Monday, November 02, 2009

I Made A Mistake.

This teaching gig I signed on for last month is the WORST idea I've ever had EVER. And when I say worst please believe I mean W-O-R-S-T! Keep in mind that I'm also the person who decided to go on a road trip to Canada while tripping on LSD in college and STILL, teaching English Composition online to a bunch of Midwestern adults? WORSE THAN THAT.

Fist of all, I know talking money is tacky but it is essential to my rant so stay with me here. I'm only being paid $1,500 for the class. At fist I thought, "Yeah; I could definitely use an extra $1,500. I have sooooo many creditors threatening my life everyday. This money will help!" (I also figured it wood look good on my resume in case I ever wanted to get serious about teaching.)

Here's what I didn't think through: I charge a minimum of $25 for my writing/editing services. MINIMUM. Meaning depending on the job I may charge more. And after my degree is in hand, oh you best believe the price will go up. Now divide $1,500 by $25 and what do you get. Go ahead, I'll wait.



Let me explain to you the amount of HOURS I've had to devote to this alleged part-time job.

1- I had to do this online training to acquaint myself with the software and how to access the course, etc. That took about 6 hours ($150)

2- I have to complete a faculty training practicum while I'm teaching, another sort of a teacher training. Basically I'm enrolled in a class on how to teach online and it lasts the entire term, roughly 11 weeks. That takes up about 3 hours a week ($75) for 11 weeks ($825)

3- I have to run this class of 19 students who barely know how to ensure there is a noun and a verb in their sentences for 11 weeks, which will culminate in a 5pg research paper. Every week they have a new written assignment PLUS they have to answer a discussion question PLUS respond to at least two of their classmates' answer to the same question. Mathematicians, what's that? At least three discussion posts per student PLUS the weekly written assignment is what? At least FOUR poorly written assignments PER STUDENT that I have to read and grade and write detailed comments about each week.

I won't even bother to calculate those hours for you because you get it. IT'S TOO MUCH TIME FOR TOO LITTLE MONEY.

This is not including the emails I get from these ungrateful little bastards, like the one who wrote:

I am still trying to figure out what doing a research paper on diversity has to do with an English class. Another thing i am having a problem with is finding a sufficient amount of resources because of the vagueness of the assignment. Just an overall paper on diversity in business isn't going to work becase there are too many areas of diversity. I think it is going to be the same with every other student and their papers.

My problem with the assignment is that i know how to write research papers. I wrote 15 last quarter alone. What i dont understand is what doing a research paper on diversty in our study field has to do with english comp.

Motherfucker WHAT? Are you for real right now? It's an ENGLISH COMPOSITION CLASS! If I felt like asking you to write a 5pg paper on toe-motherfucking-jam you will motherfucking do it, goddammit! And PS- notice that the genius didn't bother to spell-check his email... that's exactly what his papers look like, too... fucking bastard...

And for the record, the assignment asked students to choose a specific issue dealing with diversity in their field of study or career. So it's, what, Week 05 and this asshole still doesn't get it?

I was such a damn fool for taking this job. A FOOL. All I saw was dollar signs and FOOLISHLY took the job. I know damn well that I have no desire to be a teacher- I knew this. And I thought I already learned the lesson to never take a job simply for the money but nooooooo. I let myself be swayed by my mounting debt and empty refrigerator and took a teaching job... KNOWING that I have no business teaching anybody anything.

Teaching is not one of my goals; it has never been one of my goals. What the hell is wrong with me? I could have invested this time in a $40/hr freelance copywriting gig for a pharmaceutical company and paid off one of my debts by now but noooooooooo. I took an online teaching job, trying to get 19 monkey-ass, ignorant, illiterate sons of bitches to write a measly 5pg paper.

This cannot be my life.

I quit.

*smooches...trying to survive on no sleep, no patience and no money*
and now for my next trick I will see how much longer I can exist on a diet of tea, Ramen noodles and peanut butter and jelly before my body just up and dies...

on the plus side, an ANGEL visited me & agreed to help me with these assignments until the end of the term because the administrator just told me they cannot replace me at this time. I see many great rewards in this person's future!