Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Dress Code Disparities That I Won't Stand For

Now that I'm trolling the clubs for hunnies again, it's time to revisit the old LIST. You know the LIST: that arbitrary document we put together in the hopes that the Universe will deliver unto us a person with all of those qualities and thereby ensuring we get our happily ever after. Ahhh, the LIST. I missed it. So let's dust it off and talk about a new addition to it: He shall not dress for our date as if he were on his way to chill with his boys at a Knicks game.

How is it fair that we dress up, yet men wear Timberland boots everywhere?  
And don't even bother to lace them up correctly!?!

First of all, if you're one of the women that tolerate this atrocity let me be the first to tell you that we are no longer homies. Women like you make promoters think it's OK to allow men to wear "fashionable sneakers" to events that forbid us from wearing anything other than heels. And I call bullshit on you, your fashinable-sneaker-wearing man and y'all's entire Kardashian-West generation. BULLSHIT, I SAY!

If I have to be uncomfortable at the party then he needs to be uncomfortable, too. If I can't get easily away from an assailant in my shoes then ditto for my date. I don't want to hear crap about me walking slow in the stilettos I was forced to wear when he's maxing and relaxing in some Jordan's. This will not be my life.

If you're going to ask me out, and it's to dinner or somewhere nice, unless we're going to Applebee's, I expect you to wear grown man shoes and a shirt with a collar. Actually, even if we go to Applebee's (and let me just say this: please don't take me to Applebee's. I hate their food.) I don't want to see you in your house clothes. We're on a date. Try and look like you bathed and actually made an attempt to look nice for me. Because I'm at home bathing and attempting to look nice for you, too.

Your T-shirt and sneakers tell me that I'm just one of your homies and there's nothing special about this evening. And if there's nothing special about this evening I probably won't be in the mood to see you any other evening. Or look nice for you. Or more importantly, because I know this matters to the Penis Posse, allow your naked body anywhere near my naked body.

Bottom line: I'm not usually the high-heel wearing, frolicky, girly type, anyway. But for nice, special occasions I will make an effort. All I ask for is some reciprocity.

Just saying.

*smooches...stepping up my game every year*
I'm going to be 40 soon. it's just not OK with my soul to date someone who will show up on our dinner/dancing date in sneakers.