Monday, August 25, 2014

It's A Choice, Apparently.

If only it were this easy. Don't you hate when self-help wannabes tell you this shit? SMH

*smooches...trying to choose happiness*
misery calls me, though. it's my drug!

Friday, August 22, 2014

Calling All Native Brooklynites!

I'm over here making moves, son. Either get on board or get the fuck out of the way. I'd rather you get on board, though.

Spread the word, mmkay?

*smooches...prepping myself for a busy winter*
can't stop, won't stop

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Dance Break, aka Jaded Is Off Today

Because I'm at a Yankees game today, (thanks, job I love, for the hook-up), all you're getting is this video of an oldie but goodie:

Hope that booty shake gave you life!

*smooches...avoiding foul balls like a mofo*
actually, none came my way. still.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Mari Speaks On...

"If I shave my legs and apply lotion the day we hang out, we go together."

File that under #mariskeystodating. You're welcome.

*smooches...sharing important info with the masses*
and this is why I say Mari is crazy

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

What Else Is There To Say?

I'm sure you're just as inundated with news items coming out of Missouri as I am. Therefore I won't reiterate it here. All this news coverage and updates on social media is making me physically ill. It's 9-11 all over again, and that familiar knot has landed on my chest and won't leave. I suppose the fact that I've decided to stay and fight the good fight, in whatever form that means for me here in Brooklyn, will ease me a bit. Only time will tell. I dropped the ball after that asshole Zimmerman was set free. I won't ever forgive myself if I do it again.

In the meantime, if you, too, are looking for ways to do something- donate to those at ground zero in Ferguson, join local groups to enact change in the laws or in how police are allowed to treat citizens- let me know either in the comments or via email.

(Just a bit of comic relief because LORD KNOWS we need it!)

This isn't a Black thing, it's a human thing, and I'm not going to tell you what to do, but don't wait until the "police" bang down your door and harm your loved ones unjustly before you decide to do something. This affects all of us.

*smooches...trying to find peace*
...first in my heart, then in the world, I guess.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Next Year, The Quinces Will Be In DR

She's so feisty, I can't help but see myself in her and love her to death. And since her sister went off to college, N has become my shenanigans road dawg, and I do believe it's brought us closer.

I mean, listen, instead of telling me I'm uncool or embarrassing, she's usually the first in line to participate in my foolishness. How many moms can say that?

Happy Birthday, my Black Queen-in-Training! I look forward to being by your side as you make this world your bitch!

*smooches...just for my schmoo-pie today*
ain't she grand?

Friday, August 15, 2014

It's My Season Of Doing Tough Things, I Guess.

Committing myself to yoga every day.

Committing myself to my craft and literary dreams.

Committing myself to make my loved ones a priority (I'm struggling with this one, but I promise I'm working on it).

Committing myself to (re)learning the inner workings of this land, and moving toward a better future for my kids. And by MY kids I mean YOUR kids, too. Starting now.

I went to my very first ever vigil-turned-rally on Thursday night, and I'm not sure I can describe it yet. I need to let it sink in and play it over in my head and cry about it and fuss about it, and then the words will come. And since I have this forum, I will share my thoughts then. I can say it was weird to be a part of this, knowing I haven't personally been touched by any sort of similar trauma or injustice. For a person of my brown-ness, I've managed a pretty privileged life. I actually felt like an impostor standing there, so I kept quiet and observed, which, as a writer, I suppose is more my speed.

Still, I'm committing myself to this cause because, unlike my previous mindset, all of these kids could easily be my kids. Or my friend's kids. Or my cousin's kids. So I'm in, y'all. I'm in. I mean, I already loathe The Man, might as well do something about him.

I have such a long road ahead that part of me is all "FUCK IT! We started too late! Just get back on your sofa and watch TV and wait for death!" But nah, I'm going to choose life, and every ugly, bumpy, loud, uncomfortable, tedious, and beautiful thing that comes along for the ride. Not sure what my role will be, where the path will lead, but I will use whatever skills, talents, and resources within my grasp to do whatever needs to be done.

Imagine the stories I'll have to tell my grandbabies!

