While at Dinner with Evelyn & her hubby & family, I learned of a mutual friend from high school that is currently living a pretty good life with her wife/partner and three adopted children after serving time in the military and finishing her studies. I was truly happy to hear about this because I remember this particular girl had the most awful home life.
I won't go into details of what she told me in confidence in high school, but believe me when I say it was bad. And look at her now- not hooked on crack on the corner, not selling her body for money, not dead in a ditch. She's a veteran with a loving family. Seriously, folks, if she can make it anyone can.
It got me thinking about all the excuses heard around town for why one isn't successful or happy in life. More often than not it's always someone else's fault, right? "The MAN is keeping me down." "My mother/father/brother/sister never loved me." "We were too poor for me to go to college so I did what I had to do." Please exit stage left with all that bullshit; no one here cares.
Last week Irene wrote a great post on her fitness blog titled Why Did I Get Fat? where she faced the real reason behind her weight issues. Then she followed it up with No More Excuses where she confronted all the things she tells herself to keep from doing the work it takes to get fit. And I applaud her for it. How many of us own up to what we caused to happen in our own lives?
Sure, maybe your mom beat you as a kid, does that mean you have to go out and terrorize everyone with random acts of violence? And maybe you were teased about your hair or skin tone or nose or butt, does that make it OK for you to turn yourself into some surgically enhanced shell of your former self? Maybe you were dealt a bad hand, does that give you the right to sit and sulk about it for ever and ever and never make your situation better?
It's NEVER okay to not own up for the role you played in your own undoing. NEVER. Why am I broke? Because I wanted to buy THINGS instead of saving for a rainy day. Why am I fat? Because I'd rather have taquitos & candy for dinner than take the time to prepare a healthy meal. Why am I a single mom? Because I didn't insist he use a condom & I accepted his marriage proposal even though I didn't really want to.
See what I did there? Took responsibility for my shit.
I wish there were a class I could teach so that others would do the same. Once you hold that mirror up to yourself and face facts, well, sheeeiiitttt, you'll be well on your way to finding a solution. I promise you.
If my old friend from high school can overcome her terrible beginnings, I know you can, too.
*smooches...not in the mood for excuses*
I don't tolerate it in myself & I WON'T tolerate it in others.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Accountability, Folks. Learn It, Use It, Live It!
More genius from The Jaded NYer
Labels: A Life in Progress, Mis Amigos, On Blast, Soapbox Blues, Tirades