It's My Season Of Doing Tough Things, I Guess.

Committing myself to yoga every day.

Committing myself to my craft and literary dreams.

Committing myself to make my loved ones a priority (I'm struggling with this one, but I promise I'm working on it).

Committing myself to (re)learning the inner workings of this land, and moving toward a better future for my kids. And by MY kids I mean YOUR kids, too. Starting now.

I went to my very first ever vigil-turned-rally on Thursday night, and I'm not sure I can describe it yet. I need to let it sink in and play it over in my head and cry about it and fuss about it, and then the words will come. And since I have this forum, I will share my thoughts then. I can say it was weird to be a part of this, knowing I haven't personally been touched by any sort of similar trauma or injustice. For a person of my brown-ness, I've managed a pretty privileged life. I actually felt like an impostor standing there, so I kept quiet and observed, which, as a writer, I suppose is more my speed.

Still, I'm committing myself to this cause because, unlike my previous mindset, all of these kids could easily be my kids. Or my friend's kids. Or my cousin's kids. So I'm in, y'all. I'm in. I mean, I already loathe The Man, might as well do something about him.

I have such a long road ahead that part of me is all "FUCK IT! We started too late! Just get back on your sofa and watch TV and wait for death!" But nah, I'm going to choose life, and every ugly, bumpy, loud, uncomfortable, tedious, and beautiful thing that comes along for the ride. Not sure what my role will be, where the path will lead, but I will use whatever skills, talents, and resources within my grasp to do whatever needs to be done.



Imagine the stories I'll have to tell my grandbabies!

*smooches...wishing you well on your own journey*
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xoxo

How I Can Give Back

I'm just going to admit right now that I did not make it out to Far Rockaway or Coney Island to assist with any Post-Sandy clean-up efforts as I said I would, and my only excuse is that I suffer from a debilitating mental block that keeps me from wanting to leave my apartment most days. Especially if I'm leaving to mingle with new people. But you already knew that about me.

I will attempt to help out this weekend again (after I take N to basketball practice and maybe even surprise K with Ani DiFranco tickets), but in the meantime, check out my author site for details on how you can help by purchasing a copy of my book. Yes, it's a little self-serving...okay, maybe a lot self-serving. However it is a good book and the money will go to a great cause: getting this City back on its dysfunctional feet.

That is all.

*smooches...doing what I can*
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I get tired of just talking about stuff; it's now a time for doing. now all I have to do is conquer my fear of social situations and leave my house this weekend...

JADED CONTEST: Are YOU The Master Of Movie Quotes?

There's one simple way to find out!

Below are 20 quotes from random movies of a variety of genres. You need to name the character who said it and the film from which it hails. And yes, spelling counts, as does the accuracy of the movie titles and character names. Email your answers to me at rpenzo@thejadednyer.net.

The FIRST email I receive with the MOST CORRECT answers is the winner. I can't stop you from googling the answers, but I should hope that you're trustworthy and that you'll answer off the top of your head with what you TRULY know. Please, for the sake of the contest, don't put answers in the comments. That would be #RUDE.

Your prize? Well, bragging rights, of course. OH, and a signed copy of my book My Ego Likes the Compliments...And Other Musings on Writing and a Jaded NYer T-shirt. That's some good swag, son!

Ready to play? OK... let's go!

1- "You'll stay up til this job shines like the top of the Chrysler Building!"

2- "I haven't got time for this Mickey Mouse bullshit."

3- "Liking both Marvin Gaye and Art Garfunkel is like supporting both the Israelis and the Palestinians."

4- "If Brooke Shields married Groucho Marx their child would have your eyebrows!"

5- "I can't go all my life waiting to catch you between husbands."

6- "I didn't bring your breakfast, because you didn't eat your din-din!"

7- "You want a lesson? I'll give you a lesson. How 'bout a geography lesson? My father's from Puerto Rico. My mother's from El Salvador. Neither one of those is Mexico!"

8- "You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!"

9- "Whether or not what we experienced was an According to Hoyle miracle is insignificant. What is significant is that I felt the touch of God. God got involved."

10- "There isn't a day in my life when I haven't felt like a fraud. I mean priests, doctors, I've talked to them all. I don't know anyone who hasn't felt that."

11- "Well, I see your hobbies include 'drinkin', smokin' weed, and all kinds of ill shit.'"

12- "The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care."

13- "A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."

14- "Maybe if you showed Dr. Zaius the proper respect, Dr. Zaius would stop showing you the POO!"

