Monday, November 24, 2008

My Landlord Thinks I Need A Boyfriend...And Other Musings

Aaaaand We're BACK!!
Yeah, yeah, Monday Musings w/The Jaded NYer & Friends is back, tonight, at 10PM EST.

This week, The F$%k It List will guest host as we go through the items that made the headlines in November. Like, didn't we have an election or something this month? I can't remember...

Anywayz... This was supposed to be an ongoing segment at the end of every month, but I'm just getting around to it.

Don't look at me like that...

Back To The Gym I Go
I took a pause from my health kick; just a recent bout of depression that I've been trying to get over. Justine's ousting helped a little bit, but there are still other Voices that need to be evicted.

I was told that the endorphins released during exercise help elevate your mood. I spent all day Sunday cleaning and scrubbing and doing all kinds of domestic crap around the house, so there may be something to that endorphins thing.

Besides, I'm getting tired of being offered a seat on the subway because people think I'm "in a family way."

Okay, maybe that never happened, but it totally could!

By The Way...
My hair? Yeah, it's STILL the hotness...

Wipe that drool off your chin, fellas... I've been wearing the same PJs since Saturday afternoon...

Some Music I've Had On Repeat Lately
I bought a used iPod from eBay and it has really helped my mood on the subway A LOT. Some of the songs I repeat three or four times when they come on are:

This one because, well, my love life is on the SERIOUS rocks, like for real, as in tumbleweeds and ghost towns and whatnot. But this song reminds me that it could be worse... I could be stuck in ANOTHER bad relationship that I don't know how to get out of.

"Baby believe me, if I stay it ain't gonna be easy..."
Love On The Rocks - Sara Bareilles

And this one reminds me that when I DO find me a cutie pie, this is how I want him. Listen to these racy ass'd lyrics... can you believe Miss Horne was singing this mess? HOT!!

"Unless I feel the ceiling caving, how will I know we're misbehavin'...!"
Come On Strong - Lena Horne

And THIS one, because there's a teeny, tiny droplet of THUG inside this good (recovering) Catholic girl... I rock out to this whenever an old white lady sits next to me on the train, daring her to complain about the volume so I can bust out with, "Don't you know Obama is PRESIDENT? I can do whatever I want!"

"Haters are scandalous, damn, can't a ni**a just breathe?"
Breathe - Nas

My Landlord Thinks I Need A Boyfriend
So, you know how my landlord is renovating the apartment next door, right? Well, when they were knocking down walls they kinda knocked a few holes THROUGH my walls and I brought it to his attention.

His response?

"Yes, I know, I will fix. Maybe you go away on a vacation and I fix up your apartment like next door, yes? Get a boyfriend to take you on vacation."


Is he trying to insinuate that I spend way too much time in my apartment in my flannel pajamas ordering takeout, watching old movies on my computer and reading books while laid out on the couch? And that perhaps some MAN can just swoop in and change all that?

Sure, Mr. B., that's what I'll do- I'll just wave my magic wand and click my heels three times and wrinkle my nose and blink me up a man JUST LIKE THAT who will wisk me away on a fabulous vacation somewhere that isn't my sofa. Just. Like. That.

So I said, "Yeah, sure, you can fix the walls and then find me a boyfriend while you're at it."

And HE said, "No, YOU find a boyfriend."

I felt like someone slapped me across the face! Why I've NEVER...!

*smooches...wondering how long I've been the butt of his jokes because I don't have a man*
I bet they're downstairs RIGHT NOW laughing about the fact that I've been holed up in my apartment all weekend... AND? It's COLD outside, dammit!

(at least, that's my excuse this weekend...)