Thursday, November 13, 2008

Don't You Hate It When... meet someone who's really good-looking and has a sexy accent, but they are too short? And sell drugs?

...the NYC public library tells you you're only allowed 30 items out at once? What the hell? And FYI, Ms. Librarian, you didn't have to be all loud about it and tell everyone in line my whole business! sing along to "My, My, My" and realize that Johnny Gill is one ugly mo-fo so you don't want him serenading you?

...everything you eat, drink, watch, hear, read, do feels DONE? Can I get some NEW up in here? have to feign interest, use your "white voice" and laugh at corny jokes JUST to secure a paycheck?

...your hair just will not cooperate, and you have to mistreat it with gel and heat and rubber bands?

...the people in your dance class forget the basic principles of proper hygiene? make a rash decision in the heat of the moment and realize afterwards what a HUGE mistake it was?

...and now you have to live with that regret? disgusts you that someone mistakes you for a person of a different race/nationality than you are, and you realize that you may be a racist? can't seem to choose between the versions of "Skylark" sung by k.d. lang or Linda Ronstadt and almost buy them both? And then you DO buy them both?'s rent/mortgage week, and you have to write that big ass check that would be better spent on a trip to Rio?'re taking the best shower EVER and the hot water heater decides that you've had enough and it's time to get out? realize the the reason you don't like someone is because they are just like you?

...Pandora keeps playing crazy techno music even after you've given the genre the thumbs down time and time again?'s your BFFs birthday and they're too far away to party with?? see someone really cute on the subway, knowing that this will probably be the only time you ever get to lay eyes on their beauty?

...the world wants to disrupt your peace n quiet?

...people want to share their cell phone conversation with everyone around them?

...your favorite TV show jumps the shark? (Tyra... I'm looking at you, girl, and YES, I am smiling with my eyes...)'re eating at an "authentic [insert random ethnicity here]" restaurant, and come to find a bunch of Mexicans in the kitchen? leaves you hanging? finally dawns on you that you will not get to do everything you've ever wanted to do before you die?

Yeah, me, too...

*smooches...just vomiting out some random shit that has been on my mind*
Oooh, and I really hate it when someone tries to hit on me when I'm with my kids. DAMMIT, MAN, do you not see these babies here calling me Mommy? Can you PLEASE back the fuck up?