Friday, July 31, 2009

"I'll Take All The Blame... Aqua Seafoam Shame"

I had this mega-movie-marathon, just me and my Netflix, after the babies left on Saturday, that carried over into all-day Sunday, too. I slept some here and there, but for the most part my grogginess, dizziness and laziness found me on the couch, just me and my Netflix.

During one of my breaks (my computer was feeling a bit EXTRA warm so I would shut it down for an hour at a time. There is still a method to my madness) I laid on my bed wondering what else I could do. Never mind the unopened 3RD NOTICE bills or freelance articles I have due, or the mounds of laundry or crusty sink, nah, I was looking on my shelf for something to read, listen to or watch. An escape, I know, but that's my coping mechanism... right or wrong it's what I do.

So I'm looking around and think, "Not The Exorcist!" because I cannot watch that shit alone. And ixnay on the CDs because that required turning on the computer (but YAY! I found my Bob Marley Legend CD). Then I saw it, still in the shrink wrap hiding underneath a Matchbox Twenty compilation an old friend made for me: Girl, Interrupted.

And here's where you all roll your eyes and say, "NOOOOO! Not THAT movie!" and you'd be right, because it did nothing more than make me Google my symptoms and come up with this hypochondriac's wet dream (and I've highlighted the pertinent information for you):

The main feature of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image and emotions. People with borderline personality disorder are also usually very impulsive.

This disorder occurs in most by early adulthood. The unstable pattern of interacting with others has persisted for years and is usually closely related to the person’s self-image and early social interactions. The pattern is present in a variety of settings (e.g., not just at work or home) and often is accompanied by a similar lability (fluctuating back and forth, sometimes in a quick manner) in a person’s emotions and feelings. Relationships and the person’s emotion may often be characterized as being shallow.

A person with this disorder will also often exhibit impulsive behaviors and have a majority of the following symptoms:

* Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
* A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
* Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
* Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
* Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
* Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
* Chronic feelings of emptiness
* Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
* Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

If that shit ain't me in a nutshell...

Sometimes, you know, WebMD hurts more than it helps. I'm just saying...

*smooches...googling treatments to see if I can fix this myself*
is there a Psychiatry for Dummies book out there?