Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Oh, Yes. I'm Fine. Everything's Just Wonderful.


His novel, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, was just awarded the 2008 Pulitzer Prize for fiction.

I am OOZING with pride and happiness and just WOW!

A Pulitzer Prize. That is the dream right there, baby. I'm so happy for him you'd think he and I were homies or something!!


In other news, I have to tell you about the IGNORANT-ASS DUM-IN-A-CAN I just came across in a bodega in Bed-Stuy.

So I'm at a bodega buying some cold-cuts for Papi, right, and when the guy behind the counter didn't understand me in English I had to give my order again in Spanish. His stupid ass crony then approaches me and says [in Spanish], "Oh, you speak Spanish? Where are you from?"

ME: Dominican Republic
HIM: What part?
ME: No part... I was born here
HIM: But where's your family from?
ME: the capital
HIM: Oh, yeah, I figured because the capital is full of black people.

[insert close-up shot of me with my jaw on the ground]

He said it with this stupid Cheshire-cat grin and this tone, that all I could think at that moment of shock was:

Did this maldito, imbecil, cretino, cabron son of a bitch just call me a City Nigger??

And just for the record- ALL of those assholes up in that bodega were my same complexion... WHAT THE FUCK? Have you SEEN a mirror, pedaso de mierda?? You ain't exactly John Q. Whitey, okay?? YOU'RE BLACK, TOO!!! Sorry to have to break it to you, you fucking racist, self-loathing motherfucker!!

And who talks like that? WHO TALKS LIKE THAT?

I mean, I should consider myself lucky to have lived almost 33 years without ever having been discriminated against, but I never thought it would be at the hands of my own freakin' people!!! What is really upsetting is that he's obviously ignorant, but I let him get to me! Like right as I type this I want to go back there and beat him with the Hostess pies display. I really do!!!!!

They were seriously lucky that I'm the person that I am and not some ig'nant ghetto bitch who ain't scared to cut a muthafucka and go to Rikers... they are sooooooo lucky I got some damn sense because that whole situation could have ended really badly...

Needless to say, I'm boycotting their racist ass! The DELI GROCERY on the corner of THROOP and DEKALB will never see another half a penny from me or mine EVER again!!

*smooches...for Señor Diaz on his 'Wondrous' occasion, but not for his country-ass brethren!*
I hate that Junot's special news had to be tainted with that ish, but what can I do? I need to report the news while I'm still angry enough to write a good post.

Title courtesy of Lily Allen, "Everything is Wonderful"

Tuesday's "One Thing Different"-- I didn't eat anything after midnight. and I STILL didn't visit Perez...