Thursday, January 01, 2009

Reason #982,361 Why I Love NYC

Hellloooooooooo, 2009!!! How the heck are ya, buddy? We've all been anxiously awaiting your arrival and I have to say, you never cease to amaze or disappoint me.

How did everybody do last night/this morning? I hope you're all safe and sound and recovering quietly at home (like me).

My night? Why, I'm glad you asked... actually, if you follow me on Twitter you already know most of the story, but let me fill in the blanks for you.

I had planned a very quiet and low-key evening: spend some time w/Miss Olivia and Irene, then meet up with The Webmaster at a couple of BK House Parties with the Arties with a possible layover at Bembe, and then a quick stop to have a glass of Champagne with Lani at her job (she bartends, in case you didn't know) before heading home.

Easy, breezy, right?


First off, Law & Order: SVU has this strange hold on me. I can't explain it. Whenever I should be doing something important or pressing at home, I watch this shit on Netflix instead. So what this means is: I got home from work at 6-ish but didn't leave my house until 9PM. Even tho I wasn't getting dressed up or anything. Three Hours held hostage by Detectives Stabler and Benson. God I love that show...

Every dude I see on the street now is a rape suspect; I can't tell you how many random *Side Eyes* I've been giving out on the subway to guys just because they remind me of this damn show!

So I get to Irene's- despite the weather being -342 degrees- and chill for a while. And can I just say, Irene FORCED ME to watch some of the most god-awful reality television... like that dumb ass show "Speeders" where cameramen follow cops around as they stop people for moving violations across the country.

Shoot me now.

Miss Olivia was out by 11:30, I'd eaten some Chinese food and drank half a small bottle of Bailey's and settled in for two Kathy Griffin comedy specials before I finally left around 2-ish.

I was going to go home, I PROMISE I was. But after deciding that The Webmaster's invite to someone's small house party in Williamsburg did not seem like my scene, I thought, Well, let me at least say HEY to Lani and have one drink with her.

Famous. Last. Words.

I showed up at her job a little after 3AM, positioned myself at the bar with a glass of bubbly and just took in the sights... of drunkity, drunk people everywhere! Oh how I lamented that my camera could not take pictures in the dark... so much ammunition, so little time!

After watching Lani strong arm a dude who kept trying to smoke inside and a couple trying to have sex at one of the tables, they (she and her bar manager... BTW, ShellyShell, he asked for you; said you were crazy and totally liked you! You need to stop by again LOL) shut the place down and we headed over to some loft a block away, to an after party we were invited to.

Um. What can I say about this... "party" except that there were all of SIX cracked out people there (not including the three of us) one of which was a loud-ass extravagant, flamboyant, Queen motherfucker who kept dropping designer names he was wearing like I care about that shit, and another who TOOK OFF HER PANTS. That chick... I swear... she had this crazy look in her eye that SCREAMED: any minute now I'm going to ask you to help me shoot up 'cause I'm too fucked up to hold the needle straight.

I'm so so so glad that the rest of my party decided this place was LAME and WEIRD and grabbed our coats to be OUT!

At this point I'm totally like, yeah, I'm going home now, but NOOOOOOOOO... I didn't.

Instead I joined Lani at Puck Fair, and by now it's like 5AM so it's mainly filled with other bartenders and leftover partiers, but still, place was PACKED. And I know all of you in the rest of the country are totally jealous right now because YOU don't have a 24-hour bar in YOUR city. But fret not- next time you're in town just check it out.

But anyway, this place was a lot of fun, except for the BUSTERS that kept tryin to holla... like the cracked out Irish guy who was only visiting NYC but thinks he might move here and the OTHER cracked out Irish man who looked like he'd had too much to drink from FOUR days ago.

Did I mention that both of them thought it their job to chat me up? Oh, how lovely.

Thankfully one of Lani's friend's rescued me with a dance.

When I noticed that it was 8AM and I had officially been up for 24hrs, I thought OK, NOW, FOR REAL, I need to go home when suddenly, Lani's friend says HER friend was offering to RE-OPEN his bar just for us to come sit and have a few drinks. On the house.

Guess what I did?

So when I finally got home at 11AM, I took a few minutes to check in with the Twitter Crew because I KNEW I'd written some crazy mess throughout the night:

Trying to convince myself to go out... it's BRRRRRRICKKKKKKK out there. YIKES!

Total NY Moment: dude is jerking off on the J train. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Total NY Moment 2: PRican couple fighting on the J train. Dude is crying. He feels disrespected. Chick has issues w/his mom. DRAMA!

It must say Native NYer on my forehead- 3 ppl have asked me for directions in the last 5 minutes. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Total NY Moment 3: girl tying shoelaces... w/urine pouring down her pants. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Total NY Moment 4: chick giving dude a handjob in the bar. They don't get why they were asked to stop. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Why oh why doesn't my cam take video in the dark? Drunk dancing taking place right by me and I cant record it. Damn!

Black gay dude just said to me: niggas n flies... the more I think about niggas the more I like flies. Aaah big city living! Jealous?

Shot of Jameson at 7 AM? HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I've officially been up for 24 hours... EVERYBODY DRINK!

At another bar. Free drinks. Its good to know bartenders!

And now I've been up for 26 hours. Not sure how much more I can stand. My eyelids are mad at me!

Flo-rida at 10 AM? You want me to get low? But I don't have apple bottom jeans

Just got in a cab. Lani is still hanging tough. Gosh I love my friends!

OK, 11 AM and I'm finally home. WHAT A NIGHT!! After a power nap I think I'll blog about it LOL HAPPY NEW YEAR!

All I can say is... I wasn't even DRUNK the whole night, until we got to that last bar. But that wasn't the alcohol, it was the... um... never mind...

*smooches...starting out the New Year killing brain cells for your entertainment*
and don't even get me started on what will probably go down this weekend... it's Mari's 25th Birthday AND Cathi is coming to town. OW, my liver...

PS- Lani has all the pics from that night, so as soon as I get them from her I'll think about posting some of the more tame ones