Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Let Me Explain These Life Changes Real Quick

So last week I told y'all about the 14-Day Get Yo' Shit Together Challenge I started and what my goals were, but I failed to mention some guidelines for said challenge in case others wanted to participate and change something in their life. Since I already wrote it out for myself and then again for Mari via BBM, here are the basics to getting started on a brand new, fabulous you:

1- Determine your problem/what keeps you from not being in order. For me it's instant gratification. I'd rather have fun now and work later, except I never end up working later and end up wayyy behind on stuff. It's a terrible habit that I am working on changing because it not only affects the way I keep house but also how I approach relationships (romantic and otherwise).

2- Figure out a good ATTAINABLE schedule for yourself. I'm only giving myself 3 chores or less a day, that way it's less daunting than, say, WASH ALL CLOTHES TODAY. Anyone that's ever seen the amount of laundry in my apartment knows what a task that would be, so instead I kept it simple- two loads a day for the entire two weeks. That's small and easy and doable.

3- Place your to do list where you are sure to not ignore it. I'm a visual person so I will have it sticky'd to my computer. Figure out a good place to post your own goals so you won't forget them.

4- Decide what's truly important right now. I kept putting things that could wait ahead of things that were more urgent. Like, I'd buy a new hairbrush instead of washing the old one out because mine was looking EH when really I should have put that money into the gas bill. And if you've ever shopped at Ricky's you know- you go in there for a hairbrush and you leave with about 20 other things you didn't need. Now there's no Christmas because I just had to have a button warning people that I was off my meds. Priorities; I'm trying to learn what that word really means.

5- Do not take on extra work if you get done early with the daily task. Relax with some ME time so you can rejuvenate for the next day's TO DO LIST. Trust me- some people will be all, "Why put off until tomorrow..." Do me a favor and smack that person in the face right now. You need rest. Don't deprive yourself of it like I've done my whole life. It's not fun, at all. What I wouldn't give to be able to relax for once in my life. I actually have to teach myself how to relax...ain't that some shit?

Those are the rules in a nutshell. If you think you need more guidance or one-on-one help, don't call me until after December 14th. My calender is fully booked until then.

*smooches...determined on becoming a better, cooler more rested me*
...or die trying...

Monday, November 29, 2010

I May Regret This...

This week I'm doing something a bit crazy with Monday Musings. You ready for this? Tonight, if you tune in LIVE and call in with a question, about me or anything, I will answer it honestly in a segment I like to call "Ask Jaded..."

The lovely Smarty P. Jones will be wearing her journalist's cap as she plays interviewer to my interviewee. Did that make sense?

Basically- you email her at smarty@smartysworld.com OR call in during the Live broadcast and you can ask me anything about anything. That's right- anything about anything.

Just...don't make me crawl throw the phone to beat your ass, okay??

*smooches...excited and nervous at the same time*
I'm curious to see what y'all want to know about me

Friday, November 26, 2010

The 14-Day Get Yo' Shit Together Challenge

December is creeping up on me fast, y'all, and although I don't really do resolutions per se, I’m on a quest to stay so busy that the bluesy-blues won’t have time to catch up to me. Plus I’m thinking this leg thing is probably kind of serious (and Mari totally yelled at me because my illnesses could be diabetes-related, which is rampant in our family and ultimately killed my grandmother), and I’m pretty sure I’m tired of being broke and in debt so I have to rectify these situations soon, too.

Because I’m a TO DO LIST type of person and need consequences to get things done, I figured this post could be my TO DO LIST and you all seeing it and yelling at me if I don’t complete it will be my consequence. And feel free to be as obnoxious as you want to be with it, too. I'll only ignore your bbms or call you a poopie-faced devil. Deal? Deal!

Beginning November 28th, I will embark on a 14-day mission to start getting myself back in order. By December 14th I will have:

>>a clean and organized apartment. It’s not that big. We don’t have a lot of stuff. There’s really no reason for the mess except laziness. I have sectioned off the tasks by area for each day of the challenge so that it’s not so overwhelming, and of course, I have the babies doing their share (seeing as 77% of the mess is theirs!).

