Thursday, February 28, 2008

Operation Bikini Body, Day 42: Moving Backwards

I have not worked out in ages. My eating is out of control. I look like I'm 3 months pregnant. I'm not getting any sleep.

I'm sure I've gained back everything I've lost and then some. And frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Well, that's not 100% true, but my motivation level has deteriorated drastically in the last few weeks, partly because of my health and my job/financial situation, but mostly because I'm at an emotional low right now. And my only defense mechanism against the lows is food and mindless entertainment.

Which means I've become re-acquainted with the take-out places in my neighborhood (oh, how they've missed me) and I've been planting myself in front of my computer watching bootleg movies online until the wee hours of the night.

I see myself going to that bad place, you know, and it's like watching a movie. I yell at the screen, "Get up you lazy fuck! Wash the dishes! File your papers! FINISH YOUR FUCKING THESIS!" But the character on the "screen" doesn't hear me.

And of course my mind is working overtime with the five trillion worries I have right now, and my to-do list looks like the census report for Calcutta. Remember that movie Multiplicity? Yeah, I need like 5 more Jaded NYers to finish all the shit I have on my plate. Normally, I'm all for multi-tasking and overachieving and all that good stuff, but this is ridiculous.

I wonder at which point I will finally admit that it's all just too much, throw in the towel and cry, "No mas"?

*smooches...not really psyched about my birthday anymore*
it's not like Puerto Rico is going anywhere...there's always next year...