Thursday, August 20, 2009

Ay, Brooklyn! Why You Gotta Make Me Talk About You?

Lets take another quick break from ME-ness to talk fashion. More specifically BAD fashion. And even MORE specifically, bad fashion at Wingate during the Robin Thicke/Jazmine Sullivan concert a few Mondays ago.

First, let me add that although I'm am slowly trying to get back to my "happy place," my apartment still reeks of depression, sadness and mental illness with it's balled up Kleenex's everywhere, trashed bathroom and empty fridge. I need to work on that. But in the meantime it was nice to get out of the house and do something that did not include tears, Netflix or my couch.

Second, I bring you this commentary on fashion because although these nuggets of wisdom come from The F$%k-it List, she was unable to keep notes due to the hysterical blindness she suffered, caused by copious amounts of exposed back-fat and ass-crack. So I said I'd write this for her.

And finally, I need a new camera. To think of all the visual aids I could not get for you because all I had was my LG phone... it just tears me up inside. So if you're looking for a way to cheer me up, think: DIGITAL CAMERA. At least 10megapixels. And pocket-sized. Thank you and good day.

Now for the commentary, as dictated to me by a blinded blogger & her best friend:

1- Black women need to collectively go on a diet; invest in some Spanx, lettuce... and conditioner (for all that GOD AWFUL HAIR we had to witness)

2- Fellas: sparkley shirts paired with floral-print shorts makes you gay. Especially Ed Hardy gear.

3- Ladies: if you have 7 stomachs you should not wear a vest.

4- Fake Gucci is a waste of your time. And ours.

5- Old dudes should not wear see-through shirts.

6- Linen suits. NO MAS.

7- Silk shirts in the park. NO MAS.

8- Girls: Your bra should be covered by your shirt. And if they are visible, the straps should not be filthy.

9- Dear Ice Cold Water Man: Perhaps you'd sell more water if you didn't tell the "big girls" that they're "big" and look "thirsty." Just a thought.

10- This shirt:

is bad for everyone, everywhere. Netting is just BAD FASHION.

*smooches...feeling good about writing like the old Jaded*
I know this is cyclical and I'm not fooling myself about this good feeling right now. But still, it feels good.