>> a “clean” body OR a plan to get it that way. Yes, I will see a stanky-ass doctor, okay?! I will see about getting some of that free healthcare NYC offers and go to a mangy ol clinic and let them test me from here to eternity to see what is wrong with my leg. I will not give attitude, I will not fight and I will not storm out of any waiting rooms.

>> a plan to clean up my credit. There’s no way to fix the money mess I’m in during the 14-day challenge, but that is enough time to get my credit report, see what’s up and begin to repair the damage. This will [have to] include a plan to make more money and reduce spending, yet again, but whatever. Anything to stop whomever it is that keeps calling from that 877 number from showing up on my caller ID 10 times a day!

>> a writing schedule in place. One that I will stick to for the entire 14 days and continue afterward. All the great working writers I know of say the same thing: write every day as if it were your job. I mean, it kind of is my job but I've totally neglected some of my creative projects by letting LIFE get in my way. And that's no way to launch an empire!

>> a list of junior high schools to look into for N. Lawd JEEEZUSSSS this process is grinding my gears, but if it's the last thing I do I WILL narrow down her middle school choices to a short list of places that will a)provide her with the best preparation for high school and b) not be so far out of our way that the commute will unnerve me. Of all the tasks, this one might be the one to kill me.

I'm pretty sure I've written a post like this before, towards the end of the year, promising to do that, swearing I'm going to do this, but the difference this time around is that I'm desperately trying to avoid that bottom-of-the-barrel feeling I had just two summers ago when my depression got kinda serious (thanks A LOT, jury duty!!). Trust me- it's not where I want to be ever again!

What do I hope to get out of this? Well besides a spotless apartment and the ability to run, skip and jump in heels again, I want the peace of mind that I’m hoping will come when all of this is checked off my list. In turn, the bluesy-blues will have to take up residence with someone else and the commuters on the B41 bus will be safe from my wrath once again.

And isn’t that what we ALL want?

So, who wants to join in? What do you want to accomplish by December 6th?

*smooches...nervous about putting this out there*
Lord help me if I don’t finish...I’ll be SO mad!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

We Be Thankful, Yo!

Our biggest challenge wasn't me roasting a chicken even though I'm grossed out by the sight of a dead piece of poultry, or the clogged sink that decided to act brand new since last night, or the three field mice set loose in the living room when Mami tried to use the pool's wet-vac to fix the sink's clog.

It wasn't the apple pie that spilled over in the oven and filled the kitchen with smoke and set off the fire alarm, or our dinner guests who missed their bus and couldn't join us for dinner, or our other guests showing up an hour early when we were still cooking and looking a hot mess.

The biggest challenge of the night, hands down, was trying to fit all the leftovers in Mami's already crowded refrigerator.

But we're ever so thankful that too much food is our main concern tonight, and that each and every one of the aforementioned challenges were solved via family teamwork.

Here's hoping your holiday was just as fulfilling.


*smooches...so stuffed I can barely see*
I seriously wish you could have seen how we finally trapped these mice *SMH* We were a hot mess, but we got 'em!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

And That's Why I Have No Faith...

Sign seen at someone's desk:

"Faith is not believing that God can, it's knowing that he will."

*smooches...giving this sign the thumbs down*
also, I saw this in a government building...isn't that against the law or something? I'm gonna call the ACLU because I feel violated...

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Ms. Jaded CrankyPants McBluey

It happens every year. I can’t even believe I’m still surprised when I feel the bluesy-blues coming on because as soon as we have to turn the clocks back my mood levels plummet. Every. Year.

Suddenly, everything I’m doing seems pointless and undoable; I yell at the babies more; I daydream about strangling my fellow commuters; and nothing feels like a better solution than throwing myself on the couch, under the covers, until spring.

