Wednesday, August 27, 2008

In Syndication Five Times Over!

So this, ladies and gentlemen, is the 500th post of The Jaded NYer.


At first I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, but then I figured it would be fun so why not? I even figured I could do a tiny give-away, which I've been discussing with the entire Cast of The Jaded NYer* for a while now. No better time than the present, right?

So let's get on with the extravaganza...

First, for all the newbies (and the-not-so-new but oh-so-nosy vets), I'm willing to take a page from the other blogs I've read and open myself up for questions**- TWO EACH TOPS, okay? nosy-ass mo-fo's... and I promise to answer it 100% honestly; The Cast will make sure I'm not lying.

Next, I'm gonna test your Jaded NYer trivia skills... for the first person to list my four celebrity crushes correctly in the comments, I will send you this, hot off the presses... drum roll, please......

The Jaded NYer TShirt!!! Yeah, bitchez, I finally broke down and made myself a shirt, and one for readers/fans/cast members. My shirt looks like this:

The graphic is a wee bit stretched out on my shirt, but what can I do? It's a blessing AND a curse...

Then, for the fifth person to leave a comment, I will send you this... hot off the presses, too, The Official Jaded NYer Academic Calendar, complete with gorgeous photos of MY New York- not the one you see in the movies.

Why an academic calendar? Because that's the kind I use... you got a problem with free shit? The nerve...

Finally, for the next three runners-up to the Name My Celeb Crushes question... an autograph picture of yours truly!!!


What? You don't want it?? Why I oughtta...


So now a time for reflection on this whole blogging game...

I first became aware of them through Irene- she introduced me to LiveJournal and we each had an account and I think I wrote like 5 entries and then gave up. Then I couldn't remember my login information- this happens to me a lot- so I never went back.

Then I read a peculiar news item about a woman in California who was fired for writing about her job. Today we know her as DOOCE, AKA Heather B. Armstrong, and she's still my favorite blogger of ALL TIME! To me, she's like the Don Corleone of blogging. *bows down to Don Dooce*

At one point I discovered and started a blog in '04 that I recently deleted. At first it was just silly things like I have here, but then I found myself using it as a release during The Break Up Heard Round The World, so there was some real raw shit over there that I was reluctant to delete at first. Sometimes I would go over there and read it and applaud myself for getting through it all without slitting my wrists. Not that I'm that weak of heart, but you get my drift.

Here are excerpts from the first post:

What's the worst thing that could happen to a City girl like me? You guessed it- I'm moving to Jersey. Wait a minute while I puke...

I don't mean to hate on the Garden State (hey, that rhymes!), but blech! Never in a million years...

It's not even cool jersey- it's farm country jersey. BLECH BLECH BLECH!! On a side note, I've made this one, keen observation: all of my down-home peeps are like "ewwww, Jersey", and all of my Caucasian co-workers are like "oh, the country, I'm so jealous. You'll love it. It'll be so great for your kids" and I just want to smack them. You know what will be great for my kids? To see other kids of color in their classrooms. To be enriched by the glorious wonder that is NYC. Not to live next door to cows. No, literally. The property next door has cattle...

...Today's goal: find what died in my bathroom and get rid of it.

Then an ex convinced me to get on myspace (yes, the same ex from The Break Up Heard Round The World, and no it's not my ex-husband) and I started blogging on there. It was fun; I really started to develop my style over there, but then I had to leave. Because he dumped me and I didn't want to have to see his PUNK ASS on myspace all the time. Because OF COURSE I was stalking his freakin page. WHAT?

At this time I was also working at a horrible place my co-workers and I called The Basement, and so I started a blog where we could bitch and moan about it. Except I ended up being the only one writing; they CLAIMED that they'd rather read my rants. Mhmm... SIDE EYE to all my Basement Co-Workers!

Finally, with my myspace gone and the two blogger accounts on the D.L., I started this blog, called it Not Just Some Sniveling Girl, labeled myself The Queen of Brooklyn, and began sending updates to my friends and close family members.

