Thursday, May 26, 2011

Teetering On The Ledge: A Jaded Rant

I have hit a wall. And I’m just about ready to climb up it and just take a plunge and say "fuck it all."

For about five weeks I worked my butt off exercising and doing my best to eliminate or reduce the amounts of "bad" foods from my diet and replace them with more fresh ingredients and many, many leafy greens. And while I did notice a difference in my endurance, strength and ability to recover from an intense workout, I’ve yet to lose a single goddamn pound.

NOT ONE. Not even water weight.

Obviously I’m doing something wrong. Don’t tell me I’m not. I’m either not working hard enough or my food intake needs to change some more. Or maybe there’s a medical reason that would require yet ANOTHER doctor visit. Whatever it is, it has me feeling so down.

I was truly excited to see a change by this summer and to still see this fat ass looking back at me in the mirror, and not fitting into anything in my closet is’s TOO MUCH. It’s not fair. I was up at the ass-crack of dawn to go work out, and some days went after work when I should have been at home with my kids getting shit in order and now it feels as if it was all for naught; a waste of time and money.

And then, THEN, I started reading up on better nutrition so that I can attack my fat at home, right, and it’s TOO MUCH, too:

>>Don’t buy anything with sugar in it. Ummm, EVERYTHING has sugar in it! Even my beloved 12-Grain Bread! So now, what, I have to bake my own fucking bread? Sure, I'll just cut MORE sleep out of my schedule so that I can be up all night playing Laura Ingalls Wilder in my already-too-hot kitchen.

>>Eliminate table salt and use sea salt. So WTF am I supposed to do with the shit that’s already in my cabinet bought and paid for?

>>Get rid of all the processed food in your pantry. Again, so I should just wipe my ass with all the money I spent on this stuff? See, the problem with all these nutrition book authors & trainers is that THEY HAVE THE MONEY to do all this shit. I don't. I DON'T! So please excuse me if I don't throw out a whole, unopened box of Triscuits. Fuck you!

>>Buy organic meats, fruits & vegetables. Right. Because I’m rolling in the fucking dough. We've already covered this. I'M OVER IT.

And that’s just a sampling of the three trillion rules for "proper nutrition" out there. WHO. THEEEE. FUCK. has that kind of time to scrutinize over every god-damned morsel of food that goes in their mouth? Measuring out ingredients to the nearest half-an-ounce and whatnot? IS THIS LIFE?

And I know- if I truly want to BE healthy and LIVE a long, healthy life then this is what I need to do, blah, blah, blah. But I’m over-fucking-whelmed. There aren’t enough hours in the day to keep track of all these fucking rules, and I’m pulled in so many different directions already without becoming a fitness and nutrition Nazi... I just want a moment (or a month) where I don’t have to think so fucking much about everything I eat and do (or not), because clearly I’ve been doing so and still NO RESULTS.

*deep breaths*

But, I’ve spent all this money and I can’t get it back now. I’ve no choice but to continue going to these fitness classes and eating this crappy food.

My sanity, though? Well, that will just have to get in line and wait with the other things left untended.

*smooches...wallowing on my couch with my boyfriend, Lord Netflix*
yes, I'm dating royalty. And?