Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I'm Not A Girlie-Girl...

... I don't get my nails done. Ever. I keep them uber short

and although I buy nail polish, K & N use them more than I do, and the colors are always variations of nude and mauve. I think I have a dark blue and a black one left over from my "dark" days. My cuticles are a hot mess and often, I pick at them until I bleed. Pedicures? What are those?

... I hardly ever get my hair done.

I go like twice a year, and only because I like to get my ends trimmed and if I didn't I would STAY getting the side eye from my mom. Once in a blue moon I'll do something drastic (like color and/or cut my hair) but after the initial 2 weeks passes and I wash out the salon 'do, I go right back to my trusty ponytail and/or bun.

... I really could care less about clothes and fashion.

I used to for like 2-4 years of my 20s, but not anymore. My criteria for clothes/shoe shopping is:

1- Cost
2- Fit
3- Comfort
4- Longevity

Labels? Whatever. Trends? Give me a freakin' break! A dress? What are you- MAD? I save those for special occasions ONLY!

... I LOATHE to wear jewelry. My mom's nameplate,

my grandmother's ring, and my HS and college rings are the ONLY pieces of jewelry I wear. And lately I haven't even worn the rings. No earrings, no bracelets, nothing. I use to wear a ton of watches at once but now I wear nada. And diamonds? BARF! They are so gaudy and garish. I even told my ex NOT to get me an engagement ring because I wasn't going to wear it.

... (TMI Alert) My underwear doesn't match.

I tried to care about this. I really did; made a real effort. And then I realized... I don't. And who's gonna know but me? I doubt that if I get hit by a car and have to go to the ER, the doctor is gonna write in my chart, "Wore a hideous combination of yellow bra and purple panties!"

... Make-up for me is "optional." One day I feel the need to wear mascara, the next I really couldn't give a shit.

Lipstick? I prefer Blistex and tinted Burt's Bees lip balm. Blush? "Ladies pinch; WHORES rouge..." I will admit to the occasional dusting of eye shadow, bronzer (much to Cathi's amusement) and some concealer when I know I will be photographed, but other than that I really can't be bothered. It takes too much time and effort to apply and remove each day.

... My accessories would make those "What Not To Wear" freaks cringe. I don't really care if the surplus cargo bag I carry everyday

goes with my business casual attire or not. It holds all my shit and that's all that matters. I wear the same black sunglasses with everything. Sometimes I find my brown ones at the bottom of a bag somewhere and change it up, but hardly. Belts? Scarves? Who can remember- or even knows how- to wear these things?!?!

... Perfume makes me want to scratch my nose off. If someone walks by me or sits next to me smelling of this overpowering shit I gag. Audibly. And then move away from them. My scents consists of: peppermint soap,

powder fresh Suave deodorant and Palmer's cocoa butter. Once in a blue moon I may indulge in some Midnight Pomegranate from Bath & Body Works, but I've had that bottle for almost a year and it still looks brand new!

You got a problem with it? File a complaint; I'll be sure to place it in the circular file...

*smooches...inspired by the women who apply make-up while riding the F-train in the morning*
and for at least half of them it really did NOTHING to help their situation...

I must admit, however, that whenever I go against my norm I *do* feel more feminine. How stupid is that?!?!