's the latest news from Hispañola...

Blackouts affect competitiveness
The recent wave of rolling blackouts makes life difficult for citizens, but also places an additional burden on small and medium sized businesses, which are already struggling with high fuel and production costs. In some cases blackouts have caused business overheads to double because they need to buy more fuel to keep their generators going. In Haina businesses are complaining of blackouts of up to 14 hours, mostly during the morning and afternoons, when they are open.

Bakers are also feeling the pinch, saying that they have to spend an average of RD$2,000 per day to fuel their generators. According to State-run Electricity Companies vice president Radhames Segura, the energy grid should be back on track this week. Segura said that yesterday the energy deficit was only 35% and but gave no word on when AES, which supplies 20% of national demand, would be back on the grid. But this contradicts reports by Listin Diario saying that only 1,092MW of energy were produced for a deficit of 902MW. According to Listin, AES is only producing 20MW of energy from a total capacity of 300MW. The distributors claim that deficiencies in the system are the result of the government's lack of payment.

Segura said that before the end of the month the CDEEE would pay RD$64 million towards a debt of more than US$300 million, but now the Hacienda Ministry says it can only provide US$10 million. El Caribe reports that failure to pay less than 20% of the amount promised means that the blackouts will continue indefinitely.

In related news, the president of the National Association of Young Entrepreneurs (ANJE) Pablo Piantini Hazoury has voiced concerns about the gradual deterioration of the electricity sector, to the point where floating generators have to be rented. He added that if the problem is the payment of debt the solution is not to rent out floating generators, but to pay off the remaining debt.

Murder sparks deportations
The murder of motor-taxi driver Julio Cesar Diaz Perez has caused uproar in Neiba and police have deported 470 Haitians as a result. According to reports, a Haitian national murdered Diaz with a machete on Monday, while trying to steal his motorcycle.

The event provoked indignation from Neiba residents, including violent acts. Hoy reports that residents took to the streets, indiscriminately attacking Haitians. Two men, Solano Mendez Perez and Manuel Yen were killed in the violence.

In all, 11 Haitians have been hurt during the disturbances. Police officials in Neiba explain that the decision to deport the Haitians was partly due to the high tensions in the area and was coordinated with the Haitian embassy. Officials feared that tensions could unleash more violence and social unrest.

Cacao takes a hit
The National Confederation of Dominican Cacao Producers (CONACADO) says that cacao prices have fallen by 35% on the international markets and that 25% of processed cacao has yet to find a buyer due to a decrease in demand. According to CONACADO this could amount to a RD$500 million loss in revenue for the sector.

CONACADO leader Isidoro de la Rosa says that the recent international financial crisis is partly to blame. De la Rosa says that on 1 October 2008 the price of cacao was US$2,523 per ton on the NYSE, but the price fell to US$1,966 yesterday.

According to de la Rosa, the cacao sector in the DR is extremely important as it generates US$100 million in yearly revenues, as well as creating a large number of jobs. CONACADO members called on the government to provide financial help in order to stabilize the sector during the Confederation's 20th anniversary celebrations.

*smooches...trying to get myself together here so I can make a difference over there*
this might just be bigger than my brain had anticipated... DR is a hot ghetto mess and I can't even begin to think how to deal with it...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Brunch With Authors

You know my show was the shit last night, right?? You need to go to My BTR page and listen to the archived show on Child Rearing!


One of the bonuses of having attended Fairleigh Dickinson? All of the talented, cool-as-all-hell writers I've had the pleasure of meeting.

My first year in the program, I got to meet Zadie Smith and Nick Laird in England; at one of the Madison, NJ residencies we had a reading from Sigrid Nunez. As an alum, I attended the Association of Writers and Writing Programs' Annual Writer's Conference and met Edwidge Danticat, Walter Mosley and sat through a very humorous panel with Frank McCourt as the speaker.

Stuff like this would have never have happened to me otherwise.