15- "I want to lie together without clothes on."

16- "When she jumped, she probably thought she could fly."

17- "Don't let them bury me! I'm not dead!"

18- "BREAD MAKES YOU FAT?"

19- "Stern, if this factory ever produces a shell that can actually be fired, I'll be very unhappy."

20- "This whole baby thing baffles me, I mean you have it, you raise it, you basically screw it up, it resents you, feels guilty for resenting you and then it has a baby, which only perpetuates the vicious cycle."

How many did you know?

*smooches...feeling generous on a random Monday*
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mostly because I didn't have anything else to write about!

World Book Night!

Taken from the World Book Night website:

We need book-loving volunteers to fan out across America on April 23, 2012! Just take 20 free copies of a book to a location in your community, and you just might change someone's life. Please sign up by Feb. 1.

The goal is to give books to new readers, to encourage reading, to share your passion for a great book. The entire publishing, bookstore, library, author, printing, and paper community is behind this effort with donated services and time.

I signed up to hand out copies of "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" by Pulitzer Prize-winning DOMINICAN author, Junot Diaz, over by Atlantic Terminal in Brooklyn. It's a crazy-busy place and I'm actually a little afraid of having to stand out there and hand out books to people who might look at me like I'm crazy, but I've been talking about wanting to be involved in some sort of literacy outreach program and here it is: My big chance to give back. Anyone care to join me?

Click here to apply!

Thanks to Kelly for posting this on Facebook!

*smooches...really putting my money where my mouth is*
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I have so much and I really do take it for granted. It's beyond time I do more for my community. BEYOND time!

Five Things To Do This Weekend

1- Go outside and get some damn sunlight, you crazy, urban vampires!

2- Read Mari's new blog, Simply Mari(elys) and add it to your RSS feed.

3- Sign up to volunteer at any number of literacy organizations in honor of the National Day of Service (if you're not already doing something to give back) via BoostUp.Org.

4- Eat something you've never eaten before and give it a fair shot. Report back on Tuesday.

5- Come to my reading, suckazzz!

*smooches...hoping you enjoy this nice long weekend*
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courtesy of Martin Luther the King ::side eye::

Let's Teach Our Sons...

...how to respect women. That no really does mean no even if the woman is 100% naked. And it is definitely no if she's drunk. And that it is always wrong to play grab-ass in a crowded space, on the street or in school. Or anywhere for that matter.

...that there are better ways to release anger than to harm or disrespect others, regardless of how they feel they've been harmed or disrespected.

...to love and care for the children they make, no matter who the child's mother is. Tell them if the woman is not fit to be the mother of their progeny then she's most certainly not worth laying down with, either.

...homosexuality or femininity is not a curse or a disease you can catch. They must learn to respect that all men are different, love different and live different.

...that a well-rounded education will make them an awesome human being. Don't just become a doctor or lawyer or business executive. Study dance and art and nature and "home economics"; to learn as much as they can for the rest of their lives and always be open to new theories while still maintaining a foundation of beliefs.

If I had a son, I'd make sure he knew all of that.

And how to get the hell out of the way when their woman is pissed off!

*smooches...hoping that all of you with sons are on the job*
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these are the boys that will be courting my daughters, after all. I need these boys to be worthy of my jewels...

Wherein I Realize White America Still Thinks Of Us As Dumb Ni**ers

This post used to be a rant about an article I read online where a middle-aged, middle-class, privileged white man gave his opinion of what poor, black kids need to do to succeed in life. And it used to be filled with F-bombs and threats and posturing because his asinine solutions included the use of technology (which many poor families don't have access to) and public libraries (that are suffering budget cuts left and right) and Cliff's Notes. I kid you not. I was angry that he had the audacity to think that poor black kids could have been saved this whole time if they just went to the library and learned some programming software. That's all they need to get out of the ghetto, according to this "journalist".

So this post used to be my knee-jerk and infuriated reaction to his ignorance to the real plight of poor kids everywhere- not just black kids but especially black kids.

Sir, have you ever lived in the ghetto? Where fathers are scarce but drug dealers are plentiful and take their place? Where mom's have to borrow from Peter to pay Paul, and still it's not enough so she has to work long hours for low pay? Where bologna sandwiches or cans of no frills "pork food" are dinner? Where the parents are sometimes less educated than the kids? Where kids are unattended after school and often have the responsibilities at home that should be carried out by an adult? Where resources don't seem to reach?