All of the things I don’t like about myself or my situation get magnified in my mind. From my financial situation to my physical health, anything can make me get depressed and weepy and, frankly, quite useless for the rest of the day.

What’s worse is I’m aware of all this and I can’t will it away. I’m not in control of this downward spiral but I sure do have a front-row seat for it.

I know what you’re thinking- exercise gives you all the natural mood-elevation you need. Right? That’s what you were thinking, right? Here’s the problem with that. Have you ever had an operation that required you to be under anesthesia? Remember that feeling of having to be pulled out of it, when your brain is awake but it can’t make your body move, not even your eyes? And for a split second you’re terrified because it’s almost as if you’ll never get out from under, like you're buried alive? You’ll be mentally aware but unable to move? That’s me right now. I’d like to activate the endorphins in my body but I can’t even muster up the strength to put my shoes on to leave the house.

Besides, I’m not able to do anything strenuous because there’s something wrong with my feet and legs (this time I don’t suspect cancer but rather gangrene. That’s right; my legs are now gangrenous and will probably need to be amputated. That’s my diagnosis.). Sometimes it’s a struggle just to walk from the couch to the bathroom. I feel a hundred years old, like I’ve failed my body so now it’s turning against me, but I can’t see a doctor because I don’t have insurance. (Thanks for my health insurance, Obama!) This cycle of woe-is-me-isms has no end...

Le sigh

The season, the holidays, life in general...I’m just not in the mood for it all right now, you know?

*smooches...wishing I had solutions that work*
or lots of alcohol to numb the pain and a sugar daddy to pay my bills. I'd emerge in the spring well-rested and ready to work!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Sometimes You Just Gotta Let It Go

We all know that I was stuck in a bad marriage for far longer than I should have. The saddest part about that is I'm not the only one I know who's done it.

Most times couples stay in a bad situation for what they think are the right reasons, but honestly there isn't a good reason to be miserable. And that's where this week's Monday Musings comes in.

Join me tonight as Alex of The Refined Ghetto (or as you remember him- Jack of Jack's Gay Chronicles) and I walk you through the warning signs of a bad relationship and the steps you need to take to end it.

Hmmm, I just read over that sentence. It reads hella serious but if you know us like I think you know us, there will be far too much foolishness for this to be serious. Still, the wealth of information and experience Alex and I have on this topic...yeah, you might want to tune in.

*smooches...free of MOST of my toxic relationship*
eventually all of the dead weight will be cut off. can you say the same? if not, tune in.

Friday, November 19, 2010

"And Cue The Applause..."

I know it's not Smarty Jones' birthday, and it's too soon for Christmas, but K & N just HAD TO gift her this wonderful video of their latest dance routine in response to the COON Smarty's daddy is cookin' for Thanksgiving.

K suggests the whole family watch the video together as they eat.

*smooches...chock full of Jazz hands*
I laughed so hard putting this together it's almost criminal!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Truer Words...

"Everything I faked with my ex I want for real."

*smooches...remaining hopeful for the future*
I cannot afford to become ye ol cat lady...I'm allergic to pet dander!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Humpday Musical Interlude And Randomness

I watched Going the Distance last night... Drew Barrymore & Justin Long and all the supporting characters and the writers just...OH MY GOD I laughed until it hurt and I need you all to buy me this film and get me a meet n greet with the writers. Pure genius.

I have a problem with follow-through. Relationships, projects- doesn't matter. My follow-through SUCKS ASS and will probably be the thing that keeps me from being truly successful.

This song, Caraluna, couldn't be more amazing if every time it played a bowl of Atomic wings showed up on my table.

I got some writer's block going on, but it's more self-imposed. I'm doing too much these days so of course I don't have time to write. NaNoWriMo is just NOT happening for me this year. I haven't even logged on since November 1st.

I'm taking K to her first concert this weekend and she's uber-excited. It's so cute. Her first concert. She'll remember this always and I'm so glad I could be a part of it.

Ahhhh. It felt good to get those thoughts out of my head.

