Tuesday, January 06, 2009

I've Accepted That I'm A Work-In-Progress...

...and I'll always be. I'm never finished, never satisfied, never done. I feel like if I stop moving, doing, wanting, I'll drop where I stand and no one will ever know I was here.

This is what motivates my words, my work, my actions.

I want you to know I was here. I want to linger in your memories, even 20 years from now... I want you to hear the words "Hey y'all!" and think, "OMG, I remember this chick from NYC used to say that mess all the damn time!"

Did you listen to my show last night? Darius Williams of Everyday Cookin' [dot] com and I did a Cooking 101 segment, and you really should have tuned in! It was crazy fun and we had some really informative and helpful tips for all you non-cooks out there. You can download the podcast by clicking here.

In light of this new declaration, this newly adopted affirmation and acceptance of my non-perfectness, I hereby proclaim: I will no longer use my TO DO list as an excuse to keep "love" and "companionship" at arms length. No more waiting until my finances are straight or my stories are published or my babies are out of the house.

Not that I'm going to stop doing what I have to do to get where I want to be, just, you know, I might maybe maybe maybe tuck away the *Side Eye* from time to time and maybe maybe maybe *GASP* smile sometimes. I know, scary, right? I'm not even sure I know how to smile without alcohol in my system!

But every year I try to make one or two improvements in my life; last year I stopped obsessing over celebrity gossip and gave up cow's milk; this year I think I'll actually (maybe maybe maybe) open myself up to the possibility of (maybe maybe maybe)... romance n shit.

I'm going to still be me, a less stank version of me, but me nonetheless: the snarky, silly, crazy, ambitious, messy, curly-haired, Spicy Latina you all "know" and love.

Dude(s) will just have to deal with a Jaded NYer who's always on the move, peeking over the neighbor's fence, dreaming of the great beyond and planning for every possible life imaginable. Just a little less stank.

He'll have to deal with that and love me anyway. Because I said so, dammit.

And I, in turn, will (kinda maybe perhaps) accept that he, too, is not all he wants to be, yet, but is doing all he can to get there.

There I said it. But I'm warning you- if I read comments from you talking bout, "Jaded's gone SOFT in '09, y'all!" I'm coming for you.


*smooches...with no one in particular in mind*
and even if there were someone, you know I'd never tell *wink*