The reality is no amount of computer classes can overcome hunger or fatigue or depression or a low self-esteem. When everything around you is bleak and dream-crushing all you can think about is getting out by any means necessary. Sometimes that means illegal activities. A lucky few may find a mentor at school. Others may chance it and persevere despite their environment. But sir, have you ever known that kind of desperation? That feeling that you had to get out or you'd die? Have you ever had that fight or flight instinct kick in on your way to buy milk at the bodega around the corner?

Sir, you don't know the ghetto. You don't know the plight of the poor, be they black, white, Latino, Asian or whatever. You don't know how they eat, breathe and dream their surroundings, and how that affects everything they do. Cliff's Notes won't change the fact that some poor kid in the ghetto didn't get enough sleep because there was a shoot-out on his block, or that he didn't get any breakfast at home because there simply wasn't any food to make. And sir, chances are, if some of the neighborhood kids saw him reading Cliff's Notes, they'd probably steal his book bag and toss it somewhere. Just for kicks.

This is the ghetto. This is why a lot of kids don't make it out and succeed. I'm not making excuses, sir, I'm stating the facts of the neighborhood I grew up in. I was lucky. I made it out by the skin of my nose. My mom was the rare mom that went the extra mile to get us into private schools and summer programs and kept us out off the block. But not everyone is my mom. Some mom's take up with abusive men or are hooked on that shit or just plumb don't give a rat's ass about their kids.

You can't just sit there from your ivory tower and claim to know what a poor black kid needs to succeed in life, sir, because you're not one. And you'll never know what it feels like to be born with so many strikes against you that any effort seems futile.

Don't presume to know what poor black kids needs, sir, and then proceed to write a bullshit article about it because when it comes down to it all ANY poor kid needs is for people like you and me to stop talking the talk and start walking the walk. So what's it gonna be?

*smooches...saddened by the blatant racism that sparked that article*
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I'm trying to decide if I prefer my klansmen covert or in my face...

Protecting Our Daughters

This is Part 1 of the documentary "Very Young Girls" (you can see the rest via Netflix or on YouTube) about girls as young as 13 in the sex trade business and their fight to get out.



I cannot tell you how much it kills me to think that kids barely older than N are turned out in this country and we can't (won't??) do much about it. I barely sat through "Born Into Brothel" without a box of tissues but figured our so-called First World Nation would be doing a better job of protecting our babies. Sooooo not the case, dude!

When The F$%k-it List brought this film to my attention I was all "I DON'T WANT TO KNOW" because once you know you can't sit there and ignore the problem. You have to do something. So here's what's what.

Through Girls Educational & Mentoring Services (GEMS), we're collecting item donations for these young women for the Girls Are Not For Sale campaign. GEMS is a NYS non-profit that specifically serves "girls and young women who have experienced commercial sexual exploitation and domestic trafficking" and you can imagine how little they have in order to rebuild their lives.

If you can donate any of the items listed on the campaign page by December 15, 2011, I will personally show up at your door and French kiss you. Or if that's not your style maybe I'll just say Thank You. Either way, "tis the season" and all that good stuff. Let's show these girls that New York cares about their lives and we want them to be happy and successful. They are all our daughters and we owe them that much! 

*smooches...thankful for the life I've lead*
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and all the people that protected me from harm throughout, allowing me to do the same for others.

Washed Away

Last week I was trying to shop for produce to feed my family and was utterly disappointed at the prices I had to endure. I mean, $4 for some cauliflower just didn't seem right! And don't even get me started on the price of tomatoes and cucumbers; just appalling!

Color me stupid, however, when I was sent a link to a video about a couple of farms Upstate that had been completely ruined by Hurricane Irene. I had heard that it was bad up there but I was not aware how bad until I saw the videos.

This all tied in to my planned visit Upstate this past weekend; Celia had already warned me that it might take longer to get to her house because the usual roads were gone. GONE. As in the flooding was so bad that it just up and stole the goddamn roads away. Of course you hear stuff like that and your eyes widen with shock and you say things like "Wow!" or "Oh my god that's terrible!" but it isn't real to you, because all that happened on your block during that storm was that a few branches fell on your stairs. OH, THE HUMANITY!

But then you read stories like this and you realize this is a motherfucking DISASTER the likes you've never had to experience. Except now you're experiencing because this is your home state and those farms help feed your lazy, City ass but now they're gone.