I also made some AWESOME friends, who are really, truly, madly great writers (if you'd have seen us having brunch this past weekend you would have thought we were the latest United Colors of Benetton ad- we are Black, Latina, Caucasian and Indian) and I always enjoy it whenever we can all get together, talk about books we're reading, our craft and the trials and pitfalls and joys and successes that are attached to it.

And we gossip, too, but that's absolutely none of your business, except OH MY GOD I did NOT know that chick had hooked up with you-know-who at Wroxton the year after I went... DAMN I should have gone back... I missed ALL the action!

For me, our get-togethers are a total boost in motivation and inspiration, and I went home all jazzed up and excited about reading and writing again.

Sometimes, you know, I sit back and think about my life and the people I call friends and family and the experiences and opportunities I've had and honestly... I can't find anything real to complain about.

Except for my noisy neighbors... I still reserve the right to complain about them all the live-long day!

*smooches...working towards adding "NYTimes Best-Selling Author" to my name*
and you can all say you knew me when...

Monday, November 10, 2008

Has Anybody Seen My Invisible Plane? ...And Other Musings

Babies R Me
Before you even THINK about not using a condom, listen to my show tonight... This evening on Monday Musings w/The Jaded NYer & Friends, Brother Omi returns to start off my new Child Rearing 101 segments on Blog Talk Radio.

The first part will deal with the delicate little sleep-stealer you'll be bringing home from the hospital if you forget to use that jimmy hat- immunizations, staying home vs. working outside the home- all that good stuff! So make sure you tune in!!

I Need To Tell You This So You Can Check In On Me
I know I said I'd be keeping projects to myself, but this one needs to be out there in the Universe so that I'm accountable to someone other than me: I'm attempting to write a 50,000 word novel by November 30th. It's part of an online challenge that Brother Omi sent my way and I thought I'd give it a shot.

So far, I have ONLY 2500 words written. YIKES!!!!! If you want to try it, too, visit and sign up. My username is RaquelP75, in case you want to "friend" me *hint, hint*

They Come In Flavors Now
This one is from the West Indies

I. Swear. To. God. I'm not making this sign up- I really saw it in a bakery/restaurant off Church or Flatbush Avenue. I forget which one.

Has Anybody Seen My Invisible Plane?
J sent me this photoshopped pic of him as superman

and I was totally jealous. *I* wanted a superhero picture, too, so I made a request.

The results:

Hey, F$%k-it List; how fitting is this, seeing as you made Alicia Keys' Superwoman my theme song?!?!


And The Beat Rocks Steadily
This weekend I was thinking about my childhood (mostly because I'm in therapy, y'all- she is killing me with this looking inward crap!) and I remembered how Titi Gloris used to date this black guy named Warren and she always played the hottest R&B music. I loved the days I got to go over to her apartment on Pulaski Street.

So while I'm reminiscing, this song pops in my head:

And that made me think of sleep away camp, because the summer I came back from camp this song was playing on all the stations:

I guess therapy ain't all THAT bad.

*smooches...keeping my feet on solid ground til the break of dawn*
I hate to sound like an old fogie, but back in MY day, the music was AWESOME!

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Special Sunday Post Because I Got Tagged, DAMMIT!

I guess my tag vaccination wore off.. I gotta remember to get those shots every six months...

Anyways, clnmike tagged me, so now here it is, my list of favorite movies from A-Z.

And I ain't taggin nobody. The F$%k it List said Obama is my president now so I don't have to do anything I don't want to. That's right, I'm pulling my "My President is Black" card before he's even in office. Cause I'm gangsta like that.

Now on to my movies...

A- Anniversary Party, The: Look it up! It's an awesome film by and starring Jennifer Jason Leigh and Alan Cumming. Just pure indie genius.

B- Breakfast Club, The: Are you kidding? Do you have to ask?

C- Carlito's Way: Mari might not remember this movie because when Mami and I took her to see it... she fell asleep in the theater, but Pacino is a baaaaad motherfucker in this flick. My favorite line: "Remember me? I'm Benny Blanco, from the Bronx."

