Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Side Hustle #552,892

I do many things well. Some I even get paid for.

[insert all manner of lewd, crude and tasteless jokes about me being in the sex trade industry here. Because y'all are so predictable!]

But some I do just for the satisfaction of being able to say I AM THE GREATEST or I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! One of my latest ventures in pro bono land, is offering El Generalissimo's services as a life coach.

WAIT- don't run away screaming just yet. I haven't finished my sales pitch!

*clears throat*

Have you ever felt like you didn't know what you were doing with your life and needed some guidance? Motivation? Tough love?

Then hire El Generalissimo as your life coach! With a firm, yet loving hand, El Generalissimo will help guide you towards your happiness journey. Specialties include:

>Helping you let go of all the bullshit negativity
>Unlocking all that god-damned potential within
>Learning to fuck w/out emotions build healthy relationships
>Stalking Attracting the man/woman of your dreams
>Putting the smack down on out of control blog visitors Improving your interpersonal skills

And most importantly, El Generalissimo can help motivate you to finish that to do list you've been ignoring. Whether it be painting the house or organizing the family photos or getting that damn dog to pee outside, El Generalissimo is here to help you achieve your goals.

Contact us NOW at rpenzo@thejadednyer.net, and we'll throw in El Generalissimo's patented Machete Seminars as a bonus. At these incredibly influential "talks" El Generalissimo will get to the bottom of WHY you're not fulfilling your life's dreams with juuuuuuust the proper nudge in the right direction.

BUT WAIT- THERE'S MORE! If you're among the first ten people to hire El Generalissimo, we'll also include a few one-on-one counseling sessions with Lady Estrogen, for that extra boost of confidence you need to make your life great.

You'd be CRAZY to let this opportunity pass you by...

So what are you waiting for?


*smooches...looking forward to helping you*
operators are standing by...

and you can all thank Tyrone for giving me the idea :D