Then it all get really real when you drive through Prattsville and you see this:





When I think back to the storm weekend, and how much people complained about the City being shut down and how Bloomberg overreacted and how it was all for nothing I couldn't believe it- did you want something bad to happen? You're mad because our elected officials were trying to avoid a repeat of Snowmaggedon 2010?? And now I want to say to those same people, how dare you moan and whine and complain when that hurricane devastated many whole towns! I saw those uprooted homes with my own eyes. I saw the residents of that town drinking their troubles away at a local bar, and Celia overheard one of them say they plan to rebuild in six months- completely impossible but who's about to squash this man's hopes and dreams? Really, once this all becomes real it's hard to unsee and unhear about the tragedies.

When I think of how lucky we were in the City to not have suffered that fate... and how tragic the situation has become for these small, impoverished towns of Upstate New York, it really put things in perspective. I shop for food with only my wallet in mind, and sometimes, when you live paycheck-to-paycheck like I do you have to shop like that. But I never stop to think where my cauliflower and tomatoes come from, and how hard those farmers work to yield a big enough crop to feed us City folk, who then turn around and complain about the price of tomatoes as we sit upon our fancy digs. I don't think about the people they employ, the animals they have to feed and the myriad of bureaucratic red tape they have to deal with in order to keep their family businesses afloat.





I wish I could do more than donate money to help them out, but if that's the only weapon at my disposal right now, so be it. I'm not the pushy money-asking type, but if it at all moves you, maybe you can donate some money, too?

UPDATE: Just read a post on the Green In BKLYN website that gives you more ways to donate money or food, diapers and other basic necessities to the families who need it. So if you don't have money but you stocked up on non-perishables prior to the storm that you're not using, consider dropping them off at one of the green markets around the City. I'll be your best friend if you do!

*smooches...wishing these families all the best*
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if I made even 1% more people aware of this situation and that 1% tells another 1%...

It Ain't No Fun If The Homies Can't Have None: A Healthy Jaded Update

This year I decided to get my fat ass off the couch and finally finally finally get healthy. It was the best decision I've ever made, despite the costs, injuries, frustration, etc, because I know I'm doing the right thing, especially now that both my babies are following suit.

With this change in lifestyle often comes the pulling away from certain people who aren't on the same wavelength because, frankly, you're a recovering [insert vice here]-aholic and they couldn't give one single solitary fuck about your new way of living. Luckily I haven't had to experience any of that because my friends and family are awesome sauce, but I have come across some who are also thinking of or attempting to get healthy, too, but are unsure of where to start.

Enter Healthy Jaded. She's all about helping you achieve your fitness goals because frankly, she doesn't want to be the only one. It's much better to run around in a crew of hotties than to stand out, at least for me. That way I won't be sitting across from you and your plate of steaming waffle fries while I nosh on some wilted lettuce. That will only end in bloodshed, my friend.

So here's the sitch: I am going to give away THREE fitness prizes in honor of my Five Year Blogiversary next month- two separate boot camp deals (10 sessions in BK or 5 sessions in lower Manhattan) and one Pilates deal (in Mahnattan)- to my NYC-area readers who need a little push in the right direction (in the form of FREE fitness classes).

I know I've denounced boot camp classes on this blog before, but the fact is those monstrously hard sessions did give me a head start on my fitness journey and it might just be what some of you need, too! And y'all know I love me some Pilates so I definitely want to share this lovely treat with all of you.

All you have to do is EMAIL ME at rpenzo@thejadednyer.net and write FUCK YO' COUCH! in the subject line. Then tell me in 1 - 3 sentences why you should win over all the other hos entering the contest. You have until 11:59 pm EST on Thursday, August 25 to respond. There will be up to THREE winners.

And in case you need another incentive just remember, since I started working out I've gone from THIS disgusting 197.3 lbs:



to THIS more tolerable 179.1 lbs:



Good luck, bitchezzzzz!

*smooches...waiting for you to get on board*
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listen, let me just be frank- once I get fitter I'm gonna refuse to hang w/you fatties so get yo shit together!

Today I Will (6.10.11)

(The history behind these activities can be found here, and if you click here you will see all the previous posts I wrote on them. Thank you to Irene for having the forethought to buy me this book for blog material.)

Activity #11: Today I will volunteer to give back to my community.

First off I want to make it clear that this isn't meant to shame or out anyone for whatever they do or don't do to contribute positive "things" to society, and I also would like you all to refrain from letting your egos take over and tell us who all you give money to or volunteer time with- it's really nobody's business.

