Before I get going on the blog post du jour, please take a look over to the right-hand side... there's a mini-BlogTalkRadio player- ON THE BLOG- for your convenience. So you can listen to the fellas from Brothers' Blog & The F$%k-It List chit-chat about the ins and outs of maintaining a relationship without having to leave my site. GENIUS, right? You know you want to listen so just freaking click it already.
Now... back to the show...
It pains me to be the one to tell y'all this so early in the morning but I, The Jaded NYer, have been afflicted with... baby fever. That's right- ever since the weather warmed up I've been seriously craving another child! And not just another child, get this... y'all ain't ready... A HUSBAND! But wait- it gets better... not only a baby and a husband... but I'd be willing to be... THE STAY AT HOME PARENT!!!
Go ahead and take a Xanax or twelve because I did when I had to finally admit it to myself (and to Smarty Jones, who by the way admitted that she, too, was very open to being a housewife!!) one balmy summer morning.
I'm not really sure where this is stemming from because LORD KNOWS my wandering eye is worse than Casanova's; I'm ALWAYS looking for the greener grass. But lately I've been thinking this whole monogamy, husband + wife + new baby thing might just = what I want. KUH-RAY-ZEE, right??
It could be those new gray hairs I found while blowing my hair out, or the fact that I'm surrounded by cute couples and adorable babies everywhere I go (Park Slope, I HATE YOU!). Whatever it is, it has me looking at dudes in a whole new light.
After my divorce, my only concern was CAN YOU GET ME OFF AND THEN LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE? Seriously, that was my mentality. Then I gave a relationship a try and it failed so I moved on to CAN YOU BE AT MY SEXUAL BECK AND CALL, BUT ONLY FROM YOUR PLACE SO I CAN HIT IT AND LEAVE?
Then when that blew up in my face in the form of back-to-back dudes who straight up LIED about their relationship statuses and had their significant others blowing up MY phone like *I* was some home-wrecking hussy, I gave it all up and took a vow of celibacy. Which was working for a good long while until it wasn't.
Which brings us to today.
I feel like- I've gone this long w/out doing the bullshit casual thing that I don't even want to go there with someone unless it's going somewhere. And drunken, whorish behavior aside, I've been able to hold onto that (for the most part anyway... y'all don't have to know ALL my GD business, sheeeit!). So when confronted with someone new not only am I wondering if I want to rip his clothes off after a night of literary discussions, I'm wondering if I can tolerate him in the long run. (And of course I meant to write "tolerate" dammit! Have you forgotten whose blog you're reading?)
I see new dudes and wonder if his idiosyncrasies will drive me to crack-cocaine or if I can live with it forever. I wonder if he's "man enough" for me, if I can see him around my kids, if we'd make beautiful babies together. And if there's a NO in any of these categories I gracefully bow out and place dudes in the FRIEND box.
Basically, while I don't mind my current state of meeting new people and dating and socializing, I'm actually looking for that dude that will make me want to settle down already. As is Smarty Jones (LOL!)
My only concern is that one day I will end up 45yrs old with tons of "friends" and no new husband or baby.
Actually I'm not too worried about not getting my baby... I can always get my Tia in DR to arrange a quickie adoption for me if need be. WHAT?! I'm just sayin...
*smooches...picking out baby names already*
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and THIS time I want to name her something traditionally Spanish, like Altagracia or Zoraida or Caridad or Xiomara. Something real Washington-Heightsy... she's gonna be a DOLL, watch...
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9 comments:
First of fuckin' all, I catergorically deny this entire post. I can't believe you said this. :-O *channeling and paraphrasing Bill Clinton* I did not have this conversation with THAT woman.
This IS NOT like the #kanyeshrug. And thank God, to my benefit, you threw a hissy this summer and deleted your Twitter account and you can't get those messages back. :-P
And, I'm half a Gemini so I allegedly meant it when I allegedly said it. I can't believe this. This throws a monkey wrench in my plot, er, plan for my future.
*unfollows you on Twitter, deletes you on FB and erases your number from my Berry*
This heffa's crazy. Smarty a housewife? That'll be the day. *looks around*
@smarty- I think people already know that you are forever denying shit that you said or did and I remember EVERYTHING. You did say you'd be a housewife, even joked that we'd be neighbors... "You ain't gotTA lie, Craig, you ain't gotTA lie..."
I am wholeheartedly shocked at the post but happy. I need another niece to divert attention from the fact that I'm 25 (35 in Latina mother years) and have no children nor ring. I encourage it but totally reject "Zoraida" as a name option. It's way too Puerto Rican. Just sayin'. And that would be wrong though I realize that my comment seems wrong. oh well #kanyeshrug
@TheJadedNyer I do not recall such a conversation. And I will be consulting my attorney about this malicious libel on this blog of yours. *smdh* Just scandalous!
*clutches pearls, falls back against the wall and slides down*
I was NOT expecting this subject matter whenst I clicked on this post.
*grabs inhaler*
All I have to say is, make sure you stay open then. DON'T SHUT HIM (whoever him may be) OUT! DON'T DO IT GIRL!
Um, what if you have a boy this time? Chu gon' name him?
O_O @ u wanting to be a stay @ home mom!
this new revelation...is it cause the girls want a sibling?
@mari- um, no... even if I have a baby YOU need to hurry up and give me some nieces & nephews! HMPH!
@smarty- you always DENYING!!
@gem- a boy?? Never thought of that... can I call him "El Generalissimo" or is that to dictator-y??
@karrie- I've finally found a career that would allow me to be home & I'm liking it. All I need is a hubby who is better at "providing" for the fam and I could continue to freelance (i.e. BS on Twitter all day long!)
and YES these heifers keep badgering me about a baby... they're like Jewish grandmothers n shit!
I think they make a pill for what your feeling.
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