Thursday, November 15, 2007

But I HAVE To Talk About It...

It's no secret that I read PerezHilton all the live-long-day like it's my job. I can't help it; it's a great escape! Britney lost her kids? Chyna Doll denied at Hyde? Rachel Zoe looks like ass? ME LOVES IT!!

But I had to go on a Perez hiatus for a few days after he posted something so revoltingly disgusting, and then prompted me to click on the link without offering the proper warning about what was in store.

That ill-fated click led me to a video titled, "2 Girls, 1 Cup;" some of you might have already heard of it. Or *gasp* seen it.

First let me say that Perez usually only posts celebrity photos and videos, or some of his own asinine videos (which are really NOT funny at all! Sorry, P.). So when I saw the title I thought it was a joke video like you'd find on YouTube and the likes.

But it starts out with two females making out, only like 2-3 seconds of it, at which point I was like, "Huh? Since when does Perez post porn?" Then, by like the 5th second of the video...OMG, I can barely even type of the females DEFECATES into a cup. And let me just say that at this point A) I shut off the video B) I threw up into my cereal bowl and C) I developed a phobia to plastic cups.

I've not been able or even tempted to go back and view the rest of that video- my stomach and gag reflexes can't take that shit (yes! pun intended!!!)- but from what I've read online, the girls proceed to EAT THAT SHIT and then VOMIT IN EACH OTHERS' MOUTHS.

WTF, readers? WHY? True, the videos posted on YouTube of people's reactions to this nastiness is pretty funny- I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who threw up- but still I can't help but just be so disgusted and mortified and just DAMAGED after being exposed to that ish!!

Seriously, this is what it's come to? Sex has become so blase and commonplace that humans must reduce themselves to eating shit and vomit in order to get some pleasure? Really? Nipple clamps aren't doing it for you anymore, eh?

I think these people need to stop, regroup and then start over. Slowly. Rediscover the missionary position; an oldie but a to skin, face to can still be good. Then maybe try a lil oral: kiss a penis here, a vagina know, ease back into normalcy.

If they need a thrill they can ride the Cyclone, or try crossing Queens Boulevard on a Saturday afternoon. Or better yet, go up to a NYPD officer, act like they're about to ask for directions, bitch-slap him and then run. ANYTHING is better than eating shit! Real Talk!

Honestly, I've never considered myself a prude. I mean, I'm The Jaded NYer for chrissake! But that video was just...just...just don't watch it! Don't let your friends trick you into watching it for comedy's sake. If you're bored and looking for something to do rent a movie, read a book, go for a walk. Just don't get lured into that nasty-ass video! It's NOT funny. It's NOT cool. And it will scar you for life!!

Makers of that stupid, disgusting abomination of a video are officially ON BLAST for giving me nightmares!!!

*smooches...amazed that something in this world still shocks me*
I know that by writing about it I draw more attention to it. but this thing is eating me up inside...I'm seriously traumatized. I had to get it out...