But I would like to suggest that you consider helping out a charitable organization in your neighborhood or anywhere on God's green earth (if you don't already). I joke a lot on Twitter about First World/Champagne problems, but when you really step back and look at your life sometimes it becomes so obvious that we don't have anything REAL to complain about if our neighbor went to bed hungry or can't read.

"Giving your time to a worthy cause also helps put your own problems in perspective, gives you a sense of belonging within a community, and enhances your sense of self-worth."

Just think about it.

*smooches...hoping this post counts as giving back*
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I've still not been able to find some sort of charitable SOMETHING the girls and I can do so if you have any suggestions for organizations in Brooklyn that could use our help, pass it on :)

Some Monday Notes

Just a few things I want to say real quick and then I'm outta here:

1- The homie Super Dave VanBuren of Baby Daddy Diaries sent me a sample of his homemade BBQ sauce, and despite the fact that he didn't send an ingredient list and/or the nutritional information (I just hope it's low in sodium and does not have Soylent Green as one of the top 3 ingredients), I made a couple of dishes with it- a turkey meatloaf and a small batch of turkey burgers. The sauce is yum, and pending that ingredient list it gets the Jaded Seal of Approval from me and the babies.

2- My sister from another mister, Muireann from Bangs and a Bun, is running in the Paris Half Marathon in a couple of weeks and could really use your support. She's come together with a dozen or so other runners to raise money for a shelter for women escaping domestic violence situations, which I feel is an amazing cause and you should, too. Visit her site to see what you can do to help!

3- I will be reading this Saturday in Manhattan at Space on White as the New Voices Reading Series starts up again, and you can click HERE for more information and to get your tickets. Yes, tickets. We would really appreciate your support.

4- Something something something, space holder blah blah blah so I can have five items in this post. Shut up. You know the drill.

5- I'm taking a blog break. See you when I see you.

*smooches...with not a whole lot else to say*
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things have been pretty quiet over here so what better time to chillax?

Giving Back For Real, Pt. 2

I had this Penzo Uncle; he was the baby of the family. He was also my Padrino.

(see that little girl with her back to the camera in the dark blue jacket & messy hair? C'est moi!)

Somewhere along the way Padrino got hooked on drugs, and his addiction ended up taking his life by way of a little epidemic you might have heard of: AIDS. We weren't particularly close, but he died during my sophomore year of college so I was very aware of the circumstances surrounding his death and I visited his frail shell of himself in the hospital and it was a bit jostling.

You know, every disease that's out there that's killing people en masse doesn't seem real until it takes someone you know personally. AIDS was just an acronym to me, a condition that seemed really sad in movies like An Early Frost or And The Band Played On, but it was too abstract for me until I got that call from my Penzo Grandmother about Padrino. AIDS will take you down, my friend, no matter how you contract it, it will take you down.

I say this as a precursor to asking you to sponsor my BFF Alex in the Chicago Half Marathon in an effort to raise money for the AIDS Foundation of Chicago. I understand money is tight so I won't pull out the machete this time. But if you believe in the cause and have a few dollars to spare, it'd be awesome if you could donate.

I'd love to be able to say I saw the cure for AIDS in my lifetime...

*smooches...hoping this epidemic stays away from the rest of my loved ones*
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actually, I'd like ALL epidemics to stay away from my loved ones; how about that?!

Giving Back For Real, Pt. 1

On Saturday I participated in a community service event in the Bronx that really spoke to me. What I did wasn't that elaborate or back-breakingly hard, but the people I met and spoke with made me realize how many kids are in my own city who need us.

And by us I mean those of us from the 'hood who've made it out alive and well. Those of us who went to college and have jobs and careers and family support and have never been on the wrong side of the law.

One 8th-grade science teacher told me one of her students was a parent two-times over already. I almost fainted! TWO KIDS in the 8th GRADE? Another teacher mentioned that many of his students had never even been to Central Park, even though it's probably only a 15 minute train ride from Hunts Point.

That made me so sad for them, to know that they have this huge, wonderful city at their disposal and can't even enjoy it. It also made me want to hug my mom for taking me out of Bed-Stuy all the time. We took so many trips throughout all five-boros when I was a kid and I can't believe it took me this long to realize not all mothers were as cool as her.

After it was all said and done I gave the team leader my contact info so that I could volunteer at the other events they had coming up in other sections of NYC. And I know how much you all LOVE me and how CARING and GIVING you all are, so I figured I'd post the flier here for you to sign up.



