Thursday, June 30, 2011

Shadowboxing, Neck Cracking And Butt Kneading: A Healthy Jaded Update

As you've probably gathered from yesterday's blog post, I'm still working out. Last week's vacation from all things physical was heaven on earth but it was time to get serious again and continue on my fitness journey.

And in true Raquel fashion, I started back with an intense boxing class.

I always have this deep anxiety before I start any of these classes. The unknown scares me more than it does other people. I lose sleep worrying about things like, can I keep up in the class? Will I throw up? Injure myself? Be laughed at? It's ridiculousness to the hundredth power but that's what goes through my head.

For this class I was most concerned about the jump rope, not because I can't jump rope because I can. Rather, I don't have the endurance to participate in aerobic activity for long periods of time. I don't know if it's poor lung capacity or just that I need to develop this skill over time, but after just 10 seconds of anything that gets my heart rate up I'm ready to throw in the towel. And jumping also made me afraid for my feet and shins- y'all know I got issues with my gams!

However, it wasn't terrible. No, I was not able to jump for two minutes straight through, but every time my feet got tangled in the rope I fixed it and kept going. It was frustration because it happened a lot, but I didn't want my new lover to think I couldn't hang (LOL)!!!

The remainder of the class was stuff I'd done before- pushups, crunches, jabs, hooks, body shots (not the ones involving liquor...although...)- so I got through it just fine. My body is pretty beat from the workout but it's definitely something I'll continue to do.

After work, I went to see a chiropractor. I know, I know- what was I, the number one distrust-er of "physicians" everywhere- doing at the chiropractor's? Well, blame Living Social! I was just curious to see what it would be like and let me tell you, it was exactly what people say it is: a neck-cracking sham! I don't think he can do anything for me that I can't accomplish with regular yoga and Pilates classes. Plus the "doctor" reminded me of Buddy from "Charles in Charge" and that's never a good look!

After the quack visit I was scheduled for a massage (it was part of the same Living Social deal) even though I despise having someone touch me. I figured I have tons of body aches so maybe letting someone manipulate my muscles and connective tissue for an hour would help alleviate the soreness. Little did I know that massages include RUBBIN' ALL UP ON MY BOOTY! What in all the fucks is up with that?! And why didn't anyone warn me???

I was two seconds from blowing my rape whistle and calling some SVU cops, especially because I thought I felt him press his erect penis on my arm...but it turned out to be a lotion/oil bottle that was in his apron pocket. My bad! But he still lost points for touching my feet- Listen, I was just too through and could not wait to get the fuck out of there.

Massages are just NOT my thing. I don't like them and they leave me feeling even MORE achy than when I came in! I'd rather soak in a hot bath, thanks.

This fitness journey is killing me slow, I tell ya, and I need for my body to just succumb to my will and tighten up already. I HAVE NO PATIENCE FOR THIS PROCESS!


Who knew there was muscle under there?

*smooches...still sore as I type this*
all of this just so that I can wear a swimsuit without resembling an Orca... so not fair!!