Thursday, January 03, 2008

Promises, Not Resolutions

I tried to stay away from doing something like this, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to having a small list of tiny changes I wanted to make this year. And I'm thinking if I put it up in a public forum, I'd be more inclined to keep these "promises" I'm making to myself.

1. Step Away From The Computer
At first this might sound counter-productive to my pursuit of total media domination, but the computer in my house is not just my only connection to the outside world, but it's such a source of distraction, too. There's MySpace, PerezHilton, the trillion blogs I read, iTunes, that website where I watch Gilmore Girls and a myriad of bootleg films, YouTube (god how I LOVE LOVE LOVE YouTube!)... all of these keep me from doing stuff. Slowly but surely I promise to ween myself off of this machine, this ploy by the Japanese to stupefy Americans so that they can take over the world. A-HA! Didn't think I knew about that, did you Sony??? Mhmm...

2. Get Some Damn Sleep
More than ever, I felt the effects of my chronic insomniac ways in 2007. Did I mention how many times I fell asleep on the train and missed my stop? So in 2008 I'm going to force myself to get more sleep. For the sake of my skin, my eyes, and my physical and mental health, I promise to put my ass to bed at a decent hour. Like sometime before midnight!

3. Shut Off My Cell Phone
That's right, I'm shutting off that bad boy between the hours of 11:00PM and 8:00AM on weekdays, and maybe even on the weekends if I feel so inclined. Why? Why not? I don't plan on being up at that time anymore so why waste the battery power? Besides, it will deter the would-be booty callers. Eventually they'll get the point that I ain't interested anymore. I promise to never again entertain midnight callers. Sorry, babes. Just leave a message and I'll get it in the mornin'.

4. Limit Take Out Orders
I can't say that I will eliminate them altogether, because take-out is the working, single mom's best friend. But in December 2007 alone I think I ordered more food than I cooked. And that hurts the pockets just as much as it hurts the arteries. I promise that this year, take-out will be a once in a blue moon treat, or used in case of emergency, and not a regular occurrence.

5. Organize All My Photos
Ask anybody- I have 50 million trillion photos in boxes and envelopes in my apartment. You know how once in a while you'll hear a story of someone trapped under a pile of newspapers or any other kind of junk they collect? With me, it's photos. I need to organize these soooo badly! I mean, honestly, it's so out of control that I have no less that EIGHT ROLLS OF FILM to be developed...from only god knows when. I promise that before January 1st, 2009, every photo will be archived and organized and cataloged to a level that will make my mom faint... just wait!

6. Write More Letters
People don't write letters anymore, have you noticed that? I miss it! I used to write (and receive) some really awesome letters to (and from) friends. But then email and cell phones and IMs took over and *BAM* no more letters. Well, not anymore. I promise to write a letter to someone, anyone, at least once a month. So don't be alarmed to see some correspondence from me in with your ConEd bill; it's not anthrax, I promise!

7. Be More Concerned With My Health
It's come to my attention that stuff left untreated just gets worse...who knew? Despite a few setbacks with the so-called licensed physicians of Brooklyn, I promise to forge ahead in my search for the cause of the mysterious pain in my side.

8. Rid Myself Of Excess
No one on the planet needs more than 5 or 6 pairs of shoes. Especially not this Brooklyn Bohemian. So why do I own like 20 of them? 16 of which I NEVER wear? And the cameras: the digital, the manual SLR, the brownie twin reflex, the wonder the photographs and undeveloped rolls of film are taking over my apartment! And don't even get me started on my unhealthy obsession with writing instruments... I promise to try and not be a glutton- in my buying, eating, etc- and only keep with me what I absolutely cannot live without.

9. Overcome Some Fears
Like money. And driving. And success. And Tylenol. I promise to not let my fears take over my life and keep me from just being.

10. Enjoy The Single Life
Men of the world take heed: I am no longer concerned with you. I don't care if you have nice lips or tattooed arms or if you smell really, really nice. And don't think that that sexy Caribbean accent or those hazel eyes will convince me to go out with you because the answer will be a big, fat NO. I kissed way too many frogs last year to fall for that again! I promise that 2008 will be an entire year to get to know me without distractions or interruptions of the penis-having kind.

*smooches...aware that it's the baby steps that make the biggest changes*
so... let's start the betting pool on how long before I give in to a set of sexy tattooed arms with a Jamaican accent...