I think it would be awesome if the NYC Bloggers could get together and give up a few hours of their time for a really good cause, don't you? No pressure, though... *sharpens machete*

*smooches...receiving so much goodness that it only felt right to distribute it*
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clearly I'm experiencing one of my UP cycles; enjoy it while you can... you know the DOWN is probably just right around the corner!

and a special shout out to my boy Josh for sending the info for the Bronx event. It was my pleasure to help out :)

The BEST Six Minutes Of My LIFE... And Other Musings...

Hey my dearies; I'm here with a Monday post for you, the kind you LOVE, and I love to write for you. Although I won't be staying long, here's some tidbits of Jaded living for you to enjoy.

Rice Is My Best Friend
I make no apologies about it- if no one else is around I make a small pot of rice and eat it standing over the stove. By myself. A whole pot. Therefore you should not be surprised that my next Cooking 101 episode with Darius T. Williams (Everyday Cookin') on Monday Musings would be about the Wonderful World of Rice!



Yeah, you read correctly. Darius and I will offer you 10 scrumptiously delicious rice recipes to go with almost anything you're cooking. Tune in, you know you want to!

Participate In A Service Day. Because I Say So.
My homie Josh is in charge of getting some volunteers for a service day in April in the Boogie Down. I know how helpful and charitable you all are so I figured I'd pass along the information.



I think I'll show up in my Mets fitted, yes?

The BEST Six Minutes Of My Life
I'm told this video is three-years-old, but since I ONLY just saw it it's NEW TO ME. And on a day when I seriously was searching long and hard for reason to smile, this video gave it to me. Enjoy!



You can thank me by sending me free music.

I Punched My Muse In The Face
Part of my departure from these internets has to do with my love-hate relationship with my writing career. Namely my ability to make a living with words. In the heat of the moment, after exchanging a few heated words with my muse, I sort of lost my temper and, well, I socked her in the kisser.

I sometimes come on here threatening people with machetes and whatnot but rarely do I resort to physical violence in my real life. This, however, could not be helped.

So now she's not speaking to me. Which means, for all intents and purposes, I've been silenced. And I really can't say when we will make up. I've already apologized; now it's up to her to forgive me.

*smooches...taking another week-long sabbatical*
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Y'all come back on Monday, mmkay, because while the blog is on a break, the radio show is NOT.

Side Hustle #552,892

I do many things well. Some I even get paid for.

[insert all manner of lewd, crude and tasteless jokes about me being in the sex trade industry here. Because y'all are so predictable!]

But some I do just for the satisfaction of being able to say I AM THE GREATEST or I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! One of my latest ventures in pro bono land, is offering El Generalissimo's services as a life coach.



WAIT- don't run away screaming just yet. I haven't finished my sales pitch!

*clears throat*

Have you ever felt like you didn't know what you were doing with your life and needed some guidance? Motivation? Tough love?

Then hire El Generalissimo as your life coach! With a firm, yet loving hand, El Generalissimo will help guide you towards your happiness journey. Specialties include:

>Helping you let go of all the bullshit negativity
>Unlocking all that god-damned potential within
>Learning to fuck w/out emotions build healthy relationships
>Stalking Attracting the man/woman of your dreams
>Putting the smack down on out of control blog visitors Improving your interpersonal skills

And most importantly, El Generalissimo can help motivate you to finish that to do list you've been ignoring. Whether it be painting the house or organizing the family photos or getting that damn dog to pee outside, El Generalissimo is here to help you achieve your goals.

Contact us NOW at rpenzo@thejadednyer.net, and we'll throw in El Generalissimo's patented Machete Seminars as a bonus. At these incredibly influential "talks" El Generalissimo will get to the bottom of WHY you're not fulfilling your life's dreams with juuuuuuust the proper nudge in the right direction.

BUT WAIT- THERE'S MORE! If you're among the first ten people to hire El Generalissimo, we'll also include a few one-on-one counseling sessions with Lady Estrogen, for that extra boost of confidence you need to make your life great.



You'd be CRAZY to let this opportunity pass you by...

So what are you waiting for?

GET OFF THE COUCH AND CONTACT
EL GENERALISSIMO NOW, CARAJO!!!!

*smooches...looking forward to helping you*
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operators are standing by...

and you can all thank Tyrone for giving me the idea :D

More Projects. Because I'm Insane.