*smooches...being random because I can't focus*
everything is just too much. too. much.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Top 10 Reasons Why I Need To Take My Health Seriously

10. One lousy night of dancing killed my body so much I had to miss a day of work.

9. I look about four months pregnant. On an empty stomach.

8. I actually told myself, "Liposuction isn't ALL bad" the other day and meant it.

7. My fat jeans are too tight.

6. Something is wrong with my legs, and I suspect it's tied to all the Ramen I've been eating.

5. That pain in my side is back.

4. I noticed some god-awful back fat in the mirror the other day.

3. My skin, nails and hair are starting to show signs of wear and tear.

2. climbing the stairs to my apartment makes me so tired I take a nap on the couch as soon as I get home.

1. My grandmother died of diabetes-type complications, my aunt has had open-heart surgery twice, and the Penzos are riddled with cancer.

Basically, I need to get my shit together fast.

*smooches...hoping I still have time to make it right*
my biggest fear right now is what my test results will say after I visit all manner of specialists *sigh*

Monday, November 15, 2010

Have A Drink On Me

Not ON me, you pervs... you know what I mean!

It's Monday Musings time once again, and I'm trying to make it all the way to the new year without a break. So even though I'm in all manner of pains from this weekend's shenanigans THE SHOW MUST GO ON.

And what better reason to get up and out of my sick bed than a Blogger Profile with my girl Keana "Kit" Prescod of Hello Drunky!

Tonight's Monday Musings will be all about Miss Thang and her new blog and venture as a spunky, sassy, freelance bartender in New York City. Plus of course we'll be dishing the dirt as only two ain't shit heffas can, so you don't want to miss this one!

*smooches...excited for all the tomfoolery*
if y'all think I'M crazy...sheeeiiitttt, you don't even know...

Friday, November 12, 2010

Inappropriate BBMs, Vol. 4

Technically, this conversation took place in GChat, but you don't care...you just want the dirt, dontcha?!

ME: The hair. It has magical powers, you know.

FRIEND: Yes, yes, I know. People want to make sweet love to your bouncy curls.

ME: Ewwww! Why did I just get a visual of semen in my hair? Again? Hehehe

FRIEND: LMAO! Ewww! You gotta time it- wait. I’ve said too much.


FRIEND: But for the record, tuck and roll.

ME: Time it or swallow it. According to Kat Stacks :)


Tuck and roll, tho?

FRIEND: Don’t you ever fucking quote Kat Stacks to me again, you hear me?

ME: Oh, this made the blog for sure!

*smooches...taking applications for new friends*
because the ones I have ain't shit, for real! lol

Thursday, November 11, 2010

So Many Excuses

I'm exhausted.

I have to write from 9-5 for someone else.

I have to be a mom the minute I step into the house.

My apartment is a mess.

Something is wrong with my feet, uterus, sinuses and I need to see a doctor.

I'm clinically depressed.

Creditors are after me and it's stressing me out.

There's so much to do I can't focus.

I have nothing to say and no one wants to read it anyway.

And I'm exhausted. Again.

These are all the things I tell myself when I want to psych myself out of writing. They're very powerfully negative and debilitating and soul crushing, and I'm the idiot that believes it every time I hear them in my head.

But I have all these amazing creative ideas that I know will be great and I want to share them with the world and get the Jaded Empire off the ground. We will be so AWESOME. The entertainment world will bow down to us and kiss our rings like we're the Pope n shit, only better and less judgmental and Jesus-y not know how it survived before us and will do anything to keep us around. ANYTHING. I just know it can be that great.

This is my sisyphean struggle with The Voices. Some wish me well, some don't. They're all so loud, though, it's hard to know who's who and what's what. To their credit, they do keep the "Kill Whitey" Voice muzzled, so there's that...

*smooches...venting because I can*
that's the beauty of blogging. that and closing comments. POW!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Sometimes I’d Rather Be Dumb

A recent conversation between the homie Marcin and I went a little something like this:

Marcin: So what happened with the boy?

