Wednesday, May 11, 2011

36 Soon Come: Coping

As a person who has ALWAYS loathed exercise, I'm surprised at how I've stuck with my current workout plan and healthier diet and lifestyle. Granted, it's only been a little over month, but in these five short weeks I've found myself making better food choices more often than not and rarely missing a workout.

This is not to say that I enjoy getting up at 5AM so that Bryan can torture me with Russian push-ups and uphill lunges during bootcamp, or having Simone stand in front of me demanding I get LOWER during the "wine & tone" portion of Socacize. Because I hate every painful minute of it and would much rather be home laying about like a lazy lay-about!

But I've been sticking to it and making a conscious effort not to undo my hard work with the bad, bad, evil foods that put me here in the first place.

My problem, however, is that while this has been a positive change in my life, there are still day-to-day things that upset me and depress me and bring on a case of the Bluesy-Blues, but I no longer know how to cope with them.

See, up until April when I started this lifestyle change, I handled my feelings using food: potato chips, small pots of white rice, Buffalo wings, pints of Haagen Dazs and so much more crap that if I listed it you'd gain 20lbs just from reading it. Sometimes I'd add alcohol to the mix (if the babies weren't around). And on the rare occasion when there's a man in my life, I'd just screw his brains out to forget my troubles.

But now? I work too damn hard on those push-ups to just go home and fuck it up by gorging on a tasty, greasy Jerk Chicken pattie from Chrystie's or some French fries with hot sauce and ketchup from the ghetto Chinese take-out. And I already have trouble waking up in the morning; drinking the night before a bootcamp session would just be the most epic of epic mistakes on my part. The sex...well that whole change is a discussion for another post, but suffice it to say IT AIN'T HAPPENING.

That leaves me at a loss for what to do when confronted with attacks to my mental well-being. Sure, I could still veg out in front of my computer watching movies (and try not to pass out from exhaustion) but it's not the same without my comfort snacky foods. One would think I'd pick up a book or a pen and do what I supposedly do best, but when my mind is racing with troubles it's hard to focus on literature.

I just... I'm basically still trying to find a comfy place to land when I fall and unfortunately it's not something for which I thought to prepare.

*smooches...looking for my happy place*
in the meantime, I'll be playing Ani on repeat in heavy rotation