Tuesday, January 13, 2009

So It Seems I Have Some Issues To Work Out

LORDY LORD LORD... did you catch the show last night? No? Well honey child HERE is the link to the show: Mars vs. Venus

And HERE is the link to the blog about the show: Mars vs. Venus Blog

Listen and then share... trust me, you need to listen. It was so crazy we never got through all the talk points, so you know what that means? PART TWO, this April, bitchezzzzzz!

And now on to our regularly scheduled post...


This has been heavy on my mind since my Dating After Divorce segment with Cathi, and especially after last night's tomfoolery...

It has become quite evident that the reason I don't have a man and can't find a man is because... I don't want a man. At least not for a while. So forget this whole thing about me being open to the possibility of romance. I. Don't. Wanna.

(I know some of you were hoping that sentence would end with me in the middle of some torrid lesbian love affair... sorry, I left that mess back in '04...)

I don't want to put in any work on another new human right now; I have too many people to keep track of as it is. I don't want to compromise right now when I know I'm right at the threshold of my dream. I'm enjoying my me time and don't feel like sharing- point blank: I'm in Selfish Mode and I think I'm going to be here for a little bit.

I'm still dealing with learning to trust people, to like myself and to juggle the whole mom thing with the dating thing, because right now it's all just a mess in my brain.

Now I know my girlie parts are cursing me out as I type this but whatever- I'm the boss here. And besides, bitches already had enough fun to hold them over a good long while so they ALL need to shut the fuck up. Sex was fun and all, but I'm on hiatus.

When I think of a relationship these days, I actually feel suffocated. Like the dude is going to see this happy, carefree soul and think, "How can I tame her and keep her under my thumb?"

I enjoy coming and going whenever I feel like it. One day I'm in Massachusetts the next I could be in DC and then I could hop a flight to LA and not have to do anything more than make sure the babies are with their dad or my mom. Imagine if I had a man and wanted to hop around the globe like that- do you know anyone that would put up with that?

And frankly, I'm just not ready to be out there or in a relationship. I thought I had to be because, well, I don't know... I just did. But now I'm realizing that no, I don't. Of course I want companionship and all that- who doesn't? But when I actually try to imagine it I can taste a hint vomit in the back of my throat.

I think that's a sign.

But Cathi hit the nail on the head when she said to me: You need the male version of you. BINGO. I think that's exactly who I will be on the lookout for when I'm ready to get out there again.

A Jaded NYer with a penis and more testosterone than yours truly (at least I HOPE!). Imagine the possibilities...

Until then... I'm living the:

*smooches...really pleased with my decision*
watch dudes come out the woodwork now that I've taken myself off the market... ain't that always the way?