Thursday, March 05, 2009

Don't Act Like This Is New Information

Some people just need to be told shit again and again and again...

I have mood swings. Lots of them. They come without warning whenever they feel like it and are vicious as all hell. And there's no guarantee that they'll only occur during PMS Week; my mood swings LAUGH in the face of my menstrual cycle. They. Come. Whenever.

I'm a mom. I have full custody of my daughters. Their dad gets them every other weekend and half of their vacation time. I do believe I've told you this, right? So you know I'm busy at night being, you know, THERE FOR MY KIDS, right? Right. So your passive aggressive statements about when you'll see me again? FAIL!

Washing dishes means washing ALL the dishes. Not just the ones in the sink, but the ones you left on the table or on the stove or on the counter top. It also includes cleaning the gook out of the drainer, wiping down the counters, stove, cabinet doors, wall behind the stove and squeezing the sponge out and keeping it out of the sink.

Clean the bathroom means, guess what? CLEAN THE BATHROOM. It does not mean wipe down the tub, sink and the inside of the toilet and ignore the mirror, floors, tiles, the rest of the toilet and all the walls. And it really wouldn't kill you to empty the waste paper basket, either.

Don't ask me shit about how the office works. I'm not the the office manager or secretary or executive assistant and I haven't been one since like 2003. And PS- if you can't figure out for yourself how to send a fax, use the mail machine or recycle file folders because the box is empty, then you need to get the hell on and take a class on COMMON FUCKING SENSE.

I respect my mom and family a lot. It's how I was raised to treat my elders. So if I say I'm going to refrain from doing or saying something that will upset my mother or family in any way, and you chastise me for it or ask me, "How old are you again?" we might come to blows. Just because you're okay with cussin and drinkin and being all lawless if front of your mom doesn't mean it's acceptable behavior in my house.

I DON'T CARE ABOUT CHRIS BROWN AND/OR RIHANNA. I'm sooo tired of hearing about these two fools. I don't care if they're back together. I don't care if Chris went jet-skiing last weekend and I ESPECIALLY don't care about wack ass Usher and his hateration. So please, if that's the only small talk you can come up with today just shut up instead.

I'm addicted to rice. You already know this, okay? It's a serious, bona fide stamped and approved addiction that will take years of therapy, hypnosis and acupuncture to conquer, so I'll thank you kindly to shut the fuck up when I happen to mention that I ate 80% of the big ass pot of yellow rice my mom made this weekend... and that I blamed it on the girls...

I protect my Twitter account for a reason. You don't need to know that reason. You just need to accept it and move on. And you need to not RE-Tweet what I post w/out permission and you need to not send me a 2nd and 3rd "follow" request after I decline you. If you're someone I know using a pseudonym, or a blog fan, please email me and let me know, otherwise... DECLINED.

I watch a lot of movies & TV online. I enjoy it; TV and movies have always been a favorite pass time. It's how I relax and unwind. You've got a lot of nerve complaining about it... do you pay my Cablevision bill? Or for my Netflix account? NO? Then you know what? Yup, you guessed it... SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. Besides, Heroes is on and I'm not even listening to anything you have to say right now...

*smooches...airing out grievances even though Festivus is a long way off*
sometimes you have to let it out before you unearth that shotgun from the yard and take to that proverbial clock tower in Downtown Brooklyn.