How To Not Be An Addict? Don't Start Using...DUH!

The first day of the new year... nice quiet day on my couch, fighting cramps and a wicked crook in my neck from sleeping funny, watching movies (The Matchmaker, Runaway Jury), and then I decide to see if VH1.com has any sneak peaks of the "I Love NY 2" reunion special. Because I'm so invested in NY and Tailor Made's new relationship, and I want to see if it's going to last.

What I find instead is the full first episode of "Celebrity Rehab" with Dr. Drew, and OH MY GOD! Can I just say, I've found my new favorite show!!! I mean, seriously, if EVER there was an effective deterrent to alcohol and cocaine use is this show right here.

Jeff Conaway (from Grease and "Taxi"), that dude, man, he's a hot holy mess!! He can't walk, his speech is like permanently slurred, he's having hallucinations- this shit is scary! What the fuck, man! How do you get there?

Now me, I wouldn't call myself an addict (unless food and the internet count), at least not a drug addict, but you know what? It just takes that one time, you know? It takes that one bad day or that one out-of-control party or that one accident changing a light bulb and then *BAM* your orange juice just isn't the same without vodka, or the crack dealer is your best friend, or you can't go an hour without smoking a blunt, or you're faking other accidents to get pain meds.

Well, people, that will NEVER be me, you hear me? NEVER! And I don't like to say that word because it can come back to bite you in the culo, but I'm saying (writing) it- N E V E R!!!!!!!!

Damn what a wake up call! I was so freaked out at the sight of Kenickie snorting coke on screen that I flushed and poured down the drain any and all mind-altering substances that were stashed in my apartment. All gone, for good. From now on, one or two beers tops when I go out. Or one glass of wine (actually, one glass is all it takes with me HA!). Simple shit like that. I can't go out like Jeff. Not me, man, not me...

*smooches...glad for some clarity in 2008*
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now excuse me while I eat some pizza and surf the 'net. what? why are you looking at me like that?