Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Smile! Don't You Know God Loves You?

How did you like the show last night? Did Cathi and I miss any important points? Be sure to visit my BTR Blog if you have some additional comment to get off your chest regarding Dating After Divorce and what we had to say last night. I wasn't able to answer all the questions I saw swimming around the chat room, so now's your chance to ask away.

And now, on to the post:

There are enough bitter, angry people in this world to, well, inhabit this planet.

But I don't have to be one of them.

I came up with this when I casually surveyed all the people around me on the subway... they were all frowning and scowling and just looked all kinds of miserable. Dear Christ on the Cross- is that what I look like, too? I don't want to look like that! I don't want my kids to look like that!

When I noticed all the frowns I became painfully aware of my hands; they were grasping my bag for dear life, clenched around the straps. My jaw, too, was clenched and I could all of a sudden feel the tightness around my mouth. And then I felt it... my scrunched up brow... I was frowning, too, and when I tried to relax my face, unclench my jaw and hands, I couldn't.

What have we become? What have I become? No wonder I get such bad headaches. No wonder my shoulder and neck area is a tangle of knots so deep not even pills can relieve it. No wonder... what ever happened to my smile?

I know this is NYC; I know our rep is to have on our blinders, look straight ahead, avoid eye contact and have on our "I'm Gonna Fuck You Up If You Even THINK Of Talking To Me" face, but OUCH! It hurts to be this tense all the time.

You know, when I first arrived at Alfred, Lord! Talk about culture shock... random strangers would smile and greet me on the street- I almost had to slap somebody! And then I realized: it's a small town with a teeny population and two college campuses full of people who like to party. Why not smile?

But then I came back to NYC on break and made the TERRIBLE MISTAKE of smiling at someone on the subway... yeah, she totally gave me the Gas Face and I had to readjust to civilian life again.

Now, I mean, I've been back for a minute so I'm totally NY again but UGH- does it have to be an ANGRY, FROWNING NY?

Can y'all do me a teeny tiny favor? When you're out and about living your crazy hectic life, can you smile? Not at anyone in particular, but maybe at life? Even if you're in a shitty situation, can you smile? For me? I'll be ever so grateful! Because maybe I'll see you on the street and smile back.

Even a deranged, "I'm about to kill everyone on this bus" smile is better than nothing... at least we can plot together...

*smooches...smiling for you as I type this post*
a weird thing happened on the way to Justine's going away party... I felt so, relieved.

1 down. 42 to go.