I'm Thankful (2009)

My beloved grandmother is gone from me physically, has been now for a decade, and for a while I struggled to feel her presence. But I see her face in Ns face sometimes and it gives me goosebumps. And when I need an extra boost of courage and OOMPF I wear her ring. And I still have Papi and Titi Gloris and Mami and Minnie and Mari and my sweet, sweet babies, and although it's not the closeness we used to share I still have them all in my life. Plus I have my extended family in MA, and my BFFs for life: Jack and Irene and Evy and Lani and Celia and Cathi and L and E. There really is no need to ever feel lonely in this world.

~*~

Even with a few bumps in the road, I have to say I have been so honored and yes, BLESSED, to have some of the best blog friends, many who've turned into real friends, and some that I even consider like family. You all support my crazy shenanigans, real or imaginary, and in a pinch I know who has the machetes at the ready to cut some fools down. I love that we're a part of each others' lives and I really want this Jaded Media Empire to take off and succeed just so I can bring you all with me! You think Hammer had a big entourage? Shiiiiiite, you ain't seen nothing yet! (except, I'll be smarter with the money- I'll put my momma, the Christian accountant, in charge of payroll!)

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I've been having a love-hate-love relationship with writing, but I have to admit- it's what keeps me sane (don't laugh- this IS me sane!) and centered and alive. I fought it for so many years in high school and college, studying things that were supposed to be more profitable and employable, but I've come to accept that it is my life. Sometimes I wish I could sing, and lots of days pass when I wish I'd never quit dancing, and sure- I could've put more effort into the clarinet, trumpet and flute- but writing... that's mine. And I love that I have this outlet. Not just the blog but the ability, the talent. Mostly, I love that I've been able to pass it down to my babies, who are growing into such creative beings I can almost cry!

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You may laugh at what I'm about to write, but I am thankful for this body. This bag of bones that I've neglected, mistreated, malnourished, lumpy, jiggly, soft body, if for nothing else, for it's resilience. It has taken everything I've thrown at it and still bounced back victorious. I cursed my curves (or lack thereof) many times but you know what? They're mine and I joke about it but I'd never surgically enhance them. This is the body of a mother, writer, daughter, Dominican-York/Brooklynite; it has fought the good fight many times and is still standing, walking, dancing, breathing, being. I wouldn't have it any other way.

~*~

Since I admitted to myself and the world that I lost my faith for good this summer, I've yet to really get it back, but I can honestly say I'm at peace with me right now. This might be the PMS talking, the calm before the storm, but I am slowly coming to a place where I'm not letting myself get frazzled that easily, where I'm taking the Zen approach, and not sweating the small stuff. I'm also getting some much needed sleep, which may have something to do with it, and it feels damn good. I no longer believe The Universe is out to get me. I think it's only trying to keep me from getting too comfortable in my routine. Touche, Universe, Touche... I am most definitely up for the challenge.

*smooches...curious as to what you're thankful for*
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I also want to add that I'm thankful for Titi Gloris' bacalaitos (codfish fritters) and if she don't make them for Thanksgiving I'm gonna be salty all night!