*smooches...wishing you well on your own journey*

Thursday, August 14, 2014


"Join us as we gather for a moment of silence for those who have been victims of police brutality throughout the U.S. Bring posters and signs w/the names and pictures of victims so that we can remember them and burn them in the conscious of America and the world."

In Brooklyn, there's a vigil planned at Fulton Park Plaza; in Manhattan I know of one in Union Square and another in Harlem. Follow the #NMOS14 to find one in your area. And please, we're all angry, but this is a peaceful vigil to remember our fallen brothers and sisters. Let's keep it that way.

*smooches...trying to hold back tears for the sixth day in a row*
not sure how much longer before I burst

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Musical Interlude For Sanity's Sake

Because if I don't dance these feelings out, you're going to see me on the six o'clock news, atop the clock tower downtown, picking off cops one at a time. Real talk.

Yeah I said it.

Play this on repeat and dance with me.

*smooches...trying to release this negative energy*
I got nothing, man. just let me dance in peace.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Sister Summer 2014

Mari and I have been using this title ever since she came to stay with me for a couple of summers while she attended a program at Columbia, and now it's a thing we do.

And so I present to you the latest installment of Sister Summer, in photos and captions.

Mari's new pet, Smokey, who thought
we were BFFs. We're not.
My books and an empty bottle
of wine. Accurate.
I'm wider than I want to be; still cute, tho.
Super cute AND stylish: Jaded Babies.
I don't remember a time when we weren't a foursome.

*smooches...looking forward to many more times like this*
what would I do without these gals?

Monday, August 11, 2014

Day 10//30 Days Of Yoga: A Healthy Jaded Update

Listen, no one is more shocked than I am that I've gone TEN STRAIGHT DAYS of practicing yoga. Like, I've done yoga at a Yoga People in Downtown Brooklyn, or I've done videos at home when my schedule didn't allow me to travel to the studio. Ten days, y'all. That's longer than most of my post-divorce fauxlationships!

And because y'all know there is no shame in my game, here's me and all my extra weight in all our flexy-glory:

Downward dog

Chair pose; need
to work on my arm
positioning here

Pigeon pose; my
absolute favorite!

Forgot what this one is, but I
don't have full range of motion
anyway, bad back and all...

I'm trying for savasana (corpse
pose) here; K will have none
of it SMH!!

Definitely looking forward to the next 20 days. I am planning to add in some light workouts before yoga, and then return to socacize at the end of the month. And of course everyday I struggle with my food addiction. Baby steps, you know? I don't want to injure myself, thereby giving me an excuse to quit.

But so far, each yoga practice has left me feeling great (well, except for one, but we won't dwell on that. I think I just had a bad attitude that day) and I love that I look forward to my yoga time every day. I'm especially proud that I've figured out ways to continue my practice even though I'm traveling a lot this month--I NEVER do that.

Look at me, all grow'd up!

*smooches...namasteing all up and through this bitch*
anyone want to join me?

Friday, August 08, 2014

Currently Obsessed With...

...this song and video

...this TV show, because witches!

...this book; you think it's about baseball at first, but it's really abut life.

What's keeping you busy this summer?

* to play more Kes*
their music really is everything

Thursday, August 07, 2014

In Case You're Looking For Me

A lot of you forget to check my site for appearances, and then pull the whole "you had a reading?" schpiel after the fact. Well here's a gentle reminder that I'm actively booking events where I host and/or read, and you need to be in the audience cheering me on.

How can you say no to that face?

That is all.

*smooches...gearing up for a busy season*
it's about to be LOCO!

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

So This Is Mavi, My iPhone.

I know, I know, you're reading that title like "OH MY GOD, THE WORLD IS ENDING, RAQUEL HAS AN IPHONE!" but relax. I've not been fully infiltrated by the Robot Army just yet.

Of course my lock screen features my babies!

Let me explain how this all happened...

A few months ago I went into the Verizon store because I wanted to get a tablet or something like it, that I could use when hosting events in order to update various social media platforms with information about said events. The sales rep looked at me all crazy and was all "Why don't you just get a smartphone?" I, in turn, listed all the reasons I didn't want one, including cost (which was my number one reason!).