You know I'm stressed. I know I'm stressed. But for some reason I cannot stop adding things to my TO DO list. I can't stop the world long enough to catch up to the next great idea that someone suggests or pops into my head, and trust me- there's no way to PAUSE the ideas. Except this time, I'm taking you with me.

1- It's NaNoWriMo time once again, my lovelies! That's right- November is National Novel Writing Month, and just because last year I only made it to 3,000 words does not mean I can't try again. I have a story idea and outline in my head and two paragraphs written. It's scary and exciting and just everything I love about writing, because I'm pushing myself and just letting all The Voices create a story. This year I'd like to complete the 50,000-word challenge, but my own personal goal is 10,000 words. Are YOU up for it? If so add me as a writing buddy- my username is RaquelP.

2- I attended this panel discussion on the image of Women in the Media (featuring our very own, Ms. Eb the Celeb) last month and while listening to the women on the stage I got the volunteering bug again. I realized that, while I'm not yet the Dominican Oprah I'd like to be, I'm still doing well for myself considering the deck was stacked against me. Then I thought, "How many other little girls (and boys) in BedStuy are in my same predicament, but probably won't make it out of the 'hood?" Yeah... stay tuned for how I'm addressing that (don't want to jinx it!)

3- Remember Tuesday's "Letters I'll Never Send" and its predecessors here and here? Well, thanks to Ms. Smarty Jones and her big mouth, I decided that SHE and I are going to edit a collection of letters submitted by you to be posted online and hopefully published later on. They can be a letters to anyone alive or dead or mythical. It can be a letter to yourself or your mirror or your socks. And yes, it can be anonymous if that's what will make you more comfy. Point is, we want your letters, the ones you're too afraid to send, the ones that come from your heart. Trust me- it feels so goooooood to write it out. Email me for more info & submission guidelines at rpenzo@thejadednyer.net

4- This month I'm asking all of you to visit your local library and pick up a copy of Ana Menendez's short story collection "In Cuba I Was A German Shephard" for the November 30th episode of Monday Musings. I've already fallen in love with the title story, which won a Pushcart Prize by the way, and can't wait for you to love it, too. Feel free to volunteer to co-host with me, mmKay?

5- And last but not least... Christmas is like RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER. Can you believe that mess? Well, it's true! And in the spirit of the holidays I've put myself in charge of planning the 2nd Annual NYC Blogging Ladies' Holiday Dinner. Last year was a smashing good time, and I'm going to make sure this year is just as great if not better. So SAVE THE DATE, bloggers (and the people who love us) DECEMBER 12th will be here before you know it! Annnnnnnd, for my dahlings in the DC area, keep DECEMBER 5th wide open because I'm invading your town for some debaucherous good times with Mari & all our blogging & Twitter pals!

*smooches...planning my way into an early grave*
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although in all honesty, I wouldn't know how to exist if I didn't have a million things to do at once

Great Show + Latino Heritage Month = A Happy Jaded NYer

Soooooooooo... I'm thrilled to report that last night's season premiere of Monday Musings w/The Jaded NYer & Friends went off without a hitch! Mari & I were on point with our discussion on Latino Heritage Month (September 15th to October 15th), we had wonderful callers and as usual the chatroom was... well... y'all know how it goes down in the chatroom.

At one point Irene demanded to see Chief Justice Sotomayor's birth certificate and I almost fell out of my seat. SHENANIGANS, I tell ya!

But I want to point out a few things from the show for those that missed it (download the podcast here): we had representatives from two amazing non-profit organizations on the show that I want to bring to your attention.

First, Emerita Torres of The New Latino Movement, a grassroots organization that helps mobilize Latinos on civic efforts throughout the country.

Then we had Frank Cohn of Global Potential, a program that empowers underprivileged youths in the US by teaching them how to be leaders and entrepreneurs who bring about social change through community service.

BOTH VERY WORTHWHILE CAUSES and I urge you all to get involved!!

Next, I want to encourage you to pick up the book, Black Behind the Ears: Dominican Racial Identity from Museums to Beauty Shops by Ginetta Candelario, a fellow Dominicana that Mari had the pleasure of meeting at Cornell.

Now with that said, I want to congratulate Irene for winning almost ALL of the prizes during the broadcast, but also wanted to give you blog readers an opportunity to win stuff, too. SO- the first commenter to answer these trivia questions correctly will win a Jaded By Association Tshirt; the second runner up gets the newest academic calendar designed by your truly!