D- Dirty Dancing: Never in my life have I wanted to be a short Jewish girl more than when I saw this movie, and not because I was swooning for Swayze, but because she got to wear those cool white capri pants and white keds. *sigh*

E- Ever After: I have a warm spot in my heart for Drew Barrymore, and this movie is a cute retelling of Cinderella. And her dress for the ball? FABULOUS!

F- Fracture: It's a new one, but oh so good. Anthony Hopkins orchestrated that whole murder beautifully HOWEVER... when will criminals start to realize, there is no such thing as the perfect crime?

G- Gone With the Wind: I know it's about a time and place when the likes of me would have been whipped for giving Scarlet's dumb-ass the side eye, but I can't help myself! Vivien Leigh is one of the most beautiful white women ever to grace the silver screen and I *love* this film.

H- High Fidelity: Did you really think I wouldn't add in a John Cusack movie? In this one he plays a record shop owner who's girlfriend just dumped him and he's trying to mend his broken heart. It's actually cooler than I described it. Trust me.

I- Identity: Starring, guess who? John. Cusack. No but seriously, this movie was so well written that I really truly did not guess who the bad guy was until they revealed it in a very "Ten Little Indians" kind of way. Genius!

J- Josie and the Pussycats: I feel bad that Tara Reid can barely get arrested these days, because I really liked her in this film. PLUS, my girl Parker Posey was in it. Heyyy Parker, wassup, girl!

K- Kindergarten Cop: "It's not a tumah!" Need I say more?

L- Life as a House: If you ever want to see me cry as proof that I, too, possess human emotions, then invite me over and pop this movie in. Kevin Kline is dying, and all he wants to do before he dies is finish building his house and mend fences with his son. I'm crying just thinking about it.

M- Mummy, The: I loved Brendan Fraser in this, and the guy that played Imhotep was kind of a smooth hottie. What? I was just making an observation...

N- Ninth Gate, The: I love movies that reference the devil and the bible and all that good vs. evil shit. And it doesn't hurt that Johnny Depp is in this film, either!

O- One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: My mom actually rented this movie and had me watch it when I was a kid. You wouldn't think that a small child would enjoy such a film, but I did. It's still one of my faves!

P- Philadelphia Story, The: Katherine Hepburn. Clark Gable. James Stewart. HILARIOUS! What more do you need to know?

Q- Quiet Man, The: C is the ONLY black John Wayne fan that I know, so when we were married we watched a lot of his movies. The Quiet Man is not a cowboy piece so I agreed to watch it and I fell in love with it! It's so funny and lovely and OMG just rent it and watch it!

R- RAMBO: "They drew first blood, not me." That's what I'm saying!!! Why couldn't John Rambo just chill in your town, man? He served this country for your stupid ass and then you hose him down in the jail like some common criminal? Y'all got what you deserved! (and YES I know the movie is actually titled, First Blood, but I call it Rambo. You got a problem with that?)

S- Saturday Night Fever: WOO HOO! John Travolta and his hair and his shirt and those moves! HA! This movie is a gem... except when his stupid buddy jumps off the bridge. That just totally kills my buzz every time...

T- Ten Things I Hate About You: Okay, listen... I love teen movies. Just deal. And while everyone is remembering Heath Ledger's dumb suicidal ass for The Joker and that gay cowboy he played, I'll remember him as the dude who was paid to date that chick but fell in love with her for real instead.

U- Unforgiven: I don't like westerns, but this movie.. WOOOO-EEEEE. Clint Eastwood just ain't no kind of joke in this film... I highly recommend it!

V- Virgin Suicides, The: I can seriously watch this movie over and over and not get tired. And the book? Even better. And the soundtrack? PERFECTION.

W- What Happens in Vegas: Usually I don't like Ashton Kutcher, because he basically is playing Kelso in every film he does, but this movie is so freakin funny I can't help it!

X- X-Men: This movie was ok, and I only put it in because, well, it's the only movie I've ever seen that starts with an X!