The rep proceeded to lay out all the costs for me, and it turned out the iPhone he was offering wouldn't cost me more than what I was already paying with my regular phone, plus the phone itself was free. "And why carry three different devices (iPod, phone, tablet) when you can just carry one?"

He was making so much sense; how could I pass up the deal?

So now I have an iPhone. And an Instagram account. And game apps that suck the battery life out of my phone. I can never leave the house without a charger. And the amount of selfies saved in my camera is almost criminal. But I promise, I'm not one of these phone-obsessed zombies; I put mine away and just LIVE sometimes.

At least for now.

*smooches...checking IG as I type*
I'm so fascinated by what people upload to Instagram. Sometimes it's cool, but sometimes, SOMETIMES you hit gold and find that person who is posting pure trash. I live for that person!

Tuesday, August 05, 2014

Waiting To Excavate: A One-Scene Play

Friend: Do they make meds for "Shiftless Negro Syndrome?"
Me: No. Scientists are too busy trying to control our wombs to worry about that.
Friend: I need them up out my uterus. They can work on that.
Me: All the way out.
Me: *walks into uterus, sees a bunch of scientists, clergy, and politicians* "Umm, hello? Do I know you? How'd you get in here?"
Them: "The door was open..."
Them: "It's for your own good"
Friend: *smh*
Friend: O_O!!! You know she set shit on fire after that.
Me: Mhmm. I'm OK with that. I already had babies.

*smooches...ready to bring this show to Congress*
they'll give me the floor, right?

Monday, August 04, 2014

30 Days of Yoga: A Healthy Jaded Update

So I'm back at it again, trying to take charge of my health and wellness, and I thought I'd start with something that always made me feel good when I did it: yoga.

One day she'll be my personal yogi.

I know a few of my friends are like "Nah, B" when it comes to yoga but for me it helps build my physical, mental, and spiritual being.

Sorry if that got all new-agey. Hope I didn't get any on you.

I started my 30-day challenge on Saturday with a nice gentle flow video by Tara Stiles on The YouTube (because I overslept and missed class), and it wasn't what I wanted to be doing but it did feel good to do it. On Sunday, however, I did make it to the studio (Yoga People in Brooklyn), and first of all SOMEONE FAINTED while we were still in tadasana (mountain pose) practicing our yogic breath. Part of me wanted to leave. Also, I was sweating the minute I got in there and already knew downward dog was going to be a problem, what with my wet palms unable to keep me steady on the mat.

But the good parts were the chanting and super tiny talk the instructor started with; something along the lines of seeing yourself in others in order to be more understanding, patient, and compassionate--all things with which I need help. So it was good to receive that message. Another plus was having options and modifications for each pose. I was never made to feel like I shouldn't be in the class, even though at every step I wanted out because my stupid body won't do what I say. The instructor was great about coming over to help correct your pose and gently guide you into a more challenging one if she felt you were ready.

Fainting girl aside, I was able to fight through the "I'm the fattest, blackest chick in here" fear and just complete the class to the best of my ability. Fuck all those hos, I was there for me.

And although I'm writing this from home because I had to take a personal day because OUCH ALL OF MY MUSCLES ARE AWAKE AND THEY'RE ANGRY, I'll be at the noon class for Day 3.

This is finna be a long ass month...

*smooches...wishing I could just be fat and happy*
unfortunately that combination doesn't work for me.

Friday, August 01, 2014

SON. I Received A Letter From The IRS.

When I say that, upon seeing a THICK envelope in the mailbox from the IRS, my heart was in my throat, I'm not exaggerating. My first thought was SHIT. I'M BEING AUDITED. THEY'RE GONNA SEIZE MY MONEY! Which, of course, is ridiculous because I'm worth about five pesos.

Still, a letter from the IRS can't be good, right? Not a thick envelope--that must mean they needed a bunch of pages to tell me how badly they're about to fuck up my life.

Except that's not what it said.

Y'all. There was an error in my favor. I overpaid the government in 2011.


Happy Friday, my good people. It's raining freakin' pennies from freakin' heaven!

*smooches...already spending that money in my head*
don't worry, The Voices and I are spending responsibly :)