I also started Stranger Than Fiction and another spot where I keep track of my writing samples (articles, stories, BAD poetry), but that was mostly for my own benefit and not really something I advertised. Sometime last year I switched this spot over to the new URL, The Jaded NYer, since that's what I was calling myself anyway, and here we are today.

At the 500th post.

What have I learned during all this?

1- The blogoshpere is JUST LIKE a John Hughes teen flick, where everyone is in a little clique and pretty much stays there without venturing out too far. And god forbid you have a falling out with someone in the inner circle... talk about domino effect of childishness... Hey, I do it, too! And it's real easy to get caught up in some bullshit if you let yourself, so just remember- none of these fools out here, me included, pay your bills, so fuck all the haters.

(and I would just like to add that I'm very thankful that the haters have not made their way to The Jaded NYer, or if they have, have kept their e-tongues in check. I'd really hate to have to e-cut a mo-fo...)

2- Every one has their own definition of TMI, and that definition changes from post to post. At one point I didn't want any pics of my kids on here. Now, since they're a little older and whatnot, I'm a little more lax. I still won't put their government out there, but one or two pics here and there have been okay with me so far.

And I used to talk about my dates (good and bad) but then decided that the dudes didn't really give me permission to do so, plus I had a tendency to be a bitch or jinx my own situation, so I stopped. From now on, you'll never know if I'm taken until you come over here and see the post title: The Jaded NYer Gets Married. HA HA HA HA!! Yeah, right... don't hold your breath...

3- The male bloggers have A LOT of female readers and the female bloggers have A LOT of male readers... hmmm... is Blogger the new craigslist?? Am I in the middle of a meat market and didn't know? Is that why some people flood their pages with pictures of themselves?

4- Blogging can easily take over your life, which is why I force myself to take breaks, regardless of the stank phone calls and emails I used to get from Mari. Sometimes I feel like, "Damn, I have loyal readers and I owe them something interesting to read," and then other days I'm like, "Fuck all you hos..."

5- I've been more open to trying new things JUST BECAUSE I can blog about it after I do it. So in a way I'm conquering a few fears and getting out more by having this blog. Like bungee jumping at Six Flags New England. Or being nice to my ex's new girlfriend. Not too shabby at all.

6- Be careful what you write; if you don't want it to come back and bite you in the ass don't push that "publish" button. Me? I stand by every word I've ever written. It may not be how I feel today, but it's how I felt when I published the words, and I'm not ashamed of any of it. Embarrassed, maybe. Ashamed? NEVER!

7- Some of y'all got some potty mouths and X-rated shit on your pages! TSK TSK!! What would the Baby Jesus say?

8- I'm not as well read as I thought! Some of the blogs I read and lurk around be schoolin' me sometimes (Brother Omi, I'm looking at you...). Sometimes I refuse to visit certain pages because the level of information I might take away with me will make me pass out. But seriously, keep it up, 'cause when I do visit I can just feel myself get smarter. And that makes this Nerd Girl very happy.

9- There are more good writers out there than I initially thought. Some of them are even super talented. And dammit- with all y'all out there how am I supposed to get my shit published? Haven't you heard that The World Needs Ditch Diggers, Too? Go dig a ditch and stay out of my way, dammit!!!

10- If I ever decided to close up shop, I would actually be missed. That's an awesome feeling, and I'm really, truly appreciative and humbled by the love I feel from all of you in the blogosphere.

Here's to another 500 posts!

*smooches, besos, bacioni, bejus, bisous, and all that good stuff*
*cast members? Yes, cast members; the people featured here on a regular besides the babies and me: Jack, Lani, Mari, Minnie, Irene, Cathi, with special guest appearances by Nina, Celia, Marcin, Mami and John Cusack.

**questions disclaimer: I reserve the right not to answer any question that I feel would infringe on someone else's privacy. so don't even ask it!