Friday, July 13, 2012

Starting From Scratch: A Healthy Jaded Post

I'm not even going to come on here and list excuses or reasons why I fell off the wagon, nor am I going to apologize for it. I'm the only person I let down by not staying focused on my fitness goals; if you were hitching your horse to my wagon that was YOUR bad, not mine.

The point is, I'm not so far gone that I'm literally starting from the beginning, but it feels that way. As in, I'm sure if I tried to do a push-up right now it would kill me. But I can still walk to-and-from work (a total of five miles a day) without too many problems arising, so there's that.

And my body still communicates with me on a daily basis (which is how I know I've been going down a bad path), and on one particular morning I heard a crackling noise when I got out of bed and stretched my arms. And the pain in my legs and knees have started back up. Basically, all signs point to: My Body Misses The Workouts. In fact, I'd go so far as to say my body NEEDS the workouts because, well, it does. Everybody's body needs physical activity. I know walking counts but I need more because I got my body accustomed to more. I'm starting to think my body is addicted to working out, like working out is my crack. Leave it to my twisted ass to get addicted to exercise!

Anyway, there's also the food issue. BLAH. Need we go there? I've been out of control and feeding my feelings instead of nourishing my body with the proper fuel. Why? Why else- money (and health) woes. I know I was on the bandwagon of "It doesn't really cost that much to eat healthy" but when push came to shove and I only had $20 to feed two very hungry teens (and get around town), I had to put aside my penchant for organic and lean and fresh, and just buy the stuff that would go farther. I'm not proud of all the rice and pasta and bread (OH MY!) I've had to feed my girls these last couple of weeks but at least they ate something. Next week I can stuff them full of leafy green things again, and I can have more than just a bag of popcorn for dinner. Thank god for employment!

So I'm starting over once again. Consider this my new "before" picture.

183lbs of Halal food cart binging
And yet, still no booty to speak of. *sigh*
 I won't outline my plan, either, I'm just going to do what I have to do and get right. Besides, I have "appearances" coming up; I can't go around looking like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Woman!

*smooches...disappointed but ready to make it better*
turns out I AM human after all. who knew?!