Y- Young Guns: Or as I like to call it, The Brat Pack in Chaps. Me loves it, especially when Billy the Kid says, "I'll make ya famous!" Or was that from the sequel? Ooh I used to torture Mari with that line over and over!

Z- Zebrahead: Okay, confession time... at one point, for a very SMALL PERIOD OF TIME, I may have had a teeny, tiny crush on Michael Rapaport, and this movie just exasperated it. But I got over it. Promise.

*smooches... realizing that there are so many movies I didn't mention...*
...but choosing to walk away from this post before I get too obsessed.

See that? What just happened there? That's called "growth."

Saturday, November 08, 2008

"I've Gotta Tell You In My Loudest Tones..."

...that I started looking for a warning sign.

When the truth is,

I miss you.

*smooches...wondering if this was loud enough*
was it?

Friday, November 07, 2008

'Cause We Ain't Got No Damn Sense, That's Why...

Sometimes, Jack and I like to be inappropriate for impropriety's sake. Either that or we're just mean...

ME: Obama is what happens when biracial babies go bad LMAO!!!
JACK: right. not like M, N, K or J
ME: he's the exception to the rule
ME: 'cuz usually biracial babies are gorgeous
ME: him... not so much...
JACK: his dad toooo black and his mom tooooo white
ME: that must be it...
JACK: mhmm. kunta and betty white
ME: LMAO!!!!
ME: I'm gonna tell Obama you said that!
JACK: *shrug* they won't let u near him. your picture is in the secret service files
ME: dammit... you threaten ONE LITTLE PRESIDENT... and all of a sudden you're enemy of the state numero uno!
JACK: mhmm. it's not a very flattering picture, neither. u look like that balfour dude that did the hudsons in
ME: They got a pic of me pre-salon? that's just mean... Dubya is a hater!
JACK: tsk. tsk. on dubya. he got your pic on the way TO the salon. damn republicans
ME: he couldn't wait five little hours? damn him!
JACK: you sound like baghdad
JACK: lolololololololol

*smooches...thinking that SURELY this conversation added me to yet another govt list*
if I go missing, y'all know what happened... Obama and his weed lips came to get me... What? Oh, whatever; don't act like you didn't notice...

Thursday, November 06, 2008

My Concession Speech...

Forget all the love I was dishing out yesterday... the First Black President euphoria has worn off and reality has set in...

Dammit, America, you've let me down yet again. Just when I thought we saw eye to eye on the issues, that we were on the same page on all the issues, you go and do this to me.

You elect Barack Obama as President of the United States.

For SHAME! What would your forefathers say?? Somewhere, George Washington is cursing like a sailor, "I fought the British for THIS bullshit? Nah, man, get my face off y'all damn money!"

And now, because you have betrayed me so, I have to date a white man.

Yes, you read correctly.

For those of you who don't know or remember, Lani & Mari went in on a bet with me stating that if Obama won, which I found highly unlikely, I'd date some bland little Anglo. I figured, if America was gonna act all color-blind (HIGHLY UNLIKELY) then so could I, but I really truly did NOT think he'd win.

Next thing you know, the fucker got the fakakta nomination and now? Motherfucker is President.

I'm officially in mourning.

The worst part is that Mari is already putting on her Evil Scientist cap and has her operatives scouring all of Williamsburg for the most despicably gross specimen of White Man: The Brooklyn Hipster.

*throws up a little in mouth*

My god, my god, why hast thou forsaken me? Must I really go through with this? Is there really a Hipster out there so DESPERATE that he'll let Mari set him up with her mean and Jaded older, divorced sister, who happens to be a single mother of two carrying around about 20 years of bad man baggage and 15 pounds of excess weight?

Hmmm... maybe I shouldn't be so sad and forlorn just yet... I doubt such a loser exists...

But question: Does this mean that Blacks will be getting Reparations now? If so, tell me because I need to call C and tell him I may have made a mistake with this whole "divorce" thing... "I was only kidding, hon, we belong together. No, really. So... when's your Reparations check coming in???"