*shrug* It didn’t work out. I hadn’t seen him in a while and when I called him on it he said, ‘it’s not like we were ever a couple or exclusive’ so that was that.


Raquel, I think you’re just too smart for these boys…

Is that all it is? I’m too smart? Do I intimidate the Y-chromosome with my book learnin’ and worldly ways? Can y’all not handle my goals, aspirations, busy lifestyle, large group of family and friends? Are my expectations of what an ideal relationship should be just too way out there? I’d really like to know, because there comes a time when I have to step back and stop telling myself “It’s them” when really, it’s ME.

And I don’t want it to be ME because once that happens then I might have to change. I’m too set in my ways for all that shit. I ain’t got time. I have a media empire to build so that my family will be set for life and the last thing I need to be worried about is some dude who thinks I’m too demanding or not affectionate enough. Fuck outta here with your whiny, pansy bullshit. I got shit to do!

But I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss having a +1 around; someone to take me out or stay in with to watch a game and smang (hee hee hee).

I guess the one good thing about this whole situation… the more it happens the less it hurts. This time around I didn’t even miss a beat.

*smooches…channeling this life experience into a book*
I mean really, why else would I be going through it?

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

He Feeds My Ego

I know we're not meant to be together. He annoys me more often than not and frankly, I don't desire him.

But he dotes on me, makes me feel wanted, like, well, I'm the only girl in the world.

It's terrible that I string him along like this, I know. Do you think I like being THIS kind of bitch? It's not me, it's my Ego. She likes the attention. She craves it like an addict. And when she gets that way it's just best to give her what she wants.

This will end badly- you think I don't know that? It will all blow up in my face one day and all I'll be left with is a vault of money I can dive into like Scrooge McDuck, but no man. No soul mate. Just sad and alone on my throne in my Jaded Empire. And that will be fine for a few years, I mean hell, it's fine now, but one day... one day the loneliness will be unbearable.

All because I let my Ego make that phone call and get his hopes up that maybe I was coming back to him.

Y'all...I ain't shit...

*smooches...hating the me that behaves this way
I'm gonna stop. I am. This isn't healthy. I promise, I'll stop for real. For real.

Monday, November 08, 2010

If You've Given Up On Radio, Too

It's Monday Musings tiiiiiiime! (Yes, when I wrote that, I was saying it in my head in the same annoying way Pauly D would announce T-shirt Time on Jersey Shore. I watch Trash TV. Deal with it!) And tonight I'm really excited about the topic...MUSIC!

Y'all already know I was a mega-super-star in a former life, and I do have my eye on a lusciously yummy Grammy, so yeah, we're doing this: The Jaded Indie Music Special!

Just as we did with the Evolution of Hip Hop series, I plan to chat it up with various independent artists, producers, etc about the music industry, how it's changing (for better or worse) and how the indie scene fits in with allllll that.

And thanks to segment producer Smarty P. Jones, we're heading to the Dirrrrrty South first with a peek into the lives on producer Brad Taylor (who, by the way, provided this year's Jaded Theme Music!), promoter Empress Journee and artist Ozy Reigns.

I don't want anyone to worry, though- just because we're inviting professional people on the show, there WILL be tomfoolery and shenanigans and things the FCC would rather I didn't say. Especially as I put on my homewrecker hat and seduce Brad over the air...wait- did I just say that out loud??

*smooches...getting the show back on the road*
so sorry for all the breaks, but, well, you know...

Friday, November 05, 2010

This Name

This week I approached a few members of the Jaded Empire for some advice on a possible nom de plume I was considering. My rationalization was that I wanted something separate from the blog and my articles, and something that sounded more Dominican. But mostly, I didn’t want to use the name Penzo.

Loyal readers know why, but for you newbies, I’ll spell it out: Penzo is my father’s last name. He and I do not have a relationship- bad or good. We just aren’t anything to one another. With me being poised to burst onto the literary scene with my genius (backdoor compliment!!), I didn’t want to somehow, inadvertently, have that success tied to a name that didn’t deserve it.

