Tuesday, February 12, 2013

What Had Happened Was...:Catching Up With The Jaded Empire

Howdy folks! Just wanted to give a shout out to your patience given my impromptu blog vacation last week, but as always it was necessary. I'm in the middle of restructuring my priorities and trying to fit things into my life, and last week that meant blogging had to take a back seat. You understand.

Anyfucks, here's what's been going on:

1- I finally had my visit with an allergist (keep your mangy cats & dust mites FAR AWAY from me!) and the MRI of my lower back & spine. Child, first of all WHY ARE MRIs SO LOUD? YOU SEE HOW I'M TYPING? THAT'S HOW LOUD IT IS INSIDE THAT CREEPY COFFIN-LIKE CONTRAPTION. LOUD. AS FUCK. Second, I need the ENT folks to understand that I cannot fill my Rx for Flonase because I can't find my Rx card, and I keep calling the Union office for a replacement but their offices were damaged in the hurricane and they're currently milking that excuse dry and NOT answering phones. So no, Dr. Song, I've not taken the Flonase yet. Stop asking.

Finally, I cannot explain to you the torture that it is to sit in a chair with all of these concentrated droplets of allergens all up and down your arm for fifteen goddamn minutes while the doc waits for your skin to react. You know when my skin reacted? Right the fuck away. But I still had to sit for fifteen minutes and not move or scratch or anything. Added bonus? I got to walk around for the next couple of days with my arms all swollen and marked up. THANKS! His recommendation? Encase everything in my room to keep the dust mites away, steer clear of cats and, oh yeah, get a flu shot for the next zillion years of your life. Bitch, have several seats because NO on that last one.

2- My hair is still straight. I thought you'd want an update. I've been able to go over a month with it straight and my edges have hung in there for the duration. It helps that every week or so I add a little olive oil (yes, from my kitchen) into my strands, and that I pick it up every night and wear a scarf when I can (even though it comes off five minutes after I've gotten into bed. "S'okay. She'll be back..." I'm still trying to find a way to make my hair not smell so...natural O_o. I mean, after a month and a half of not washing it, the freshness is definitely gone. Luckily for me, there isn't anyone all up in my hair follicles anymore so I only marginally care.

But as of right now I'm trying to find ways of not mimicking my hipster nemeses and de-funk my hair until my next salon visit. And YES I know I could just go more often but TIME is MONEY and also MONEY is MONEY and well, that's even more scarce than my time.

3- There will be no Jaded Birthday festivities in NYC this year. Take a minute and let that soak in. I'm going to go away on a much-deserved trip to a place where the sun shines bright all day, every day, and I'm going to soak in all of that wonderful Vitamin D--probably while laying in a floaty in the ocean--and not think twice about it. There will be slinky bathing suits. There will be sexy dancing with hot and sexy men. I will give out fake names and phone numbers. And I will eat as if it's my last day on earth. All of these things are on deck because I deserve it and I'm worth it. IF you're super sad about me not having a birthday party, though, you could always just throw me a fabulous gala. I'll even promise to show up!

4- I am absolutely focused on my writing (so far) this year. Last year I was obsessed with my health and my fitness and whether or not Zoe was going to choose George or Wade, but I was really just hiding from my own work. I've started meeting with my writers group again to motivate each other and workshop our pieces, and I feel good about it. I'm going to clean up all of my unpublished pieces, send them out and find them a sweet literary home. I've been reworking a story into a format and voice that I believe works best and it's very exciting to see my word blobs become more and more coherent.

I've been mingling with other writers and event organizers and am making myself more visible. I still have to work on my social graces and actually TALK when I mingle but listen--Rome wasn't built in a day. I have to ease into this new social butterfly role, OK? DON'T RUSH ME! Also, expect more events from me. I'm just going to keep having them until you show up to one. YOU WILL EVENTUALLY HAVE TO SHOW UP TO ONE, DAMMIT.

5- I'm mentally and physically and logistically preparing for the shift taking place in my family real soon: K is going off to college in the fall and N is becoming more active in extracurricular activities. This means I'm either away from home more--chauffeuring Miss N all over Brooklyn--or I'm home more because there's no one to watch N anymore. It's not so terrible (so far) seeing as I don't go out as much as I used to, and nights when I have to because of networking events or readings, I'm confident she'll either be fine on her own or will just come with me. Fuck it- why not? It'll be like Take Your Daughter to Work Day only at night and in seedy bars...wait, let me rethink that...

So, hookers, what have YOU been doing?

*smooches...shocked that I had time to write this*
actually, I stole the time from some other important shit that needed to get done. I'm still working on that prioritizing...