*smooches...preparing myself for all the dumb ass conversations I'll have to have on my date*
"no, actually, I don't think Deathcab for Cutie rocks"
"did you really just say fo'shizzle?"
"oh, please, yes, tell me why you think Obama is 'The Man'"
"yes, thanks; I love my skin color, too"

"really? you're into old school hip hop? there's a shocker.."

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

The Jaded NYer (And Raquel) Voted!

I turned 18 back in 1993; I was free from my house, free to kill insurgents overseas, and free to vote in the November elections for the first time in my life.

Of those three privileges afforded to me on May 23, 1993, I only opted for the "Get Out Of Brooklyn Free" card. Voting, and anything even slightly resembling politics, government or civic duty turned me off like a short hipster rocking out to Lil Wayne and wearing a fur coat.

My family never discussed politics; they weren't citizens and therefore voting and rights and all that good stuff never came up in our house. You would think having come from Trujillo's DR would have made them more aware if nothing else, but no, not us. The most political thing I ever heard my mother utter was just a few years ago: "Is Reagan still alive?" Clearly, from her statement (and stank tone) I took away the notion that Reagan was not good, but she never said why.

In school, one of my academic awards was signed by the elder President Bush; so how could he be so bad? Basically, I didn't know diddly about politics.

But this year I decided that it was about time to get serious and grown and become more involved in the world around me. Besides, this year it was exciting. Hillary. Barack. Rudy Giuliani?! Who let HIM in?!?! I HAD to follow this election, if only out of morbid curiosity...

Yesterday, I actually got up while it was still dark out to go and freakin vote. I had butterflies in my stomach. I had my voter registration card in hand, read the instructions like three times, gave one last look at the candidates' positions and then made the two block journey to Ns school. To vote. Me. Voting.

It was not without incident.

The machine broke. The poll workers didn't know what to do and a women on line in front of me had to call the board of elections and straightened it out, but for 20 minutes there I got a bad feeling. But I waited patiently. I knew that The Enemy, as my mom calls the devil, was testing me, my convictions. So I waited.

Another woman was having a hard time- they didn't have her name in that book thingy that you have to sign and she was losing her freaking mind, even called the poll worker in charge "some fucking woman" while on the phone with someone, and there was nearly a fight. But I stood there and waited patiently.

And I got to vote.

It feels good. I feel good. Empowered. And absolutely, without a doubt in love with my country right now.

I wonder why I waited so long to do this?

(Meanwhile, in the words of Eddie Murphy, from his "black president" skit on the Comedian album... "The motherfucker WON?!?!")

* awe of the landslide victory of the new, first Black President*
Hats off to President-Elect Obama, who was able to motivate a lot of first time voters like myself. I didn't believe him, in him or for him. But he proved me wrong and WOW, not a lot of people can do that. I pray (yes, pray, I pray sometimes. SHUT. Up.) that he serves us well.

And hats off to Sen. John McCain, whose concession speech, honestly, moved me to tears. His words made me make up with America tonight. We're friends again. For the first time in YEARS I'm not really considering moving to DR.

I think I will stick it out here for the long haul.

*makes plans to renew US Passport*

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Follow Thru...

Oye- my show was THE BOMB yesterday and I know a lot of you missed it, so check out my BTR page (click on the icon on the right hand column) and leave a comment on the BTR blog.

And don't forget to vote, dammit!


I have a gazillion flaws- from my weird toes to my sarcastic undertones to my penchant for catching an attitude with people for no good reason- but my biggest, meanest, nastiest flaw has to be my lack of follow-thru.

I went to grad school, borrowed thousands of dollars from Uncle Sam to pay for it, and guess what? I still have no diploma because my thesis edits remain unfinished.

I began work on a website, an online portfolio... even went so far as to hire a webmaster, with lofty plans to have it launch in September. What month is it? Yeah, that's what I thought.

There is this awesome charity that I really wanted to work with... and I keep forgetting to get back in touch with them and begin the grant writing project they wanted me to start on.

Last year I launched Operation Bikini Body... and I think we all know what happened with that. You don't know? Didn't I tell you? Oh, well I paid Bally's $35 a month and never went. Not only that, but I gained even more weight.

