Monday, June 22, 2009

John Cusack Films Are Not Just For Swooning...

(This is Part 1 of this weeks 5-part post on the ins & outs of Jaded Depression. I've decided to give you an inside peek at how I deal with, live through and temporarily fix my mental ailments.)

I know what you all think: I only watch JC's flicks because I'm hopelessly devoted to him. But the truth is I use his well-written/directed/acted films as therapy to help recover from my self-diagnosed mental illness issues.

Case in point: I watched Say Anything recently when my descent into complete darkness seemed inevitable. And it helped me more than Johnny could ever know.

And yes the entire film is funny, poignant, heart-wrenching and thought-provoking, but it was one scene in particular that slapped me awake.

Lloyd is in the apartment rough-housing with his nephew when his sister comes in to scold them both. Then Lloyd says to her (and me):

"Why can't you be in a good mood? How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? That line was totally written for me like for real. I heard that piece of dialogue and really felt like JC was speaking to me specifically.

How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?

It actually isn't as hard as I make it out to be. I just have to choose it. Keep myself too busy to host pity parties. Not allow for idle hands to get me into trouble. Work towards making my situation better and not worse. All I have to do is stop being a scaredy-cat and CHOOSE it.

And I want to, so badly; I want to check the little box every morning that reads GOOD MOOD, but how do I explain that to my brain?

I had a heart-to-heart with The Voices after the movie went off and told them, point blank:

I need your help, ladies! You HAVE to help me make better choices. Not by chastising or sabotaging, but by encouraging and loving. Especially loving.

Enough with telling me everything I'm doing wrong and how I'm not good enough. I need you to just this once hold me real tight in your arms and be NICE to me. I know you have a strict policy on coddling but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE... just this once greet me with open arms, no questions asked, and help me choose better days.

I've yet to hear back from those bitches...

*smooches...wondering what JC movie I should watch next*
maybe something crazy like Better Off Dead or Hot Pursuit; those are always good for a few laughs