Trivia Question #1: Mexico… Cortes has a famous palace in this Central Mexican City...

Trivia Question #2: Chile… Chile is divided into regions, how many are there?

And finally, I'd like to shout out the various Latino/a bloggers (and sites) out there that I frequent, and if I missed anyone PLEASE add your blog in the comments section; I like to support my peoples:

Jack's Gay Chronicles
The Jose Vilson
Brother Omi
Earned Relevance
Irene
Quisqueya's World
Reina's Song
Rock in the Ocean
Latina Beauty Blog
Juju The Poet
Sofrito For Your Soul
Odilia
Parcitizens
Hissip
Liberators of Hip Hop
Confesiones de la Loca
Latino Review
LatISM
Culture Kitchen

You've got a lot of reading to do... so get to it!

Me? I have an entire 30-days of activities associated with this month-long celebration to keep me busy, so don't you worry 'bout what I'M gonna be doing... nosy-ass heifers!

Happy Latino Heritage Month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*smooches...urging you to hug a Latino/a from 9/15 to 10/15*
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and even though I have a strict DON'T TOUCH ME policy, I won't even be mad if it's me you choose to hug...

"God's Work Isn't Done By God It's Done By People"

Let me tell you how desperate I've been for direction and solutions lately... I thought about going to church. I KNOW! Crazy, right? But there's this Catholic church by me and I thought, for like a good solid hour, what if I just went and sat with the priest and unloaded? Free therapy, right? Tell him everything dark and empty about myself and be absolved and cleansed and embraced by god's mercy and light, right? Sounds beautifully perfect, right?

WRONG.

Know why? Because I don't believe in it, and if I'd done that I'd be lying to myself, the priest, his god and the Universe. I'd just be going through the motions, same as I did when I was a kid, blindly following church dogma because that's what I was taught to do, not because I believed in it.

In the end I knew it would leave me emptier and darker than I already was.

Some of you are probably wondering why I would even think of going back to the very church that, in all honesty, caused the majority of my mental issues, but the truth is that without the generosity of Catholic charities I might not have been born. And without them I would not have ended up as scholarly as I am today. And without the church breathing down my neck all the time, I probably would have gotten pregnant at 15 like everybody else in my neighborhood. I kinda owe them my life, as sad and pathetic as it is. So whenever I try to solve my problems with spiritual guidance I turn to them first out of loyalty and habit, but I always stop short because I know it won't work.

I don't want to hear that my rewards are in heaven; I can't live off of that. I want my rewards here on earth. And I don't mean monetary rewards (although, hey, I wouldn't kick money out of bed!) but basic human needs-type of rewards. Like knowing that I made a difference, that I mattered, that I was important to someone's life, that my existence was for a real, concrete reason. Selfish, I know, but selfless, too, in the sense that this realization made me WANT TO make a difference, matter, and all that good stuff. And the best way I could think to do that was to take this free time I've been afforded, this free time that I craved so badly until I actually got it, and use it better, use it to make a difference, use it to matter, and only ask for validation in return.

All I want is to know that I'm not nothing. It's not enough to have people tell me that; I have to actually feel it for myself.

Up Up Up Up Up Up - Ani DiFranco

And that's the journey I'm currently on. I just hope it takes me someplace warm and sandy with fruity drinks and fresh, steamed lobster... what? I never said I was Mother Theresa...

*smooches...determined to make something out of nothing*
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step number one, without a doubt, I gotta clean house. literally AND figuratively. chaos, it turns out, is not really my friend. it was just pretending... skanky whore...

For A Measly $30, I'll Be Your Best Friend

First: We got our snaps and bongos on on Monday Musings- National Poetry Month brought out some real talent! I know you missed it, so here's the link (click here) to hear original work from my co-host Eb the Celeb, faithful listener Smarty Jones, Darius T. Williams and yours truly! Do it now!!

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I want to see this documentary on Juan Bosch at Lincoln Center (see info here) but as you read last week... I is po'.

Like searching through the couch for spare change, selling off prize possessions, hocking my one good piece of jewelry worth any money po'.

But I really, really, really want to see this documentary. Like, really.

So here's where YOU come in.

How about you treat me to the movies? Huh? Huh?

I get to see the film, and you get to spend time with me. It's a win-win situation.

What say you?

*smooches...pimping out my greatness for movie tickets*
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it is officially a recession when my friendship is for sale. I'm afraid of what's coming next...