Basically I'm a flake, and I hate that about myself. It's partly a product of over-extending myself, volunteering myself for stuff that I end up not having enough time for, and it's partly because I'm a slave to technology.

These ideas flow through my mind and they all sound so good; I write notes on post-its and put them in my day planner. I say to myself: You see this to-do list you just made? Follow it to a tee and your day will go so much better.

But then I get distracted. And then the lazies kick in. And next thing you know nothing has been accomplished except maybe I watched West Side Story clips on YouTube as if I don't own the DVD.

Here's what's what: For weeks now I've been finishing up different projects that have gone untouched and been ignored for months (or years) now, and it's been going really well. That is a first for me. And it's mostly working because I'm not talking about it to every Tom, Dick and Geraldo I come across, especially here on the blog. I'm just doing it. Not writing it down or planning a schedule or anything- just picking a project and rolling with it.

So that is my new approach to anything I'll be undertaking from now on.. I'm gonna steal Nike's slogan and just do it. (And yes I do understand that I am, in essence, telling you of THIS plan on the blog thereby defeating the purpose of... dammit, you know what I'm getting at!) I already employ this policy when it comes to men and dating, and now I'm applying it to other aspects of my life.

Secretly, I think the Haters and Doubters are reading about my plans and sending me bad juju. So, no more ammunition for you, Haters and Doubters... I'm onto you; and this time I'm armed with a shitload of Orishas so you'd better watch the fuck out... Chango is on MY side...

I'm just gonna go about my life as I have been this fall, without pomp and circumstance so that I can actually get things done.

And maybe, after I've accomplished my goals, I'll let you in on it. Maybe. Or maybe I'll enjoy my tiny victories at home with my babies over a game of Uno and a fresh batch of cupcakes.

*smooches...realizing that somethings are better left unplanned and unsaid*
especially if the Universe is going to keep throwing me these dang curve balls... I mean I love baseball and all, but that doesn't mean I'm good at it!

PS- don't forget to vote; both in the Presidential AND the local elections. Pretty Please? For ME? With a cherry on top?

Monday, November 03, 2008

Back To Business As Usual

Hello, hello! How is everybody? Good? That's great. Me? Oh I'm just peachy; the week off did me loads of good.

Usually, when I come back from these breaks I come back all hyped-up and ghettofy my blog with my favorite misogynist- Ludacris. But during my time away, I listened to more mellow tunes, the kind that weren't so demeaning to women, like this one from Maroon 5:

That's right... guess who's been reading that "Inner Peace" book again?

*winks at Jack*

Now, on with the show.

And by show I mean Monday Musings w/The Jaded NYer & Friends!! And guess what? I've moved the show up an hour to 10PM EST! That's right, I heard all of your complaints about my show being on too late... well now it's not. So I will be expecting you ALL to tune in!

This week, OF COURSE I'm talking politics... I mean DUH! Election day is mañana and it's all anybody wants to discuss anyway, right? I mean, I can't fling a Sarah Palin impersonator without hitting someone who wants to know who *I'm* voting for!

My guest host this week is the illustrious Brother Omi. Now, if you've never been to Brother Omi's site go and check it out. Dude pulls no punches and is a straight-talking educated and opinionated Dominicano. No, seriously, go visit his page and read some posts. I'll wait...




See? What did I tell you? And he also designed that kick-ass poster! Clearly his photoshop skills are waayyyyy better than mine :D

Anywayz, the election segment will discuss local politics, the electoral college, and the importance of third parties. We'll also be running for a full hour so that we can fit in as much as we possibly can.

AND, we want to hear from you; call (718) 766-4011 between 10 & 11PM and let us know who you're voting for and WHY. Or just call to say Hi; that would be nice, too. All I ask is that everyone be respectful of each other, or I WILL hang up on your rude ass.

*smooches...eager to get this election nonsense over with*
sooooo... what's everybody been up to??? tell me, tell me! I haven't made all the blog rounds yet...