I wanted something that would distinguish me as my mother’s daughter, or something to honor my grandparents, or something that people would see and automatically know from whence my people came. The last thing I want is any of the Penzos going on TMZ talking shit about me because I’ve made the name famous. This is honestly something that plagues me and holds me back, hence why I proposed the pen name to my associates.

But the reality is I can’t do that. If I’m currently known at all, it’s as The Jaded NYer or Raquel Penzo. If I publish under a different name, how will you know it’s me? It’ll be like when Jennifer Grey had that nose job- she was unemployable afterward!

I heard this literary agent speak at a recent event about tips to writing the perfect pitch for your book, and one thing he suggested was for authors to already have a community of people who love their writing. Like I have you guys, right? Right! Well, this community of people know me as Jaded or Raquel, so that’s how you’ll know it’s me on the bookshelves, too.

In the end, regardless of how I got the name and what it means to be a Penzo here in the States or in DR, when applied to me, this name will mean greatness. No absentee father can take that away from me.

*smooches...putting to rest the whole name issue*
now I can focus on more important things, like the headshots for my book jacket...

Thursday, November 04, 2010

Sisters Before Misters

Once, in junior high school, I embarked on a budding romance with a classmate. He liked me and I liked him and it was all very exciting and hush-hush. It hadn't gone beyond flirting when out of the blue, one of my good friends told me she liked him. I immediately ended all potential happenings with this dude.

It happened again in college, before I met K&N's dad. There was a guy I was kinda sweet on and we were in the flirty stages when a friend confessed her feelings for him. Seeing as I was already juggling two suitors I let that one go, too, and moved on. This has basically been my m.o. my entire dating life- I cannot, in good conscious, be with a guy my good friend has feelings for, used to date or expressed interest in (sorry for the preposition there...feeling lazy today).

Most times it's because of the universal law of DIBS- if I didn't open my mouth and say, "I like this guy and am actively pursuing a lil something with him" then I must cease all crush-like thoughts of said dude as soon as someone else claims him. It's just how my brain works. Other times I know that my ADHD-having ass isn't really, truly interested in something real so I just step aside and let someone else try for real love.

Now, please don't mistake this as some backdoor compliment where I think I'm the shit and can take your man in one fell swoop. I mean, I probably could take MOST of y'all's mens, but that's not what I'm saying.

Too many times women are so bitchy, catty and back-stabby to one another. I hate that shit. If you're a female and you're among my close friends, please know that your happiness and well-being and friendship means the world to me, and I will always put that BEFORE some random dude with whom I have no real ties. Whether or not you skanky heffas are doing the same for me is besides the point- that's just how I roll.

Of course you know I'm writing this because I had this situation happen again, right? I had to pass on a dude because there was some grey DIBS situations happening, and in the end, I want the friend more than I want the guy. There are a million guys out there I can holla at. Hell- there are three security guards here at work I'd make out with instead of eating lunch if given the chance, but there's only ONE friend like her.

That decision is always a pretty easy one for me, especially since my feelings for dudes are always so fleeting. It would be such a wonderful world if females just took a moment to consider other females more in these types of situations. Seriously, it would solve so much! We'd be ruling the world n shit!

Think about it- half of the mean-girl, low self-esteem situations we deal with would cease to exist. Besides, who wants bitter bitches over for dinner eye-balling your man whenever you leave to use the bathroom? Nah, I can't handle the stress.

*smooches...steering clear of bad karma*
I almost called this post: Chicks Before Dicks, but then I felt like it made me sound like a lesbian. And it's okay if YOU'RE a lesbian; me and The Gays get along quite fine. Just, not in THAT way. In the boudoir, I prefer penis over vagina *side eye*

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

If You Want Me To Appear On Your Show...

