"Hello everyone. I wish I could be addressing you all under happier circumstances. Unfortunately we are gathered here today to bid adieu to our very good friend, Phillip BlackBerry.
"Phillip, or Philly-boy as he liked to be called, was only with us a short time, but in those 7-months that he graced us with his presence we were better off. I can't count how many times he sent and received nude photos. Or how many times he formed the words: *DEAD* when BBMing with friends.
"Oh and the emoticons... Philly-boy liked the devil-horned one the best."
"I'm not sure if I can find it in me to replace Phillip at this time; our relationship was a tumultuous one but it was still special. From they day he came to live with me, donning his pretty pink coat and boasting global usage capabilities I knew we'd bump heads. But I've never liked my men to be push-overs and Philly-boy was no exception."
*begins to sob*
"I can't continue... I HURT... with a passion SOOOO DEEEEEP! Smarty, please, can you take over??"
"Good day, all. I stand before you today with a heavy heart. My BlackBerry Poindexter Too was asked to deliver this eulogy in memory of his friend, Philip, but he’s been having a hard time since he heard.
"We became acquainted with Philip sometime last year. The four of us often messaged back and forth about everything from writing to the men Jaded and I had no business dealing with to our daily life’s frustrations. We even had the occasional bat-shit conversations that ended up on Jaded’s blog. Yes, those were good times.
"We stand (sit) here today with little comfort as we are unsure of his sudden, untimely demise. Somehow, we’ll be able to move on without you. Though we know you are irreplaceable, hopefully, in time, we’ll be able to convince Jaded that she should get another BlackBerry.
"Farewell, Philip. We’ll miss you!"
"Ladies & gentlemen, today we lay to rest a dear friend."
"And I really just...I...can't... MNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
*throws self on casket*
*smooches...finding comfort in the fact that Roscoe is still with me*
You all had jokes about my old LG Chocolate, but look who's still standing after nearly two years and look who just up and DIED after only seven months...