Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Love Matches

Last week, a co-worker asked if I knew about the compatibility of a Taurus and an Aries (I didn't) because she'd met someone and was curious what was written in the stars for them. Now your favorite Jaded NYer puts very little stock in shit like that- you either work out with someone or you don't. When you were born has nothing to do with it.

Or does it?

Out of curiosity I looked up compatibilities for myself and a few of my former beaus and found the "analysis" to be eerily accurate for a few of my exes:

Gemini & Scorpio
Gemini's imagination and Scorpio's dynamism can make a good combination if only these two are able to get along together. They are close in the sexual relationships, but that is not enough...Scorpio is sensual, passionate, demanding, jealous, inflexible. Gemini is fickle, flighty, superficial, lighthearted, changeable...It will probably be a kind of relationship that is not easy to cope with with difficult marriage as a result.

Gemini & Sagittarius
These two are opposites in the zodiac and are attracted to each other like magnets. They are both tireless, changeable and not frank enough as lovers. Gemini are inclined to criticize the Sagittarius' behavior in bed. They may be disappointed sexually, since neither is demonstrative-and Gemini is very quick to criticize.

but so incredibly wrong for my ex-husband:

Gemini & Leo
An affectionate pair who really enjoy each other. Both Leo and Gemini have strong desire to have a passionate, emotional life. Sexually, Leo loves whole-heartily and Geminis variable desires are a complete mystery to him/her...It will be an acceptable connection and, surely, safe marriage in the future.

If I ever just wanted to date myself, however, it'd be fuckin' awesome:

Gemini & Gemini
You won't find a more versatile, charming, or vivacious pair. They are fascinating conversationalists, have tons of friends, and together they'll throw some marvelous parties. Sex is fun and games. On the other hand while this connection can be very pleasant for both sides, it may lose it's stability very quickly. Because their needs are shared and they have mutual understanding of the likes and dislikes of the other then they will be highly in tune sexually. There will be a mad love between them, and marriage won't become an accident. Such combination is possible and it will be the most interesting couple that you know.

but unfortunately Virgos and I are doomed to fail:

Gemini & Virgo
Both are Mercury ruled and have a mental approach to life. But similarity ends there; these two are star-crossed from the beginning...The Gemini will show indecision...Gemini will start searching for entertainment with someone else...their sex life soon turns chilly. This is going to be as short as flash relationship, which has not a chance to last long time.

But it's all bullshit anyway, right? RIGHT?

*smooches...still not believing in this mess*
I mean, look how monumentally WRONG they were about my ex-husband!