When I was married, I was privy to a lot of the behind the scenes stuff at a college. For example, the tedious process of hiring talent to perform at big campus events. The powers that be obtain this magic LIST of people who are available to perform at colleges, their cost and the terms of their appearances. That's right- the infamous RIDER!

There was one performer that the school wanted to get but couldn't because he demanded Hennessy in his dressing room and the school was run by Jesuit priests. Hilarious!

I remembered that just the other day and thought- what ridiculousness would I put on my list just because I could?

*cue dream sequence*

The Jaded NYer's Rider:

1. Big Ass TV w/a DVD Player and the following DVDs- Buffy (seasons 1-7); John Cusack's entire filmography; The Anniversary Party; Love Story; West Side Story; Gone With The Wind.

2. A dance floor.

3. Popcorn-flavored Jelly Bellies

4. David's sunflower seeds- the regular ones; no fancy flavors!

5. Planters UNSALTED peanuts mixed with Sunmaid Raisins

6. Room temperature filtered water

7. Tostitos Scoops w/medium bean & corn salsa

8. Stargazer & Calla lilies- NO BABY BREATH!!

9. One topless male Brazilian soccer player

10. One topless male Portuguese soccer player

11. Full-size bed w/pillow top mattress & all the fixins

12. Janeane Garofalo

13. Josie (my former hairstylist...fly her in from Texas. Thanks!)

14. #theplate

15. Someone at whom to yell, preferably male

I may or may not use any of these things once in the dressing room, but if this entire list isn't met to a T?? I WILL walk out, contract or no contract!

*smooches...practicing to be a difficult diva from now*
hey- I have to give TMZ something to talk about!

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

I’m What’s Known As A Halloween Grinch.

I don’t like dressing up, I don’t like trick-or-treaters and I hate going out when the entire City is also out and about. Basically, I hate doing what everyone else is doing. You say white I’m going to say orange, just to be difficult.

But this year I relented because it was my cousin’s birthday and he was DJ-ing at a spot on E. Houston. It took me forever to actually get motivated to leave Brooklyn because I was nursing my ego after being rejected by yet ANOTHER literary magazine, but I grabbed a partner in crime and got there at about 1AM. My costume? I dressed as a 35-year-old mother of two who was ripped from her comfy couch and Law & Order: SVU marathon to deal with drunken fools in the street *side eye*

At first I was annoyed because the trains were acting up and then THIS:

But once I got to the bar I met up with a cute, flirty bouncer, another cousin was there, too, and then THIS:

And this:

Aaaaannnnnnnnd THIS:

It was allllll downhill from there.

This dude in the glasses kept staring at me all night!

My cousin Will and his crazy wig n disco shirt!

Will's YUMMY friend. The things I woulda done to that boy...
um, I mean, he was a nice guy O_o



The white DJ who actually played some good stuff.

The world's oldest condom...

What was left of my buffalo wings at the end of the night.

I got home at 7AM. Need I say more?

*smooches...still tired from Saturday night*
I think my body was so tired that it summoned my period a whole week early to punish me!

Monday, November 01, 2010

I Might Vote Again This Year! ***UPDATE***


The first time I voted was in the most recent presidential election...and look how GREAT that turned out *rolls eyes* Still, I'll be at the polls again tomorrow because for New York it's a biggie- we're choosing a new governor. And I don't know about the rest of the state but Paterson gets on my DAMN nerves and chances are he won't be getting any support from the Jaded Empire.

So of course tonight's Monday Musings is all about VOTING and the many reasons why you should with our fabulous co-host, The F$%k-It List.

Listen, I used to be like you, apathetic to the Washington machine, preaching the whole, "my vote doesn't make a difference" schpiel but UGH! I gotta voice my opinions on term limits AND get that lame duck Paterson out of Albany before he destroys my home state!

Won't you tune in tonight, and spread the word to your non-voting friends? Gracias!!

*smooches...taking a moment to make a difference*
and I promise to keep the conspiracy theory talk to a minimum. PROMISE!!