Friday, March 28, 2008

You Little Motherf*cker!!!

My daughters are not allowed to date until we have a college acceptance letter in hand. That's the rule we've set from day one. Severe? Probably. Do I care? Not really. So a few months ago when K finally had to confess to me that she had a boyfriend (and Lord Jesus help me...he was WHITE!) I almost pulled a Madea and jumped a cross the table to strangle her. But I didn't- you'd be so proud of me!

I calmly said, "K, you do realize that you are not allowed to date yet, right? And that means boyfriends are not allowed, because you're twelve. Right?" And she did that stupid nod that kids do when they just want to appease you, but are secretly calling you a dumb whore under their breath. I know that nod. I perfected that nod! But I digress...

This morning, I'm passed out on the couch, fighting nausea and exhaustion (how, exactly, does one wake up tired?), and K walks over to me and says, "I just wanted you to know that [insert wack-ass white boyfriend's name here] broke up with me three weeks ago, so you don't have to worry about that anymore." And stupid sleepy me actually asked her why- I mean, really! Why did I ask that poor girl that?? So she said, "I don't know, he just stopped talking to me and wants nothing to do with me."

Now it has already been established that K is the Junior Champion Liar, so maybe she does know, maybe she doesn't know what the deal is, maybe they are broken up, maybe they aren't. But let's give her the benefit of the doubt and say everything she told me this morning is true...

WHO THE HELL DOES THAT MOTHERFUCKER THINK HE IS??? HOW FUCKING DARE HE STOP TALKING TO MY BABY??? OH HEEEELLL NAW!! He done fucked with the wrong Dominican family, I'll tell you what! Don't EVEN let me run into that boy in a dark's ON!!!

*smooches...plotting a drive by on a 12-year-old*
I'm not above beating someone else's kid... the older I get the more ready I am to whoop some random ass for no good goddamn reason! lol

*so originally this post was filled with racial slurs, and then I thought- Is that really how I want to present myself to the world wide web? As an ignorant racist? But who am I kidding..I make fun of everybody... so go back and read the post again, and every once in a while, insert the word "cracker"