I'm not a big believer in the devil; I know that the evil in this world is created by man because that is our nature, truly. We put out all the negative energy that is felt throughout the world daily.
I'm up (at 5:23AM... damn... I swore I'd stop looking at the clock, but there it goes again... 5:23... WHY do I keep seeing that particular time???) after a fitful nap that followed a frustrating evening, where I attempted to start making changes and upgrades to my site. Only to have it "disappear" from the World Wide Web for nearly three excruciatingly painful hours.
It took everything I had in me to:
1- not throw this damn computer out of the window,
2- not press the "delete" button on my Blogger dashboard and just rid myself of this shit, and
3- not throw a full-on tantrum, complete with kicking, screaming, crying and vase smashing.
It took everything I had PLUS Jack on the line with his very calm voice to say "sleep on it" in the same breath that he went on to explain what a deal he got on his new bed.
So there I was, locked in my bathroom, crying and pouting like a 5-year-old, listening to Jack tell me how he'd made out like a bandit at Ikea, while the web consultant I "hired" REFUSED to leave until he found a way to fix the problem.
And obviously he fixed it because here you are reading this post just fine and dandy. But let me tell you that for a split second there, I played out my life without this blog and had already resigned to it- the extra time I'd have in my day, the freedom to just check my email and then "be out" and of course, the bonus of not having to deal with computers.
For a split second I was like, "FUCK THIS SHIT" and decided to just sit quietly in my 9-5 prison everyday and churn out OPEDs and newsletters and give up on this whole "media empire" bullshit, recognizing that I'm not really equipped to handle the lows that most assuredly come with the highs of self-employment.
And right when Jack- sensing that my blood pressure had reached that point- said to me, "Just go over there, tell that dude to go home, shut down the computer and sleep on it," and I was on my way to do just that, dude knocks on the bathroom door to say, "It's fixed."
I didn't know what to do with that, except cancel the post I had scheduled for today and sleep on it.
I'm not sure when I'll move forward with my plans again but for right now all that shit is on hiatus. I need a breather. And a drank! Not a drink but a DRANK, okay?!?! And some of those red pills I remember from back in the day... maybe even a hit or two off someone's bong... something!
But first I need to say,
"Señor Devil, whoever and whatever you are, and whoever sent you to put the kibosh on my plans, you almost got me, bitch. You almost got me. But you know where you fucked up?? Remember in 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer' how none of the bad guys could figure out how she survived where other slayers had failed and died? She wasn't alone. She had the Scoobies. And they always had her back.
"Someone always has my back, devil, so fuck you very much.
"And don't come back over here, neither, because next time, I might just have to cut you."
*smooches...for Jack, AND dude who ignored my tantrum and fixed my site*
it was hard for a minute there to just accept being a quitter; I didn't want to be a quitter, but you know, it was almost midnight, I was tired, I hadn't eaten dinner yet, I had some articles to work on, and with every keystroke I heard from the living room while dude tried to find the solution, I became more and more enraged. Here I am avoiding salt at all costs, reading food labels like a sodium Nazi, when really it's life that's gonna give me high blood pressure...