Thursday, November 20, 2008

Milk Crate of WHAT? UGH!!!!!!

What the hell was I thinking when I signed up for this retarded online NaNoWriMo challenge?

Oh, yeah, now I remember... I was thinking I'm almost 35, why not attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days and have a heart attack followed by a couple of nervous breakdowns? Who wants to live a peaceful life anyways? Not I!

I know what you're thinking- I should have kept this project to myself, like I've been doing with the others, but don't worry, the santos are helping me keep the Haters and Doubters at bay, and TRUST that it is not cheap keeping those cabrones in fresh fruit and rum and goats! I had to cancel "Take Out Fridays" at my house just to pay the tributes.

But back to my non-novel.

It's not the Haters & Doubters that put the kibbosh on my plans... it's me- I don't know how to just sit and write the damn thing.

The challenge specifies that I need to shut the inner editor up and just write- the novel doesn't have to be genius it just has to be 50,000 words. Once it's done THEN I can go back and make it good.

SAY WHAT?!?! That goes against the very nature of my existence. My inner editor (I started calling her Puta Face Jr. sometime around '06) is the loudest, most impertinent, RUDEST BITCH you will ever meet, and she will not be hushed. Because of her, it takes me like 4 to 5 hours just to write a stinky little blog post. Some of these mo-fos are written MONTHS in advance just to keep her satisfied, and even then, if she sees a typo OMG... sometimes, I'm afraid for my very life and end up having to hide all of my blunt objects and cutlery...

Basically I have the idea for the novel in my head. I know the characters and what they're about and where I think I want to take them. Kind of. And I know the story I want to tell, the events I want the characters to experience and all that mess. But, for the life of me, I cannot seem to get from point A to point P and finally to point Z in 50,000 words of expository writing, dialogue, details, etc without caring about accuracy or quality or correct grammar and just concentrating on word count... PF Jr. is having NONE OF IT!!!!!!!!!!


She wants to use only the Rolls Royce of words and phrases, and she is insisting that the details be dead-on and researched thoroughly, and yesterday, I spelled the main character's name with an "I" instead of an "E" by mistake and... and... she bitch slapped me...


I'm hella stressed y'all! I've only ever written short stories, and they're good and all, but I write them because my attention span is that of a three-year-old! Can I sustain this interest in the challenge long enough to finish? I don't want to quit, I really don't. I've already abandoned my Tango lessons midway, I don't want the same to happen with this novel.

And right when I was thinking of just taking a different, longer piece I already had written and building on that, I got this stupid "Week Two Pep Talk" email from Meg Cabot (Author of The Princess Diaries) through NaNoWriMo that read:

I know what you’re doing. You’re thinking about cheating, aren’t you?

That shit FREAKED ME THE FUCK OUT!!! How the hell did she know???????? She went on to write:

Do you think I haven’t been there? Cheating on your current work-in-progress with a new one is the oldest trick in the book! I have a plastic milk crate crammed full of stories I started and never finished because I cheated on them, then got so enamored of my new story, I never went back to the old one. Over and over and over again...

...whatever you do, don’t let it end up in the Milk Crate of Shame.

Dammit, Meg, get out of my BRAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

*sobs heartily*

I don't know if I have it in me to finish the challenge this time around. Maybe I just had too many things on my plate. Maybe it's not my time, who the fuck knows at this point. Only time will tell... As of this post I only have 3,338 words written with 10 days left before the deadline.

Jesus take the wheel 'cause I ain't got no damn license. And I seem to have lost my grasp of the English language, too...

*smooches...all of a sudden at a loss for words*
you think maybe I should cheat anyway and just take a bunch of blog posts and turn it into a novel?? HUH?? CAN I?!?!