Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I'm Gonna Let It Go For Real After I Say This Last Thing

And I know I said I'd let it go before but I have one more thing to add.

Letting someone know a relationship is not working for you is never an easy thing, I get that. I've found it rather hard to do my whole life. Even as a teen, my way of ending it with a dude was to act real bitchy and intolerable until he screamed "NO MAS" and left of his own accord. It was just easier that way.

But as we get older I would like to think that we've matured passed all those immature ways of breaking things off. That's what I would LIKE to think. I've found that to NOT be the case since I was shoved back into the dating pool after my divorce.

SATC fans- remember the episode where Berger dumped Carrie via a post-it note? No? Here's a refresher:

Infuriating, right? Like, who comes back for one more roll in the hay and then cat-burglars it out in the wee hours, leaving behind a sorry ass post it? Like, FOR REAL?

How about its equally pussy-move cousin, the text message? Or voice mail? Or fucking IM? Or, for the truly bold at heart- changing the FB status before you even dump the person? Classy, right? What kind of shit is that?

Imagine, you're chillin, getting lunch, reading the latest memo about the covers for the TPS reports when suddenly your phone is all abuzz and its your latest honey. Only instead of saying something like, "Lets grab a bite after work" he's all, "It's not you per se..." I tell you, that PER SE is HOSTILE, JUDGMENTAL and just plain NAUSEATING. It's not me PER SE? Do you even know how to properly use that motherfucking word? Because if you did, you'd know that what you are saying is that IT IS ME.

So why don't you just grow some and SAY IT'S ME? I'm a big girl. I can take it. I'd be sad, hurt, whatever but at least I wouldn't be cursing your ass out every time your name was mentioned. And not because I have all this unrequited love for you, but rather because you were such a man bitch about everything and I have ZERO respect for your funky ass.

Great, now I sound like Carrie, yelling at Berger's friends at the club:

Last Wednesday I let "him" know that if he just apologized I'd forgive and forget- two things I rarely do, and I meant it. Something tells me it will never happen and that's okay, too, but I just want it known that had he gone out with some dignity- had ALL OF YOU triflin ass, flaky ass, no-ball-having ass pansies ended things properly, Alanis wouldn't have become my spokesperson:

"And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back I hope you feel it..."

Fucking bastard(s)!

*smooches...adding the final nail in that coffin and laying that shit to rest*
you will never hear about them again. Yes, them. More than one asshole hath crossed this Jaded NYer...fucking bastards...